The Student Room Group

The guy I liked has a girlfriend and baby :S

So I'm 21 and met this 29 year old older guy at work a few months ago. He's from a different department so didn't speak often but stupidly I really fell for him as he is quite smart. We've talked a few times as his department is meant to be doing some team building presentation in collaboration with mine, and I offered to lead it for mine just as he did for his. It's about 20 hours of extra work but I get a bonus of £200 for doing it. I am thinking of pulling out (which I can) as I never want to see him again.

I haven't let him know I liked him, but I'm worried it probably came across as I felt really awkward the other day and was practically hiding from him in the office when I saw him and suddenly he seemed to pick up on that and got really awkward and cold too. I'm also very friendly in general to people and sometimes it gets misinterpreted as flirty, though I haven't deliberately flirted with him at all. He works in one of the back office departments where people are really serious so the way I act would probably stand out to anyone in that office.

Anyway, I heard some other work mates talking about him in the cafeteria on Thursday and apparently he has a girlfriend and baby, which I didn't know about :s-smilie: I don't fancy him any more because of that, ofc, but the problem is that I already think he knows I (used to) fancy him and it's so awkward!

How do I mitigate the awkwardness, and convince him I never did like him - should I just act in a really blunt and cold way? I can avoid him but I have to pull out of the presentation, should I do that? £200 for 20 hours is not a lot anyway, though I did want to do it as we get to travel to London all expenses paid as well... :s-smilie:
Reply 1
Original post by German123
For some reason i seem to be confused by these kind of threads because i always see you posting about something every minute. The problem is your threads i think-they are all over the place. First about one thing then about another...it just does not make sense to me.

Edit: I am sure i saw you made another relationship thread about something else not long ago.

You do realise how the anonymous function works, right?

OP, it doesn't sound like you've done anything too horrifically embarrassing. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone who then turns out to be attached - you didn't know, and you haven't done anything about it, so no need for awkwardness! Just be normal with him, he probably won't think twice about it.
Original post by Helenia
You do realise how the anonymous function works, right?


Lol

I think it's all in your head. If you don't like him anymore romantically, there is no big deal. Just get on as normal, treat it as a learning curve for dealing with workplace crushes / relationships. Besides, many 'taken' coworkers flirt a bit here and there just for humour and being social... it doesn't mean anything more than that :smile:
Reply 3
Original post by German123
Nope i do not think i know otherwise i would not have stated what i have. Anyway you have shed some light...so you can post anonymously right? I seriously did not know that and thought the same person was posting each time.

My bad OP.


Yep - if you look at the bottom of the Quick Reply box, or under the title on the full Reply page, you'll see a tickbox for "Make post anonymously" - if a member ticks that box then the message is posted as Anonymous. If you find a thread with lots of Anons, they'll be numbered under their username. Mods can see who posts anon, but no-one else can.
Reply 4
Original post by Helenia
You do realise how the anonymous function works, right?

OP, it doesn't sound like you've done anything too horrifically embarrassing. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone who then turns out to be attached - you didn't know, and you haven't done anything about it, so no need for awkwardness! Just be normal with him, he probably won't think twice about it.


Thank you. I didn't do anything about it, that's true, but I think he picked up on my liking him from the fact I was really awkward, and I'm also really friendly with people anyway which a lot of guys misinterpret as flirting. I haven't flirted on purpose but he could easily have taken it that way which is what I'm worried about.

I feel kind of guilty about it just seeing him. He's smart but he is extremely judgmental. I have slight MH issues and am panicky at the thought of seeing him again.
Reply 5
Original post by coffeecakey
Lol

I think it's all in your head. If you don't like him anymore romantically, there is no big deal. Just get on as normal, treat it as a learning curve for dealing with workplace crushes / relationships. Besides, many 'taken' coworkers flirt a bit here and there just for humour and being social... it doesn't mean anything more than that :smile:


Well, I don't like him any more but he doesn't know that, you see :smile:. Also, I haven't been flirty "on purpose" but sometimes I am over friendly, and sometimes guys think I am flirting when I'm not. And he definitely picked up on the awkwardness that one time.

There's also the issue of him judging me (I know this sounds like a strange worry, but if you see my reply to Helenia above I have depression and I'm sensitive to people being like that). He's smart, but can be horrible sometimes. He's made fun of me before in a really mean way. I just don't want to be on the receiving end of him trying to make fun of me based on the fact I like him. I'm so stressed right now.
Original post by Anonymous
Ohh Ok..i found the button and posted anonymously.

I think you're only allowed to post anonymously if your post contains sensitive information related to your identity, misusing it counts as 'abuse' (I did this by accident once).

Anyway to OP, acting blunt and cold would just be odd! Being friendly is not the same as being flirty, so if a guy misinterprets it that is his fault. When something like that happens, you just put the guy straight and say you were being friendly, simple as that. Of course, most guys have big egos and will think you were flirting anyway :biggrin: however you will meet plenty of people who see you purely as a social friend or coworker.

As you know you're quite sensitive and prone to depression, I'd advise not thinking about him too much (which includes asking on forums). He's probably only thought about you for 10 seconds max when he sees your face, whereas you could pour hours of contemplation into it... it doesn't get you anywhere. Do something else ^^
Reply 7
Original post by coffeecakey
I think you're only allowed to post anonymously if your post contains sensitive information related to your identity, misusing it counts as 'abuse' (I did this by accident once).

Anyway to OP, acting blunt and cold would just be odd! Being friendly is not the same as being flirty, so if a guy misinterprets it that is his fault. When something like that happens, you just put the guy straight and say you were being friendly, simple as that. Of course, most guys have big egos and will think you were flirting anyway :biggrin: however you will meet plenty of people who see you purely as a social friend or coworker.

As you know you're quite sensitive and prone to depression, I'd advise not thinking about him too much (which includes asking on forums). He's probably only thought about you for 10 seconds max when he sees your face, whereas you could pour hours of contemplation into it... it doesn't get you anywhere. Do something else ^^


Thanks.
Reply 8
German123
For some reason i seem to be confused by these kind of threads because i always see you posting about something every minute. The problem is your threads i think-they are all over the place. First about one thing then about another...it just does not make sense to me.

Edit: I am sure i saw you made another relationship thread about something else not long ago..


Lol, just sitting here imagining German123 thinking that OP is the most emotionally unstable personal in the world. There must be 50 anonymous threads a day.

But OP do it anyway. Lots of money and free trip to London.
Just be normal. If for you that's overly friendly, so be it! Don't overthink it. You're over him so just pretend like nothing ever happened and that you never really liked him. If your awkwardness before comes up just say you were having a bad day and it wasn't really to do with him or something.
Original post by scotttb
Lol, just sitting here imagining German123 thinking that OP is the most emotionally unstable personal in the world. There must be 50 anonymous threads a day.

But OP do it anyway. Lots of money and free trip to London.

Lol I seriously did not know

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