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How to deal with the pain of Pakistani boyfriend marrying another girl? Watch

    • #1
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    #1

    Hi,

    My boyfriend is a 25 year old Pakistani from a Muslim family and I am a 21 year old girl also from a Muslim family (but non-Pakistani). We have an amazing relationship, I love him to pieces and quite literally couldn't imagine life without him.

    From near the start of our relationship however, he came clean to me about how he wanted me to know that his family would never accept him marrying a non-Pakistani girl, so that I was aware what I was getting myself into. He said he had never told a girl this before and was only telling me because he cared so much about me and didn't want me to get hurt later on, therefore giving me the option to get out sooner rather than later. He is a grown man with a successful business of his own and is in no way afraid of his parents, he is simply very respectful of his parents' wishes who have done so much for him, and I do actually respect him for this.

    Now of course this crushed me because I was already starting to fall hard and fast for him by this point, but stupidly I couldn't just walk away so we agreed that this would just be an incredible chapter in our lives and we would just live in the moment. Over time however, he has become my best friend and best thing that has ever happened to me. Recently it has been breaking my heart to think that one day (soon) we will wake up and he will have to leave me because he is expected to marry someone else.

    Although I have to come to terms with the fact that life is cruel and this is just the way things will be, does anyone have any advice on how to cope with the pain of not being with the person you love the most?
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    This is what happens when you get into a Haraam relationship ffs. You'll find someone way better who will actually marry you. What's the point of being in a relationship if the goal isn't to get married soon?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,

    My boyfriend is a 25 year old Pakistani from a Muslim family and I am a 21 year old girl also from a Muslim family (but non-Pakistani). We have an amazing relationship, I love him to pieces and quite literally couldn't imagine life without him.

    From near the start of our relationship however, he came clean to me about how he wanted me to know that his family would never accept him marrying a non-Pakistani girl, so that I was aware what I was getting myself into. He said he had never told a girl this before and was only telling me because he cared so much about me and didn't want me to get hurt later on, therefore giving me the option to get out sooner rather than later. He is a grown man with a successful business of his own and is in no way afraid of his parents, he is simply very respectful of his parents' wishes who have done so much for him, and I do actually respect him for this.

    Now of course this crushed me because I was already starting to fall hard and fast for him by this point, but stupidly I couldn't just walk away so we agreed that this would just be an incredible chapter in our lives and we would just live in the moment. Over time however, he has become my best friend and best thing that has ever happened to me. Recently it has been breaking my heart to think that one day (soon) we will wake up and he will have to leave me because he is expected to marry someone else.

    Although I have to come to terms with the fact that life is cruel and this is just the way things will be, does anyone have any advice on how to cope with the pain of not being with the person you love the most?
    Life isn't cruel. He told you he wouldnt marry you and you could leave, but you chose sin.

    When you attach your heart to the dunya and your desires, trust me when I say pain is always around the corner.
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    Sometimes parents do say these things but are actually more open to talking about it than expected. Have you discussed the possibility of him bringing it up with his parents at all? (Sorry, i'm on my phone and the app kept skipping to the last reply so couldn't read your post fully)


    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    In the end of the day your both muslims and therefore theres nothing wrong with both of you getting married. The only problem is that you both have different cultures, however if he really cared about you he would tell his family he wants to get married to you, I get that his parents may not be happy with it but they would learn to accept it if he made an good argument, or atleast he could try no matter what the outcome is you would al least know where you stand. Before anyone says it easier said than done, I'v seen similar situations happen before. Hope that helped
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    If I were you i would end it now because the heartbeak would be much much worse later on.

    Next time try and find someone who you know you'll marry without any issues.
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    I find it a bit silly that people still care so much about cultures etc. especially in cases like these, where religion wouldn't even be an issue. There's nothing stopping you except other people stuck in their old ways. At least with religion it's the fear of God. Like you said, you knew what you were getting yourself into.
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    (Original post by Med_Geek)
    Sometimes parents do say these things but are actually more open to talking about it than expected. Have you discussed the possibility of him bringing it up with his parents at all? (Sorry, i'm on my phone and the app kept skipping to the last reply so couldn't read your post fully)


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I agree with this. If he loves you as much as he claims to he would at least discuss the idea of marrying you with his parents. A lot of the time while not entirely happy with it they accept it especially if the other person involved is also a muslim. I think your two main options are to either to talk to him and see if he's willing to try and talk to his parents or go your separate ways now. It will be hard but the sooner you break up the sooner you can move on with your life.
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    If he REALLY loves you,he would marry you. Nothing would stand in the way...
    • #2
    #2

    Where are you from OP if you dont mind me asking

    And that sucks bad, I'm a Pakistani male and feel incredibly sorry for you, this is one of the reasons why i dont get girls, because I'm scared of one day falling in love but having to marry someone else.
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    He hasn't told his parents yet, how does he know they'll disapprove?

    You both may be pleasantly surprised. I know of an Egyptian-Pakistani couple who were introduced through family (an Arab-Asian arranged marriage!). I know this is not common but interfaith marriages amongst Muslims are certainly on the rise and more and more parents are accepting them as there is no reason, Islamically, to object to these marriages.

    If his parents met you, they may warm up to the idea, it all materialises once you put a face to a name.

    Talk to your partner and ask him how he feels about marriage. If he objects outright simply because he wishes to appease his parents, there really is no point continuing the relationship. Do you really want to be with someone who lives their life to please their parents? First it's who he marries, then it's how he thinks his parents want the children to be raised and whatever else they want...it never ends unless he nips it in the bud now and takes control of his own life.
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    He should convince his parents to let him marry you, they shouldn't discriminate based on race if you are both compatible, this is haraam.
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    (Original post by Indian_Princess)
    He should convince his parents to let him marry you, they shouldn't discriminate based on race if you are both compatible, this is haraam.
    Even though it's Haram, there are some parents that still have the culture over religion mindset. It's sad to see. They think that their race is superior of others and it just makes no sense.
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    This is getting ****in stupid now, not allowing people to marry because they're of a different race. Wow are some cultures in this world extremely backward.
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    Are you Bangladeshi?
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    This is upsetting to see that it still occurs. He needs to try to at least discuss it with his parents before moving on. He's a grown man -_-.
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    I bet the OP is Indian too. It's the same racial rivalries, it needs to stop.
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    If he really loved you, truly and deeply, he would fight to be with you. If he does not, or is not willing to, you need to accept and understand that you deserve better.

    OP - I very rarely post on TSR anymore but I have been through this and I know your pain. PM me if you'd like to talk x
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    (Original post by rosebud114)
    If he REALLY loves you,he would marry you. Nothing would stand in the way...
    I also feel this way, though of course I come from a totally different culture.

    But STILL.
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    So he is not a grown man


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