Gay, Life and Religious Family. Watch

thenoSOlively
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So I've been toying with the idea of coming out to my family, I have 3 brothers, a sister and both of my parents. I'm the 4th child, but I don't want to let my parents down.

My 2 older brothers messed up in their education, with one just not having any bother and the other thinking he's a 'rude boi' smoking his life away, drugs etc. My sister married, has 3 children and works.

So I'm the first to go to university in the family and I did fairly well in my academic life, and I know that my family is proud of me, But as soon as I come out I'm going to ruin everything. I tried to commit suicide by overdosing a few months back (stupid, I know. It just got too much) and my family thought it was due to me just having too much pressure at university ( they're pretty gullible and believe anything I say tbh)

Any advice on what I should/could do? How did you guy's come out?


MY PLAN IS TO FIND A Lesbian girl and marry her for my family's sake and then just have an awesome relationship with her and do what we like, but that clearly wont happen !

SORRY FOR THE ESSAY.

thenotSOlively.
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gr8wizard10
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Which religion?
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Viridiana
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Dont do that thing with marrying a lesbian... You will be unhappy, its your life not your family's!

But yeah tell us the religion. Like Im bi and my girlfrienss parents are hard on catholics so I can share my experience with that.

I dont know what to tell you because of your parents,if they are a bit protestant its different to being a catholic/baptist/muslim extremist so tell us more

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thenoSOlively
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(Original post by Anonynous)
Which religion?

Hey, they're Muslim, I mean they're not that religious themselves they don't pray etc, they're just set in their ways, I guess it's more of a culture thing?
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thenoSOlively
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(Original post by Viridiana)
Dont do that thing with marrying a lesbian... You will be unhappy, its your life not your family's!

But yeah tell us the religion. Like Im bi and my girlfrienss parents are hard on catholics so I can share my experience with that.

I dont know what to tell you because of your parents,if they are a bit protestant its different to being a catholic/baptist/muslim extremist so tell us more

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See but If I marry a lesbian who's in the same situation as me, then we can both do what we want and have that understanding with eachother if that makes sense? Like she can do what she wants and I can do what I want, and our parents wont have to know about anything and they'll be of our backs, so tbh id be happy! but the likeliness of that happening is very low haha! and yeah my parents are muslim
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Viridiana
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But are they like a bit muslim or very muslim? If you have a brother who smokes and drinks alcohol and they somehow accept him it might be alright.

As in, I don't know what kind of muslims they are...
You've got the type of muslims who kill their relatives if they bring them "shame" etc - in this case better either pretend to be straight if you want to stay with your family or move somewhere far away to live your life like you want to.

If your parents are not extreme in their beliefs, you may want to come out to them when you're already an adult and independent: with your own place to live, source of income etc so that they have no power over you. In this case they would probably have a hard time understanding you but if they love you they would probably finally accept you. Maybe not your "way of life" but after some time they would probably want to be in touch with you.
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bittr n swt
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Marry her for your family's sake? I don't get that...
Don't kill yourself there's always a solution.

I would only come out when you know you can be truly independent
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Ryan04
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Don't ever marry someone just to "keep up appearances", you should only marry someone because you are both deeply in love with each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together...

You obviously want to tell your parents that you're gay, so just do it and stop holding yourself back. It's 2014 and chances are it will go well. Do what you want and make yourself happy.
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william walker
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Just tell them and if they don't like it they can do one. I personally think sodomy is immoral and I don't want anything to do with sodomites. However I would rather you were able to live your life and no longer feel you are somehow letting your family down because your Gay.

I am a Protestant.
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thenoSOlively
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(Original post by Viridiana)
But are they like a bit muslim or very muslim? If you have a brother who smokes and drinks alcohol and they somehow accept him it might be alright.

As in, I don't know what kind of muslims they are...
You've got the type of muslims who kill their relatives if they bring them "shame" etc - in this case better either pretend to be straight if you want to stay with your family or move somewhere far away to live your life like you want to.

If your parents are not extreme in their beliefs, you may want to come out to them when you're already an adult and independent: with your own place to live, source of income etc so that they have no power over you. In this case they would probably have a hard time understanding you but if they love you they would probably finally accept you. Maybe not your "way of life" but after some time they would probably want to be in touch with you.

Thanks for your reply! My parents are medium muslim I'd say, My elder brother smokes, drinks, does drugs, goes clubbing, doesn't come home that kind of stuff, and they get so angry with that, but they can't do anything about it, they say they'll kick him out but they never do..

But I remember once my mum was speaking to me and she was like being gay is worse than any of the things your brother does etc... They're not extreme Muslims where they would resort to killing me haha! but they would treat me like **** severely!

but thanks I guess you're right, I've been saving up and after I graduate I'm planning on getting a job abroad, or in a different city so yeah when I'm independent I guess it will be easier then.


Thanks a lot x
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william walker
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(Original post by Ryan04)
Don't ever marry someone just to "keep up appearances", you should only marry someone because you are both deeply in love with each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together...

You obviously want to tell your parents that you're gay, so just do it and stop holding yourself back. It's 2014 and chances are it will go well. Do what you want and make yourself happy.
No marriage is about a vow before God and children. Love is less important. Also you are only in love with someone for a short time. After which you have to live with them and come to love them.

Saying do what makes you happy really is stupid. As many people are happiest when their families are happy and they can be happy with them. There will be consequence for him telling his parents, if he can accept the consequences, he should tell them. If he can't he shouldn't.
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thenoSOlively
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(Original post by bittr n swt)
Marry her for your family's sake? I don't get that...
Don't kill yourself there's always a solution.

I would only come out when you know you can be truly independent

Ahhh it's just confusing stuff really, and yeah you're right, I just gotta find this solution !
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thenoSOlively
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(Original post by Ryan04)
Don't ever marry someone just to "keep up appearances", you should only marry someone because you are both deeply in love with each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together...

You obviously want to tell your parents that you're gay, so just do it and stop holding yourself back. It's 2014 and chances are it will go well. Do what you want and make yourself happy.
If only you knew my parents/family/religion you'd think differently haha! but thanks man !
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thenoSOlively
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(Original post by william walker)
Just tell them and if they don't like it they can do one. I personally think sodomy is immoral and I don't want anything to do with sodomites. However I would rather you were able to live your life and no longer feel you are somehow letting your family down because your Gay.

I am a Protestant.
I know but if I tell them, I'd just get treated like rubbish, And I honestly think I'll get so down over it I'd do something stupid, I think I'll wait till I'm older and have my own place and then if they don't like it they can do one.
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william walker
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(Original post by thenoSOlively)
I know but if I tell them, I'd just get treated like rubbish, And I honestly think I'll get so down over it I'd do something stupid, I think I'll wait till I'm older and have my own place and then if they don't like it they can do one.
Fair enough.

I have a Gay family member who I have said I never want to see again because he is Gay. I have done it because someone has to make a stand at some point for Protestant morality within my family. However the rest of my family doesn't really mind. So could something like that happen with your family?
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thenoSOlively
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(Original post by william walker)
Fair enough.

I have a Gay family member who I have said I never want to see again because he is Gay. I have done it because someone has to make a stand at some point for Protestant morality within my family. However the rest of my family doesn't really mind. So could something like that happen with your family?
Perhaps, not quite sure really, my brother may not speak to me but I couldn't care less, btw I get that's your religious views but as much as you think homosexuality is a choice, it's not.

Thanks anyway
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Ryan04
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One thing I know is that religion is never an excuse for immoral behaviour. Treat everyone equally. God may or may not be real, but people definitely are real and should be treated fairly.
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william walker
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(Original post by thenoSOlively)
Perhaps, not quite sure really, my brother may not speak to me but I couldn't care less, btw I get that's your religious views but as much as you think homosexuality is a choice, it's not.

Thanks anyway
I know homosexuality isn't a choice. It has never been a crime or immoral to be a homosexual. However sodomy is.
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Ryan04
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(Original post by william walker)
I know homosexuality isn't a choice. It has never been a crime or immoral to be a homosexual. However sodomy is.
Not every gay person has anal sex. More straight people have anal sex than gay people.
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william walker
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(Original post by Ryan04)
Not every gay person has anal sex. More straight people have anal sex than gay people.
How do you know this?
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