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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The university that I'm at doesn't really have many societies/groups. Only the common football, snooker, tennis etc. But I do like your point!
    There must be some? ... Reading has hundreds. We had a big marquee full of tables in Fresher's week, each advertising their soc. And even if they don't have many, why don't you pick the one you like the best and give it a shot? If you really don't like it, you don't have to go back *shrug*
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    Right, I've been at uni for three weeks now too and don't really know anyone either.
    The first week I spoke to people, but tried not to be too clingy with the first people I met 'cause I knew I'd spend the next three years trying to get rid of them. Now evryone else is in groups it's really hard to go up to them - I'm keeping an eye out for people on their own but there don't seem to be any.
    I'm hoping that once we start practicals it'll be easier to talk. Also no one sits next to people in lectures so people think you're wierd if you go and sit right by them.
    My uni only really has sport societies (unles you're gay) so if you're not exacly athletic there's not a lot of choice...
    Mind you last night I bumped into the people who live upstairs and ended up spending the night chatting to them, so maybe you should go and knock on doors.

    By the way, I realise my apostraphes (crap spelling) are wrong, but lifes too ****ing short.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    because a lot of friendships seem to be forming and if I go up to people they will see me as somewhat intrusive.
    Not at all!!! Try to get in with a group while it's still vaguely a fresher-y time. I'm in my 4th/5th week (I don't even know how long I've been here lol) and still introduce myself to randomers.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If you don't break it up I'm gunna do something nasty!

    Seriously though, I need advice
    Well what do you expect to be told? You're in exactly the same boat as everybody else. They're meeting people by going up and talking to them. If you won't do what everybody else is doing and actually talk to people, then how do you possibly expect to make friends?
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    Could you not start talking to the people you live with?

    I get on with like, everyone in the block and it's my base group of mates, then anyone we meet outside i.e in lectures or society or sports just gets added to the list of contacts.

    It's about building a network of aquaintances and then you can survive. You don't ever really want to get to the point of having one 'friend' though... as Marcus in 'About a Boy' realises, if there are only two of you and one of you goes somewhere, it leaves one.
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    What uni are you at?
    I'm in Swansea.
    You know what, I'm seriously considering setting up my own society for people who can't do anything.
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    (Original post by Zoecb)
    Not at all!!! Try to get in with a group while it's still vaguely a fresher-y time. I'm in my 4th/5th week (I don't even know how long I've been here lol) and still introduce myself to randomers.
    Lol! I'm doing that as much as I can. I didn't have a large group of friends in 6th form because I was quite introverted and I hung out with the uncool people (I myself am extremely cool I hasten to add, it was my choice of friends that was bringing me down :p: ) and now I'm in uni I'm like "sod that, I WILL have friends... even if it means saying 'ooh I love that flavour smoothie' in the queue!"

    It seems to working okay... people talk to me, so I can't be doing everything wrong!
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Squelchy)
    Well what do you expect to be told? You're in exactly the same boat as everybody else. They're meeting people by going up and talking to them. If you won't do what everybody else is doing and actually talk to people, then how do you possibly expect to make friends?
    I find it incredibly difficult to talk to, well strangers. I have this thing in the back of my head that I don't know how they will react to me trying to befriend them.

    Urghh
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I find it incredibly difficult to talk to, well strangers. I have this thing in the back of my head that I don't know how they will react to me trying to befriend them.

    Urghh
    I'm sure you're not the only fresher who feels like that. In fact, I doubt you're even in the minority, but the fact remains that most people have made the effort to get over their fear, and you're not even trying. It's no wonder you haven't made many friends. Were you really just expecting it to fall into your lap without you having to make any sort of effort?
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    Does it matter? What's the worst that can happen? If you sense they don't like you, leave them behind and try the next load of people. There are plenty, it's university.
    • #2
    #2

    The problem with sports clubs and societies (sports in particular) which no one here seems to take into account is the fact that these groups are not specific for freshers. On joining these you will find that you are just joining into already established groups of friends.

    Example, I am having the same problems as the OP (except I have made 0 friends so far, 2 would be a luxury). I am already involved in a sport and knew a lot of the club members at uni already from competing. Even knowing them joining and getting involved is not easy. The universities team has been established since last year, probably even the year before. Even though I can (and do) beat every member of that team, I am not in the team.

    Societies and clubs are not the end of the problem, can we have other suggestions please, without the patronising tone used in most threads like this)? This is a real and upsetting problem for a lot of people.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I find it incredibly difficult to talk to, well strangers. I have this thing in the back of my head that I don't know how they will react to me trying to befriend them.

    Urghh
    what university do you go to?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I find it incredibly difficult to talk to, well strangers. I have this thing in the back of my head that I don't know how they will react to me trying to befriend them.

    Urghh
    Okay, so not all of them will be nice, friendly and responsive. But the other 95% will be. I had one girl in a lecture practically chew my nose when I asked her how she was. So I didn't talk to her again and spoke to the person on the other side of me. Sometimes the reactions we get are not an accurate reflection of the way we are. I think that girl was probably just having a bad day, and if I spoke to her tomorrow she would react differently. Just be open minded about everything.
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    Why do these "I need help in getting friends/ I am feeling alone" threads keep turning into squibbles (or should I say brings out the trolls in some people)? This is not the first thread of this kind it is happening to and I don't think it is helping the OP.


    Mind you there is some useful advice in some posts. I guess it is a matter of "going and doing it", which can be difficult if one is feeling misrable. It's a kind of vicious circle.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The problem with sports clubs and societies (sports in particular) which no one here seems to take into account is the fact that these groups are not specific for freshers. On joining these you will find that you are just joining into already established groups of friends.

    Example, I am having the same problems as the OP (except I have made 0 friends so far, 2 would be a luxury). I am already involved in a sport and knew a lot of the club members at uni already from competing. Even knowing them joining and getting involved is not easy. The universities team has been established since last year, probably even the year before. Even though I can (and do) beat every member of that team, I am not in the team.

    Societies and clubs are not the end of the problem, can we have other suggestions please, without the patronising tone used in most threads like this)? This is a real and upsetting problem for a lot of people.
    I didn't say that I made any friends
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    without the patronising tone used in most threads like this
    I'm not patronising. I'm trying to be helpful and neutral. Perhaps if you realised that societies and sports were not PURELY made up of 2nd years and they were not completely hell bent on excluding you (and yes, it does sound like this is what you are saying, so re read your post if you disagree) you'd have a better time. In all honestly, if you have no friends, it is likely to be your fault. In the OP's case it is that he/she is not putting him/herself out there enough. I suspect that you are the same, but at least the OP is not blaming others for his/her misfortunes.
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    #2

    You have no idea how much or little I have been "putting myself out" and as for the club it is made up of nearly all third and fourth years, the other night is for beginners has most of the 1st year students. Another thing is, what is everyone's definition of friend? I have plenty people to talk to, but no one that I would call a friend. I often find that the term is used far too losely, which is why a lot of people end up getting others down by bragging about how many "friends" they have made.
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    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You have no idea how much or little I have been "putting myself out" and as for the club it is made up of nearly all third and fourth years, the other night is for beginners has most of the 1st year students. Another thing is, what is everyone's definition of friend? I have plenty people to talk to, but no one that I would call a friend. I often find that the term is used far too losely, which is why a lot of people end up getting others down by bragging about how many "friends" they have made.
    That's what I think! I've made a lot of acquaintances but no-one I could call a friend...whilst other people would probably call them friends if they were in my position.
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    I know what you mean.
    I sort of know loads of people and would say hi, but they wouldn't actually stop to talk.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's what I think! I've made a lot of acquaintances but no-one I could call a friend...whilst other people would probably call them friends if they were in my position.

    Exactly, you won't get friends in 3 weeks, it takes a considerable time before someone is your real friend. But keep your head up though OP, eventually you will find friends, in the mean time try to keep yourself busy by joining societies and sport clubs and exposing yourself to as many new people as possible and make an effort. Talk to people, talk to groups, invite yourself along if you have to. Look approachable and happy, fake it if you have to, and maybe someone will come and talk to you.
 
 
 
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