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Amb1
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#1
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Can you really ever be "just friends" with an ex? I think that if it was a short-lived relationship without any of the serious stuff then it is possible. But I'm not so sure with an ex long-term bf/gf. It's fine to stay friends and I do think it's good to remember the good things about your relationship but as soon as there's a new bf/gf on the scene it could get really really messy. What are your views on this? Are you good friends with any of your exs? Has it caused problems for you in subsequent relationships?





PS - Do you think a 'relationships' subforum is needed? (I know it's a learning forum but quite a few people like to ask/learn about relationshippy things in the general chat bit). Just a thought.
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[-David-]
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I find it very hard to stay friends with my ex's, i do try, but as time goes by we just drift further and further apart. For my situation thats an advantage.
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kingslaw
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#3
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(Original post by Amb1)
Can you really ever be "just friends" with an ex? I think that if it was a short-lived relationship without any of the serious stuff then it is possible. But I'm not so sure with an ex long-term bf/gf. It's fine to stay friends and I do think it's good to remember the good things about your relationship but as soon as there's a new bf/gf on the scene it could get really really messy. What are your views on this? Are you good friends with any of your exs? Has it caused problems for you in subsequent relationships?





PS - Do you think a 'relationships' subforum is needed? (I know it's a learning forum but quite a few people like to ask/learn about relationshippy things in the general chat bit). Just a thought.
When me and my girlfriend broke up, we tried to be friends. However, in the end we realised how stupid we'd been (sorry, how stupid I'd been) and got back together. I realised we could never be just friends because I loved her more than I had appreciated when we first went out. Now I cant imagine what on earth made us break up in the first place.

Basically, just make sure theres still nothing between you before you try to be friends. Otherwise you'll just get really really depressed like I did!
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Everdawn
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usually in my past experence, a breakup =WARFARE.
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slowjamz
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(Original post by Amb1)
Can you really ever be "just friends" with an ex? I think that if it was a short-lived relationship without any of the serious stuff then it is possible. But I'm not so sure with an ex long-term bf/gf. It's fine to stay friends and I do think it's good to remember the good things about your relationship but as soon as there's a new bf/gf on the scene it could get really really messy. What are your views on this? Are you good friends with any of your exs? Has it caused problems for you in subsequent relationships?
Tricky one I think it depends hugely on both people involved and what the relationship was like. Before I met my current boyfriend, I had a fling with a guy on and off over a few months. It got a bit messy and I ended up getting hurt, but we were friends beforehand and, after not speaking to each other for about 6 months, ended up managing to be friends afterwards too. We meet up very occasionally now for a drink and a chat. I can't remember why I ever liked him romantically, but I do remember why I liked him as a friend because he's a good laugh, and I've made that clear to my current boyfriend. He teases me whenever I meet up with my ex but he knows I'd never cheat in a million years and that all of that is in the past.

The thing is, it was never anything like a serious relationship, we never even really did the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing. With my current boyfriend of 2 and a half years, I cannot imagine ever being "just friends" - it would just be too weird sitting talking to him without being able to reach over and hug him, or to go out for a drink without going home together. Seeing him with another girl would absolute crucify me, and to be honest, I think on some level it always will - he's my first love, we're insanely close, and part of me will always always care very deeply for him, no matter what. At the same time, though, he's my best friend, and if circumstances ever do take us apart then I'd like to think we could somehow manage to sustain a friendship. We have the same sense of humour, the same taste in music/films/food, you name it, and he knows me better than anybody else in the whole world. It would be a shame to throw that away and I can't imagine not speaking to him from time to time. It would get messy if either of us found someone else though... I guess there's no easy answer to this one.

My best girly friend split up with her boyfriend of a year last summer, and they've stayed "friends" - but sometimes when they meet up they have a drink and catch up, other times they end up kissing the face off each other, with a whole mess of feelings resurfacing in the aftermath. I guess relationships just don't die that easily :cool:

Sorry for the long reply!
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Pollo Loco
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I'm still friends with all my ex's (not giving you a number). It hasn't caused any problems yet, we still call each other from time to time for support. That's probs coz i haven't had a bad breakup really (ok, maybe one but i somehow patched that up and it was my fault). I don't think it's such a bad thing coz i've find my ex(s) really understand me and when i have a problem, they're some of the best people to call.
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Amb1
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(Original post by Pollo Loco)
I'm still friends with all my ex's (not giving you a number). It hasn't caused any problems yet, we still call each other from time to time for support. That's probs coz i haven't had a bad breakup really (ok, maybe one but i somehow patched that up and it was my fault). I don't think it's such a bad thing coz i've find my ex(s) really understand me and when i have a problem, they're some of the best people to call.
Does it cause problems with your new bf/gf though?
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byb3
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#8
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(Original post by Amb1)

PS - Do you think a 'relationships' subforum is needed? (I know it's a learning forum but quite a few people like to ask/learn about relationshippy things in the general chat bit). Just a thought.
I agree on that, thats all that seems to get posted in here to be honest!
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Pollo Loco
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(Original post by Amb1)
Does it cause problems with your new bf/gf though?
It hasn't yet and i try not to cause problems for them. By the its gf, just to clear that up too. Actually an ex of mine is goin out with one of my best mates, i'm happy for them both, they're great together.
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kissit
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#10
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(Original post by Amb1)
Can you really ever be "just friends" with an ex? I think that if it was a short-lived relationship without any of the serious stuff then it is possible. But I'm not so sure with an ex long-term bf/gf. It's fine to stay friends and I do think it's good to remember the good things about your relationship but as soon as there's a new bf/gf on the scene it could get really really messy. What are your views on this? Are you good friends with any of your exs? Has it caused problems for you in subsequent relationships?





PS - Do you think a 'relationships' subforum is needed? (I know it's a learning forum but quite a few people like to ask/learn about relationshippy things in the general chat bit). Just a thought.


Nah, I dont think you can be friends with anyone youve had a relationship with or have had sex with.
My view is once the relationship has ended there is the future to look forward to & ex's are not included in this!
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Everdawn
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(Original post by Pollo Loco)
It hasn't yet and i try not to cause problems for them. By the its gf, just to clear that up too. Actually an ex of mine is goin out with one of my best mates, i'm happy for them both, they're great together.
wow! You are a great friend!
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rednirt
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I stayed friends with my ex for ages, and then he decided after playing the field he wanted me back. We were quite friendly before tho, and thats why it didn't seem as hard. But now we don't talk because i was very spiteful the last time we broke up - it'd be too awkward as he was a real jerk.

If I ever broke up with my current boyf, i don't think we could be friends cos it would hurt to much.
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Pollo Loco
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(Original post by Everdawn)
wow! You are a great friend!
Thanks. Oddly, i try to do the right thing as often as possible. 'sides i'm singing a duet (Pearlfisher's Duet by Bizet) with this mate of mine, we've done a bit of practice and my ex loves it and i don't think our past should get in the way of either friendship.
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Everdawn
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In my circle, its an unwritten rule that the ex's are offline.

Basically becuase when one of us has a messy breakup its kind of like "Ok Girls (and assorted gay males) break out the guns, this is W-A-R."
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Pollo Loco
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(Original post by Everdawn)
In my circle, its an unwritten rule that the ex's are offline.

Basically becuase when one of us has a messy breakup its kind of like "Ok Girls (and assorted gay males) break out the guns, this is W-A-R."
the key there being "messy breakup". I hardly ever get that.
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Everdawn
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(Original post by Pollo Loco)
the key there being "messy breakup". I hardly ever get that.
Ive only ever had one that was 'good' and that was a sweet guy called David, but he moved away. I was so mad at him for about a year but now, I remember that he was sweet, once upon a time. And we parted on neutral terms. Like we werent angry but we werent cool either.
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Pollo Loco
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(Original post by Everdawn)
Ive only ever had one that was 'good' and that was a sweet guy called David, but he moved away. I was so mad at him for about a year but now, I remember that he was sweet, once upon a time. And we parted on neutral terms. Like we werent angry but we werent cool either.
Don't think there's such thing as a "good" breakup. But you can have a breakup which ain't "bad".
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Trousers
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Hmmm, I would have stayed friends with one of my exes because it wasn't very serious, but we moved to different parts of the country so I just kind of forgot about him.

I am still friends with my major ex, but only after a few years of weirdness. We were together a few years ago, and when we broke up we remained friends - until I found out he'd cheated on me. *******.

So I didn't speak to him for about a year and then we became friends again (we had a lot in common - what can I say?). Unfortunately, this led to us getting back together. After the second break-up I avoided him for a while and felt quite good about it as I was the one who broke it off. Anyway, now we've both got new v serious partners which means we can be friends again.

So, er ... my answer is yes. But you need time to get over it first.
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