Telling a new partner about your past

I've recently got with a new partner and we were talking over MSN and he asked me how many guys I had previously slept with. I managed to avoid the question by saying it was inappropriate to ask me like that (I mean MSN apeesh c'mon!) but he's coming round and said he'll ask me then.

Thing is I'm older than him and he's still a virgin and I have slept with a fair few other guys. Should I be honest with him and tell him how many I have slept with or lie and say some small number like 2 or something?

Reply 1

Squelchy

Be honest. Lying will bite you in the ass at some point, trust me.

Reply 2

RocketMan

Of course be honest with him, best policy. Gauge his reaction, if he reacts like he has just discovered a skid mark on a towel, then tell him that you are older than he is and that you have had these sexual encounters; perfectly normal in my eyes, part of life - if he is half decent then he should be fine and certainly respect your honesty in the matter - please don't lie to him.

Hope it goes well.

Reply 3

Sam Beckett

7

An adult wouldn't care. People sleep with people. Just cos you're hot and can get sex its nothing to be ashamed of.

If he's immature or naive then he might be offended but if he is its his loss. You can find someone whos okay with your past and wants a future with you.

Reply 4

Squelchy

Out of curiousity, what sort of differences are we talking about? How old is he, and how old are you? How many people have you slept with?

Tell me to bugger off if it's too rude to ask that!

Reply 5

~Rogue~

OP

1

Squelchy

Out of curiousity, what sort of differences are we talking about? How old is he, and how old are you? How many people have you slept with?

Tell me to bugger off if it's too rude to ask that!

I'm turning 19 at the end of November and he just turned 17 at the end of August.......

And I've slept with 9 guys. Which I'm thinking is a far few.......

Reply 6

Squelchy

I don't really think it's that many, to be honest, but I can understand how that would be intimidating to a 17 year old.

When I was 18 I started going out with somebody who had slept with 8 guys, and I was very, very much more inexperienced, and I was a touch insecure about it, but I got over it, and it was better than not knowing, for sure.

Reply 7

~Rogue~

OP

1

Squelchy

I don't really think it's that many, to be honest, but I can understand how that would be intimidating to a 17 year old.

When I was 18 I started going out with somebody who had slept with 8 guys, and I was very, very much more inexperienced, and I was a touch insecure about it, but I got over it, and it was better than not knowing, for sure.

Thank ye everybody! The advice is much appreciated.

Reply 8

shinytoy

18

i've heard the average uk person sleeps with 11 people prior to marriage. i think its on the durex survey. durex also says 1/4 the world's pop would sleep with a new partner 1 month after meeting them. so 9 isnt bad.

*remembers she is catholic, stops talking about premaritial sex and durex surveys*

Reply 9

~Rogue~

OP

1

shinytoy

i've heard the average uk person sleeps with 11 people prior to marriage. i think its on the durex survey. durex also says 1/4 the world's pop would sleep with a new partner 1 month after meeting them. so 9 isnt bad.

*remembers she is catholic, stops talking about premaritial sex and durex surveys*

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

I am not Catholic so methinks tis not quite the same issue as tis for you but thanks for the stats!

I was just worried because he's a virgin and so young.

Reply 10

high priestess fnord

9

my advice is to remember the rule of three. divide the number of guys youve slept with by three. and like everyone else said dont lie... but be economical with the truth.

Reply 11

shinytoy

18

that is lying. please please be honest with the guy.
if he has kept his v for that long, he deserves at least honesty and trust.

i intend to lose my v with my husband, and i expect him to disclose the number to me. i dont adhere to double standards, if a Catholic woman needs to be v before marriage so should my man. this is very important to me but above all i expect him to be honest.
i can forgive him if he did stuff in the past (though not too much 'stuff' lol), but i cannot forgive him if he lies to me to take my virginity. that is the ultimate breach of trust. not only is he dishonest with me, but he has taken away something i cannot get back. he has done the most intimate thing two people can do with me, but done it uner false pretences and i would be extremely hurt and probably unable to trust him again. if i believed in divorce, i'd certainly consider it. because that lie is something that harms me, whereas his past is not directly harming me

i do not know if your bf is religious, but i think my point of view may be relavent and i'd like you to think about it before lying about something so important.

this not only applys to lying about number of partners, but also having STD, and who the father of a baby is. these are intimate and important issues which require honesty and trust. im not dissing the OP but trying to reiterate how important trust and honesty are in regards to virginity

Reply 12

~Rogue~

OP

1

shinytoy

that is lying. please please be honest with the guy.
if he has kept his v for that long, he deserves at least honesty and trust.

i intend to lose my v with my husband, and i expect him to disclose the number to me. i dont adhere to double standards, if a Catholic woman needs to be v before marriage so should my man. this is very important to me but above all i expect him to be honest.
i can forgive him if he did stuff in the past (though not too much 'stuff' lol), but i cannot forgive him if he lies to me to take my virginity. that is the ultimate breach of trust. not only is he dishonest with me, but he has taken away something i cannot get back. he has done the most intimate thing two people can do with me, but done it uner false pretences and i would be extremely hurt and probably unable to trust him again. if i believed in divorce, i'd certainly consider it. because that lie is something that harms me, whereas his past is not directly harming me

i do not know if your bf is religious, but i think my point of view may be relavent and i'd like you to think about it before lying about something so important.

this not only applys to lying about number of partners, but also having STD, and who the father of a baby is. these are intimate and important issues which require honesty and trust. im not dissing the OP but trying to reiterate how important trust and honesty are in regards to virginity

OMG I'm not pregnant!!! Father of the baby?!

You've thoroughly shocked me into "going to tell him the whole truth and nothing but the truth"ness.

Reply 13

silverbolt

19

shinytoy

i intend to lose my v with my husband, and i expect him to disclose the number to me. i dont adhere to double standards, if a Catholic woman needs to be v before marriage so should my man. this is very important to me but above all i expect him to be honest.
i can forgive him if he did stuff in the past (though not too much 'stuff' lol), but i cannot forgive him if he lies to me to take my virginity. that is the ultimate breach of trust. not only is he dishonest with me, but he has taken away something i cannot get back. he has done the most intimate thing two people can do with me, but done it uner false pretences and i would be extremely hurt and probably unable to trust him again. if i believed in divorce, i'd certainly consider it. because that lie is something that harms me, whereas his past is not directly harming me

*sighs* we have heard this from you several time before please change the record. We know your holier than thou, quit proclaiming your superiority over the rest of us.

However i agree with the honesty part, tell him the truth if he cant handle it not your problem

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

i do wonder who would marry/put up with someone like shinytoy. Whoever it is, best of luck from the entire male population!

Reply 15

SB

2

Tell the truth. If he respects you he'll understand that you're older and more experienced and enjoy learning what you can teach him! My boyfriend's 10 years older than me and his previous girlfriends have never been an issue.