People coming onto you when they're in a relationship

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katienurd
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#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
Has this ever happened to you?

On Friday I had my first driving test (I failed) and one of my friends that I met on a dating app back in like March or something used to help me out with my driving and my theory test and things like that, so I started talking to him again after a while to tell him what happened.

I used to like him a lot, and we were quite close for a period of time. I liked him mainly because he wasn't really like the other guys I'd met off of dating apps per say, he never asked me for pictures, nor did he send them, he never said dirty things to me or about me and never expected me to say sexual things. I was like, wow, this guy may actually be decent!!!

Then he got drunk one night and started sending me numerous unsolicited **** pictures, and I was like hmm okay I'll go along with it, just because I'm too nice to complain about that ****. Then, of course, he expected me to send pictures back and I was like, "Hmm, no? You sent those pictures without even asking me if it was alright to do so, I don't want to send you pictures of me." And he got all *****y with me, deleted my number, deleted my snapchat, and I was like wow. Because I still effing liked him, I was pretty upset, but I'm really not the kind of girl to send sexual pictures to people that don't deserve them... Or anyone, really.

Anyway, back to about a month a go, I texted him again just saying hi, seeing what he was up to. Then we got talking a bit more and I was like **** it, and told him that I used to like him. He told me he had a girlfriend and was kind of annoyed that I'd chosen to tell him then, and I was like hmm, okay, well the keyword was USED to like you, I don't anymore. This was true.

About five minutes after I sent my text I got a text off an unknown number saying "Hey this is ***'s friend, he really really likes you and can't stop talking about you!!!" and, obviously because I'm not EFFING DUMB I was like "Hi ***'s girlfriend, are you feeling intimidated by me???" Because I'm just really great at being confrontational. And yeah I was really mad at him and we stopped talking YET AGAIN.

Okay, so fast forward to today, he adds me back on snapchat and everything starts off normally, we're just speaking like "Hi, what are you up to." and then I show him my Christmas tree because it's obviously amazing then he sent one back of his tree and then I was like "Hah, mine's better" then he's all "Be a rebel )))))" and I'm like "But I'm a good girl??" and then he goes "Why don't you be naughty for me? " For ****SAKE no I hate people like you and so I'm like "Hmm aren't you forgetting that you have a girlfriend" and then he replies with "I won't tell if you don't. You won't will you?" and I'm like ughhhh I can't believe how lucky I was to not having our relationship going any further than it was. And I gave him a few choice words on how he's a cheat and a tool and a c*nt and yeah

Anyway, long story short... Is what I've done right? Should I tell his girlfriend? (I still have her number) Or should I just let everything go like water under the bridge? I feel like she needs to know what's going on with her boyfriend, and I know for a fact he's probably doing it with more girls than just me by looking at his friends on snapchat.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this??? If so, what have you done?
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twisted
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#2
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started sending me numerous unsolicited **** pictures
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skinnylove25
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omg I hate that kind of people too !! The worst is when they tell you that they have a gf and it's fine for you because you just want to be friends, but they don't, and they act all flirty and you have to remind them " you have a gf" and they're embarassed so they're like " so what, I wasn't flirting with you or anything" yeah right "_".
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Enoxial
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(Original post by katienurd)
per say
Isn't it per se?

Also how do you know the number is his Gf's? :confused:
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katienurd
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(Original post by Enoxial)
Isn't it per se?

Also how do you know the number is his Gf's? :confused:
I'm so sorry if the way I spelled it offended you, I clearly did not know the difference and will correct myself next time.

And because she told me it was her in the end? If it wasn't her number I wouldn't have said it was :boring:
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katienurd
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#6
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(Original post by twisted)
started sending me numerous unsolicited **** pictures
That's exactly what he did, yes! Thank you for quoting that to remind me of what I put!!!
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katienurd
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#7
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(Original post by skinnylove25)
omg I hate that kind of people too !! The worst is when they tell you that they have a gf and it's fine for you because you just want to be friends, but they don't, and they act all flirty and you have to remind them " you have a gf" and they're embarassed so they're like " so what, I wasn't flirting with you or anything" yeah right "_".
The thing is with him, though, is that he flirted with me so openly and I was always reminding him he had a girlfriend and asking him how she was and how they were doing to make sure he knew I wasn't looking for anything more than friendship with him, but he always pushed her to one side and said that it didn't matter. At one point he actually said "I wish she was more like you" and I was like oh Godddd, you're so sad for doing this when I don't even like you anymore. What even are guys I don't understand.
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Enoxial
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(Original post by katienurd)

And because she told me it was her in the end?
If it wasn't her number I wouldn't have said it was :boring:
You never mentioned this.

Anyways, if she texted you saying, XYZ likes you etc then she knows what her bf is up to.
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skinnylove25
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(Original post by katienurd)
The thing is with him, though, is that he flirted with me so openly and I was always reminding him he had a girlfriend and asking him how she was and how they were doing to make sure he knew I wasn't looking for anything more than friendship with him, but he always pushed her to one side and said that it didn't matter. At one point he actually said "I wish she was more like you" and I was like oh Godddd, you're so sad for doing this when I don't even like you anymore. What even are guys I don't understand.
haha he seems pretty dumb ! And, it doesn't have anything to do with your question, but just saying, when guys act like that, people say that they're just being guys, but when it's girls, people say they're desperate or slutty "_"
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Mankytoes
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Honestly, if this guy is such a ****, why keep making contact? It's kinda frustrating when girls talk like this, you see what he's like, complain, then start texting him again, then complain again, then start snap chatting again... Just delete him off everything and forget about it.
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katienurd
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#11
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(Original post by Enoxial)
You never mentioned this.

Anyways, if she texted you saying, XYZ likes you etc then she knows what her bf is up to.
I honestly didn't think I would have had to.

Well, apparently she "read his phone" but I'm thinking that he just sent her my texts to make himself look good by showing his girlfriend that she wasn't the only one that liked him or something, even though at that time I didn't have any sort of attachment towards him at all. I just don't understand why she puts up with it if she knows what he's doing, she must either be really stupid or really love him.
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the_vorlon
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This happened to me recently at work. The guy works in my department and his gf in a different department. He knew I knew he had a GF and he knows I have a BF. I'll never understand how anyone can disregard relationships like that.

My BF and I found it pretty funny and his face was a picture when he was watching me talking to his GF at work, he was clearly panic stricken I'd tell her what he'd been up to.
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katienurd
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(Original post by Mankytoes)
Honestly, if this guy is such a ****, why keep making contact? It's kinda frustrating when girls talk like this, you see what he's like, complain, then start texting him again, then complain again, then start snap chatting again... Just delete him off everything and forget about it.
Because he was my friend? I have a lot of friends that I think are *****, in fact, most of my friends are ***** in moderation. I just didn't know to what extent of a **** he actually was. Most of the time I talk to him it's in a completely platonic way, and I actually do like him as a person when he can talk normally with me without practically shoving his own **** in my face. All I wanted to tell him the other day was that I failed my test, I don't think that's a bad thing, nor something to be sexualized, do you? ****ing hell.
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katienurd
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(Original post by skinnylove25)
haha he seems pretty dumb ! And, it doesn't have anything to do with your question, but just saying, when guys act like that, people say that they're just being guys, but when it's girls, people say they're desperate or slutty "_"
I think he is haha! And yes!! It's just double standards, if this was a guy getting things like that off of a girl then everyone would be like "Yes!! Get in there LAD!" But because I'm a girl receiving these things off of a guy I'm made to feel as if it's my fault. The same with what you're saying really, this guy who's sending me these things could be classed as a LAD and, again, another example could be that his friends or my friends or whoever else would think I was a slut if our positions were swapped. So annoying.
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katienurd
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(Original post by the_vorlon)
This happened to me recently at work. The guy works in my department and his gf in a different department. He knew I knew he had a GF and he knows I have a BF. I'll never understand how anyone can disregard relationships like that.

My BF and I found it pretty funny and his face was a picture when he was watching me talking to his GF at work, he was clearly panic stricken I'd tell her what he'd been up to.
That's brilliant! Does his girlfriend know, then? I'd love to see what actually happens if she found out about him doing what he's been doing!
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El Salvador
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I'd take anyone.
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Enoxial
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(Original post by katienurd)
she must either be really stupid or really love him.
From the threads I've seen on tsr, its the latter.
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Mankytoes
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(Original post by katienurd)
Because he was my friend? I have a lot of friends that I think are *****, in fact, most of my friends are ***** in moderation. I just didn't know to what extent of a **** he actually was. Most of the time I talk to him it's in a completely platonic way, and I actually do like him as a person when he can talk normally with me without practically shoving his own **** in my face. All I wanted to tell him the other day was that I failed my test, I don't think that's a bad thing, nor something to be sexualized, do you? ****ing hell.
I don't care if my friends are ***** either, but isn't this thread complaining about him being a ****? Don't buy a scorpion and complain if it stings.

He sent you pictures of his ****, then had a go at you for not reciprocating. You should have worked out from that what sort of person he is. I'm not saying it isn't his fault, he's being an idiot, I'm only blaming you for deliberately causing drama in your life, then complaining about it.
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katienurd
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(Original post by Mankytoes)
I don't care if my friends are ***** either, but isn't this thread complaining about him being a ****? Don't buy a scorpion and complain if it stings.

He sent you pictures of his ****, then had a go at you for not reciprocating. You should have worked out from that what sort of person he is. I'm not saying it isn't his fault, he's being an idiot, I'm only blaming you for deliberately causing drama in your life, then complaining about it.
Ah yes, because telling someone I failed my driving test equates to me deliberately causing drama in my life. How the hell was I to know that he was going to do what he did? I expected to literally tell him that, him ask me how I failed, me to ell him and him to say "better look next time" and that would be the end of it. That was literally all that was said up until he started becoming sexual with me.

You're right, half of it was my fault for talking to him, but that's about it. I obviously wasn't trying to cause drama, I didn't want him to do that because it creeps me out. There are some times when he's like that and some times when he's not, and I was hoping he'd be the latter now that he has a GIRLFRIEND. So sorry for trying to talk to somebody who has a girlfriend and trusting they wouldn't pull any moves on me again because of this.
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Mankytoes
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(Original post by katienurd)
Ah yes, because telling someone I failed my driving test equates to me deliberately causing drama in my life. How the hell was I to know that he was going to do what he did? I expected to literally tell him that, him ask me how I failed, me to ell him and him to say "better look next time" and that would be the end of it. That was literally all that was said up until he started becoming sexual with me.

You're right, half of it was my fault for talking to him, but that's about it. I obviously wasn't trying to cause drama, I didn't want him to do that because it creeps me out. There are some times when he's like that and some times when he's not, and I was hoping he'd be the latter now that he has a GIRLFRIEND. So sorry for trying to talk to somebody who has a girlfriend and trusting they wouldn't pull any moves on me again because of this.
To be clear, I'm not blaming you for anything up until him sending you pictures of his ****. That itself is maybe forgivable, if he'd text back the next day "so sorry about last night, was wasted". But having a go at you for not recipricating clearly shows his character. Fair enough having mates who are *****, but he was a **** to you... You spell this out that you feel this way, then the next line is "I texted him again just saying hi, seeing what he was up to". Why do you care what he's up to? Sorry, but it sounds like you just wanted to cause some drama, once a **** pic sender, always a **** pic sender.

Having a girlfriend isn't going to magically change someone. Don't get me wrong, he's more in the wrong than you by a long way, but you're asking about your dilemma, and I think it's your own fault.

I'm sorry if I've come across a bit harsh, I've just had female friends who are always saying certain guys are "such *****", and then the next minute it's like "I met up with him and he's trying to get with me, whys he being like this?", it's pretty tedious, if I don't like someone I break off contact with them, I've never found that difficult.
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