Join TSR now for chat about life, relationships, fashion and more…Sign up now

parents want me to stay home for uni... Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    my brother is in his final year at uni and lets just say my parents arent pleased with him he barely calls or visits always has arguments with them and is a messy person
    About a year ago i realised my parents had no intention of letting me live away for uni and i was so shocked but i know no there is no changing their minds
    they WANT me to apply to only london unis so that i stay home and keep an eye on me and dont become wreckless like my brother how can i persuade them not to treat me like a prisoner and hate me just because i want to experience life and not stay home all my life?
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    You are an adult now and they can't make you do anything. Just do what you want to do.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    It's okay, I'm going to have to stay at home too. We're in this together.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Just leave. They can't stop you.
    Offline

    3
    (Original post by ha27)
    my brother is in his final year at uni and lets just say my parents arent pleased with him he barely calls or visits always has arguments with them and is a messy person
    About a year ago i realised my parents had no intention of letting me live away for uni and i was so shocked but i know no there is no changing their minds
    they WANT me to apply to only london unis so that i stay home and keep an eye on me and dont become wreckless like my brother how can i persuade them not to treat me like a prisoner and hate me just because i want to experience life and not stay home all my life?
    no offence; Are you Asian?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Add!ction)
    You are an adult now and they can't make you do anything. Just do what you want to do.
    ahh actually im 15 but i just dont know if they will budge by the time im 18 because theyre SO adament right now and its scary u dont want to be the one to ruin the family even more but they just wont listen its incredibly frustrating

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ssargithan)
    no offence; Are you Asian?
    ahh YOU GUESSED IT my dad is not fond of equality my brother gets to do everything and juat follows scholars who say 'women should be at home arranged marriage not let out' blahblahblah WAKE UP WE ARE ALL EQUAL

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    3
    (Original post by ha27)
    ahh YOU GUESSED IT my dad is not fond of equality my brother gets to do everything and juat follows scholars who say 'women should be at home arranged marriage not let out' blahblahblah WAKE UP WE ARE ALL EQUAL

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I feel for you. I know tons of girls who are in that situations, some regret it now some don't mind it... you really need to explain it to them otherwise it will not get any better
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ha27)
    ahh actually im 15 but i just dont know if they will budge by the time im 18 because theyre SO adament right now and its scary u dont want to be the one to ruin the family even more but they just wont listen its incredibly frustrating

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Step 1: Stop worrying about this, you're 15

    Step 2:

    Good reasons to stay as Home student-

    i) Save money

    Terrible reasons to not move out-

    i) Please parents, not upset/anger parents, stay as child;

    ii) obligations to family/toxic guilt for leaving the nest and abandoning adult family members

    iii) social anxiety, low self-esteem

    iv) fear of independence, fear of being alone, irresponsible/victim mentality/emotional maturity regression streak

    Necessary evil reasons to stay as Home student-

    i) mental illness

    ii) severe disability

    iii) severe autism, etc.

    Take your pick dude. I stayed at Home and although I would in NO WAY have survived moving out at present due to anxiety problems, and have benefited from repaying my finances-I am almost s insecure now I've graduated as when I was a fresher.


    This may not make sense now but hopefully it will when you're a little older. Just think on it.

    Wishing you all the best

    edit2: Ahh Strict Asian Parents Problems :/

    Please refer to Terrible reasons to move out-ii) obligations to family/toxic guilt for leaving the nest. Of course this will be much stronger due to cultural reasons for you to overcome. But I do believe if you are mature and responsible about it, you can prove to them that you are a strong independent woman and your gender will not hold you back.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ha27)
    ahh actually im 15 but i just dont know if they will budge by the time im 18 because theyre SO adament right now and its scary u dont want to be the one to ruin the family even more but they just wont listen its incredibly frustrating

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    You're not ruining the family, they are. And you will almost be an adult by the time you go. YOU'RE going to uni, not them.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    Step 1: Stop worrying about this, you're 15

    Step 2:

    Good reasons to stay as Home student-Save money

    Terrible reasons to not move out-Please parents, not upset/anger parents, stay as child; obligations to family/toxic guilt for leaving the nest and abandoning adult family members; social anxiety, low self-esteem; fear of independence, fear of being alone, irresponsible/victim mentality/emotional maturity regression streak

    Necessary evil reasons to stay as Home student-mental illness, severe disability, severe autism, etc.

    Take your pick dude. I stayed at Home and although I would in NO WAY have survived moving out at present due to anxiety problems, and have benefited from repaying my finances-I am almost s insecure now I've graduated as when I was a fresher.


    This may not make sense now but hopefully it will when you're a little older. Just think on it.

    Wishing you all the best
    thankss
    today i did not have this anywhere near my mind until i heard my parents having argument about me about an hour ago and asked my mum why they were talking about me and i realised she was on my dads sexist side she was homesick when she went to uni but that doesnt mean i will be

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ssargithan)
    I feel for you. I know tons of girls who are in that situations, some regret it now some don't mind it... you really need to explain it to them otherwise it will not get any better
    i do not have the intention of letting this go. why should i make my life and future career suffer just because of a stupid rule that women should stay home and remain jobless i have dreams and i will achieve them whether i have my parents support or not i dont want to have any regrets by not doing something i want to

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Add!ction)
    You're not ruining the family, they are. And you will almost be an adult by the time you go. YOU'RE going to uni, not them.
    i said that to my mum and she said dont be one of those who makes it all about you but shes the one doing that not me by making decisions for me!!! i cant win with her can i?!

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ha27)
    i said that to my mum and she said dont be one of those who makes it all about you but shes the one doing that not me by making decisions for me!!! i cant win with her can i?!

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I guess she just wants what's best for you, but ultimately the decision lies with you.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    Step 1: Stop worrying about this, you're 15

    Step 2:

    Good reasons to stay as Home student-

    i) Save money

    Terrible reasons to not move out-

    i) Please parents, not upset/anger parents, stay as child;

    ii) obligations to family/toxic guilt for leaving the nest and abandoning adult family members

    iii) social anxiety, low self-esteem

    iv) fear of independence, fear of being alone, irresponsible/victim mentality/emotional maturity regression streak

    Necessary evil reasons to stay as Home student-

    i) mental illness

    ii) severe disability

    iii) severe autism, etc.

    Take your pick dude. I stayed at Home and although I would in NO WAY have survived moving out at present due to anxiety problems, and have benefited from repaying my finances-I am almost s insecure now I've graduated as when I was a fresher.


    This may not make sense now but hopefully it will when you're a little older. Just think on it.

    Wishing you all the best

    edit2: Ahh Strict Asian Parents Problems :/

    Please refer to Terrible reasons to move out-ii) obligations to family/toxic guilt for leaving the nest. Of course this will be much stronger due to cultural reasons for you to overcome. But I do believe if you are mature and responsible about it, you can prove to them that you are a strong independent woman and your gender will not hold you back.
    just read your edit and dad said 'financial problems' when he can CLEARLY by my brother another laptop and tablet a tablet for himself AND my mum when iv had one laptop thats lasted me 5 years my brothers lasted him about 3 but apparently I AM not looking after it wth makes no damn sense... just making excuses to live up to his pathetic beliefs

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ha27)
    thankss
    today i did not have this anywhere near my mind until i heard my parents having argument about me about an hour ago and asked my mum why they were talking about me and i realised she was on my dads sexist side she was homesick when she went to uni but that doesnt mean i will be

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    OK

    i) I'm sorry to have put this back on your mind…:hugs:

    ii) Your mum doesn't want to hold you back, nor is she a bad person for having these sexist views. You have been raised in a culture which, despite its many merits, is oppressive to women and somewhat backwards in its approach (lack of completed first wave feminism). It's absolutely your choice in the years ahead to what extent you want to embrace this culture.

    My personal opinion, having seen how it affected my friend/ex, is that if it makes you unhappy, then don't do it just because it's tradition and your family is pressurising you to. But if you genuinely believe in it, then there are ways to embrace the parts which do not treat you as a second-class person.

    iii) You are not your mum. You MAY be homesick, or you may be loving Uni life! And you may be homesick just for a little while, then get past it. The only way you'll know is if you try. You need to decide on ii) first, fortunately you have a good few years to make this very important decision
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Add!ction)
    I guess she just wants what's best for you, but ultimately the decision lies with you.
    yeaah, it will be hard but i think i can get her onside in 3 years time im not stressing must its theyre so adament it hurts without listening

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ha27)
    i do not have the intention of letting this go. why should i make my life and future career suffer just because of a stupid rule that women should stay home and remain jobless i have dreams and i will achieve them whether i have my parents support or not i dont want to have any regrets by not doing something i want to

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Tell them you're staying home but actually apply to unis outside London. Just tell them that the unis in London rejected you.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Da Di Doo)
    Tell them you're staying home but actually apply to unis outside London. Just tell them that the unis in London rejected you.
    i actually said to my mum fine ill apply to someunis in london she said NO all in london i was like WHAT but whay if they dont do what i want? she basically said tough its better you stay home

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    Lol they can't exactly stop you from applying to universities outside of London. My parents are a bit like that but some courses I want to do are outside London so I have to apply to other universities. You get loans and grants these days so that you have enough money to move out if you want that choice

    Posted from TSR Mobile
 
 
 
Poll
Which Fantasy Franchise is the best?
Useful resources
Bizarre things students have spent their loans onThings you should budget for at uni

Sponsored features:

Making money from your own website

Need some cash?

How to make money running your own website.

Bianca Miller, runner-up on The Apprentice

Handle your digital footprint

What would an employer find out about you on Google? Find out how to take control.

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.