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    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Me and my boyfriend have been having sex for about 2 months now, and I'm starting to get a bit worried about the way he acts afterwards. Straight after he comes, he'll go and clean himself up, then just start getting dressed and everything again, kind of ignoring me. He gets these quiet moods soemtimes where he doesn't wanna talk much, and everytime he comes he seems to get into one of those. He hardly talks to me, and he almost acts like he's scared to show me affection. Usually he won't even give me a kiss afterwards. I know some men are supposed to feel tired after sex, but he almost seems to act like he's done something wrong, or like he feels guilty because I haven't had an orgasm yet (which isn't an issue for me, but I think it is for him). Am I asking too much when all I want is a cuddle or just lying together for a bit after we've had sex?
    I'm definitely going to talk to him about it, but I don't really know whether it's something he can help, or if it's some sort of hormonal thing maybe?

    Any advice / experience appreciated!
    Cheers xxx
    I feel so sickened and dirty and proper guilty with myself after i've had sex. I do sometimes feel like i wanna throw up.
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    My bf always goes straight for a wash afterwards, it's just natural they don't want to lay in their own ***. Does he not hug you after that? Because that's just rude!
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    she should be grateful
    at least hes not falling asleep straight away afterwards lol

    you need to talk to him about it
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    U need to talk to him about it, I always hold my girlfriend after sex, its an intimate moment.

    As for falling asleep straight away? Dump the *******.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well I would say thankyou to anyone who gave me advice in this thread, because it's all useful even if I don't necessarily agree with it. And please don't anyone have a go at anyone else just because they don't share your opinion.

    So I think the general gist is, I should ask him what's up, and I'm not being an unreasonable, clingy cow just because I want a bit more affection after sex?
    Nah, affection after is the way to go and i'm a guy!! lol!! Just explain what you want calmly and concisely and hopefully he will understand, though if he is anything like me you might have to tell him three or more times cos he forgot!! lol!!
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    Don't broach the subject just after you've had sex. You need to talk about it in a situation where it's clear you're not about to go to bed, then he shouldn't feel threatened by the discussion.

    A slightly saucy & tongue-in-cheek suggestion: to save him time, you could always have sex in the shower, and then you can clean him up afterwards?
    • #3
    #3

    So I think the general gist is, I should ask him what's up, and I'm not being an unreasonable, clingy cow just because I want a bit more affection after sex?
    Yes you need to ask him whats up and you should want and expect affection after sex.

    I expect attentioin and affection all the time from my boyfriend and I get it (I also give loads) and especially after sex......to the extent that getting up and dressed is the last thing on our minds after gettiing cleaned up!
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    It's really not about him wanting to clean up, because if that was the case, whats stopping him being intimate after that? Giving you the cold shoulder after you've just had sex with him is pretty much out of order, to be honest.
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    its rude - ignoring your g/f after sex - no doubt about that. but....

    some guys feel insecure about their g/fs not cuming - its like they're not good enough....just talk to him. if he dosnt open up maybe a lil bit of alcohol will encourage him.

    Good luck

    Wangers
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    (Original post by Wangers)
    its rude -

    some guys feel insecure about their g/fs not cuming - its like they're not good enough....just talk to him. if he dosnt open up maybe a lil bit of alcohol will encourage him.

    Good luck

    Wangers
    that is a good point. i think my bf would be in tears claiming that he "isnt a real man" if i didnt *** at all.
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    (Original post by high priestess fnord)
    that is a good point. i think my bf would be in tears claiming that he "isnt a real man" if i didnt *** at all.

    Secure in his own self-esteem much?
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    (Original post by 3232)
    Secure in his own self-esteem much?
    everyone has their issues. ive had more my fair share of men (and shineytoys since she didnt want them :p:) and i can honestly say that hes the best in bed by miles. for some reason he still doesnt beleive me, hes a bit of a perfectionist in that way lol.
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    I don't know the physiological specifics, but sex/orgasm releases lots of hormones into the body. These can make people tired, guilty, irritable and even angry. If he is acting like this, it does not necessarily mean that anything is wrong; I doubt he knows why he acts like this and I'm sure you have done nothing to upset him.

    If it is really bad, talk to him (when he is in a good, receptive mood). At least tell him what is going on and how it is effecting you. Whether he can/will try and do anything about it is another matter
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    He should at least show some affection. If he is strictly Catholic then maybe he feels guilty ?
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    He's cheating on you/doesn't want you anymore/is using you for sex. When he finishes, he feels really bad about it (without the man juice clouding his brain) so he gets moody. Condolences
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    maybe he just feels a bit overwhelmed by the emotion and closeness of it, and wants to be alone to collect his thoughts and compose himself after such passionate encounter. maybe he is therefore afraid of emotional hurt after getting so close to soemtone and needs to withdraw.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hmmm ok. Well I'm going to talk to him about it, but do you think I should maybe just ask him how he feels? And not just say that I want him to be more affectionate after? Say if I ask him to explain to me what he feels like afterwards, and then tell him how he acts towards me? Because I honestly think if he realised how it feels for me then he would try hard not to be so moody! But then again, if it's a hormone thing (which it probably is judging by most posts) then maybe he can't help it, and I should just give him some space?
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    Most likely it is the negative view of sex before marriage held by many Catholics. And the stupid idea of wasting seed.

    www.jackinworld.com

    It could be the chemicals but the most likely explanation is him having a negative attitude towards sex.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Ok, he was brought up as a Catholic, but he's not really religious anymore. We talked about it before we had sex, so I'm sure it isn't that. I'm beginning to think it's maybe hes' embarassed that he came but I didn't. So anyway I'm going to discuss it with him and try not to destroy his ego too much!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hmmm ok. Well I'm going to talk to him about it, but do you think I should maybe just ask him how he feels? And not just say that I want him to be more affectionate after? Say if I ask him to explain to me what he feels like afterwards, and then tell him how he acts towards me? Because I honestly think if he realised how it feels for me then he would try hard not to be so moody! But then again, if it's a hormone thing (which it probably is judging by most posts) then maybe he can't help it, and I should just give him some space?
    Ask him without telling him how you feel first. If he asks why you're asking, then tell him how it's made you feel. Make sure that you re-assure him that whatever the reason, it doesn't stop you loving him and wanting him. Remind him that you're a partnership and you don't want to be left out.

    And if he's down 'cos you're not being fulfilled, then the only solution to that is more practice to make sure you are. Try different positions and types of stimulation both before and during, and find out together what works.
 
 
 
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