Coworker trash talking about me Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
I overheard a girl talking to someone and talking crap about me. Its not even a relationship, she usually asks me to help her and is so nice to me but behind my back she talks rubbish about me. They were talking about me and said "Dave? He can piss off, i dont want to speak to him". The issue is she knew I heard but didnt even apologise.

If i confront her she might think im being needy. Should I complain to my manager? This is the second time. As much as its upsetting, it just makes me angry because I help a lot and this is all i get in return. We dont even know each other that much

Should I just man up or what?
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Kabloomybuzz
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#2
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I'd probably ignore it and stop helping her unless you have to.
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DErasmus
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#3
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imo quit helping her she's not worth it, at least until she starts showing you some respect, in the process man up people will talk about you behind your back, just go with it
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Classical Liberal
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(Original post by Anonymous)
"Dave? He can piss off, i dont want to speak to him". The issue is she knew I heard but didnt even apologise.
That's bad.

You don't want people to not speak to you. You need to identify why this person doesn't like you, and stop doing what ever was the cause for their discontent with you.

You've probably done something to inadvertently offend her, without realising it. The best thing to do is to have a chat in private. Ask her if you've ever done something to offend her, because if you have you really want to apologise. If she says everything is fine, then say "strange, I heard you say *blah blah* about me. I'm just really worried I've upset you. Are you sure there is nothing I can do better?"
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UniMastermindBOSS
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(Original post by Classical Liberal)
That's bad.

You don't want people to not speak to you. You need to identify why this person doesn't like you, and stop doing what ever was the cause for their discontent with you.

You've probably done something to inadvertently offend her, without realising it. The best thing to do is to have a chat in private. Ask her if you've ever done something to offend her, because if you have you really want to apologise. If she says everything is fine, then say "strange, I heard you say *blah blah* about me. I'm just really worried I've upset you. Are you sure there is nothing I can do better?"
Won't help. She's nice to his face, and talks about him behind his back. She will just say, "Oh no, it was something silly. I thought you'd done something" etc.

OP just stop helping her.
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Classical Liberal
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(Original post by UniMastermindBOSS)
Won't help. She's nice to his face, and talks about him behind his back. She will just say, "Oh no, it was something silly. I thought you'd done something" etc.

OP just stop helping her.
How does not helping her help OP in any way. The only thing that could do is undermine his already damaged relationship with a colleague and bring him into disrepute around the firm as somebody who is unhelpful - which will mean he won't get promotions, bonuses, or help from others.

People are always nice to your face when they need you for something. What do you expect?

At the very least, she will brush it aside as nothing. But she will feel quite superseded by OP because OP knew what she said about him (making him appear omnipotent - she'll be less inclined to undermine him the future because of this) and OP will come from the moral high ground saying he wants to build bridges with her, which will likely make her feel guilty because OP has shown he is attentive to her opinions.

Unrelenting niceness is far more powerful than childish petulance.
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Calpurnia
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(Original post by Classical Liberal)
How does not helping her help OP in any way. The only thing that could do is undermine his already damaged relationship with a colleague and bring him into disrepute around the firm as somebody who is unhelpful - which will mean he won't get promotions, bonuses, or help from others.

People are always nice to your face when they need you for something. What do you expect?

At the very least, she will brush it aside as nothing. But she will feel quite superseded by OP because OP knew what she said about him (making him appear omnipotent - she'll be less inclined to undermine him the future because of this) and OP will come from the moral high ground saying he wants to build bridges with her, which will likely make her feel guilty because OP has shown he is attentive to her opinions.

Unrelenting niceness is far more powerful than childish petulance.
You're right about taking the moral high-ground.

But since she already knows he heard, I'm not sure I agree with the confrontation, regardless of intentions. It could be that she is not keen on OP BECAUSE he always insists on helping/being overly friendly/attentive/concerned, in which case I think he'd do well just to forget it and just not have as much to do with the co-worker. Stay civil and stuff ofc, but don't try to be their friend. In short, be cool.

I believe it's entirely true that you can't please everyone, and it's often more damaging to try than to just accept it.
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doodle_333
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#8
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just ignore her, there will always be problems at work between co workers, and this is far from the worst it could be, other posters are right, if you confront her she will lie about it and carry on, if you don't help her you will look petty and mean in front of other colleagues and if you report her your boss will feel like you're causing trouble over nothing since it's just a few *****y comments...

best to just accept she's a ***** and it's not your fault and don't give her the satisfaction of upsetting you
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