Would you date...

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erminexr
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#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
Would you date a boy who's pretty and nice and ... well, that pretty much sums him up?

I'm 22 and a virgin. Kind of bored of being single. In the last 2 months, 2 guys have confessed their feelings for me and I was like, WTF. I've been told that I'm too picky, but the truth is that I feel attracted to people very rarely. When I do, it's super intense, but sadly, always one-sided.

So now there's this guy who's sweet and everything and I'm just wondering whether I should maybe date him, because it seems that I'm not going to meet someone who's the whole package, cause maybe such people simply don't exist. Plus, I don't want to stay a virgin forever - I want to have sex, yet I find it really hard to get to that stage with people - guess it has something to do with me being afraid of feeling vulnerable.

By this point, you probably think that I sound like a whiny baby, haha. Cause yeah, chicks think that the guy is pretty (and he objectively is), he's nice with me, surprisingly not douchebaggy. Nothing to complain about, right? Yet, when we talk, I feel like we are on different wavelengths, I don't feel any connection. He doesn't stimulate me intellectually, lol. Plus, I've got a weird sense of humour, he often doesn't seem to 'get me'.

I sometimes get really scared that I will never meet anyone whose weirdness matches mine.

And then, I'll turn 30 and I'll settle for some random-ass dude, just because he likes me and I'll want to have babies.

But now is too early for settling, right? I guess it's time to have fun, even if that means dating guys who are not necessarily a great match. What if there is no such thing as a right match?
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TorpidPhil
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Nah sorry bro I'm str8.
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#Ridwan
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I'd turn him down if you have no real attraction towards him.

You're 22 and many people your age are looking for serious long term relationships, you shouldn't lead anyone one. It may be rare that there is someone you're really attracted to, but that doesn't make it fair or right for you to settle for someone you're not attracted to.
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bittr n swt
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(Original post by TorpidPhil)
Nah sorry bro I'm str8.
Str8 8/8 m8.

OP you should fine someone soon, you're ready.
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lou 22
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Break it too him gently.
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erminexr
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#6
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(Original post by #Ridwan)
I'd turn him down if you have no real attraction towards him.

You're 22 and many people your age are looking for serious long term relationships, you shouldn't lead anyone one. It may be rare that there is someone you're really attracted to, but that doesn't make it fair or right for you to settle for someone you're not attracted to.
Sure, leading on people ain't cool. But what if attraction, the way I imagine it, doesn't exist? I mean, I can have such intense feelings for certain people, yet I don't think anyone can feel the same way towards me, maybe it's just my whole idea of love is wrong, idk. And it's not that I don't like the guy at all; it's just that the attraction is lukewarm.
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Vixen47
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People settle whenever they're ready to settle. I'm 20 and I'm ready to settle with my boyfriend.


I think you're saying all of that because you've not yet had a relationship. Once you have your first and deal with your first breakup you'll realise just how easy being single was compared to being in a relationship! Once you have a few more relationships you realise there's no such thing as the "whole package". Some guys might come pretty damn close, but then **** might happen and the relationship might not work out. God knows the guy you end up with might the complete opposite of what you thought you wanted all along, but you end up with him for whatever reason. An ideal will always be just that - an ideal. When it comes to reality expectations always end up going out the window.


If you told me 2 years ago that I would end up with the guy I'm with now, god knows I would've probably died laughing. I used to have the most specific image of the "perfect guy" in my mind and I was adamant that it was him or no one. At one point I even had him, but then **** happened and I lost him. Now, 2 years on, I have my new perfect guy. Even though he once was the last person I ever imagined myself with, all I want now is to marry him and to start a new life and a family with him. Like you, I feel like I'm on a completely different wavelength when I speak to my boyfriend. We rarely have intellectually stimulating conversations, he doesn’t really get my sense of humour, or even me for that matter. I think that’s mostly my fault because I hide this side of me from him because weirdos aren’t really his thing and I feel like I should ease him into it. He likes simple conversations while I love long, in-depth conversations. When it comes to the subject of me/us/our relationship/sex he can go on for HOURS. I do really love those conversations, but I wish he was comfortable enough to have the intellectually stimulating conversations with me. I think he might fear starting an argument or something because that kind of conversation is able to do that. I know eventually he will be able to have those conversations with me, but I just wish it was sooner! The other day I kind of unleashed my psychoanalytical mind on him and told him about himself and he loved it. He messaged me later that night saying “I want you to have my children” because he loved that I could intellectually stimulate him. It confirmed for him that I’m his whole package. From that I know he’s definitely interested in that side of things, I just need to find a way to get him to do it more often. :teeth:


While we're totally different people in a lot of ways, there are also a hell of a lot of things that we have in common. For example, one of the main reason I can imagine staying with him for the rest of my life is that he's rational and logical and he thinks systematically. At the same time he's very physically affectionate (a huge thing for me) and he knows how to bring me out of my shell. He can tell me when I'm being stupid and overemotional, and when I'm running before I can walk. We know almost everything about each other, we're both a little possessive over each other (in our relationship that's a good thing), and we can talk to each other about literally everything. We know exactly what we want from each other and we're not afraid to hide it. He also really, genuinely cares about me and makes me feel safe. For the first time in a long time I actually feel loved. He might not conform to my old idea of what perfect was, but he does make up my new idea of what perfect is, and that idea is more perfect than the old idea because this idea is real. This perfect guy actually exists. :love:

I think most people are like this. Before they even have their first relationship they have an idealised version of who they HAVE to be with for the rest of their lives. Once they experience relationships and deal with a few, they realise that reality has a different plan for them. There isn’t only one kind of perfect. My opinion goes perfectly with your last point about there not being a "right match", because there may be a lot of right matches instead of just the one. You'll find something to like/love in every relationship. When you do find someone he might not be exactly who you want, but rather a combination of who you want and who you need. I get this from my boyfriend and it's so much better than what I used to think I wanted in a guy because he makes me better as a person. Don't take certain guys for granted. Date anyone you get the chance to date. It gives you better experience with people because then you get a good idea of what to expect when you're in a more serious/long term relationship.
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