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Feeling a bit sorry for myself - flatmates
Just posting anon incase this gets picked up, but as it goes on it should be pretty clear who i am
Basically, my flatmates just don't do mingling and it's beginning to get me down coz flatmates are at the base of most social lives. I've made quite a few good friends but mostly out of pitty of seeing that disabled guy looking lonely. But, in chatting to various ppl i'm really missing out, we don't have flat parties, we don't even ****in eat together! I was talking to a girl i'm friendly with today on msn and she went to start making her flat a meal, i thought wtf can't anyone in my flat do this! And the knock on effect is I will always turn up to the bar looking lonely.......That's just soo not good! As a carer makes me dinners its too rude for me to offer a meal to anyone else! Any advice on how to beef up the life in my flat so to speak??
OK, to put it in perspective there's a guy with cp (me), a guy that never shows his face except when he's back from the gym, a guy who's muslim (so drinking is out), and a mature postgrad at about 35... Just to put the record straight they are all very nice ppl, just way too individual!
Basically, my flatmates just don't do mingling and it's beginning to get me down coz flatmates are at the base of most social lives. I've made quite a few good friends but mostly out of pitty of seeing that disabled guy looking lonely. But, in chatting to various ppl i'm really missing out, we don't have flat parties, we don't even ****in eat together! I was talking to a girl i'm friendly with today on msn and she went to start making her flat a meal, i thought wtf can't anyone in my flat do this! And the knock on effect is I will always turn up to the bar looking lonely.......That's just soo not good! As a carer makes me dinners its too rude for me to offer a meal to anyone else! Any advice on how to beef up the life in my flat so to speak??
OK, to put it in perspective there's a guy with cp (me), a guy that never shows his face except when he's back from the gym, a guy who's muslim (so drinking is out), and a mature postgrad at about 35... Just to put the record straight they are all very nice ppl, just way too individual!
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OH sorry, just to add, the reason why this is more of a problem that it seems is for physical reasons i find mingling in busy bars practically impossible.
Logan
sometimes you just had to jumpstart the initiative... sometimes someone has to do it first.. just like the domino effect. If that doesnt work then I would agree you have the most boring flat mates ever
Anonymous
John, the old guy, is really friendly he always stops and has a chat, but i'm still aware of his age and, quite frankly, i don't want to be seen drinking with him and i hope that he feels the same about me!
What a fine, shining attitude you've got there. How can you expect to be accepted when you yourself are prejudiced? 'I don't want to be seen drinking with him' pfft.
Anonymous
OK, to put it in perspective there's a guy with cp (me), a guy that never shows his face except when he's back from the gym, a guy who's muslim (so drinking is out), and a mature postgrad at about 35... Just to put the record straight they are all very nice ppl, just way too individual!
Really sorry about potentially being ignorant, but what is cp?
Anonymous
i don't want to be seen drinking with him and i hope that he feels the same about me!
Your flatmates aren't there for your entertainment. I don't get this idea that your flat is where your social life starts. You say that your flatmates lack of interest in socialising is more of a problem because it is difficult for you to go to crowded bars. Socialising doesn't mean getting bladdered in the union bar. There will be plenty of clubs and societies at your uni I'm sure.
Anonymous
I have tried, but we don't seem to have anything to talk about and they're barely around. John, the old guy, is really friendly he always stops and has a chat, but i'm still aware of his age and, quite frankly, i don't want to be seen drinking with him and i hope that he feels the same about me!
Come on, you are feeling sorry for yourself cos you don't wanna go out with an older guy? I used to spend loads of time with people older than me, ranging from 5 to 25 years my senior. They're great. Of course i had friends my own age too but sometimes i wanted to talk to a guy whose mind was on something other than trying to get me into bed. The best thingwas i alwasy knew where to find them. Make your way up to the student bar during the day or on a night where there isn't some event. If there isn't anybody up there then i can't help but my sub crew was always there and up for a few pints and a laugh.
Anonymous
OK, to put it in perspective there's a guy with cp (me), a guy that never shows his face except when he's back from the gym, a guy who's muslim (so drinking is out), and a mature postgrad at about 35... Just to put the record straight they are all very nice ppl, just way too individual!
OK, to put it in perspective there's a guy with cp (me), a guy that never shows his face except when he's back from the gym, a guy who's muslim (so drinking is out), and a mature postgrad at about 35... Just to put the record straight they are all very nice ppl, just way too individual!
Blame the Uni! I'm sure ours tried to organise halls so that people would hopefully get on well. For example, they'd never have put a mature student / postgrad in with young undergrads.
Do educate me in what's snobish about not wanting to socialise intermately with people old enough to be your dad?? Do you go out and hang around with old men then? When I say 'go out drinking' l'm not talking about the occaisional pint, I mean routinely getting bladdered!
Toy Soldier
Blame the Uni! I'm sure ours tried to organise halls so that people would hopefully get on well. For example, they'd never have put a mature student / postgrad in with young undergrads.
My boyf is a mature student and he was the only mature student in our building, although he was living with people on his course. I suppose t wasn't as extreme as a 35 year old because he is only 24, but he did get frustrated having to live with little 19 year olds.
Anonymous
Do educate me in what's snobish about not wanting to socialise intermately with people old enough to be your dad?? Do you go out and hang around with old men then? When I say 'go out drinking' l'm not talking about the occaisional pint, I mean routinely getting bladdered!
Why do you have to routinely get bladdered at all? Anyway he's only 10/15 years older than you, as i said, yes i did hang around with old men, old men have more fun.
Squelchy
The problem isn't that your flatmates are too individual, but more that you're a snobbish idiot.
I suggest either not being such an idiot, or finding people who are your age and not even remotely individual to socialise with.
I suggest either not being such an idiot, or finding people who are your age and not even remotely individual to socialise with.
I disagree with you, to a good extent. If i was at university (again), i'd want to be making friends with people of my own age. From personal experience of socializing with a wide range of ages, i find that i have far more in common with people of my own age, than with those who are older. Sure, there may be some exceptions, but we're talking about exceptions here.
If the OP likes drinking and going out to bars/pubs, socializing with the aid of alcohol, and he has a Muslim in his accomodation who doesn't indulge in any of this, this is hard luck. People, at the end of the day, have preferences. I'd be pretty gutted if i was in the OP's situation. I suggest people should lay off attacking the OP, i don't think the aggression directed towards him is in anyway justified. Maybe you should start employing a bit of empathy first.
hippieglitter
Why do you have to routinely get bladdered at all? Anyway he's only 10/15 years older than you, as i said, yes i did hang around with old men, old men have more fun.
yep, toilet humour works GREAT with older people
To make you feel a little better, i have had the same thing twice.
They are your flatmates and nothing more.
In hindsight, just move flats.
The first time i wasn't mature enough to accept this and probably complained a bit. This time round i see it how it is. Make an effort.
I can go out alone and have a good time, hell i did the first few days. Prefer not to but that's life.
Oh the comment about not being seen with a 35 year old is just lame. Man, grow up.
What's cp?
They are your flatmates and nothing more.
In hindsight, just move flats.
The first time i wasn't mature enough to accept this and probably complained a bit. This time round i see it how it is. Make an effort.
I can go out alone and have a good time, hell i did the first few days. Prefer not to but that's life.
Oh the comment about not being seen with a 35 year old is just lame. Man, grow up.
What's cp?
Firstly, if you want the flat to eat together occasionally, why not suggest it to them? If you have to ask your carer to cook, it shouldn't be a problem - the only diffence between cooking for 1 and 4 is that you have to increase the amount of food cooked.
Secondly, there are plenty of societies and clubs at Uni, and not all of them will involve going to a nightclub type night in the union or wherever. If you make the effort to go to a few of these meetings, you'll stand more of a chance of making friends.
Thirdly, talk to people on your course. See about organising a course night out, perhaps to quieter pubs, so that people can find out if they've got anything in common.
So what if you have to have a carer? So what if you don't think your flatmates are the most interesting people? Don't let it hold you back from enjoying your time at uni, and don't let it stop you from putting the effort in. You never know, you might end up changing your mind about the flat mates.
In short, you never know until you try, so just try and see what happens.
Secondly, there are plenty of societies and clubs at Uni, and not all of them will involve going to a nightclub type night in the union or wherever. If you make the effort to go to a few of these meetings, you'll stand more of a chance of making friends.
Thirdly, talk to people on your course. See about organising a course night out, perhaps to quieter pubs, so that people can find out if they've got anything in common.
So what if you have to have a carer? So what if you don't think your flatmates are the most interesting people? Don't let it hold you back from enjoying your time at uni, and don't let it stop you from putting the effort in. You never know, you might end up changing your mind about the flat mates.
In short, you never know until you try, so just try and see what happens.
Louenn makes what you'd deem common sense points. Follow her advices mentioned.
And as for eating together, maybe some of your housemates are vegan or vegetarian et al, thus complicating matters when it comes to communal gathering at the dinner table.
Join a society. This, IMO, is the best way to make friends, and generally meet similar others. Housemates, from my own experience, tended to be acquaintance material and nothing more, afterall, often you are pretty much lumped together, irrespective of personal interests, talents and what-nots. I had huge rotten luck when it came to friendship material in my accomodation. Join some societies and hopefully, things will come good.
And as for eating together, maybe some of your housemates are vegan or vegetarian et al, thus complicating matters when it comes to communal gathering at the dinner table.
Join a society. This, IMO, is the best way to make friends, and generally meet similar others. Housemates, from my own experience, tended to be acquaintance material and nothing more, afterall, often you are pretty much lumped together, irrespective of personal interests, talents and what-nots. I had huge rotten luck when it came to friendship material in my accomodation. Join some societies and hopefully, things will come good.
forkwise
The OP has a fair point. He's not prejudiced. But your social life doesn't have to centre around your flatmates. If you don't like them that much, get some other friends.
People have asked already but what IS cp???
People have asked already but what IS cp???
His initials.
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