Arguments with Family

Well just got in from uni. My dad went to pick me up at the train station as a surprise, only problem was, because i diddnt know he was picking me up, i nipped to the shop because my bus was not due for 30 mins when i got off the train. I then ring home and find out my dad was waiting for me, but he was not to be seen, he had already left and gone home, annoyed because i wasnt there and he gone out to pick me up for nothing.

Anyway, bus was 20 minutes late(typical stagecoach) and i got in at 7. I went in the door and find my mum in tears because my dad has grabbed her around the throat in a rage because he was annoyed at his mis fortune at going on a pointless journey. Now, it sounds bad, but my dad has never done this before and it is totaly out of the blue. I think hes annoyed at my mum because of the way she spoke to him from the front door(explaining to my dad what had happened). He was angry but took it out on my mum.

My dad stepped over the line but my mum pleaded with me to not say anymore, but i stormed in the lounge and called him a coward and some other stuff, i also said 'mum, im on your side'

I love my dad and hes not a nasty person, hes brought me up well and i love him to bits. I feel guilty for calling my dad because he went out of his way to pick me up even if i missed him. Hes refusing to eat his dinner and i know he feels bad. He will probably fall out with me now.

I dont regret calling him a coward for hurting my mum, its wrong and all domestic violance is wrong. I wanted to stick up for me mum, it was all a mis understanding but my dad did not see the funny side about the train.

What should i do or say? All this after a bad day aswell, felt very low all day myself.

Reply 1

username47781

20

What he did to your mother is inexcuseable.

Reply 2

kam

10

Taking his anger out on your mum like that was just wrong.
He should feel bad for what he did.

Hopefully in a few days/a week this will be behind you, seeing as he's never done anything like it before?

Reply 3

Wangers

16

if he's done it once he can do it again - clearly has anger management problems - get him to see someone before the problem escalates.

Wangers

Reply 4

matt@internet

12

Wangers

if he's done it once he can do it again - clearly has anger management problems - get him to see someone before the problem escalates.

Wangers

That's ridiculous. Just because someone snaps once doesn't automatically mean they have anger management problems.

Reply 5

high priestess fnord

9

matt@internet

That's ridiculous. Just because someone snaps once doesn't automatically mean they have anger management problems.

my mum has only snapped like that once but i would definitely like to see her in anger management. dont you know how scary it is to be attacked by someone whos a) alot bigger than you b) you cant get away from as you live with them c) is supposed to love you.

i guess you should go and try to make up with your dad and apologise

Reply 6

Wangers

16

matt@internet

That's ridiculous. Just because someone snaps once doesn't automatically mean they have anger management problems.

can I point out that the whole reason that he snapped is because he couldn't control his anger. Hence logiclly he has anger menagement problems.

Wangers

Reply 7

Convalescent

Just forget about it.

Reply 8

matt@internet

12

high priestess fnord

my mum has only snapped like that once but i would definitely like to see her in anger management. dont you know how scary it is to be attacked by someone whos a) alot bigger than you b) you cant get away from as you live with them c) is supposed to love you.

i guess you should go and try to make up with your dad and apologise

He's dead. I can't make up with him and I regret it.

Reply 9

high priestess fnord

9

matt@internet

He's dead. I can't make up with him and I regret it.

i ment the op

Reply 10

Segat1

16

Your father is being the idiot here. Are you supposed to be a mind reader, to know he was going to surprise you? You were just doing what you always do. His reaction was appalling, to take it out on your mother. He's the one who has to apologise to you, and to your mother. You're well within your rights to call him any name under the sun.

Reply 11

Segat1

16

Ron Stoppable

"Uranus", exempli gratia.

nice one! *hi fives*

Reply 12

scribble_girl

14

Obviously, whilst I don't know your dad, I'd say leave him to stew. The longer he thinks about it, the more he'll realise he was in the wrong... if he's as nice as you say he is, he'll be feeling a bit crap about it all by now. Let him work it out in his own time; be calm but give him a wide berth until then.

That's what I'd do, anyway.

Reply 13

beeboo

This reminds me of a very similar problem i had recently, being me i said absolutely nothing, didn't cause a fuss etc. etc. but i haven't forgotten about it at all. I didn't know what to do at the time and i still don't. The only advice i can give is that you know your dad, you're the only one who can work out the best way to deal with the situation. Good luck!!

Reply 14

matt@internet

12

high priestess fnord

i ment the op

Oh. Fair enough then.

Reply 15

Wangers

16

why did I get neg repped for a resonable comment?? it was not moronic in the least. maybe some people here need a rethink

Reply 16

Segat1

16

Wangers

why did I get neg repped for a resonable comment?? it was not moronic in the least. maybe some people here need a rethink

Ignore it. You made an excellent point and you've made some sensible posts so far, you're on my list of +ve.

Reply 17

Anonymous #2

Convalescent

Just forget about it.

Great advice there. Known as 'Sweep' in the dressing room...

Reply 18

person 34

9

I've come to accept that Men get violent when they get really angry. What he did was unacceptable, but I know what men can be like. They will very very occasionaly flip (even the best of them).

I think you should ignore your dad for a while to make a point, and then when eveyrthing's died down, try and talk to him. As someone mentioned before, anger management may be an option. I think you should stay there for your Mum as much as possible.

Good luck :smile:

Reply 19

bisous

Carl1982

What he did to your mother is inexcuseable.

Notion seconded.

From reading the OP's post i can't really see why their father reacted in such a way, although my dad is sort of like that, he'll get ****ed off at the drop of a hat, although, he has never ever physically hurt any of the family.

Just try to forget it, it sounds like he's not a bad guy, just perhaps has a bit of a problem with controlling his inner rage. Like my dad :wink:

It'll blow over.

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