"My interest in Orthoptics grew as I realised I did not want to pursue a career in retail but in the hospital side of the industry"
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how can i re-phrase this?? watch
- Thread Starter
- 04-12-2014 00:08
- 09-12-2014 03:40
Hey, just giving this thread a bump Are you sure you’ve posted in the right place? Posting in the specific university or course forum should help you get more responses.
If you haven’t already found it, then university connect is a really useful way for finding people at your course/university! You can also find a list of applicant threads and courses here.
- 09-12-2014 19:27
I don't think this sentence is very clear. You are making it sound as though orthoptics and retail are part of the same thing. 'The industry' doesn't refer to working life in general - it refers to one specific area, usually in the business world, which orthoptics isn't. Why not say, "I became interested in orthoptics when I realised I would prefer a healthcare career to my role in retail"? That sounds more natural - the risk with personal statements is that people often try to sound extra fancy instead of using their own natural style and voice. (Remember you should also say why you're attracted to working in a hospital, and why orthoptics specifically - after all, there are lots of hospital jobs!) I hope that helps.