Join TSR now for chat about life, relationships, fashion and more…Sign up now

How do I make it stoppppp? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I am seeing this guy, have been for about 2 months. We are both 19.

    I know this may seem very harsh but it's really starting to get on my nerves. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am, he say's to me literally every day ''Why are you with me?, you're so out of my league''. It's even worse when we are together, it's just constant compliments and brown nosing and everything I say is right.

    That may sound nice to some people, well it's not. I have my own eyes and I am really not that attractive and everytime he tells me I am I think just please **** ***, I'm definitely not out of his league.

    I like him a lot and other than this he is such a lovely person but I don't know how to get across to him that him acting like my #1 fan is really not doing anything for me, I want us to be equal, I want him to have an opinion, I want him to tell me when I do something that annoys him.

    Like can we do something else other than sit here and talk about how pretty and perfect I am PLEASE?!?!?!?

    HOW DO I DO IT WITHOUT HURTING HIS FEELINGSSSS?!?!?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am seeing this guy, have been for about 2 months. We are both 19.

    I know this may seem very harsh but it's really starting to get on my nerves. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am, he say's to me literally every day ''Why are you with me?, you're so out of my league''. It's even worse when we are together, it's just constant compliments and brown nosing and everything I say is right.

    That may sound nice to some people, well it's not. I have my own eyes and I am really not that attractive and everytime he tells me I am I think just please **** ***, I'm definitely not out of his league.

    I like him a lot and other than this he is such a lovely person but I don't know how to get across to him that him acting like my #1 fan is really not doing anything for me, I want us to be equal, I want him to have an opinion, I want him to tell me when I do something that annoys him.

    Like can we do something else other than sit here and talk about how pretty and perfect I am PLEASE?!?!?!?

    HOW DO I DO IT WITHOUT HURTING HIS FEELINGSSSS?!?!?
    So I think this is a kind of defining moment in your relationship. If you can get your point across and he can take it on board, your relationship will grow stronger, if he takes it the wrong way then it may be a bad turn. Ultimately though it sounds like things need to change for your own happiness, so the risk is worth taking.

    On how to do it, I think sitting him down somewhere quiet and explaining that he means a lot to you and you really want your relationship to work out long term is a good start. Explain that in view of this there's something you want to talk about, and explain how you appreciate his motives etc but you'd like it if he toned it down a bit because you feel it's getting in the way of you sharing opinions bluntly. You wanting him to be less idolising of you is because you respect him and respect his opinions, so don't want him to feel he has to say these things and you really want to hear his views whatever they may be.

    If you phrase it right, and put at the core of it how much you care about him & how you wanted to have your conversation because of how you want your relationship to last and grow stronger, then if he's mature he should hopefully (perhaps not instantly) appreciate your gesture and take your comments on board.
    • Reporter Team
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Usually when girls say "Oh I'm really not pretty" it is a lose-lose situation for a guy. Either they say "no, you are" and they are murdered for being pushover 'brown noses', or they say 'yeah, you aren't' and are murdered for being heartless.

    Relationships are built on compromise. Ask him to tone it down a bit, but as your boyfriend he is almost always going to compliment you regardless, so just keep quiet whenever he does this and accept he does it because he loves you and wants to make you happy, because as I said, it is incredibly hard to find a long-term work around.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am seeing this guy, have been for about 2 months. We are both 19.

    I know this may seem very harsh but it's really starting to get on my nerves. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am, he say's to me literally every day ''Why are you with me?, you're so out of my league''. It's even worse when we are together, it's just constant compliments and brown nosing and everything I say is right.

    That may sound nice to some people, well it's not. I have my own eyes and I am really not that attractive and everytime he tells me I am I think just please **** ***, I'm definitely not out of his league.

    I like him a lot and other than this he is such a lovely person but I don't know how to get across to him that him acting like my #1 fan is really not doing anything for me, I want us to be equal, I want him to have an opinion, I want him to tell me when I do something that annoys him.

    Like can we do something else other than sit here and talk about how pretty and perfect I am PLEASE?!?!?!?

    HOW DO I DO IT WITHOUT HURTING HIS FEELINGSSSS?!?!?
    Well it sounds like you both have more issues about yourself than your partner. You must both learn to view yourselves more compassionately. There is no league. You are as attractive as you attract, not as you feel. Give yourself a break and accept his opinion that you are a real catch for his tastes. Give him a break and don't use that or give him a hard time for it. If he is making you self conscious, talk this through with him and ask for some consideration for your feelings. If you are so great for him, he will accomodate you. Keep such requests reasonable or you will lose all touch with reality. Power corrupts and all that. By all means encourage him to 'be cool', but bridge that gap yourself by warming the message a little for him when he does. Good luck!

    ps: You want to have a critic? Then get a *****y friend. The world is full of criticism and picking faults is a major relationship killer. Most divorces are rooted in nit-picking an otherwise healthy and rewarding relationship with someone you love. Yes, discuss problems, but pick the important battles to fight and Don't Sweat The Small Stuff. You have been warned. Even impossible rows melt when left, if you still feel warmth for each other. You can live without a victory on most things. You both win.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: December 26, 2014
Poll
Which Fantasy Franchise is the best?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.