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should i contact him? secret girlfriend Watch

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    #1

    My male friend (I'm female) who I've been good friends with for years has out of the blue stopped talking to me or making any effort with me.

    He has some on/off relationship with a girl who lives 100s of miles away, and he hasnt told any of his friends other than me, that she exists or that she's his gf. the only things he's told me about her is that she always goes mental at him and argues with him, and he regularly left in tears after angry phonecalls from her. he had the opportunity for me to meet her, but lied to me and her to prevent us meeting (which was odd). I asked him why he didnt want us to meet, and he said its because she always argues with him and he didnt want me to see that and to get a bad impression. I think this is rubbish and that there must be more to it than that.

    i think he's been in this secret relationship on and off for a long time, and because he hasnt told anyone she exists or that he has a gf, he's been regularly cheating on her. he's kissed a lot of people and slept with people too.

    i know im assuming stuff here, but i think he didnt want me to meet her because he was probably worried i'd let slip about him kissing or sleeping with people (when why would anyone randomly bring that up in conversation anyway...).

    the weird thing is, I found out recently from most of my friends that apparently he's been telling everyone that he 'fancies' me. i find this odd because if he's had a girlfriend this whole time, then he cant exactly expect me to want to date him?

    i also think that maybe hes told this secret gf that he fancies me, and as a result she hates me/dislikes me and doesnt want him to talk to me anymore. he has also unfriended a lot of girls he was friends with from facebook, for no apparent reason.


    do you think i should ask him whats going on, and talk to him about it, or just leave it? he hasnt spoken to me for months after admitting to lying to me about stuff. i think if i try to talk to him he'll just lie more. its upsetting because he was a good friend and i value him a lot, but im just not sure i want to be friends with someone who has so much drama and secrets, it all seems a bit silly and hassle, especially because he's dragged me into it.

    any advice?
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    Leave him alone, he's not worth the hassle
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    (Original post by bittr n swt)
    Leave him alone, he's not worth the hassle
    I'm thinking the same myself :/ the last message I sent him I said if he wants to talk to me or hang out, he's knows where I am. Havent heard from him since..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm thinking the same myself :/ the last message I sent him I said if he wants to talk to me or hang out, he's knows where I am. Havent heard from him since..
    So now you definitely know he isn't worth the hassle. Much more important things in life to worry about.
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    (Original post by bittr n swt)
    Leave him alone, he's not worth the hassle
    Too right.

    I say this with as much respect to your friend as possible but there is probably something not quite right with him at the moment.
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    (Original post by upagumtree)
    Too right.

    I say this with as much respect to your friend as possible but there is probably something not quite right with him at the moment.
    yeah, it kinda seems like he's letting this girl walk all over him, if he isnt happy with her he should dump her, she lives 100s of miles away anyway, its not like she could do anything about it other than argue down the phone with him which she does anyway!

    i think its just a shame he's letting his 'relationship' with her mess up his friendships, when in the long term i doubt this girl will even be in his life anymore, whereas youd think he'd wanna keep his friends forever..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yeah, it kinda seems like he's letting this girl walk all over him, if he isnt happy with her he should dump her, she lives 100s of miles away anyway, its not like she could do anything about it other than argue down the phone with him which she does anyway!

    i think its just a shame he's letting his 'relationship' with her mess up his friendships, when in the long term i doubt this girl will even be in his life anymore, whereas youd think he'd wanna keep his friends forever..
    My gut feeling about this is that she doesn't even exist.

    First of all, he's pulling all these other girls. Secondly, well the most obvious, he doesn't what anyone to know and those who do know (you) he doesn't want you to meet. Is he maybe trying to fool you and only you for some reason? It's a bit sinister.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My male friend (I'm female) who I've been good friends with for years has out of the blue stopped talking to me or making any effort with me.

    He has some on/off relationship with a girl who lives 100s of miles away, and he hasnt told any of his friends other than me, that she exists or that she's his gf. the only things he's told me about her is that she always goes mental at him and argues with him, and he regularly left in tears after angry phonecalls from her. he had the opportunity for me to meet her, but lied to me and her to prevent us meeting (which was odd). I asked him why he didnt want us to meet, and he said its because she always argues with him and he didnt want me to see that and to get a bad impression. I think this is rubbish and that there must be more to it than that.

    i think he's been in this secret relationship on and off for a long time, and because he hasnt told anyone she exists or that he has a gf, he's been regularly cheating on her. he's kissed a lot of people and slept with people too.

    i know im assuming stuff here, but i think he didnt want me to meet her because he was probably worried i'd let slip about him kissing or sleeping with people (when why would anyone randomly bring that up in conversation anyway...).

    the weird thing is, I found out recently from most of my friends that apparently he's been telling everyone that he 'fancies' me. i find this odd because if he's had a girlfriend this whole time, then he cant exactly expect me to want to date him?

    i also think that maybe hes told this secret gf that he fancies me, and as a result she hates me/dislikes me and doesnt want him to talk to me anymore. he has also unfriended a lot of girls he was friends with from facebook, for no apparent reason.


    do you think i should ask him whats going on, and talk to him about it, or just leave it? he hasnt spoken to me for months after admitting to lying to me about stuff. i think if i try to talk to him he'll just lie more. its upsetting because he was a good friend and i value him a lot, but im just not sure i want to be friends with someone who has so much drama and secrets, it all seems a bit silly and hassle, especially because he's dragged me into it.

    any advice?

    I don't know why.. But your situation happens to be somewhat familiar with a story I encounter in Tumblr.

    Seriously, not even kidding. I know it's a coincidence.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    The ending for the couple in Tumblr, based on the story that I read;


    They are now husband and wife
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by upagumtree)
    My gut feeling about this is that she doesn't even exist.

    First of all, he's pulling all these other girls. Secondly, well the most obvious, he doesn't what anyone to know and those who do know (you) he doesn't want you to meet. Is he maybe trying to fool you and only you for some reason? It's a bit sinister.
    youd think from the sounds of it that she doesnt exist, but she does (unfortunately?)

    he ditched us on a trip to the city, where coincidentally she lives, to go stay overnight at hers. then she turned up at the coach station the next day when we were going home, and he ran over to kiss/hug her goodbye, whilst we were left sitting far away wondering if that was her and couldnt really make out what she looked like. he couldve easily brought her over and introduced her to us, but he'd lied and told her he was on the trip by himself.

    (even though he was tagging in photos with us on the trip, but i dont think he has her on fb so that she doesnt see what hes up to.... totally normal...)
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by upagumtree)
    My gut feeling about this is that she doesn't even exist.

    First of all, he's pulling all these other girls. Secondly, well the most obvious, he doesn't what anyone to know and those who do know (you) he doesn't want you to meet. Is he maybe trying to fool you and only you for some reason? It's a bit sinister.
    also, if i'm being honest, i think he probably wanted to have his cake and eat it too, date this girl whilst still pulling and sleeping with anyone he wanted, cos shed never find out unless someone told her, so keeping her secret and at arms length from his friends was his only option.

    he also probably didnt want me to find out that he fancied me, because he's probably afraid of me rejecting him (I dont fancy him) or because if he wanted to be with me anyway he'd have to drop this girl completely, you wouldnt be able to trust someone who goes off on trips to another city to hang out with a girl theyve been on/off with...

    (ps we are all in our 20s, incase this sounded like we are teenagers, because of how silly it all is...)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    also, if i'm being honest, i think he probably wanted to have his cake and eat it too, date this girl whilst still pulling and sleeping with anyone he wanted, cos shed never find out unless someone told her, so keeping her secret and at arms length from his friends was his only option.

    he also probably didnt want me to find out that he fancied me, because he's probably afraid of me rejecting him (I dont fancy him) or because if he wanted to be with me anyway he'd have to drop this girl completely, you wouldnt be able to trust someone who goes off on trips to another city to hang out with a girl theyve been on/off with...

    (ps we are all in our 20s, incase this sounded like we are teenagers, because of how silly it all is...)
    Yes it never stops though does it?
 
 
 
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