Why can't I relax?

For years I've been complaining how lonely I am, and how I could never find a guy who liked me. Well, I've got a boyfriend now, who I think is amazing. However...now that I'm in a relationship, I constantly feel sick with nerves about being in the relationship. He knows I dont want to rush into sex, so I have nothing to worry about. I just don't understand why I feel so apprehensive about this. He's lovely and I want to be with him. :frown:

Reply 1

froggi

cos you were stuck in a rut with feeling lonely, and quite possibly imagined yourself being lonely for a long time (its what i do anyway)
but now your in a relationship, its probably hard to push those feelings aside, and now your nervous of things going wrong with this relationship which would result in you being lonely again.

just relax and take everything really slowly. If he respects you he will be fine with your emotions. You cant help the way u feel and most people are nervous going into new relationships as it is.

Reply 2

Shreerac1

10

Maybe you're scared the relationship is gonna end too soon.

Reply 3

lorna18

froggi

cos you were stuck in a rut with feeling lonely, and quite possibly imagined yourself being lonely for a long time (its what i do anyway)
but now your in a relationship, its probably hard to push those feelings aside, and now your nervous of things going wrong with this relationship which would result in you being lonely again.

just relax and take everything really slowly. If he respects you he will be fine with your emotions. You cant help the way u feel and most people are nervous going into new relationships as it is.

really well said, thats probably what is wrong. yeh just take it slow and think he is with you because he likes you so you dont need to worry. everything will be fine

Reply 4

Ron Stoppable

14

Anonymous

For years I've been complaining how lonely I am, and how I could never find a guy who liked me. Well, I've got a boyfriend now, who I think is amazing. However...now that I'm in a relationship, I constantly feel sick with nerves about being in the relationship. He knows I dont want to rush into sex, so I have nothing to worry about. I just don't understand why I feel so apprehensive about this. He's lovely and I want to be with him. :frown:

Let's play a game. It's called systems of belief. Just as England have to play 4-4-2 to win, you've got your 4 key beliefs.

It's a game because it doesn't matter what's true or not! You just go with it, assuming these 4 things to be totally true, without a snippet of doubt.

So, for the next week, pretend these beliefs are irrefutably true:

1 - he wants you, and has you running through his mind, ALL the time
2 - making love is just something that'll happen in its own perfect time, and when it does, it'll be so incredible that you won't be able to describe it in words
3 - taking gambles is a sport - and you always win. He's always on your side, so'll understand your point of view and be receptive to your thoughts and ideas, however risque they can get
4 - you can tell him how you're feeling whenever you want to. Heart-to-hearts between you two are so far beyond what normal people get to experience - and you love the fact that you two have your own little bubble when engaging on that level

And if you ever feel like doubting any of these, simply pretend again and keep it up until you feel amazing about yourself and what you've got going for you.

Trust me - play this game, starting today. Give him a call right now and connect.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Right. So I don't want to feel this way in a relationship. So the plan...believe that someone does actually like me this way..and its my boyfriend. Thank you for helping with my self-doubt! :smile:

Reply 6

Evil-Tuna

2

Your ego is currently battling with your id. And you are struggling to work out how you should react to this situation. You've grown used to a certain state of affairs and now you have to suddenly break loose, your ego (not as in egoism, as in the freud version) is using its best defence mechanism.

Being nervous will ultimately relate to some embedded fears you have that either you cant let go of because they are so deep rooted or that you have to slowly comes to terms with via talking to someone etc.

Why can't I relax?

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