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Going out with someone who already has a boyfriend
Hello TSR, I have a bit of a dillema.
I met this girl at uni and we really hit it off. I like her and she said she likes me a lot, and we have a really good time with each other. However she told me yesterday that she has a boyfriend from back home and they have been going out on/off for 2.5 years!
On the one hand I really like her, but on the other hand I would feel terrible if I got in the way of her and a long term boyfriend. Do you have any advice?
I met this girl at uni and we really hit it off. I like her and she said she likes me a lot, and we have a really good time with each other. However she told me yesterday that she has a boyfriend from back home and they have been going out on/off for 2.5 years!
On the one hand I really like her, but on the other hand I would feel terrible if I got in the way of her and a long term boyfriend. Do you have any advice?
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
16
Yes.
If she is interested in you, then she needs to be truthful and she also needs to reassess her relationship at home.
You need to make sure you're Ok with waiting, or going out with someone who held back vital information such as a boyf at home.
If she is interested in you, then she needs to be truthful and she also needs to reassess her relationship at home.
You need to make sure you're Ok with waiting, or going out with someone who held back vital information such as a boyf at home.
Reply 2
Going out with a cheater is a bad idea. If she did it to him, she'll do it to you.
Reply 3
3
Before the whole moral brigade turn up to tell you how bad you are, i thought i'd offer some advice from someone with experience of this. It is a complete nightmare, not only will she probably still be emotionally attached to him but you also run the risk of him stalking her/ringing her up every time you are with her or him stalking you and waiting for you with a baseball bat every time you step outside - at which point she only just mentions to you that hes a world champion boxer. If you are really interested, get her to end it first, then go out with her.
Reply 4
Anonymous
Hello TSR, I have a bit of a dillema.
I met this girl at uni and we really hit it off. I like her and she said she likes me a lot, and we have a really good time with each other. However she told me yesterday that she has a boyfriend from back home and they have been going out on/off for 2.5 years!
On the one hand I really like her, but on the other hand I would feel terrible if I got in the way of her and a long term boyfriend. Do you have any advice?
I met this girl at uni and we really hit it off. I like her and she said she likes me a lot, and we have a really good time with each other. However she told me yesterday that she has a boyfriend from back home and they have been going out on/off for 2.5 years!
On the one hand I really like her, but on the other hand I would feel terrible if I got in the way of her and a long term boyfriend. Do you have any advice?
Na been in this position...
Forget about the boyfriend at home... she'll probably forget all about him after a couple of months in Uni. She may realise she prefers you?
Go for it I say... Don't hold back just for some guy back home...
Reply 5
What you need to be sure of is, whether or not she is going to be willing to let her on/off partner at home go? If you start somthing with this girl and, like 3232 said, you become emotionally attached you could become hurt in the process if she suddenly turns around and says she wants to be with the boy from back home!
Personally, it sounds like she is a cheat, how do you know she doesnt have more boys on the go? I think you need to do some serious thinking about this and wonder whether you want to get in to such a situation, because it sounds to me as if she is not going to let the boy from back home go!
What will you be thinking if you two got together and then during xmas/easter holidays she goes home and you know she will be near/perhaps meeting up with that other boy? Who's to say she wouldnt do something or get feelings back because they have been on/off for so long?
Dont rush in to anything just yet, just think things through first x
Personally, it sounds like she is a cheat, how do you know she doesnt have more boys on the go? I think you need to do some serious thinking about this and wonder whether you want to get in to such a situation, because it sounds to me as if she is not going to let the boy from back home go!
What will you be thinking if you two got together and then during xmas/easter holidays she goes home and you know she will be near/perhaps meeting up with that other boy? Who's to say she wouldnt do something or get feelings back because they have been on/off for so long?
Dont rush in to anything just yet, just think things through first x
Reply 6
I would say end it now before you get involved deeper, shes a cheater, put yourself in her boyfriends shoes, how would it feel.
Reply 7
What a cheating bitch. Indeed, Carl.
Reply 8
Flukey
What a cheating bitch. Indeed, Carl.
and a lier as well
Reply 9
19
Going out with someone who's got a bit on the side (or indeed if you are that bit ) and you're actually fond of them is completely pathetic. I honestly can't imagine anyone being happy sharing a girl, I'd never do it and I think anyone who does would has some serious self esteem problems.
Reply 10
17
Why be second best? Find someone who would put you first and are sure of their feelings.
Reply 11
18
Hold on people...has she actually cheated though? She's been honest enough to tell him that she's involved with someone else. Obviously its not an ideal situation and you (the OP) need to be sure what she wants because if it is an on/off relationship she has then she may see you as the same.
You guys are so quick to slag her off when the OP hasn't said whether they've done anything other than like each other!
You guys are so quick to slag her off when the OP hasn't said whether they've done anything other than like each other!
Reply 12
13
Go for it. That relationship will break up anyway
Reply 13
Sarky
Hold on people...has she actually cheated though? She's been honest enough to tell him that she's involved with someone else. Obviously its not an ideal situation and you (the OP) need to be sure what she wants because if it is an on/off relationship she has then she may see you as the same.
You guys are so quick to slag her off when the OP hasn't said whether they've done anything other than like each other!
You guys are so quick to slag her off when the OP hasn't said whether they've done anything other than like each other!
Well she said she had a boyfriend back at home and she doesn't seem to have made the effort to make a clean break.
Reply 14
18
Carl1982
Well she said she had a boyfriend back at home and she doesn't seem to have made the effort to make a clean break.
So she's met someone else that she likes...thats not to be commened obviously. But she hasn't cheated. I don't know how honest she has been with her bf back home but she's been honest with the OP. Everyone jumping on a bandwagon when they've got no proof is silly.
Reply 15
17
Sarky
You guys are so quick to slag her off when the OP hasn't said whether they've done anything other than like each other!
I didn't imply she had cheated!
My point made was if the girl isn't willing to give her boyfriend up and play games then she isn't worth it.
Reply 16
If she's at uni with you she can hardly be very comitted to him and will be spending the majority of her time with you anyway so get her to end it. For the bf's sake and hers. However make sure how 'into you' she is, maybe she's just looking for a bit of fun but in the long term wants to be with her long term bf...x
Reply 17
18
Angel83
I didn't imply she had cheated!
My point made was if the girl isn't willing to give her boyfriend up and play games then she isn't worth it.
My point made was if the girl isn't willing to give her boyfriend up and play games then she isn't worth it.
Where did i say you had?
Reply 18
Sarky
So she's met someone else that she likes...thats not to be commened obviously. But she hasn't cheated. I don't know how honest she has been with her bf back home but she's been honest with the OP. Everyone jumping on a bandwagon when they've got no proof is silly.
Surely the girl liking the OP and telling him is very bad. She should of never told him if she is with someone imo. How do you reckon her bf feels?
Reply 19
Anonymous
Surely the girl liking the OP and telling him is very bad. She should of never told him if she is with someone imo. How do you reckon her bf feels?
Well being honest is best but she should have told him from the start before this affair even started.
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