Join TSR now for chat about life, relationships, fashion and more…Sign up now

Dilemma - Confused about my feelings Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Menrva)
    I think as long as you are safe you should just go out and enjoy yourself. What you should realise is that you are not obliged to come out to anyone. Don't worry about how your family might react, think about your own happiness. It might be a good idea to speak to someone about it though, someone you trust or even better someone who has gone through the same thing.

    I wouldn't advise coming out to everyone when you are still confused with your sexuality. Take some time to discover yourself, perhaps join a LGBT community to help "normalise" the fact you could be bisexual.
    That's what i was thinking, i won't do anything that is stupid. I was also think that also however yo know you get the feeling of not wanting to disappoint them. It's also the thing of the whole children thing :/ I think once i get over that i should be fine. They have always told me they will love me no matter what etc so i think they would be fine.

    My best friend from school has just come out and i have been speaking to him about it. It was so nice to just talk to someone. I would only ever do it if i was 100% sure, good idea.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    One other thing:

    My parents keep saying you ned to get a girlfriend meet someone new etc all that crap. It's especially annoying with whats happening at the moment. I think over the next few weeks i am going to see how things go if they carry on the way they/get better i might sit down and have a chat with my mum. Just her as i can speak to her. Just explain my situation really just so she will stop. If they go the other way and i feel the opposite as to what i am i won't bother. I think it's going to be the easiest way for me to cope, i've been thought allot the past 2 years and i don't want to end up back how i was. Over something that i could of probably avoided. What do you think? Good or bad idea? The only thing i am scared of is 1. Disappointing them 2. the whole grand child thing! My sister has a daughter but i expect my mum would like more, obviously thats not a reason to marry a woman and have children. I just want to be happy. I don't know why however when i split with my ex girlfriend (2 years ago) her mum went off on one about me she was evil, saying i should "come out of the closet" and all of that crap when i was with her daughter for for about 8 months doing the usual teenage sex thing. But my mum did say something that has brought me some hope, with all the hassle we had i saved all the messages Facebook posts etc just incase. I saw them again the other day when i was looking for a photo Her mum Said: "Put ya boy back in the cupboard gay ****"
    and my mum said "He can be anything he wants to be gay or straight we will still be proud of him"
    Seeing this has made me feel better however I'm not sure if she was just saying it, but my mums not the sort of person who just says things if that makes sense?

    Thanks for your time and sorry for the long post! Need to get a few things out before i flip.
    I still am grateful for any advice you can give! So please keep replying!

    Thanks again
    Jon
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    With regards to talking to your mum, test out the waters when you're a bit more sure of how you feel. Sometimes parents can really surprise you (in a good way!) with how they react to things :yes: For example, I come from an Asian Catholic family and my mum kinda realised before I did that I'm not straight. I took years though to pluck up the courage to try and talk to her about and even THEN I didn't really articulate what I was trying to say. Despite all that, my mum was reassuring and told me that though I'd never be able to have a big Asian-style wedding inviting lots of family members, that I could have a small-scale same-sex marriage and that my dad would (somehow) get over it one day :o:

    Your mum sounds great tbh from what you've written, so I'd encourage you to give it a go :yep:
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    With regards to talking to your mum, test out the waters when you're a bit more sure of how you feel. Sometimes parents can really surprise you (in a good way!) with how they react to things :yes: For example, I come from an Asian Catholic family and my mum kinda realised before I did that I'm not straight. I took years though to pluck up the courage to try and talk to her about and even THEN I didn't really articulate what I was trying to say. Despite all that, my mum was reassuring and told me that though I'd never be able to have a big Asian-style wedding inviting lots of family members, that I could have a small-scale same-sex marriage and that my dad would (somehow) get over it one day :o:

    Your mum sounds great tbh from what you've written, so I'd encourage you to give it a go :yep:
    What do you mean by test the waters?
    My cousin has said to me recently that when i was younger she thought that i was gay but i just spoke posh :') Good for you though! My dad doesn't really speak much so i don't know how he would react he doesn't speak about how he feels he just gets moody when he's miserable like the rest of us!

    I think i will eventually!
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Jon1208)
    What do you mean by test the waters?
    My cousin has said to me recently that when i was younger she thought that i was gay but i just spoke posh :') Good for you though! My dad doesn't really speak much so i don't know how he would react he doesn't speak about how he feels he just gets moody when he's miserable like the rest of us!

    I think i will eventually!
    I guess I mean you don't have to outright tell her anything, but you can just drop a hint to see how she reacts, if you're worried about repercussions or anything? Like I've never said to my mum "I think I'm a lesbian" and I have no intention of saying that to her anytime soon But she got the gist from the vague hints I gave :yes:
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    I guess I mean you don't have to outright tell her anything, but you can just drop a hint to see how she reacts, if you're worried about repercussions or anything? Like I've never said to my mum "I think I'm a lesbian" and I have no intention of saying that to her anytime soon But she got the gist from the vague hints I gave :yes:
    Sorry for me being and idiot! :') Could you give a example of a hint :') I see you gave her enough so she could guess for herself?
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Jon1208)
    Sorry for me being and idiot! :') Could you give a example of a hint :') I see you gave her enough so she could guess for herself?
    Not being an idiot at all! I can't quite remember what I said to my mum. I think I asked her a bizarre question, or made a bizarre comment, about I can't see how anyone finds penises attractive or something
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Haha! :') I see! That's fair enough haha! I'm sure that i will think of something, or i will come back on here and ask some people (: i am feeling much better then i did this morning about the situation!
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Not being an idiot at all! I can't quite remember what I said to my mum. I think I asked her a bizarre question, or made a bizarre comment, about I can't see how anyone finds penises attractive or something
    Why have I always thought you were male :facepalm:

    Also, OP... It's funny with bisexuality. I had a friend a while ago, who was like, it doesn't exist, if you're considering it you're gay. (he meant you in general sense, not me) not that he had anything against gays. But yeah people j seem to think it doesn't exist.

    I don't think you need to tell anyone though? Like you shouldn't have to tell people. They can just find out themselves if they witness something or whatever.
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by L'Evil Fish)
    Why have I always thought you were male :facepalm:
    Quite a few people expect me to be male coz I'm a Goatherd, not a Goatherdess or whatever the female equivalent would be. They don't realise it's a song title and so presume I'm male
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Quite a few people expect me to be male coz I'm a Goatherd, not a Goatherdess or whatever the female equivalent would be. They don't realise it's a song title and so presume I'm male
    It's bizarre the assumptions we make. I should click people's usernames to check :lol: I don't normally make a judgement but I've seen you a lot on Oxbridge threads so I made one.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by L'Evil Fish)
    Why have I always thought you were male :facepalm:

    Also, OP... It's funny with bisexuality. I had a friend a while ago, who was like, it doesn't exist, if you're considering it you're gay. (he meant you in general sense, not me) not that he had anything against gays. But yeah people j seem to think it doesn't exist.

    I don't think you need to tell anyone though? Like you shouldn't have to tell people. They can just find out themselves if they witness something or whatever.
    Thats what i have always thought. however i don't want to have the secrecy thing so she could in a way cover for me :').

    I have no problem with how people identify Gay, Straight lesbian bi etc. I knew someone who is bisexual in school and to this day he is still. The only problem with people witnessing things is people talk and then twist things
    • PS Reviewer
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by L'Evil Fish)
    It's bizarre the assumptions we make. I should click people's usernames to check :lol: I don't normally make a judgement but I've seen you a lot on Oxbridge threads so I made one.
    I would have thought the style of posting (excessive smilies) and the pink username would give it away, but meh
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    As long as your parents aren't overly religious or have strong homophobic views, I can safely say with time (if not immediately) they would accept and accustom to the truth of your sexuality. They might not like the idea straight away and they might initially be disappointed about the possibility of no grandchildren, but you do not hold any responsibility of giving them grandchildren anyway (regardless of your sexuality). Good parents love their children unconditionally, and it sounds to me like you have great parents! Remember, It's your life so you should live it the way you want. And anyway even if you were to settle with a guy, you could always look into adoption. I still think it's best to speak to family once you are definitely sure of your sexuality. It can be confusing if you later feel you were wrong and it was "just a phase". Take some time to discover the truth for yourself.

    In my opinion I believe that sexuality is not as simple as a label. It belongs on a scale and can change during a persons lifetime. People who are deemed bisexual may not necessarily be 50/50 either side.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Menrva)
    As long as your parents aren't overly religious or have strong homophobic views, I can safely say with time (if not immediately) they would accept and accustom to the truth of your sexuality. They might not like the idea straight away and they might initially be disappointed about the possibility of no grandchildren, but you do not hold any responsibility of giving them grandchildren anyway (regardless of your sexuality). Good parents love their children unconditionally, and it sounds to me like you have great parents! Remember, It's your life so you should live it the way you want. And anyway even if you were to settle with a guy, you could always look into adoption. I still think it's best to speak to family once you are definitely sure of your sexuality. It can be confusing if you later feel you were wrong and it was "just a phase". Take some time to discover the truth for yourself.

    In my opinion I believe that sexuality is not as simple as a label. It belongs on a scale and can change during a persons lifetime. People who are deemed bisexual may not necessarily be 50/50 either side.
    Thanks, as i said before advice is helpful! I'm probably not going to be speaking any tie soon, ill see as to whats going on etc. The grandchildren thing doesn't bother me as much as the disappointment thing, as i know adoption is an option or you have the carrier thingy. Cant think of the name. I will do i'm not going to rush into it, i need to make sure however i think i might be able to at least explain my situation to her and she will understand i don't know i might even ask the guy that i have been talking about.

    I have also been thinking the same thing! I believe that it can change at any moment, depending on the circumstances, who you are around etc.
    Thanks!
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Anyone else got any advice? I've not done that much today and i've had allot to think about. But it's just getting worse i need to stop thinking!
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Well on sunday he seemed to get funny towards me. I just had to tell him how i felt, i sent him a long message explaining how i felt etc and he seemed understanding however now it seems as if he doesn't want to talk to me or as if it is too hard. I message him when i get up however i said to him last night where he was at work today message me when you are free as to which he agreed. Well about 4 this afternoon he messaged me saying he has been trying to message me all day but it wouldn't send. I'm not sure if that is true or he just doesn't want to speak to me? We are due to meet on friday when i said to him yesterday friday still okay he said yeah he has to check with work that he doesn't have to do any extra work and was going to let me know to which he hasn't. It's annoying me, after speaking to him non stop for almost a week and now he is acting like this?
    I feel as if i am being led on and that's not what i want. On friday if he doesn't want to meet i think that will make my decision whether to pursue him or not. If we do meet on friday and he is like he was last week i am going to have to set it straight with him as this isn't fair.
    What is everyones thoughts?
    Thanks!
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: December 31, 2014
Poll
If you won £30,000, which of these would you spend it on?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.