On a break/breaking up

Okay I'm going to regret doing this because you lot are never going to tell me what I want to hear, but it's driving me mad so what the hey.

My boyfriend of three years broke up with me on wednesday. When I say he broke up with me he told me that he doesn't feel the same as he used to about me, and he wants a fresh start now he's in uni because he reckons he's changing. He didn't really seem very sure and he cried and said that he knows that he has to do this but doesn't really want to. I asked him if we could go on a break instead and he said alrigt, and that we'd jut have some time apart and reassess the situation in a couple of months, and if he started missing me like crazy then he'd know he'd made a mistake and we could get back together.

I am of course, devastated. It feels like my life has been turned upside down; everything I see reminds me of him, I can't and dont want to get over him and move on, I can't look at other guys in that way any more because I'm so used to being in a relationship and being unavailable. My friends who live with him in Swansea where he's at uni (I'm in Cardiff, perhaps this is a factor but I know we'd have been able to make it work) all think he's being stupid and will realise what he's done soon and come back to me. I just... I dunno I can't be sure that he will start missing me and want me back but I so badly want him to. What if he doesn't? Aggghhh it's driving me mad.

I came home this weekend and met him for coffee (yeah, perhaps a bad idea, but whatever) and he just said all that stuff again. I'm going to keep going to Swansea to visit my other friends and probably see him too as they all hang out together, so hopefully he wont forget I exist and maybe he'll change his mind.

Sorry, I just needed to vent, I feel quite depressed and the fact that I came home this weekend has made it quite hard to really want to go back to uni, on top of everything else (I won't drop out or anything don't worry, I'm not that stupid, I just don't feel there's much motivation for me to go back). All I want is to be back in school with my friends, but they're now scattered all around the country and the only people I can talk to about this in person are people at uni who are still practically strangers. It's not very nice.

Well done if you managed to read all that! xxx

Edit: please don't tell me to move on and get over him, I just can't do that while there's still a small shred of hope that he'll come back

Reply 1

Squelchy

Um, well the ball isn't in your court right now, so I'd suggest you use the time to do what it was intended for: go on a break.

Use it to do some stuff that you want to do. Go out with your girly mates more, take up a new hobby, go clothes shopping, whatever it is that you want to do with your free time, do something and enjoy the free time you now have, until he's ready to reassess the situation.

Reply 2

Emzi45

Aww, hey, i'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I'm pretty much going through the same thing right now. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and we ended up going to the same uni, which i thought would be great as we'd still be seeing each other all the time. It hasn't worked out that way though. I've seen him about 3 times properly in a month! I was putting in the time for him but he wasn't giving any back. I told him how i felt and 2 nights ago he suggested we go on a break. I was devestated but he says he has to do it to know if i'm the right one. Sorry to just dump my problems too, but i was thinking how you could deal with it. To be honest I've been finding it hard- but i'm really trying to give him space (e.g- not calling/texting him) I would also say if you can try your hardest to take your mind of things- I went shopping yesterday and forgot about him for a few hours!!! I know how tough it is though, especially with the work load i'm sure you have right now.
I'm sorry I can't help much more, i'll let you know if I come up with any other suggestions that i've found have helped.
Take care :smile:

Reply 3

tinkerbellejess

It sounds like you're trying to force him to stay with you, and to change his mind. You deserve so much more than that, go and find someone who is %100 sure that they want you. Don't sacrifice your self respect for him by begging!

(I'm saying that as I've been there before!)

Reply 4

demonbuttercup

Aghhh yeah I totally understand that it sounds like I'm just acting like a doormat, letting him control my emotions and stuff, but it's come out of the blue and I don't think he's very sure that he's doing the right thing. A few months ago we both thought we'd be together forever and I (and all our friends) think that moving away from home has messed him up a bit, and he's trying to be something that he's not (like, kind of a party boy)... I dunno, I can't stop myself, he's wonderful

Emzi: god I know, it just feels like total rejection doesnt it? I'm surprised how well I coped on thursday but you're right, I went to my lectures and seminars and got really involved, went shopping, saw some of my friends from school who were in cardiff, got very drunk and I felt so much better for it! But because I'm now at home there's nothing to distract me, and all I've been doing is brooding on the situation. I need to be back at uni doing stuff again! If you wanna talk or anything then PM me, we seem to be in the same situation :frown: