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What does sex mean to you?

I am confused to what sex means, people say its to show your love for another person but I disagree. I can't bring myself to sleep with my boyfriend as I feel that in the moment he would be concerned about himself and comparing me to exes and porn stars. How can it signify love? Or is it lust?

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Reply 1

nmt_oli

Depends on whos involved, the situation, the location, many many facotors.

I had many a long loving night with my ex, where the sex really did mean something, it was very emotional, and powerful. Thats the best and most fulfilling sex IMO.

Ive also had lustful encouters, where its mainly the instinctive drive, rather than love doign the talking, and its a whole different experience. Some of these were quickies with my ex, and ive also had a one night stand, which for me was not an amazing experience, and im not lookign to do it again.

can't bring myself to sleep with my boyfriend as I feel that in the moment he would be concerned about himself and comparing me to exes and porn stars. How can it signify love? Or is it lust?

By the sound of it, you have trust issues in yuor relationship. It would be a very wise move to sort these out before getting too involved. If he is inexperienced, he may be nervous and preocupied, so the whole love/lust thing is likely to be biased to be honest. If hes relaxed however, and does really care for you, it will show.

Reply 2

Squelchy

To me personally? It can mean everything, or it can mean very little. It depends on the situation and who it's with.

Reply 3

Lala_luv

Some overrated nonesense ppl get up to from time to time, a lot of ppl prolly think of me as a frustrated virgin or the like, but thats not the case, never had sex, can't see why I should start now. If you're uncomfortable with the thought of having sex with your bf DON'T DO IT. I've had enough experience with my friends crying on mi shoulder when they realise it wasn't love after all. Sex and love are not the same thing. it takes a really emotionally stable person to handle sex and move on when the relationship doesnt work, I'm not, most ppl aren't, it doesnt mean they won't have sex though. I feel sex is overrated and it should not be the basis of ANY realtionship or a defining factor for that matter. if you're feeling pressured by your bf, tell him to BACK OFF! or pm me and i'll sort him out.

Reply 4

WokSz

depends who it's with. If it's someone you love, it's a show of affection really. If you love your boyfriend and he loves you, then irregardless of how bad/good you are, he shouldn't compare you to his ex's.

Reply 5

Sazarina88

For me at the moment, it's another way of "releasing" emotions/energy with my boyfriend. I feel even closer to him as a result of sharing such an intense and sometimes overwhelming experience.

OP: There isn't a right or wrong answer to what sex means - the important factor is that you enjoy it. If you're worried that he's going to be comparing you to others, talk to him about it. If you can't talk about your problems then you're not at the right stage in your relationship to have sex IMO.

I guess it is about trust as well, this is something you can work on though through communication. It's also about being totally comfortable around your partner, feeling so at ease. Also, about discovering new things about each other e.g. what your partner really enjoys (you know what I mean...)

As I've said, sex means completely different things to different people so don't worry if some of what people say you don't agree with. As long as you feel you are having sex for the right reasons, you'll be fine :smile:

Reply 6

Seeks

I only have sex with people i love so I guess it does signify love for me. But i do agree with Lala-Luv because it should never be the basis of a relationship, at least not if you have any hope for the relationship

Reply 7

egg_soup

I agree it shouldnt be a basis to any relationship, but once its part of a relationship, then it can symbolise a powerful connection between the two. Its not necessarily needed, but it helps to create a bond IMO of intimacy with your bf/gf.
I doubt your bf will compare you to porn stars as this is real life, and if it happens at the right time and for the right reasons then it will become something meaningful between you both.
Sex is more than sex to me and my boyfriend now, apart from in some situations lol :P

Reply 8

Zoecb

It depends who you have it with my dear. Sometimes it means consummating lust and tension (which may be casual or with someone more long-term) and sometimes it's fulfilling a need for intimacy and wanting to feel close to someone.

Reply 9

Sazarina88

Yep, definitely agree it should not be the basis of a relationship. If the only way to get a connection with your partner is to have sex, your relationship really isn't that great IMO. Sex deepens and furthers the connection but shouldn't establish it in the first place - that comes from all of the other things in your relationship too.

Reply 10

EBONY ROSE

I personally believe you should only have sex with sum1 you can trust and love and who feels the same 4 u! As 9 times out of 10 in most circumstances if you just do it without meaning you will feel cheap and used :frown:

especially if you are a girl!!!

Well thats my opinion anyway!!

Reply 11

lowercaseluke

It means I get to stay in bed for an extra 40 or 50 seconds.

All about the love. lol.

Reply 12

sam-sr6

im a bit worried when my bf says things like that :s
i have to be in, love or care about someone alot to have sex witht them, but thats mainly due to women's arousal being linked to emotions. everyone needs a release now and then though.

Reply 13

sam-sr6

i was trying to be a smart-arse. i apologise. sex is sex, thats it.

Reply 14

Zoecb

EBONY ROSE

Could'nt of said it better myself!! :biggrin:

Actually, YOU could HAVE said it in a vaguely correct way that doesn't give me nausea.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Some interesting sensible responses, he just makes me feel at times inadequate as he visits porn websites and cracks jokes about other girls - makes me think am I going to be used or not good enough :frown:

.

Some people seem to have had better sex ed at school explaining the emotional side etc.

Reply 16

Squelchy

Anonymous

Some people seem to have had better sex ed at school explaining the emotional side etc.

It's important to remember that there isn't always an emotional side to explain.

You should bear that in mind in the future, since many guys (and many girls, also) attach no emotional importance to sex.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Squelchy

You should bear that in mind in the future, since many guys (and many girls, also) attach no emotional importance to sex.

I have been with my boyfriend well over a year - hope he isn't using me. So what is the difference with a relationship being there, is there no emotion being in a relationship and having sex?

Reply 18

pink_lucie

personly for me sex hasnt been anything about love or things like that. yeah i enjoy sex but it doesnt mean it means anything to me.....

oh gosh....thats worried me now :\

Reply 19

Squelchy

Anonymous

I have been with my boyfriend well over a year - hope he isn't using me. So what is the difference with a relationship being there, is there no emotion being in a relationship and having sex?