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OTT boyfriend!

my boyfriend is just too overbearing. i dont know how much i can take anymore :frown:

hes really clingy, HATES it when i dont talk to people he doesnt know, goes in strops when im on the phone to somebody else, and goes moody when i talk to other people, say, on msn.

A few days ago, me and him had words about things and wev decided to take things slowly, but he wanted to see me this weekend.
I already had arrangements to see a friend at a different uni, so i just changed them to a weekend that suited him (because hes away)
This morning i get a phone call
'yeah iv realised that im not away that weekend anymore so you can cancel your trip to see ********.'
'im not cancelling my plans again though cos thats not fair! Its just one weekend.'
so now im in the ****, because he doesnt want me to go. NOW hes threatening to see his brother the weekend after that so i dont see him for a month. I really dont know when im doing right anymore. what should i do?

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Reply 1

Flank Runner

to be honest he sounds live a possesive, low esteemed, controlling punk who is in desperate need of sorting out his life, personnally you'd probably be better off without him, find somone that actually loves you enough to let YOU have a life, other than that, talk to him, have a real good sit down and lay down some laws on this power hungry fiend

Reply 2

Juwel

Stick to your guns. You're doing nothing wrong; you're honouring previously made plans. Maybe drop him a voicemail message about the situation that he can't interrupt or answer back to without considering it first.

Reply 3

high priestess fnord

dont change your plans for him again. if he cant do things to suit you every once in a while then he isnt worth having. move on.

Reply 4

Talon

If he is always going to be this childish then maybe you should reconsider your relationship with him.

Reply 5

maag101

Do you really want to be with someone who makes you this unhappy?

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

i know i should. Hes so childish with me and i cant stand his pathetic excuse and petty arguments. I was on the phone to him then and hes like 'fine go see ******** i dont care, obviously i have to sit in and wait for you to call me, tell me what a good time your having without me' i mean come on! i wanna scream but i cant. :mad:

Reply 7

high priestess fnord

if thats how you feel then get rid!!

Reply 8

Meep!

This guy sounds really insecure, and stupidly controlling, and quite frankly, that'd scare me if I were in your position. If he really respected you, he wouldn't tell you when you can see your friends and get annoyed that you actually have a life besides him. As Juwel said, stick to your guns! go ahead with your plans, and if he can't accept that, I think you're better off without him.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

im so pissed off. hes constantly controlling everything i do. i love him so much but i cant handle his childish behavior.

Reply 10

Meep!

Anonymous

im so pissed off. hes constantly controlling everything i do.

This is not right, you shouldn't have to put up with that in a relationship, you may love him, but in the greater scheme of things, your own happiness is more important than anything, and if his behaviour really is getting to you (as it would to any normal person), then you really need to consider whether you would be happier without him.

Reply 11

Profesh

Anonymous

im so pissed off. hes constantly controlling everything i do. i love him so much but i cant handle his childish behavior.

If you would permit yourself to 'love' someone who has demonstrably such little faith in your integrity as a moral entity, you've only yourself to blame. Can this propensity (toward "overbearing" behaviour) really have escalated so dramatically since the inception of the relationship? Suffice it to say that his extraneous qualities must be really quite something to warrant such an undertaking, mindful of the possibility that he may never change.

Reply 12

Juwel

What would be good to do on your part, because clearly his posessive nature is borne out of insecurity, is this. You need to explain to him that you are, after all, with him and no one else. You love him, and he has to take your word for that. And no amount of socialisin with other people is likely to change that. A good bit of ego massage should help him out. I'd suggest a bit of sensitivity on your part because of his apparent insecurity. But if the situation became unbearable, you need to get outta there!

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Thing is though hes been to shrinks and stuff cos hes depressed, and apparantly that gives him irrational behavior like arguing and stuff. but that shouldnt be an excuse for the way hes being with me? should it? i rung him then and told him its over, and he started crying and saying its because hes depressed. i fel guilty now but still angry :frown:

Reply 14

Juwel

You need to look out for number one. Fact is, if it's bad for you, get out, and don't feel like you owe anyone or are bound somehow.

Reply 15

Profesh

If his 'insecurity' is manifest (or escalating) independent of his 'depression', it seems a flimsy excuse. The crux of his argument must be that his 'normal' capacity to trust you has become subject to uncommon (but transitory) duress predicated by external factors (i.e. depression), or else it will have no bearing on the sustainability of your relationship.

Reply 16

Meep!

Don't feel guilty about it, you have every right to do what you want, and not be controlled by your boyfriend. His behaviour may be slightly influenced by his depression, but I really doubt that it is wholly responsible for his behaviour.

Anonymous

NOW hes threatening to see his brother the weekend after that so i dont see him for a month.

Someone who is willing to use emotional blackmail such as this in order to control what you do isn't worth feeling guilty about for ending it.

Reply 17

The_Bear

Chuck him immediately

Reply 18

username47781

I had a girlfriend like that it's not nice and in the end the relationship went to pieces because of it. You cannot just change your plans just to suit him, your needs come first, if he doesn't like it he knows where to go.

I would suggest have a firm go at him tell him to stop being so possessive and if that fails dump him before he ties you down further.