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Only attracted to older men watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
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    Anon or delete please.

    Basically, I'm 21. I've never had a proper relationship and for that reason I'm not entirely sure. But I feel that I've never been properly attracted to a guy my age. Up until quite recently I've just thought to myself I couldn't really be bothered with it all.

    But one thing I've felt since around 16 is that I've been attracted to older men. Like 30s-40s. I thought when I was younger it was just a silly teenage thing, a lot of teen girls are attracted to authority figures. So I've almost been waiting to grow out of, but I haven't. And it's becoming an issue now because I really would like to be in a relationship but I know a relationship with an older man is not in any way feasible...

    Firstly, I am young for my age. So the difference in maturity would be ridiculous. Secondly, I know my attraction is not logical. I have met older men in bars and have flirted and chatted with them, and while I find them attractive my mind is questioning why they find someone so much younger than them attractive.

    Has anybody else experienced this? I need advice!

    I think what I find attractive is that they seem to have this power to them, like they know exactly who they are and what they expect of the world. This sort of self assertiveness that younger guys don't have.
    • #2
    #2

    I'm close to your age and I've also never had a relationship and I also find 'older' men attractive. I don't know why either. It's not that I'm not attracted to men my own age it's just that there's something I find more compelling about the older ones. For some reason, I always try to convince myself that this isn't the case and that I don't find older men attracted (by 'older' I mean men in their 30s maybe even early 40s).

    I hate to admit this but I think the whole 'daddy issues' deal is a real thing. I was always close to my dad as a kid but as I grew older we just grew further and further apart. He was not the strong father-figure I expected him to be and (as much as I love my dad) he let us down in so many ways. I don't want people to twist this into something weird or disgusting as I am IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER attracted to my father - yeck that was even awkward to write. But I do feel like I'm maybe trying to fill the void of not having a strong male figure in my life. I always think of older men as being more 'manly' or dominant or whatever.

    I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here...the above was just a load of waffle which probably won't help you in the slightest but that's just how I feel...
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    I thought I was the only one!!! I'm 17, and men I end up crushing on are 25-late 30's and almost always they're someone in authority :O


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    Bit strange
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    Now i aint saying she a gold digga but she aint falling for no broke *****
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    Can they look older but not actually be older?
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    Not at all weird, strikingly common.
    I meet lots of girls who claim this and George Clooney as hot or whatever.

    Meet very few who actually act upon it though.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Wusses
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    As someone whose in relationship with an older man I'm going to throw in a different prospective. I'm 21 and my OH is significantly older than me, we've been together for a year and a half and are extremely happy together. I can honestly say that I've never felt either of our ages has caused us any issues.

    I think it's very short sighted to say that a relationship with an older man is "in no way feasible." Just because someone is older (30-40's) doesn't mean that all they want to do is be at home watching the 10 o'clock news in their tartan slippers before bed just like just because I'm 21 I don't waste my weekends away in shot bars. The only way a relationship is not feasible is if you are incompatible and you can easily be incompatible with someone your own age as well.

    As cliche as it is if you want a relationship you need to find someone who you are attracted to, you have similar goals and interests with. If that person happens to be older then so be it. I'm not saying go out looking an older man I'm just saying you don't have to rule it out but don't dismiss men your own age either!
    • #3
    #3

    Question: how does one get in a relationship with an older guy?

    It looks like they are not interested and I want them to be. Don't you find it intimidating to approach them?

    I like all guys no matter the age <50
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Question: how does one get in a relationship with an older guy?

    It looks like they are not interested and I want them to be. Don't you find it intimidating to approach them?

    I like all guys no matter the age <50

    I met my OH on another forum. Maybe I would be more intimidated if I hadn't met him online, I'm not sure but I certainly never found it intimidating and I was the one that initiated contact!
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    (Original post by deansimpala)
    I thought I was the only one!!! I'm 17, and men I end up crushing on are 25-late 30's and almost always they're someone in authority :O


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    Brace yourselves for the PMs...
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    (Original post by deansimpala)
    I thought I was the only one!!! I'm 17, and men I end up crushing on are 25-late 30's and almost always they're someone in authority :O


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    Delicious
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    Lol so you're attracted to pervs. K then.


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    Totally normal. Just as some younger men like older women.
    • #4
    #4

    I've always liked older men, since little crushes with male teachers at school to liking my older male colleagues at work. I thought i'd grow out of liking older men after i left education but it seems that I am very fond of the idea of having someone who is in stable position, more sensible and is interesting; something i perceive to be only in older men.

    The problem I have is how you cross the boundary of obvious flirting and chatting to starting a relationship.

    quick question… how much older are the guys you like? i'm 18 and i like men in their late 20s/early 30s.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm close to your age and I've also never had a relationship and I also find 'older' men attractive. I don't know why either. It's not that I'm not attracted to men my own age it's just that there's something I find more compelling about the older ones. For some reason, I always try to convince myself that this isn't the case and that I don't find older men attracted (by 'older' I mean men in their 30s maybe even early 40s).

    I hate to admit this but I think the whole 'daddy issues' deal is a real thing. I was always close to my dad as a kid but as I grew older we just grew further and further apart. He was not the strong father-figure I expected him to be and (as much as I love my dad) he let us down in so many ways. I don't want people to twist this into something weird or disgusting as I am IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER attracted to my father - yeck that was even awkward to write. But I do feel like I'm maybe trying to fill the void of not having a strong male figure in my life. I always think of older men as being more 'manly' or dominant or whatever.

    I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here...the above was just a load of waffle which probably won't help you in the slightest but that's just how I feel...

    I feel the same! Even though I grew up with my dad and mup together, my Dad was not a father in the slightest. He was just a bit...absent if that makes sense. And I have wondered whether that's part of the reason as to why I find assertive, older men attractive.
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    (Original post by the_vorlon)
    As someone whose in relationship with an older man I'm going to throw in a different prospective. I'm 21 and my OH is significantly older than me, we've been together for a year and a half and are extremely happy together. I can honestly say that I've never felt either of our ages has caused us any issues.

    I think it's very short sighted to say that a relationship with an older man is "in no way feasible." Just because someone is older (30-40's) doesn't mean that all they want to do is be at home watching the 10 o'clock news in their tartan slippers before bed just like just because I'm 21 I don't waste my weekends away in shot bars. The only way a relationship is not feasible is if you are incompatible and you can easily be incompatible with someone your own age as well.

    As cliche as it is if you want a relationship you need to find someone who you are attracted to, you have similar goals and interests with. If that person happens to be older then so be it. I'm not saying go out looking an older man I'm just saying you don't have to rule it out but don't dismiss men your own age either!
    How can you have similar goals when you're so far apart age wise? Career wise alone, my goals at 40 will be making the last couple of steps up the ladder, not getting through the first two like now. Home wise it's going to be things like sustaining a marriage and getting the kids into good schools, which though feasible at 21 would be very rare.
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    I'm completely the opposite. I've never had a father in life but I've almost always preferred men the same age or slightly younger than myself. It might be partly to do with the fact I feel powerful enough on my own and so I really don't seek that sort of traditional gender role in a relationship where the man is the brawn and the finances in the relationship.

    However I do expect an equal in those respects: I'm no one's mummy.

    Also I don't see the point in being with someone so much older because they are more likely to have health problems at an earlier stage in the relationship along with reduced years with potential children. I don't want to be dealing with loss of mobility, heart problems, joint problems when I'm 40 and they're pushing 60 or 70. Plus men 40+ are more likely to have erectile dysfunction. No fun...whatsoever. Have you even seen a 60 year ballsack? I have had the misfortune.

    Also I don't find aging skin and balding attractive at this point and time. It will evolve but I wouldn't make that decision at my age.

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    (Original post by IceJJFish(II))
    Lol so you're attracted to pervs. K then.


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    An outrageously ageist comment.
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    (Original post by Hachik0)
    Can they look older but not actually be older?
    It's not so much about how we look (excepting stature and babyfaces) as how we behave

    (Original post by the_vorlon)
    Just because someone is older (30-40's) doesn't mean that all they want to do is be at home watching the 10 o'clock news in their tartan slippers before bed
    True, I'm more of a Question Time in my dressing gown and bedsocks kinda guy :top2:

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Question: how does one get in a relationship with an older guy?

    It looks like they are not interested and I want them to be. Don't you find it intimidating to approach them?
    Imagine it would be very intimidating for a young lass in certain circumstances, aye. I got together with my young ex as she was a neighbour I befriended A few of the younger girls I've dated are from this place actually too. Also dated a 19 year old earlier this year whom I approached in a local uni library

    Common interest groups, uni, work etc present some opportunities for people of different ages to mix but the most obvious avenue is online - the drawback being that online dating rarely results in quality connections. Kinda sucks that we're all conditioned to find girls approaching weird but there are plenty of ways to get a guy's attention and encourage him to make the first move

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The problem I have is how you cross the boundary of obvious flirting and chatting to starting a relationship
    Again it sucks that as a girl you have to be a bit careful about how you go about this if you wanna be taken seriously..

    (Original post by Eveiebaby)
    It might be partly to do with the fact I feel powerful enough on my own and so I really don't seek that sort of traditional gender role
    Indubitably. Most girls are more submissive/keen on a paternalistic protector type figure with high 'security value'

    Also I don't see the point in being with someone so much older because they are more likely to have health problems at an earlier stage in the relationship
    Some of us have them already!

    I'm not convinced it would be ethical for me to settle down with a younger woman. My life expectancy is 20 years shorter as it is..


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