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Feeling guilty watch

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    Been in a relationship for 4 years first relationship, generally happy partners always been the aloof type, if he's angry he can call me stupid etc if i ask him to do something he wont do it x100 and tight with money,arrogant but he's a great man and. Anyway i got chatting to a guy on friday night with a group of friends he was really nice !! I mean he generally seemed interested in what I had to say , shy sort of thing, we talked all night 1-1 in our group of friends, he never tried anything we just talked, nothing physically happened but i feel guilty I felt a sort of connection we had lots in common. Thats never happened to me since being with my boyfriend and it's kind of shocked me, I feel so so guilty and I kinda think what if my boyfriend isnt treating me right? I know I only spoke to him for a couple of hours but i got a different vibe I felt like the guy really respected what I had to say, maybe he was trying to get into my pants but he never tried anything physical at all.
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    I really didn't understand your problem, however I can tell you for a fact that not everyone is trying to get into your pants.

    Btw I had similar experience last Friday and I am now wondering if this is going to be one of those 'small world' kind of coincidences! I really like that girl and I am indeed a little bit shy but more afraid of being turned down (even for just asking out to lunch or simply spending some time to know each others). So I'll wait for her to make a move.
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    It's something most couples will experience, unfortunately. In my experience it's usually the girl who meets a guy who she has "so much in common with and feels a real connection, and he GETS me".

    I'm gonna serve this one up as I see it, but as usual there's a disclaimer - I'm pretty bitter right now.

    Okay, you are getting kind of bored with your boyfriend and have found someone else who will give you a lot of attention. To qualify your interest in other guys, you've been thinking about your boyfriend in more negative terms - angry, stubborn, arrogant (even though you will try to avoid guilt from this by still saying he's a "great" guy).

    Ultimately, either this guy, or the next one WILL make a move on you, and you might be okay going along with it because in your mind your boyfriend is such a scumbag. Afterwards, you might think along the lines of "our relationship had ended ages ago when you started treating me like crap", or "what did you expect me to do when I couldn't even engage with you emotionally!?".

    I really hope I'm wrong because this kind of thing breaks my heart - it's often the first signal of a slow and painful break-up for the poor boyfriend. On a plus note, you'll be fine - you'll have plenty of guys who are "interested" in you after you separate.

    Talking to other people is great - friends are crucial, but when you start asking these kinds of questions you should know there's a huge problem. Either you're happy talking to this guy as solely a friend and are totally comfortable in your relationship (you're apparently not or these thoughts wouldn't have occurred), or you're thinking about going off with other guys and it feels like your relationship is holding you back.





    Man, that was pretty bitter. But I'm serious. I've been the boyfriend in these kinds of relationships a few times and it's utterly soul-crushing.
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    (Original post by Calpurnia)
    It's something most couples will experience, unfortunately. In my experience it's usually the girl who meets a guy who she has "so much in common with and feels a real connection, and he GETS me".

    I'm gonna serve this one up as I see it, but as usual there's a disclaimer - I'm pretty bitter right now.

    Okay, you are getting kind of bored with your boyfriend and have found someone else who will give you a lot of attention. To qualify your interest in other guys, you've been thinking about your boyfriend in more negative terms - angry, stubborn, arrogant (even though you will try to avoid guilt from this by still saying he's a "great" guy).

    Ultimately, either this guy, or the next one WILL make a move on you, and you might be okay going along with it because in your mind your boyfriend is such a scumbag. Afterwards, you might think along the lines of "our relationship had ended ages ago when you started treating me like crap", or "what did you expect me to do when I couldn't even engage with you emotionally!?".

    I really hope I'm wrong because this kind of thing breaks my heart - it's often the first signal of a slow and painful break-up for the poor boyfriend. On a plus note, you'll be fine - you'll have plenty of guys who are "interested" in you after you separate.

    Talking to other people is great - friends are crucial, but when you start asking these kinds of questions you should know there's a huge problem. Either you're happy talking to this guy as solely a friend and are totally comfortable in your relationship (you're apparently not or these thoughts wouldn't have occurred), or you're thinking about going off with other guys and it feels like your relationship is holding you back.

    :ditto: Every word. This.
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    (Original post by Calpurnia)
    It's something most couples will experience, unfortunately. In my experience it's usually the girl who meets a guy who she has "so much in common with and feels a real connection, and he GETS me".

    I'm gonna serve this one up as I see it, but as usual there's a disclaimer - I'm pretty bitter right now.

    Okay, you are getting kind of bored with your boyfriend and have found someone else who will give you a lot of attention. To qualify your interest in other guys, you've been thinking about your boyfriend in more negative terms - angry, stubborn, arrogant (even though you will try to avoid guilt from this by still saying he's a "great" guy).

    Ultimately, either this guy, or the next one WILL make a move on you, and you might be okay going along with it because in your mind your boyfriend is such a scumbag. Afterwards, you might think along the lines of "our relationship had ended ages ago when you started treating me like crap", or "what did you expect me to do when I couldn't even engage with you emotionally!?".

    I really hope I'm wrong because this kind of thing breaks my heart - it's often the first signal of a slow and painful break-up for the poor boyfriend. On a plus note, you'll be fine - you'll have plenty of guys who are "interested" in you after you separate.

    Talking to other people is great - friends are crucial, but when you start asking these kinds of questions you should know there's a huge problem. Either you're happy talking to this guy as solely a friend and are totally comfortable in your relationship (you're apparently not or these thoughts wouldn't have occurred), or you're thinking about going off with other guys and it feels like your relationship is holding you back.





    Man, that was pretty bitter. But I'm serious. I've been the boyfriend in these kinds of relationships a few times and it's utterly soul-crushing.

    I don't have his number it's highly unlikely I will ever talk to him again. me and my boyfriend have a lot that ties us together & I want to be with him I really do, but it's the feelings that shocked me thats all. I didn't think I'd ever like any one else, he is a great man and every relationship will have difficulties from time-time. I guess I will just talk to him about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't have his number it's highly unlikely I will ever talk to him again. me and my boyfriend have a lot that ties us together & I want to be with him I really do, but it's the feelings that shocked me thats all. I didn't think I'd ever like any one else, he is a great man and every relationship will have difficulties from time-time. I guess I will just talk to him about it.
    Maybe use it as a wake up call for your relationship as there does seem to be issues. Him calling you stupid isn't nice at all or the fact you think he's arrogant, this is something you both need to talk about.
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    If you find yourself avoiding bringing up you have a boyfriend; you know yourself you're doing something ****ty.
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    Evidently your boyfriend isn't treating you the way you would like him to, so talk to him about it, but don't use that as an excuse to get closer to someone who would **** you given half a chance, you know deep down that's not on. Ultimately if you're not happy in the relationship/want to experience relations with others, end it
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    (Original post by Calpurnia)
    It's something most couples will experience, unfortunately. In my experience it's usually the girl who meets a guy who she has "so much in common with and feels a real connection, and he GETS me".

    I'm gonna serve this one up as I see it, but as usual there's a disclaimer - I'm pretty bitter right now.

    Okay, you are getting kind of bored with your boyfriend and have found someone else who will give you a lot of attention. To qualify your interest in other guys, you've been thinking about your boyfriend in more negative terms - angry, stubborn, arrogant (even though you will try to avoid guilt from this by still saying he's a "great" guy).

    Ultimately, either this guy, or the next one WILL make a move on you, and you might be okay going along with it because in your mind your boyfriend is such a scumbag. Afterwards, you might think along the lines of "our relationship had ended ages ago when you started treating me like crap", or "what did you expect me to do when I couldn't even engage with you emotionally!?".

    I really hope I'm wrong because this kind of thing breaks my heart - it's often the first signal of a slow and painful break-up for the poor boyfriend. On a plus note, you'll be fine - you'll have plenty of guys who are "interested" in you after you separate.

    Talking to other people is great - friends are crucial, but when you start asking these kinds of questions you should know there's a huge problem. Either you're happy talking to this guy as solely a friend and are totally comfortable in your relationship (you're apparently not or these thoughts wouldn't have occurred), or you're thinking about going off with other guys and it feels like your relationship is holding you back.





    Man, that was pretty bitter. But I'm serious. I've been the boyfriend in these kinds of relationships a few times and it's utterly soul-crushing.


    So it's not possible that her boyfriend is at all any of those things? Come on.

    Evidently the girl in the situation you described is not satisfied in her current relationship for a reason. Instead of blaming the girl completely you need to look back with clear eyes and identify the issues in the relationship.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't have his number it's highly unlikely I will ever talk to him again. me and my boyfriend have a lot that ties us together & I want to be with him I really do, but it's the feelings that shocked me thats all. I didn't think I'd ever like any one else, he is a great man and every relationship will have difficulties from time-time. I guess I will just talk to him about it.
    By a 'great man' what do you mean exactly?
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    (Original post by TolerantBeing)
    So it's not possible that her boyfriend is at all any of those things? Come on.

    Evidently the girl in the situation you described is not satisfied in her current relationship for a reason. Instead of blaming the girl completely you need to look back with clear eyes and identify the issues in the relationship.
    Yeah, I mean, of course the guy could actually be a hideous partner and I could be way off the mark. I recognise that I'm seriously salty/cynical/bitter when it comes to these kinds of occasions, and it's largely due to personal experience - what does that tell you about me? Perhaps a lot!

    What I will add though is, communication and understanding here is critical. If she's found she is enjoying spending time with other guys more than her boyfriend, she needs to first understand why this is the case, and then if she is still invested in their relationship and interested in improving it, she could do worse than making the boyfriend aware of her concerns. If he is too angry, then perhaps try to get him to talk about this as an issue that is hurting her/them.

    Again, my experience is that communication gets very stifled at this point because the boyfriend is assumed to not "get it"/not care/be too aloof. If it's explained that it's a big deal, I believe it will usually be treated pretty seriously by the "offending" party. Some guys are great at perceiving issues, and some guys really need a bit of guidance sometimes. I think it's a huge disservice to simply drift away from someone rather than talk to them about something. By the time they realise something's gone horribly wrong, it's too late to save.
 
 
 
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