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    One of my friends has got an STI, but has only just found out about it. She thinks she may have passed it on to up to 4 people, but won't tell them, I can't persuade her that she needs to let them know, HELP!
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    At all costs she needs to tell them so they can treat them, sooner she does that the better, she might be scared but it is better for her and the four people involved.
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    That's incredibly selfish of her, she really really needs to let them know, if she tells them now, the flack she's going to get will be a lot less than if she leaves it till it statrs to cause them problems
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    (Original post by charlikins)
    That's incredibly selfish of her, she really really needs to let them know, if she tells them now, the flack she's going to get will be a lot less than if she leaves it till it statrs to cause them problems
    I do agree!! Although at the same time she's probably feeling extremely embarrassed by the situation.

    To the OP if I was in your situation I would do my best to persuade her but if that failed I would consider telling them myself... Infact I would tell them!! even if that would cost our friendship. Just a quick note from another site.

    ''If an STI is not treated, serious health problems can arise, including cervical cancer, liver damage, brain damage, and the inability to have children.''

    http://www.augie.edu/student_serv/wellness/stds.html
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    Have you explained to her why it is really important to tell the other people? Perhaps she doesn't understand the implications of a STI.
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    (Original post by Sazarina88)
    Have you explained to her why it is really important to tell the other people? Perhaps she doesn't understand the implications of a STI.
    Oh yes, I didn't think of that!! :p:

    Tell her about the potential dangers, you could even print out some information from the internet and discuss it with her?

    Goodluck.
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    Ive talked through all the possible implications eg infertility and worse with her, but she still won't tell them, I think she's too scared to. I really need help with this, I just don't know what to do, because I think she's making a huge mistake.
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    Just explain to her the longer she leaves it the worse it will get, is she having any treatment for it?
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    Just an idea, I know that some people may disagree with me as to this being a good course of action, but do you know these people she's passed it on to? Because if she genuinely won't tell them, I know it's not the best idea ever, but possibly you should let them know? Surely that's better than to let them wander around with no idea they have it and maybe passing it on to other women
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    You will lose your friend if you tell them, and you'd rightly deserve to. Its her obligation to tell them, not yours, and its not your decision to make. If she decides she doesn't want to tell them then that makes her a ****, but its not your problem. Try and persuade her if you can, but if you tell them yourself, don't expect to still be her friend.
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    cant the clinic send out a note to everyone she thinks she may have passed it on to?
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    (Original post by 3232)
    You will lose your friend if you tell them, and you'd rightly deserve to. Its her obligation to tell them, not yours, and its not your decision to make. If she decides she doesn't want to tell them then that makes her a ****, but its not your problem. Try and persuade her if you can, but if you tell them yourself, don't expect to still be her friend.
    I'm not sure I agree with this, if there are four blokes wandering around out there, not knowing that they have an STI, they deserve to be told, not just for them, but also for any women they may pass it on to. I think that really, all things considered, if I were you I'd tell them, even at risk of destabilizing my friendship.
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    (Original post by 3232)
    You will lose your friend if you tell them, and you'd rightly deserve to. Its her obligation to tell them, not yours, and its not your decision to make. If she decides she doesn't want to tell them then that makes her a ****, but its not your problem. Try and persuade her if you can, but if you tell them yourself, don't expect to still be her friend.
    That's your opinion and I respect that but I take the totally opposite view. If I had slept with a male who had STI and I had been infected but wasn't aware until a year or two years down the line after being diagnosed with cancer or even worse suffering from brain damage and fighting for my life as a direct result of a sexually transmitted infection I would probably harbour a gruge against the person who knew all along... not that I would even have a lot of time to do so, hypothetically speaking. Worse things can happen.
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    (Original post by Michelle12)
    That's your opinion and I respect that but I take the totally opposite view. If I had slept with a male who had STI and I had been infected but wasn't aware until a year or two years down the line after being diagnosed with cancer or even worse suffering from brain damage and fighting for my life as a direct result of a sexually transmitted infection I would probably harbour a gruge against the person who knew all along... not that I would even have a lot of time to do so, hypothetically speaking. Worse things can happen.
    Glad my views are shared
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    It's against the law to not tell your partners, if the clinic have reason to believe that you aren't going to pass on the info the people who need to know (like if you say that you won't) , then they could use legal action in order to inform those people. If it got to that stage, I'm sure they'd try to persuade you..a lot..before it got to that stage! Does she realise she's actually breaking the law?
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    Yes, she's getting treatment. I only know 2 of them, but I think I will tell them, I really don't think I could hide that from someone. The problem is the other 2
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    (Original post by charlikins)
    I'm not sure I agree with this, if there are four blokes wandering around out there, not knowing that they have an STI, they deserve to be told, not just for them, but also for any women they may pass it on to. I think that really, all things considered, if I were you I'd tell them, even at risk of destabilizing my friendship.

    There are thousands of blokes walking around with STD's that they don't know about, why would these four matter so much? She should get the clinic to contact them anonymously or anonymously contact them herself. These guys could be one night stands that she has no idea how to contact or guys that would make her life a living hell if they were told she'd infected them. How would you feel if everyone she knew had labelled her dirty and infected just because you decided to tell them yourself? It's down to her to sort it out.
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    (Original post by 3232)
    There are thousands of blokes walking around with STD's that they don't know about, why would these four matter so much? She should get the clinic to contact them anonymously or anonymously contact them herself. These guys could be one night stands that she has no idea how to contact or guys that would make her life a living hell if they were told she'd infected them. How would you feel if everyone she knew had labelled her dirty and infected just because you decided to tell them yourself? It's down to her to sort it out.

    So hang on, are you saying you'd prefer not to know if it was you? You sound like a complete idiot tbh, 'why would these four matter so much'...because they can be helped! That's why! Anyone in their situation should be informed, and if it was me whos friend had passed it on, and refused to tell them, I'd feel obliged to let them know. No-one ever mentioned telling everyone, just those who are affected by it.
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    (Original post by charlikins)
    So hang on, are you saying you'd prefer not to know if it was you? You sound like a complete idiot tbh, 'why would these four matter so much'...because they can be helped! That's why! Anyone in their situation should be informed, and if it was me whos friend had passed it on, and refused to tell them, I'd feel obliged to let them know. No-one ever mentioned telling everyone, just those who are affected by it.

    I'm saying there are better ways of handling it than getting on your high horse and telling everyone affected that your mate has an STD. Not only will she probably not talk to you about personal things again, you'll also run the risk of embarassing her in future social situations. Get her to get the clinic to contact them anonymously. Of course i'd want to know, but it can be done anonymously, and without risking less respectable guys telling everyone they know that your friend infected them with an STD.
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    She refuses to tell the clinic that she's passed it on though. If she would tell the clinic, I wouldn't be asking for help with this now!
 
 
 
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