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Help needed with a very confusing guy Watch

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    Basically: I met this guy at university and he is in the year above me,
    (we study the same course). At first, our friendship was quite intense
    as we exchanged some deep thoughts/experiences and really opened up to
    one another within a few days of knowing each other. I'd see him around
    1-2 times a week on campus and we'd always converse for up to an hour.
    I started developing feelings for him and then one day he told me that
    he really values my company and how he's drifted away from the majority
    of his friends so I am the only 'human' contact he gets on a regular
    basis and that he wants to spend more time talking to me. I saw this as
    an opportunity to take things further so I said to him that "I want us
    to be more than hi and bye friends" and he said "okay, do you want my
    number?" so we exchanged numbers and I proceeded to text him that
    evening. His first response was cold and when I responded I tried to
    lighten the mood by asking how his day was... he never responded. A few
    days passed and I saw him on campus and we both looked at each-other, I
    smiled and he walked straight past me. After a couple of days pondering
    about what I could have done wrong I then texted him and said what's
    going on? Have I done something to upset you? I saw you the other day
    and you completely blanked me. To which he responded I'm sorry, I don't
    notice people unless I'm expecting to see them...(wtf?!?). We then had a
    decent conversation over text and I thought things were fine. When I
    saw him on campus the next day we hung out for a couple of hours and we
    were having a deep conversation.. he started talking about his
    ex-girlfriend of 3 years whom he'd split up with in August... he told me
    he hated her (but loved her at the same time) and that he knows the
    relationship was so wrong. I couldn't help but feel a bit used. There
    had been various occasions when he'd flirted with me and now that I'm
    trying to take things further he blows hot and cold. Anyway, I stopped
    texting him because he went back to being cold. What I can't get over is
    how nice he is to me when we are interact in person. He always
    compliments me, takes time out his busy schedule to help me with a topic
    that I don't understand etc... I really like him and it hurts me to
    care so much when he is probably just using me because he has nobody
    else. He never initiates texting or makes attempts to take things
    further and I don't know what to do.
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    I don't think he is interested romantically but he sounds like someone who could be a great course buddy.


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    He's treating you like his re-bound. This really sucks, maybe you could confront him about it?
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    (Original post by Mimsycrafts)
    I don't think he is interested romantically but he sounds like someone who could be a great course buddy.


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    (Original post by sarskinz)
    He's treating you like his re-bound. This really sucks, maybe you could confront him about it?

    I agree with the above, you should confront him. The way he is treating you is not cool!
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    (Original post by Mimsycrafts)
    I don't think he is interested romantically but he sounds like someone who could be a great course buddy.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Thank you for your response, it's upsetting but I guess you're right. Course buddy, ha! He's just as useless at it as I am.

    (Original post by sarskinz)
    He's treating you like his re-bound. This really sucks, maybe you could confront him about it?
    (Original post by Technetium)
    I agree with the above, you should confront him. The way he is treating you is not cool!
    This recently dawned on me and at first I thought whatever but I now realise that this isn't nice. I would like to confront him but I think I'll just end up embarrassing myself. I've decided to just leave whatever it is we had and try to move on. It's just annoying because it takes some time for me to build up the confidence to make an advance on a guy and this has been depleted somewhat. Thanks for your responses!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This recently dawned on me and at first I thought whatever but I now realise that this isn't nice. I would like to confront him but I think I'll just end up embarrassing myself. I've decided to just leave whatever it is we had and try to move on. It's just annoying because it takes some time for me to build up the confidence to make an advance on a guy and this has been depleted somewhat. Thanks for your responses!
    You were unfortunate, but don't let it hurt your confidence approaching guys. It's an amazing thing when a girl approaches a guy from my perspective at least, I mean, that shows instantly that she's actually really committed. That's like +10 in my book instantly.
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    You were unfortunate, but don't let it hurt your confidence approaching guys. It's an amazing thing when a girl approaches a guy from my perspective at least, I mean, that shows instantly that she's actually really committed. That's like +10 in my book instantly.
    I know that I shouldn't let this bring me down but I was so certain that he felt something for me so misreading the signals so badly just makes me feel like an idiot. Next time I'm in a similar situation I'll be saying to myself don't be ridiculous he doesn't like you remember what happened the last time you thought this...

    Girls eh.:rolleyes:
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    I'm younger, but I've been in a fairly similar position and haven't said anything out of fear (my self esteem is about as high off the ground as the earth's core). Whilst I might be less equipped with experience to help, I'd say confront him, because I really wish I'd been able to do that with the girl who I like when I'd first realised she was acting weird with me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know that I shouldn't let this bring me down but I was so certain that he felt something for me so misreading the signals so badly just makes me feel like an idiot. Next time I'm in a similar situation I'll be saying to myself don't be ridiculous he doesn't like you remember what happened the last time you thought this...

    Girls eh.:rolleyes:
    That's a thing we all do, it's not just girls, and that's precisely why it's a relief when a girl approaches me instead of vice versa. It's such a pleasant surprise

    You were just unfortunate here and presumably in hind-sight there are some cues that he didn't like you romantically that you could pick up on rather than just letting it destroy your confidence overall?
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    (Original post by Super Koopa)
    I'm younger, but I've been in a fairly similar position and haven't said anything out of fear (my self esteem is about as high off the ground as the earth's core). Whilst I might be less equipped with experience to help, I'd say confront him, because I really wish I'd been able to do that with the girl who I like when I'd first realised she was acting weird with me.
    I really want to but what if his response is horrid? I think that would destroy me. I know I have to do it though because it's not fair if I let him get away with this. Thank you for your response and I'm sorry about what happened to you in the past.
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    You were just unfortunate here and presumably in hind-sight there are some cues that he didn't like you romantically that you could pick up on rather than just letting it destroy your confidence overall?
    To be honest, I did think he liked me and like I said before it takes A LOT for me to make a move. So the fact that I did indicates that I was receiving some sort of 'vibe' from him. How wrong was I :'). Oh well, 'tis a learning experience.
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    This is just from my perspective and experience, but I think you'd do best keeping this guy as a friend and not invest too much energy pursuing anything more. He is exhibiting emotionally unavailable behaviour which would be unacceptable for a romantic relationship. Blowing you hot and cold is deemed an immediate red flag in my book and it is a warning sign that you need to take a step back. A guy who is geniunely interested would be consistent in demonstrating his interest level. If you push forward, you are likely to continue encountering a cycle of inconsistent behaviour that could manifest in unhealthy behaviour.

    There is no need to over-analyse it too much - this guy is not into you enough, or is simply not ready for a relationship (made even more possible by his recent breakup) but you could still be good friends.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To be honest, I did think he liked me and like I said before it takes A LOT for me to make a move. So the fact that I did indicates that I was receiving some sort of 'vibe' from him. How wrong was I :'). Oh well, 'tis a learning experience.
    Well I guessed that, I wasn't supposing you catapult yourself at strangers despite thinking that they hate you XD

    I kinda meant, is there anything in hindsight, post-infatuation, that you can see now that wasn't as obvious before? There may not be, but there may be and such things are useful to observe...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really want to but what if his response is horrid? I think that would destroy me. I know I have to do it though because it's not fair if I let him get away with this. Thank you for your response and I'm sorry about what happened to you in the past.
    Don't worry, if he's worth being your friend he won't say anything too horrible. If he does say something nasty, then it's his loss. You're a nice person, and he shouldn't be taking advantage of that. I'm probably being a little sharp with my words, but my point still stands.

    And it's fine. I'm getting over all of the stuff that's happened in the past because I've been dwelling on it for way too long.
 
 
 
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