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Cheating on my boyfriend Watch

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi, I need to say this somewhere, I can’t tell anyone, I can’t ask anyone I know for advice because they would be too judgmental.

    My story is that I came to this country with my boyfriend a year ago. We’ve been together for about 7 years, we grew up in the same town, we went to the same school and we went to uni together. We came here basically because he’s got the job of his dreams. I didn’t want to come, I miss my friends, my family and I don’t like London. My job is not so great either, its far less prestigious or satisfying than what I would have gotten had I decided to stay back in my home country. Actually I hate it here, my boyfriend works from 7 in the morning to 1-2am most days and I hardly see him. I am lonely and I am bored and it is dark by 4pm most days. The situation is putting considerable strain on our relationship. I keep feeling like my boyfriend wants to create this family where he has this spectacular job and I am at home raising babies. He doesn’t seem to give a damn about my professional needs, every single decision is made to help him succeed in his career. I also feel like he is starting to take me for granted, like I should be feeling lucky to be with him since he has such an amazing job and earns so much money. On the surface, he says he loves me and he would contend that he still treats me very respectfully but it’s the subtle things that I have noticed…like the way he makes little jokes about my working hours and how lawyers “just get in the way of deals” and kind of expects me to do all the basic upkeep type things for our flat. I am not a “trophy wife” and I don’t want to be, I did extremely well at university and love what I do.

    Then two months ago, I basically started cheating on him. I know…I should be ashamed of myself and I am but let me explain…the person that I have met makes me feel like I have never felt before, like someone has put me at the center of their universe, like they understand me and are always thinking about me, like they wouldn’t survive without me…I know how clichéd and stupid that sounds but its actually the way I feel. He is such a sweet, romantic, playful, wonderful boy. I don’t know whether what I am feeling for this boy is just a reaction to how difficult my relationship has become with my boyfriend or whether I have actually found something very special here. My other big worry I guess is, why my boyfriend hasn’t proposed to me yet, I mean…not even a hint, we never even talk about our future plans because we both know that I want to go back home and he wants to stay here. I fear that one day it will just be…”I am staying in London, you are free to leave”.

    I don’t know what to do. Thanks for reading.
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    The simplest and most obvious answer is: leave your boyfriend, stop using being unhappy with your relationship and situation as an excuse to cheat, go home and do what YOU want to do with YOUR life.

    He doesn't own you and can't control you. You're your own person.
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    You are also in the wrong for cheating on him. Just leave its best for you and for him.
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    If he isn't giving you his all then tell him and make him step up. So many people cheat in their relationship because they are not satisfied with their own. You really need to tell him how unhappy you are and maybe even suggest different ways of changing things. He might even be feeling the same way as he works long hours.
    With this other person, do they know that you are in a serious relationship? Did you feel the same way with your long term boyfriend when you met as you do with the newbie?
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    Also, at the end of the day, the fact that you have a lot of history shouldn't be a reason for staying with him. You should live and be happy for the present moment, if you are not, you should change the situation.
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    Honestly, I'd have already packed my bags and left. You've said yourself that you're not happy living where he lives and works and the fact that you're seeing someone else shows this.

    The fact that your boyfriend isn't making you happy is no excuse to cheat. Leave and go and live where you'll be happy
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    It seems clear that your relationship has basically died. Happy people don't cheat. The long term resentment that has built up in your relationship is truly toxic, and I question whether you'll ever be able to get things back how they were. I would consider ending the relationship if I were you, as sad as that sounds.
    • TSR Support Team
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, I need to say this somewhere, I can’t tell anyone, I can’t ask anyone I know for advice because they would be too judgmental.

    My story is that I came to this country with my boyfriend a year ago. We’ve been together for about 7 years, we grew up in the same town, we went to the same school and we went to uni together. We came here basically because he’s got the job of his dreams. I didn’t want to come, I miss my friends, my family and I don’t like London. My job is not so great either, its far less prestigious or satisfying than what I would have gotten had I decided to stay back in my home country. Actually I hate it here, my boyfriend works from 7 in the morning to 1-2am most days and I hardly see him. I am lonely and I am bored and it is dark by 4pm most days. The situation is putting considerable strain on our relationship. I keep feeling like my boyfriend wants to create this family where he has this spectacular job and I am at home raising babies. He doesn’t seem to give a damn about my professional needs, every single decision is made to help him succeed in his career. I also feel like he is starting to take me for granted, like I should be feeling lucky to be with him since he has such an amazing job and earns so much money. On the surface, he says he loves me and he would contend that he still treats me very respectfully but it’s the subtle things that I have noticed…like the way he makes little jokes about my working hours and how lawyers “just get in the way of deals” and kind of expects me to do all the basic upkeep type things for our flat. I am not a “trophy wife” and I don’t want to be, I did extremely well at university and love what I do.

    Then two months ago, I basically started cheating on him. I know…I should be ashamed of myself and I am but let me explain…the person that I have met makes me feel like I have never felt before, like someone has put me at the center of their universe, like they understand me and are always thinking about me, like they wouldn’t survive without me…I know how clichéd and stupid that sounds but its actually the way I feel. He is such a sweet, romantic, playful, wonderful boy. I don’t know whether what I am feeling for this boy is just a reaction to how difficult my relationship has become with my boyfriend or whether I have actually found something very special here. My other big worry I guess is, why my boyfriend hasn’t proposed to me yet, I mean…not even a hint, we never even talk about our future plans because we both know that I want to go back home and he wants to stay here. I fear that one day it will just be…”I am staying in London, you are free to leave”.

    I don’t know what to do. Thanks for reading.
    Clearly you are not happy in this relationship and feel trapped, if you are this into the other boy then it is not fair on your current boyfriend. I mean how would you feel if you were being cheated on, best be honest with yourself and your boyfriend and end things.
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    Leave him. You're a lawyer, read that back to yourself as if you're an objective observer of your own relationship. The answer re. the relationship is easy.

    You then have the issue of the new guy. You admit you don't like London etc. Presumably this guy is based, and happy with his life, in London. You could give longer than average notice and use that time to see how a 'normal' relationship is with this guy.

    Also, heh at 'get in the way of deals'. Yeah, yeah you try doing it without us and we'll see how quickly you come crying to either us or our litigators to sort out your cluster**** of a deal.
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    You shouldn't have cheated on him, have you tried talking to him? Jumping from one to another isn't too good in the long run, try and talk things out with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel about your current situation. With his jokes about your job I doubt that he understands how much you dislike the position you're in. Talk to him. If it's clear that your interests conflict then try something with that other guy, but don't count on him.
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    If you aren't happy, then leave. Don't use your sadness as a reason to hurt someone else.

    Grow up, get up and walk away.
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    There is no excuse whatsoever to cheat I feel no sympathy for you.
    If you are unhappy in your relationship end the relationship, cheating is disgusting and cowardice.
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    You've written about how they each seem to relate to you, but not how you relate to them. What are your feelings for each of them? You've said a lot about how much you seem to mean to the new guy, which sounds like it's a novelty for you in comparison to it seeming like your boyfriend is taking you for granted, but how do you feel about the new guy?
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    You have stayed in this relationship far too long and sacrificed far too much for it, that you've told us you didn't want to do in the first place. Change this now, don't let it go on any longer.

    Focus on your career, your goals, and what makes you happy, you aren't there to serve him. You shouldn't have cheated on him, it's obviously a crap thing to do to anyone, but let it be a wake up call to you to take action and change your situation, if you don't then you only have yourself to blame for your unhappiness. He is not restricting your life, you are.

    Why on earth are you worried that your bf hasn't proposed to you yet when you clearly don't even have a good relationship!? Wake up, pack your bags and be better next time.
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    Seven years is a long time, how long have you been unhappy in this relationship?? I understand that it's not that easy to just pack up and go when you've built a life together, and all relationships have ups and downs. BUT you must have got to a really low point to cheat on him, so it's difficult to know what to advise.

    Can you talk to him about how you've been feeling and whether you have a future together? Maybe he doesn't have money to marry you yet and doesn't want a long engagement? But if he isn't seeing a future with you, and you want to get married and have a family, it seems like you're wasting time with him. How old are you both?
    what does your bf do? that seems like really long hours!!! If possible, try to stop seeing the new guy while you and your bf try to work out what you're going to do, as I think you're just interested in him as your bf has stopped paying you attention.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Bobbi!)
    Seven years is a long time, how long have you been unhappy in this relationship?? I understand that it's not that easy to just pack up and go when you've built a life together, and all relationships have ups and downs. BUT you must have got to a really low point to cheat on him, so it's difficult to know what to advise.

    Can you talk to him about how you've been feeling and whether you have a future together? Maybe he doesn't have money to marry you yet and doesn't want a long engagement? But if he isn't seeing a future with you, and you want to get married and have a family, it seems like you're wasting time with him. How old are you both?
    what does your bf do? that seems like really long hours!!! If possible, try to stop seeing the new guy while you and your bf try to work out what you're going to do, as I think you're just interested in him as your bf has stopped paying you attention.
    Thank you all for your replies. I think its really hard for me to leave him right away. He hasn't done anything drastically wrong, as such. If I confront him about his work then he will say that its all for us and our future and I will probably feel worse. May be I am being a coward but this is such an important decision and this relationship has been going on for so long. Im worried that eventually when I complete my two year posting here and want to go home, he will just say no. Im sure thats why he hasn't proposed to me yet, he has enough money by now. We're in our mid twenties.

    No I never felt how I do with this boy I met in London, not with my boyfriend, not with anyone. He makes London OK actually, its really thrown a spanner in the works.
 
 
 
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