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comming out to my hall.
It's not quite as simple as you may think, I'm transsexual about to start liveing as my gender full time in about a week or so, right now I'm doing all the prep work.
before I even ask my questions I'd like to clear some things up:
1) I was born intersexed (the term is technically incorrect but the common term is "hermaphrodite") and was "assigned" a male sex, one which I've always been emmencely uncomfortable, this was hidden from me untill recently when I finally came to terms with my transsexuality and was informed of it and offered tostesterone to "man me up", now I'm on estrogen and the effects on me have been substantial over the last two months.
2) I look pretty gender neutral, I don't have an adams apple, I don't have facial hair and am generally square in the middle body form wise.
3) I'm not mad I've been to many therapists and they all deem me mentally sound just transsexual, all the "trannies" you see on tv are the crazy ones that seem to want all the attention, most trans people live modest lives and dress conservatively and want nothing more than to blend in, my condition is undeniable, I wish it were not so but it is, no one would wish this on themselves.
To the point: a few people know in my halls, a couple of girls and gay guys in the LGBT group, they are all fine with it, one of the girls blabbed a bit and a few guys know who have just stopped being as friendly with me as they used to.
How would you react if one day the guy next door changed his name and started to live as a woman?
before I even ask my questions I'd like to clear some things up:
1) I was born intersexed (the term is technically incorrect but the common term is "hermaphrodite") and was "assigned" a male sex, one which I've always been emmencely uncomfortable, this was hidden from me untill recently when I finally came to terms with my transsexuality and was informed of it and offered tostesterone to "man me up", now I'm on estrogen and the effects on me have been substantial over the last two months.
2) I look pretty gender neutral, I don't have an adams apple, I don't have facial hair and am generally square in the middle body form wise.
3) I'm not mad I've been to many therapists and they all deem me mentally sound just transsexual, all the "trannies" you see on tv are the crazy ones that seem to want all the attention, most trans people live modest lives and dress conservatively and want nothing more than to blend in, my condition is undeniable, I wish it were not so but it is, no one would wish this on themselves.
To the point: a few people know in my halls, a couple of girls and gay guys in the LGBT group, they are all fine with it, one of the girls blabbed a bit and a few guys know who have just stopped being as friendly with me as they used to.
How would you react if one day the guy next door changed his name and started to live as a woman?
I could not tell my father about it and he drove all my stuff up, also due to lack of funds, I only came to terms about a month before comming up to uni and with all the stuff I need was not financially viable.
damn, not anonymous, nevermind, their are girls who look more like men than I do I've seen at this university so it's not like anyone could guess me out either when I present as female or male.
What i'm most worried about is being cut off socially, I'm a very social person their is nothing I hate more than being allone.
damn, not anonymous, nevermind, their are girls who look more like men than I do I've seen at this university so it's not like anyone could guess me out either when I present as female or male.
What i'm most worried about is being cut off socially, I'm a very social person their is nothing I hate more than being allone.
The biggest obsticle are the people I live directly with and share a kitchen with, they are all guys and although I like them all they are just not open to that kind of thing and I'd hate to be estranged from them because of it. One of them is great and I suspect he knows as he's tried to get my to talk about it in a subbtle type of way and has made it clear that he'll be completely supportive.
The thing with my father is he's always taken great joys at any sight of me showing any signs of masculinity, either if I'm stareing into space and some woman walks into my field of view he'll make some kind of pro-hetro slap on the back "it's ok to look" comment. or he'll try and get me to do blokeish things like construction or wealding and discorage me from doing anything remotely feminine, at one point he tried to pressure me to take tostesterone shots as I was not "manly enough" for him, he's made open jokes and poked fun at trans people in the media and randomly come to me with bull**** statistics about how 99% of people go back after a sex change.
He is not going to be supportive and I'd rather deal with his angst when I'm further into my gender role so as he can see how happy I am with it.
The thing with my father is he's always taken great joys at any sight of me showing any signs of masculinity, either if I'm stareing into space and some woman walks into my field of view he'll make some kind of pro-hetro slap on the back "it's ok to look" comment. or he'll try and get me to do blokeish things like construction or wealding and discorage me from doing anything remotely feminine, at one point he tried to pressure me to take tostesterone shots as I was not "manly enough" for him, he's made open jokes and poked fun at trans people in the media and randomly come to me with bull**** statistics about how 99% of people go back after a sex change.
He is not going to be supportive and I'd rather deal with his angst when I'm further into my gender role so as he can see how happy I am with it.
Nothing he can do will stop me, he'll always give financial support through uni (he earns allot more than 37k so I get no grants and I did not apply for loans) no matter what I do, he's made that much clear.
my biggest problem will likely be "high school drama" I'm tempted to make a sort of public service announcement to clear things up to stop the enevitable bombardment with questioning about such things as my sexuality (which is asexual atm, I'm way too uncomfortable with myself physically to every act on anything, I'm attracted to guys but could never act out as I am).
Physically I'll always feel safe, I hold no fear of physical abuse I've had people try it all my life and it does not look like it will be a problem here.
What I'd most like to hear is peoples honest reactions to it and how they would likely act if someone they knew transitioned like that, It's a touchy subject but I'd apreciate honesty over all else, It's obvious when someone is uncomfortable with me and I'm not one to judge because of it.
my biggest problem will likely be "high school drama" I'm tempted to make a sort of public service announcement to clear things up to stop the enevitable bombardment with questioning about such things as my sexuality (which is asexual atm, I'm way too uncomfortable with myself physically to every act on anything, I'm attracted to guys but could never act out as I am).
Physically I'll always feel safe, I hold no fear of physical abuse I've had people try it all my life and it does not look like it will be a problem here.
What I'd most like to hear is peoples honest reactions to it and how they would likely act if someone they knew transitioned like that, It's a touchy subject but I'd apreciate honesty over all else, It's obvious when someone is uncomfortable with me and I'm not one to judge because of it.
You sound like someone who is very sure of yourself which is brilliant because confidence is important 
You shouldn't worry about what the people in your hall think, and be honest with them. Maybe, telling them individually one-on-one.
If I was with a group of guys and one of them told me that they were in the middle of a gender-swap I think I'd be there to support them if they wanted help or someone to talk to, but I wouldn't try to swamp them because I think I'd feel unsure how to act. I'd never feel awkward or embarassed around them though. I have friends who have come out to me about being lesbian and gay, and they're just normal people, so I think I'd be likely to feel the same in a situation where someone told me they were changing gender.
I think people can be very narrow-minded, and stereotypical about some situations. They could be inclined to react negatively because they wouldn't want to be associated with someone doing something which is a bit of a taboo subject? I think it depends on the individuals you're living with as to how they react. People brought up to not attach social stigmas to people will be a lot more open minded and more accepting than those who were brought up with a more narrow-minded view of society.
Personally though, I'd support you totally! I'd be there for my mates no matter what
You shouldn't worry about what the people in your hall think, and be honest with them. Maybe, telling them individually one-on-one.If I was with a group of guys and one of them told me that they were in the middle of a gender-swap I think I'd be there to support them if they wanted help or someone to talk to, but I wouldn't try to swamp them because I think I'd feel unsure how to act. I'd never feel awkward or embarassed around them though. I have friends who have come out to me about being lesbian and gay, and they're just normal people, so I think I'd be likely to feel the same in a situation where someone told me they were changing gender.
I think people can be very narrow-minded, and stereotypical about some situations. They could be inclined to react negatively because they wouldn't want to be associated with someone doing something which is a bit of a taboo subject? I think it depends on the individuals you're living with as to how they react. People brought up to not attach social stigmas to people will be a lot more open minded and more accepting than those who were brought up with a more narrow-minded view of society.
Personally though, I'd support you totally! I'd be there for my mates no matter what
That's annother thing that bugs me, sexual tension. It always has with girls in that when I've socialised with them it's taken a while for them to take note that I'm not flirting, I'm dreading the same situation to arrise with guys, as I said I'm not going to be sexually active for at least 3 years which is the minimum time the complete transition can take the NHS route, and even then I'm not suddenly going to be a whore, It helps in that because I'm intersexed theirs not so much of a stigma as their are a fair few women who have the same condition as me but were assigned a female sex.
I think the most important thing is the tell the people I have to deal with all the time on a one to one basis and exaplain that I don't fancy them and I'm not about to turn into nadia off big brother.
I think the most important thing is the tell the people I have to deal with all the time on a one to one basis and exaplain that I don't fancy them and I'm not about to turn into nadia off big brother.
Your situation is such a difficult one and even though people will give you advice it's going to be a lot harder to act upon than it is to read. But heres what I think.
At the moment does your hall know you as a gay male? If they do then it's going to be a lot easier for you to go that one step further and tell them what you are doing. Also before you come straight out with it it may be best to lay down the foundations of a friendship with your flatmates this way they can get to know you first and realise that they like you as a person.
If you came out before that then it may be easier for them to cut you off and judge you.
At the moment does your hall know you as a gay male? If they do then it's going to be a lot easier for you to go that one step further and tell them what you are doing. Also before you come straight out with it it may be best to lay down the foundations of a friendship with your flatmates this way they can get to know you first and realise that they like you as a person.
If you came out before that then it may be easier for them to cut you off and judge you.
I'm already good friends with all my flat mates an a fair few people in my halls, I'm only really going to tell those which I spend time around, everyone will know when I transition, I'm 6' tall with long brown hair I'm hard to miss, it's more preseveing friendships as from their perspective i'm turning into this person they don't know, they are friends with who I am when I force myself to act male to blend in so they'll feel cheated and lied to.
As for my sexuality I'm not camp and I don't flirt with gay guys, I do inadvertantly with regular guys just in my body language and tone of conversation, most guys don't even notice it, I'm not*perceived as gay at all.
As for my sexuality I'm not camp and I don't flirt with gay guys, I do inadvertantly with regular guys just in my body language and tone of conversation, most guys don't even notice it, I'm not*perceived as gay at all.
I think the way that you explained your situation in the first post is the way to approach it - explain the background to your feelings and then what will happen over the next few years, so that they will be ready for the changes and therefore more likely to accept them.
I also think that if a friend told me this I wouldn't really know what to say, but I'd let them know that if they ever needed to talk about anything I'd be there, even if I didn't always have a response.
I think if you approach it calmly and explain things to people on a one-on-one basis, (maybe knocking on people's doors or something?) it will all be fine.
I also think that if a friend told me this I wouldn't really know what to say, but I'd let them know that if they ever needed to talk about anything I'd be there, even if I didn't always have a response.
I think if you approach it calmly and explain things to people on a one-on-one basis, (maybe knocking on people's doors or something?) it will all be fine.
Mama Sita
I dont think they feel cheated and lied to, if you explain your situation fully then and they are understanding then I'm sure they will get that it's a hard thing to admit and not something you could just blab
If they can't understand they're not really worth spending time with any more.
yes, it's not like haveing a nose job or anything, gender dysphoria is a condition not a choice, one that can be treated and is under the NHS.
besides for me it would not so much be a "sex change" more an amputation and a little reconstructive surgury, but i'd rather not go into details on my exact condition.
besides for me it would not so much be a "sex change" more an amputation and a little reconstructive surgury, but i'd rather not go into details on my exact condition.
it's more preseveing friendships as from their perspective i'm turning into this person they don't know, they are friends with who I am when I force myself to act male to blend in so they'll feel cheated and lied to.
We all have aspects of ourselves we don't necessarily disclose to our friends so I shouldn't worry about turning into someone they don't know.
Have you come across the Beaumont Society? Don't know if this will be helpful or not.
http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/index.html
We all have aspects of ourselves we don't necessarily disclose to our friends so I shouldn't worry about turning into someone they don't know.
Have you come across the Beaumont Society? Don't know if this will be helpful or not.
http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/index.html
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