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    Heya guys,
    I need to write to a doctor for a chance to do some work experience. This is just a draft, but I just do not think that it sounds right. Please could i have any input in what to write or how to improve it. Thank you

    Dear …..

    I am writing to you to hopefully be given the opportunity to be able to take part in some work experience and shadow you. I know of course you must get hundreds of people asking for a chance to shadow you, I am privileged to even have got this far, through to your secretary.

    Your story of how you got to where you are really clicked with me. As you didn’t do well the first time round with exams but then you snapped yourself back into shape and succeeded. I also was interested in pathology, however soon it became clear it would be quite dreary in the UK, and of course you wouldn’t get very much people skills (alive ones at least).

    I, like many that have probably already written to you am engrossed with medicine, I just want to watch and take everything in, and YouTube videos only get me so far. I would really love the opportunity to be able to get some upfront experience with patients, and a clinical environment. I know I would find it so interesting, as from what I have gathered your role includes a little bit of everything, you are there for the moments of people being petrified, till the light at the end of the tunnel in some cases where they pull through. I am really interested in how not only the pure medicine would improve someone’s well being but also how maintaining their physical appearance would also improve their quality of life.

    I would really appreciate if you could give me the chance to shadow you, I know it would benefit me and I would take in as much as I could physically absorb. I am in my second year of sixth form, however will be applying in October of 2015.

    If given the chance to shadow you, ….
    If you give me any dates in which you can fit me in, I will be sure to clear my work and college schedule, from January to September 2015.



    Thank you very much for your time,

    Yours sincerely, …..
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    (Original post by madiwadi)
    Heya guys,
    I need to write to a doctor for a chance to do some work experience. This is just a draft, but I just do not think that it sounds right. Please could i have any input in what to write or how to improve it. Thank you

    Dear …..

    I am writing to you to hopefully be given the opportunity to be able to take part in some work experience and shadow you. I know of course you must get hundreds of people asking for a chance to shadow you, I am privileged to even have got this far, through to your secretary.

    Your story of how you got to where you are really clicked with me. As you didn’t do well the first time round with exams but then you snapped yourself back into shape and succeeded. I also was interested in pathology, however soon it became clear it would be quite dreary in the UK, and of course you wouldn’t get very much people skills (alive ones at least).

    I, like many that have probably already written to you am engrossed with medicine, I just want to watch and take everything in, and YouTube videos only get me so far. I would really love the opportunity to be able to get some upfront experience with patients, and a clinical environment. I know I would find it so interesting, as from what I have gathered your role includes a little bit of everything, you are there for the moments of people being petrified, till the light at the end of the tunnel in some cases where they pull through. I am really interested in how not only the pure medicine would improve someone’s well being but also how maintaining their physical appearance would also improve their quality of life.

    I would really appreciate if you could give me the chance to shadow you, I know it would benefit me and I would take in as much as I could physically absorb. I am in my second year of sixth form, however will be applying in October of 2015.

    If given the chance to shadow you, ….
    If you give me any dates in which you can fit me in, I will be sure to clear my work and college schedule, from January to September 2015.



    Thank you very much for your time,

    Yours sincerely, …..
    Erm.. I would start from scratch. This is probably the weirdest work experience letter I've ever read. A lot of what you have written here is just inappropriate, particularly the parts in bold.

    All it needs to contain is:
    A brief into to who you are (year group, when you're applying)
    What you want (shadowing experience)
    When (I am available between the dates x to y).
    Contact info (Phone number, email)

    If you wish, you can include a CV or offer it in the letter if desired. Short and sweet.
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    If this is your first letter to a doctor to introduce yourself and ask for shadowing opportunities, it must be succinct.

    There is way too much waffle in here, you also haven't mastered writing formally. There is too much pleading and whining.

    Most of the paragraphs are unnecessary and most of the sentences are twice as long as they need to be.

    Etomidate has outlined what in needs to include. It really doesn't need to be more than 2 or 3 paragraphs. Definitely have someone read through your letter before you send it off, there are quite a few mistakes in this.

    Comments in red.


    (Original post by madiwadi)

    Dear …..

    I am writing to you to hopefully be given the opportunity to be able to take part in some work experience and shadow you. I know of course you must get hundreds of people asking for a chance to shadow you, I am privileged to even have got this far, through to your secretary.

    Too much wiffle waffle. The secretary part is unnecessary, unless you know her and she suggested it/spoke to the consultant already then mention her by name. If you don't know her there is no need to thank her in you letter to the consultant, write her a separate letter of thanks.

    Your story of how you got to where you are really clicked with me. As you didn’t do well the first time round with exams but then you snapped yourself back into shape and succeeded. I also was interested in pathology, however soon it became clear it would be quite dreary in the UK, and of course you wouldn’t get very much people skills (alive ones at least).

    Why are you reminding him of his failures? If you wish to illustrate your similarities, brielfly mention how he achieved his goals despite adversities. This is too much waffle for an introductory letter though not to mention overly personal.
    Your interest in pathology seems quite superficial; you don't know much about it. Not your fault, you're not expected to be a pathologist to enter medical school, talk about how you'd like to learn more about the role though.
    One thing I'd hoped was obvious, must you talk about how you were turned from a role due to it becoming boring?


    I, like many that have probably already written to you am engrossed with medicine, I just want to watch and take everything in, and YouTube videos only get me so far. I would really love the opportunity to be able to get some upfront experience with patients, and a clinical environment. I know I would find it so interesting, as from what I have gathered your role includes a little bit of everything, you are there for the moments of people being petrified, till the light at the end of the tunnel in some cases where they pull through. I am really interested in how not only the pure medicine would improve someone’s well being but also how maintaining their physical appearance would also improve their quality of life.

    This paragraph serves no purpose

    I would really appreciate if you could give me the chance to shadow you, I know it would benefit me and I would take in as much as I could physically absorb. I am in my second year of sixth form, however will be applying in October of 2015.

    The last line of this should be in the first paragraph. They also don't need to know when you're applying yet.

    If given the chance to shadow you, ….
    If you give me any dates in which you can fit me in, I will be sure to clear my work and college schedule, from January to September 2015.

    Just write you are flexible with dates...

    Thank you very much for your time,

    Yours sincerely, …..
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    Wayyyyyyyyy tooo long
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    Also, in most NHS Trusts arrangements / screening for work experience won't fall to individual consultants. There will normally be a system for those interested in all health professional careers. Phone the hospital first to make enquiries about what their system is.
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    Heya guys, thank you for everyone who replied.

    I think before I go any further I should state that I normally would not write a professional email this way.
    My college basically had 1 doctor on hold to do some work experience for us as we turned up to a talk that she did.

    But obviously the doctor had to choose 5 students out of like 50.
    We were told that we had to make the email "funny" and "personal".
    So If I sounded like a complete moron then thats why, and i should have stated that at the beginning of the thread, however I didn't, then i should have corrected it, however it was too embarrassing haha. Yep

    But thank you for all the people that put their time and effort in thanks
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    (Original post by Zorg)
    Why are you reminding him of his failures?
    :rofl: That is the single funniest comment I have read on the Internet today. :king1:
 
 
 
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