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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thankyou, ACTUAL good advice for once

    Yes my mother IS idiotic, and she has never been there for me and it makes me feel sad.

    But you're right, I'm actively searching for places now lol and looking for more work. How do you guys do it though? Like cover for rent as well as food/normal stuff?
    I have a loan to cover my tuition fees and a loan of £3205 for my accommodation. I've got a £2700 per annum non repayable grant from the government and a £3000 per annum non repayable scholarship as my family income is less than £10000 per annum. I knock £395 off to cover the rest of my accommodation fees (£3600 40 week contract) and I pay my mother £50 a month for all the stuff she bought me. Knock roughly £20 per week off for that, add the approximately £1000 pound savings I had to begin with and I have roughly £120-£130 per week to spend on food/essentials/leisure et cetera. I'm also searching for a job. I hope to spend as little as possible, so that when I leave university, or when I move into private accommodation next year and lose my accommodation loans, I have money to live off/to use to start paying off my student loans as soon as possible.
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    (Original post by high priestess fnord)
    if you have to pull your wieght then whats the up side of living with your parents? i mean your sacrificing your personal space, the ability to throw parties or invite a partner round. if you still have to pay rent, bills, as well as doing the cooking and cleaning then i see no piont in living with your parents.
    Exactly! Your parents money is your money anyway. If the amount is just a token sum, like 20 quid a week then that is doubly terrible. Its like your parents know they shouldn't be charging you but have to because their finances have not been controlled properly.
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    (Original post by The_Bear)
    Exactly! Your parents money is your money anyway. If the amount is just a token sum, like 20 quid a week then that is doubly terrible. Its like your parents know they shouldn't be charging you but have to because their finances have not been controlled properly.
    hmm reading through i think my post was a bit harsh. you should do some housework etc but because chores are shared i would expect it to be less than you would do if you lived alone. paying rent to your own family just seems wrong where as giving your parents the money equivelent in groceries etc would be kind of expected if you were earning. of course in return for doing this stuff i would expect to be treated with the same respect you would give any adult.

    i guess im a bit biased on this because im still pissed off that i did pretty much *all* the housework before i left home and was still treated like a 5 year old in every other respect.
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    (Original post by high priestess fnord)
    if you have to pull your wieght then whats the up side of living with your parents? i mean your sacrificing your personal space, the ability to throw parties or invite a partner round. if you still have to pay rent, bills, as well as doing the cooking and cleaning then i see no piont in living with your parents.
    I'm not saying that. Boarding is completely different. It's an amount to say "I'm not a freeloader, I accept I am an adult now and whilst I want to stay at home, I don't expect to pay sweet FA for it".
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    (Original post by Segat1)
    I'm not saying that. Boarding is completely different. It's an amount to say "I'm not a freeloader, I accept I am an adult now and whilst I want to stay at home, I don't expect to pay sweet FA for it".
    sorry but if my parents asked for money off me when i was living there i would have told them where to stick it. if your living with your parents its usually because you cant afford to live anywhere else.
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    Well IMHO you should contribut to food and do chores and definatly cook for yourself and maybe do some for the family when you're there, and maybe contribute a share towards bills, but definatly not rent - firstly presumably your parents own the property - so morgage is in their name and their responsibility. If I took out a loan - I'm responsible - I would not expect my parents to repay it...so why should you pay rent in the family home? If you are boarding somewhere else then fair play.

    The only Unis I know of that catagoriclly ban working in term time are Oxbridge (Oxford and Cambridge) and thats for good reasons, to make up for it their terms are much shorter - 8 weeks - the idea is you earn money in the holidays.

    Uni is like a rite of passage - you study, work and live alone, or with your parents - the point is - you take responsibility for your own actions, your own mistakes - you screw something up = you are held accountable for it = more more parents to make your excuses. you want to live out, there's nothing stopping you. surprise surprise - you have to pay your own way.

    There's a thing called budgeting - the idea is you dont spend all your money - you plan. if you want food - you buy it. If you use the phone - of course you should pay for it. dont say oh I pay X amount as if you diddnt have to

    You're at Uni, that means your big enough and ugly enough to fend for yourself. yes money will be tight - yes life is sometimes hard - welcome to the world. personally my parents are doctors and they did cancer reserch for years - I fended for myself at school and away from home. I go to boarding school - I still look after myself. yes my family are pretty confortable - but if you think money solves everything and makes you happy then you're on the highway to nowhere.

    You should be stretching yourself - your at Uni, the world is at your feet - get a grip and take control of your life! I cant wait to go - because there's so much you discover about yourself and the world - this is the best time of your life - what the hell are you doing sulking at home? you dont like living there = move out!

    Take some action and start living - if I can look after myself - so can you - and yes you can do it I know people that have put up with worse for years - and they're doing fine for themselves. it is a test of fire - but when you make it, you'll be a lot stronger.

    good luck

    Wangers
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    (Original post by high priestess fnord)
    sorry but if my parents asked for money off me when i was living there i would have told them where to stick it. if your living with your parents its usually because you cant afford to live anywhere else.
    And there isn't anything wrong with living with your parents when you're at uni. Lots of people do it. I would like to think that you'd at least offer to help out if you were working as well as being at uni but then perhaps I am too idealistic. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Segat1)
    And there isn't anything wrong with living with your parents when you're at uni. Lots of people do it. I would like to think that you'd at least offer to help out if you were working as well as being at uni but then perhaps I am too idealistic. :rolleyes:
    ok so average day for me when i lived at home:

    get up, grab something portable for breakfast and get the school bus. come home from school, relax for almost exactly 20 mins with a cup of tea, go to the bus stop again to pick up my sister so she didnt have to walk back alone, start cooking something, open the door for my brother, lay the table and put out drinks, serve dinner for my siblings, put two plates of food on one side, one plate in the oven for my dad and leave the other to cool down ready to put in the fridge for my mum, have dinner, clear the table, yell at my sister for not even putting her plate in the kitchen, wash up, do ironing, maybe change the beds or do some dusting, put food on the table for my dad, do some homework, be yelled at by my mum as she enters the house, help my mum take shopping form the car to the fridge or cupboards, escape upstairs again and read till i go to bed, wake up at 2am because my mums throwing things at me and screaming that ive not done something and that shes fed up of doing everything for the family, tidy my room/put away a knife thats been left on the side or whatever it is my mums been yelling about, try and go back to sleep.

    my mum works sat so i would do pretty much the same or see if i could catch a lift to town with her and leave my dad with some ready meals or something to eat.

    if i was asked to pay rent on top of that i would not be impressed. just think how much you would have to pay a nanny to do what i did every day and no paying tenant is going to put up with being yelled at in the early hours of the morning.
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    #1

    (Original post by shinyhappy)
    Yep, because you sound really mature, and worthy of her respect..


    Can't you ask your dad for help? If your sister is living with him, then presumably he would be happy to try and support you too?
    Well I have to pay for those items now and the bill is worth two days pay!

    Luckly my dad is helping out

    Anyway seriously, this is an example of my mother. She's allowed to put me down, say I'm not good enough, I'm lazy, etc etc etc. Yet it's all right for her to leave the house/her room in one big mess, argh she's just so selfish and doesn't care about me at all, never has.

    Whatever I AM actively looking for work so that I can get the hell out, but I just feel annoyed that she's being so stingy and not offering to help out.
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    #1

    (Original post by high priestess fnord)
    ok so average day for me when i lived at home:

    get up, grab something portable for breakfast and get the school bus. come home from school, relax for almost exactly 20 mins with a cup of tea, go to the bus stop again to pick up my sister so she didnt have to walk back alone, start cooking something, open the door for my brother, lay the table and put out drinks, serve dinner for my siblings, put two plates of food on one side, one plate in the oven for my dad and leave the other to cool down ready to put in the fridge for my mum, have dinner, clear the table, yell at my sister for not even putting her plate in the kitchen, wash up, do ironing, maybe change the beds or do some dusting, put food on the table for my dad, do some homework, be yelled at by my mum as she enters the house, help my mum take shopping form the car to the fridge or cupboards, escape upstairs again and read till i go to bed, wake up at 2am because my mums throwing things at me and screaming that ive not done something and that shes fed up of doing everything for the family, tidy my room/put away a knife thats been left on the side or whatever it is my mums been yelling about, try and go back to sleep.

    my mum works sat so i would do pretty much the same or see if i could catch a lift to town with her and leave my dad with some ready meals or something to eat.

    if i was asked to pay rent on top of that i would not be impressed. just think how much you would have to pay a nanny to do what i did every day and no paying tenant is going to put up with being yelled at in the early hours of the morning.
    I agree, sounds kinda like my life a few years ago when my younger sister was still in school. And I still do the dishes, take bins out etc.

    Thanks for all your supportive posts btw :hugs:
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    #1

    Anyway I also DESPERATELY need help with my temper

    PLEASE help me! I'm scared I'm gonna do something one day, like slap my mum or something if she puts me down again, I mean I try to control myself but I do kinda have a temper...

    Perhaps count to ten and think calming thoughts?

    Either way I gotta move out! I can't take her harrassment.
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    Spoilt brat.
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    (Original post by little_red_sox)
    Spoilt brat.
    Tbh I think that's being a tad harsh. You don't even know me, and you're making assumptions like that when you have no idea what I've been through, or what it was like growing up with a mother who doesn't care for you.

    It's not like you had to deal with that.

    Also, someone posted about attending a uni that doesn't encourage working during term time.

    I am highly academic, and this is the type of university I go to. It's hard working, studying and supporting myself at the same time, and I do pay rent, so I'm certainly not spoiled. I feel hard done by, I guess, but thanks to the helpful posts on this thread I know it can't be that bad to live out of home.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    cos nothing I ever do is right, like if I clean the house she wants to know what I must have done wrong to make it need cleaning.
    And that's simply not fair is it! You're being a kind person by cleaning the house, and she immediately assumes you've done something wrong. That's quite rude.

    I can sympathise with that, last weekend I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the shower, bathroom walls etc, and she comes past with her coffee going 'oh what about the bath?'.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Tbh I think that's being a tad harsh. You don't even know me, and you're making assumptions like that when you have no idea what I've been through, or what it was like growing up with a mother who doesn't care for you.

    It's not like you had to deal with that.

    Also, someone posted about attending a uni that doesn't encourage working during term time.

    I am highly academic, and this is the type of university I go to. It's hard working, studying and supporting myself at the same time, and I do pay rent, so I'm certainly not spoiled. I feel hard done by, I guess, but thanks to the helpful posts on this thread I know it can't be that bad to live out of home.
    Excuse me, princess??? I'm one of 8 kids and my mother is an alcoholic and a clinical nutcase. She used to beat me with a wooden stick she called "Henry". My room periodically got trashed when she threw a rage and she forgot my birthday more than once. We had Social Services round every other week (who we were made to lie to) because we went to school black and blue.

    Don't give me that sh**, little miss hard done by.:rolleyes:

    EDIT: Of course she has so much contempt for you she opens her home for you and "Doesn't want you to leave"?
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    #1

    (Original post by little_red_sox)
    Excuse me, princess??? I'm one of 8 kids and my mother is an alcoholic and a clinical nutcase. She used to beat me with a wooden stick she called "Henry". My room periodically got trashed when she threw a rage and she forgot my birthday more than once. We had Social Services round every other week (who we were made to lie to) because we went to school black and blue.

    Don't give me that sh**, little miss hard done by.:rolleyes:

    EDIT: Of course she has so much contempt for you she opens her home for you and "Doesn't want you to leave"?
    She does want me to leave, and has been wanting me to go for a while now

    I just haven't gotten around finding a house yet, but I'm looking.

    I'm also sorry to hear you had to go through that, I didn't know I apologise. I just assumed you came from a nice home, like most of my friends.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a chick tho :p: But that's beside the point.
    Actually being female could be a huge factor here. Many mothers show contempt for their daughters. Especially if the mother has been divorced and have no good career of their own. What does she do for work?
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    You're lucky to have a mum and dad at all (separated or not), not to mention a roof over your head.

    I can understand financial struggle I really, really can but surely if you're in your 20s now it's time to stand on your own?

    Uni is suppost to teach you independence so I don't really think it's right to expect help when you are there to learn how to fend for yourself.

    Also, you are an adult therefore your mum can't stop you from moving out if you really want to.

    Life is hard. :whip
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    (Original post by little_red_sox)
    Excuse me, princess??? I'm one of 8 kids and my mother is an alcoholic and a clinical nutcase. She used to beat me with a wooden stick she called "Henry". My room periodically got trashed when she threw a rage and she forgot my birthday more than once. We had Social Services round every other week (who we were made to lie to) because we went to school black and blue.

    Don't give me that sh**, little miss hard done by.:rolleyes:

    EDIT: Of course she has so much contempt for you she opens her home for you and "Doesn't want you to leave"?
    little_red_sox, stop moaning. People have it worse off then you ,remember. Quotes:

    (Original post by little_red_sox)
    So what the hell are you whining for? You have a darn sight more than most kids.
    You sound like a spoilt kid.
    Move on.

    See, pretty annoying eh?

    OP: Move to your friends place, I think I saw a post of you mentioning them earlier.
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    Please read the thread and have the intelligence to realise why I posted the above statement; i.e post 55.

    Thank you.
 
 
 
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