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Giving but not Receiving Watch

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    Been with my partner for 4+ years and everything is fine - I love and respect him a lot. We've had a lot of good memories.

    However not everything is good in the bedroom department.

    He tries hard through intercourse and general foreplay but when it comes to oral...

    He absolutely hates it - its not my down there that puts him off so to speak in terms of smell or taste he just hates doing the act - yet I always pleasure him orally a lot of the time going the extra mile in terms of what I do with a certain substance even though its not the most pleasant thing for me to do - BUT I do it because I love him and want him to feel good.

    I have spoken to him about doing it and he just doesn't want to - I've bought a flavoured lube that I've used on him but he hasn't tried on me yet but I have asked him but he just refuses....

    any advice??? :/
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    Don't give him oral until he gives you oral - in general

    And more specifically always make sure he does oral first so he's horny enough to be in the mood...

    Has he ever tried it with you or has he always refused from the outset?
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    Don't give him oral until he gives you oral - in general

    And more specifically always make sure he does oral first so he's horny enough to be in the mood...

    Has he ever tried it with you or has he always refused from the outset?
    I've tried it but I do enjoy giving I just wish he would return the favour!

    He has done it a few times yes - during the early times of our relationship he would do it for a brief time like 3 minutes but it didn't really phase me but the whole sexual relationship thing was new to me (I lost my v to him) but later on he did it a bit again and I really liked it, I've expressed this to him he just won't give
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've tried it but I do enjoy giving I just wish he would return the favour!

    He has done it a few times yes - during the early times of our relationship he would do it for a brief time like 3 minutes but it didn't really phase me but the whole sexual relationship thing was new to me (I lost my v to him) but later on he did it a bit again and I really liked it, I've expressed this to him he just won't give
    Well that's a tough one then especially since he's tried it before and lost interest in doing it...

    I fail to see what you can do other than blackmail him in the short-term till he gets back into it him given that you have already tried to talk to him about this.

    Could pubic hair be an issue?
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    Well that's a tough one then especially since he's tried it before and lost interest in doing it...

    I fail to see what you can do other than blackmail him in the short-term till he gets back into it him given that you have already tried to talk to him about this.

    Could pubic hair be an issue?
    Nope, or at least I don't think so because although I've never waxed I shave regularly... I may just have to be brutal and not give him any :/
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    (Original post by Sulpha)
    It probably is the taste and smell, he's just obviously not going to say that.
    Hmm maybe but we have been together for 4 years don't have any secrets and are generally open with each other and honest about each other's appearance etc if we don't like something, we will say.

    I lubricate easy if you catch my meaning and I think that is the main reason...
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    Well this is clearly unfair and he is being incredibly selfish, if this was the other way round and a guy was saying he always goes down on his girlfriend but she never reciprocates pretty much all the guys would be saying to leave her if she refuses to give oral.

    Explain to him how selfish he is being, if his behaviour doesn't change decide how important it is to you and if you want to stay in a relationship with someone who not only doesn't satisfy you sexually but who is selfish and expects from you what he will not give.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Well this is clearly unfair and he is being incredibly selfish, if this was the other way round and a guy was saying he always goes down on his girlfriend but she never reciprocates pretty much all the guys would be saying to leave her if she refuses to give oral.

    Explain to him how selfish he is being, if his behaviour doesn't change decide how important it is to you and if you want to stay in a relationship with someone who not only doesn't satisfy you sexually but who is selfish and expects from you what he will not give.
    Thank you so much for your reply - I have mentioned this to him before and he has actually said he wouldn't care if I stopped giving it to him; although I believe that this is just bull because he always (he even says he's joking but I know him; he isn't) asks me to do it in some way or another.

    I will try again and explain to him of his selfishness and such. I don't think I could ever leave him but it is fairly important to me... I think I just have to be brutal and just refuse to please him orally to see how he feels about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you so much for your reply - I have mentioned this to him before and he has actually said he wouldn't care if I stopped giving it to him; although I believe that this is just bull because he always (he even says he's joking but I know him; he isn't) asks me to do it in some way or another.

    I will try again and explain to him of his selfishness and such. I don't think I could ever leave him but it is fairly important to me... I think I just have to be brutal and just refuse to please him orally to see how he feels about it.
    Then I suggest testing to see how much he actually does care, but even so if that does not change him you're both just going to be sexually unsatisfied and that'll solve nothing.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Then I suggest testing to see how much he actually does care, but even so if that does not change him you're both just going to be sexually unsatisfied and that'll solve nothing.
    I will - if nothing does change then well. Perhaps I just have to go without... :erm:
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Well this is clearly unfair and he is being incredibly selfish, if this was the other way round and a guy was saying he always goes down on his girlfriend but she never reciprocates pretty much all the guys would be saying to leave her if she refuses to give oral.

    Explain to him how selfish he is being, if his behaviour doesn't change decide how important it is to you and if you want to stay in a relationship with someone who not only doesn't satisfy you sexually but who is selfish and expects from you what he will not give.
    Well this is the only reason I would suggest the blackmail, otherwise the blackmail is unethical, but this is clearly an unfair situation he's putting her in in the first place.

    Maybe "blackmail" is the wrong word because I don't think the threats to cut off the oral at his end are unjustified.

    @ OP - If there has been no solution down the line in a few weeks you could show him this thread to illustrate how much of a big deal it actually is to you - so much so that it has clearly been on your mind for a while and that it is such an important part of your sex life that he's denying you that you felt the need to post for help about it on an internet forum to strangers. If he's fair then at the very least he will tell you specifically why he doesn't want to do it then.
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    Well this is the only reason I would suggest the blackmail, otherwise the blackmail is unethical, but this is clearly an unfair situation he's putting her in in the first place.

    Maybe "blackmail" is the wrong word because I don't think the threats to cut off the oral at his end are unjustified.
    Yeah I'm not sure I'd class it as blackmail either, I think it is completely fair to refuse to give oral if he refuses.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I will - if nothing does change then well. Perhaps I just have to go without... :erm:
    Well that is your decision to make, good luck with it.
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    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    Well this is the only reason I would suggest the blackmail, otherwise the blackmail is unethical, but this is clearly an unfair situation he's putting her in in the first place.

    Maybe "blackmail" is the wrong word because I don't think the threats to cut off the oral at his end are unjustified.

    Oh and if there has been no solution down the line in a few weeks you could show him this thread to illustrate how much of a big deal it actually is to you - so much so that it has clearly been on your mind for a while and that it is such an important part of your sex life that he's denying you that you felt the need to post for help about it on an internet forum to strangers.
    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Yeah I'm not sure I'd class it as blackmail either, I think it is completely fair to refuse to give oral if he refuses.
    Thank you both so much for your advice. Let's hope it works in some way or another.
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    Pretty much in the same boat, but you just accept that they're not fond of it. It's rare I ever receive anything like that even though I frequently give to my girlfriend.

    You just have to accept that it's like that. No blackmailing though because it'll lead to arguments.


    Also calling him selfish isn't gonna fix anything either. He doesn't like doing it, don't make him feel bad for doing something he doesn't like because it'll become a chore and kill the mood. You say you do it because you love him and you want to make him feel good, but you also said you enjoy doing it.

    There are many more ways to do foreplay, just accept that one of the ways is a no-go.
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    (Original post by Ruthless Dutchman)
    Pretty much in the same boat, but you just accept that they're not fond of it. It's rare I ever receive anything like that even though I frequently give to my girlfriend.

    You just have to accept that it's like that. No blackmailing though because it'll lead to arguments.


    Also calling him selfish isn't gonna fix anything either. He doesn't like doing it, don't make him feel bad for doing something he doesn't like because it'll become a chore and kill the mood. You say you do it because you love him and you want to make him feel good, but you also said you enjoy doing it.

    There are many more ways to do foreplay, just accept that one of the ways is a no-go.
    I would say this is good advice - but I expect you orgasm through intercourse, right? I get nothing. If I do, it is from myself.

    He doesn't like doing it but he hasn't really tried. He has done it a few times but it was in the earlier part of our so far 4 year relationship..

    Clearly if I do it because I love him, and he should do the same yes? Otherwise, he doesn't love me.

    There are other ways yes but they aren't regular either. I give him oral, and he gets orgasms from both that and intercourse. I get nothing - as I said, unless its from myself. So...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I would say this is good advice - but I expect you orgasm through intercourse, right? I get nothing. If I do, it is from myself.

    He doesn't like doing it but he hasn't really tried. He has done it a few times but it was in the earlier part of our so far 4 year relationship..

    Clearly if I do it because I love him, and he should do the same yes? Otherwise, he doesn't love me.

    There are other ways yes but they aren't regular either. I give him oral, and he gets orgasms from both that and intercourse. I get nothing - as I said, unless its from myself. So...
    Well, intercourse is somewhat of a complication with my girlfriend and I so it's not often I orgasm. [[Well, we rarely get to see eachother too because of long distance, but that's another thing]]

    My girlfriend doesn't like doing it, she's only done it 3 times in the 3 years we've been together.

    The whole "if he doesn't then he doesn't love me" thing is blackmail. Really, it's blackmail. You're making him feel bad for not doing something he dislikes. If you push him it'll be half-hearted and unenthusiastic and things could turn sour between you purely because you're pushing him.

    I'm sorry to hear that you're not getting the full sexual satisfaction but I suggest trying out some non-penetrative sex? It works wonders when you find what's good for the both of you
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    (Original post by Ruthless Dutchman)
    Well, intercourse is somewhat of a complication with my girlfriend and I so it's not often I orgasm. [[Well, we rarely get to see eachother too because of long distance, but that's another thing]]

    My girlfriend doesn't like doing it, she's only done it 3 times in the 3 years we've been together.

    The whole "if he doesn't then he doesn't love me" thing is blackmail. Really, it's blackmail. You're making him feel bad for not doing something he dislikes. If you push him it'll be half-hearted and unenthusiastic and things could turn sour between you purely because you're pushing him.

    I'm sorry to hear that you're not getting the full sexual satisfaction but I suggest trying out some non-penetrative sex? It works wonders when you find what's good for the both of you
    Hmm well sorry for the assumption. Of course I don't really think that but I just felt like that's what you implied - I'm not planning on using any of that on him. I'm just going to withdraw myself from giving him any oral - other sexual acts maybe but only if he seems to make a bit of effort to please me.

    Thanks for your reply.
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    Discuss it with him but if he's inflexible, there's not much you can do. Perhaps see if it's fixable. Maybe you need to improve your sanitation.

    If not, I guess you'll have to decide whether receiving oral sex or not is a deal breaker. Perhaps there are other things he can do to pleasure you that he's not yet doing.
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    (Original post by keromedic)
    Discuss it with him but if he's inflexible, there's not much you can do. Perhaps see if it's fixable. Maybe you need to improve your sanitation.

    If not, I guess you'll have to decide whether receiving oral sex or not is a deal breaker. Perhaps there are other things he can do to pleasure you that he's not yet doing.

    Hmm yes just most the time when I bring it up he never wants to talk about it the one time he called my sexual needs stupid but I think he was just frustrated. I ask him is it a problem my end and he just says he doesnt like it and never why - well I hope I find the alternatives soon then.
 
 
 
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