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    I am an able person. Yet when I'm around people, I make them believe I'm dumb. I see a solution to something in a conversation, but I hold back saying it. I hold back all the time. The only time when I don't hold back is when I'm doing school work. It's so strange because I know exactly why I'm doing something, like adding an idea in my work, but when I take that idea away, my work becomes ordinary. Is it normal to realise this?

    When I'm talking to others, I purposely use smaller and basic words around educated people to make them think to themselves 'how are they capable of achieving what they do when they are so basic and 'dull'. I come across very dull in real life. I know I do, yet people think I don't realize this, and I love it.

    What is this behavior? Is it self deprecation? I always like to put myself down when I'm with someone who thinks they're better than everyone, yet when I discuss my work to them, they are angered by the fact that mine is better than theirs. I get deep satisfaction by appearing like a dolt, yet scoring like a 'posh conservative' in my work.

    The problem is. I feel very oppressed. I feel like there is a huge weight on my shoulders. Is this normal?
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    That's a lot of heavy to read at 10 at night. Yeah, seems normal, in my view anyway. You sound better than all those idiots who constantly brag saying "look at me, I'm beautiful and clever". No wonder you feel angered around them if they're those types.

    To me, you sound like you've humbled yourself to the point of appearing stupid. No problem with that, just.... I don't know. If you want to change anything, it'd be to change how you communicate with others.

    I know this might sound like useless, confused babble to you, but hope it helps all the same.

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    (Original post by Judge Jasel)
    That's a lot of heavy to read at 10 at night. Yeah, seems normal, in my view anyway. You sound better than all those idiots who constantly brag saying "look at me, I'm beautiful and clever". No wonder you feel angered around them if they're those types.

    To me, you sound like you've humbled yourself to the point of appearing stupid. No problem with that, just.... I don't know. If you want to change anything, it'd be to change how you communicate with others.

    I know this might sound like useless, confused babble to you, but hope it helps all the same.

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    No it's not a lot of babble at all. I understand what you're saying. I just can't seem to translate my academic achievement into everyday life. My academic success seems to be completely separate in itself from the rest of me. I appear very dull. I can't make conversation like most people. The clever me and the dull me are like two polarized opposites in my mind and I feel like this is ripping me apart. I would definitely say I'm dull, only I score very high in my work. I look back at something and I don't understand how I managed to do it. I think another person has written it because most of the time, my mind doesn't think in such depth required for school work.
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    (Original post by Borden)
    Women have smaller brains and cannot process as much information and really you should be in the kitchen.
    Sounds like science to me.
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    (Original post by Borden)
    Women have smaller brains and cannot process as much information and really you should be in the kitchen.
    :slap:
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    (Original post by Pretty Girl)
    No it's not a lot of babble at all. I understand what you're saying. I just can't seem to translate my academic achievement into everyday life. My academic success seems to be completely separate in itself from the rest of me. I appear very dull. I can't make conversation like most people. The clever me and the dull me are like two polarized opposites in my mind and I feel like this is ripping me apart. I would definitely say I'm dull, only I score very high in my work. I look back at something and I don't understand how I managed to do it. I think another person has written it because most of the time, my mind doesn't think in such depth required for school work.
    I get you. Two things must happen.

    A) you magically change and learn to converse.

    B) someone approaches you and forces conversation from you.

    Do everything and anything to change this. Pick up a hobby, watch more tv, play games or something. If you already do, then start by using them as conversation starters. You're not dull, don't get yourself down like this. Also, I'm sure you have friends of your own, so why not hang out with them?

    Believe you me, academic achievement is not the be-all-end-all, once you leave school, no one cares what your test marks were. That's the honest truth. I think you're doing well, separating studies from life... better than a lot of us. I think your main problem is to be a bit more extrovert? If that makes sense?

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    I understand where you're coming from op
    (Original post by Borden)
    Women have smaller brains and cannot process as much information and really you should be in the kitchen.
    Controversial dude
    (Original post by DeceitfulDove)
    :slap:
    Be nice.
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    (Original post by Borden)
    The OP is trying to be some wannabe femme-fatale. When in actual fact, so many young women today are aesthetic image and nothing else. There is no intelligence there, just an abyss no morals, no ethics, nothing.
    And on what grounds do you base this observation?

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    (Original post by bittr n swt)


    Be nice.
    I'm always nice :angel:
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    (Original post by Borden)
    The OP is trying to be some wannabe femme-fatale. When in actual fact, so many young women today are aesthetic image and nothing else. There is no intelligence there, just an abyss no morals, no ethics, nothing.
    Alright
    You are entitled to your opinion cool
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    At the risk of sounding conceited I have to remind my self to shut up too sometimes. I resolve never to be a witness to stupidity while I can still make noise but the sheer ignorance of some people astounds me and I am left thinking - why do I bother?

    I'm fallible and you will have to forgive my own mild imposture but the words of Socrates, as attributed to him by Plato, are often with me: "I know that I know nothing" (originally from the Latin: "ipse se nihil scire id unum sciat").

    My issue is why people don't want to find out.

    Only about 5 mins ago my mother was reading aloud from Pears about a medical condition for her crossword (she's old school!!) and asked step father "so does it aaffect animals?" I know what she meant but condition quite clearly a human one and humans ARE animals. I hate me too
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    Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
    Marianne Williamson
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    (Original post by Borden)
    The same thing Adam Smith based the Wealth of Nations upon, observation. Too use a crude but effective quote from Bill Burr 'the world is filled with women patting themselves on the back and no one wants to correct them because they wish to have sex with them'.

    There is nothing behind the façade, they have been judged and found wanting, no doubt desolation will follow.
    Fair enough. Animals will always be animals. I see your point.

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    (Original post by Borden)
    Do you care for feminism and such misandrist ideologies?
    I despise it as they want to be superior and they don't care about men
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    (Original post by bittr n swt)
    I despise it as they want to be superior and they don't care about men
    It wasn't always like that though was it? It's only recently that it seems like feminists want absolute power. Before, it was just changing social convention, living in a patraichial society and all.

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    (Original post by Borden)
    Feminism has always had a ruthless tinge to it. Emmeline Pankhurst and the Suffragettes fire-bombed churches and the house of Lloyd George (who was a supporter of enfranchising women!) in order to intimidate and bully their opposition.
    I see what you mean. Hmmm.... But not every woman is a savage right?

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    (Original post by Pretty Girl)
    I am an able person. Yet when I'm around people, I make them believe I'm dumb. I see a solution to something in a conversation, but I hold back saying it. I hold back all the time. The only time when I don't hold back is when I'm doing school work. It's so strange because I know exactly why I'm doing something, like adding an idea in my work, but when I take that idea away, my work becomes ordinary. Is it normal to realise this?

    When I'm talking to others, I purposely use smaller and basic words around educated people to make them think to themselves 'how are they capable of achieving what they do when they are so basic and 'dull'. I come across very dull in real life. I know I do, yet people think I don't realize this, and I love it.

    What is this behavior? Is it self deprecation? I always like to put myself down when I'm with someone who thinks they're better than everyone, yet when I discuss my work to them, they are angered by the fact that mine is better than theirs. I get deep satisfaction by appearing like a dolt, yet scoring like a 'posh conservative' in my work.

    The problem is. I feel very oppressed. I feel like there is a huge weight on my shoulders. Is this normal?
    I think I sort of get what you mean (realise that doesn't sound very useful). Though I think I don't restrain myself anywhere near as much as you do- I struggle when with big groups of my friends as they often argue about things or say things that have a clear correct answer, and have to stop myself from saying anything to try and not seem like a know-it-all. I don't know if it's the same but I do pretend not to know quite a lot of random general knowledge stuff- weird pop culture, names of celebrities that for everyone else are just random faces. I don't deliberately try to know this stuff, useless knowledge just seems to stick in my head, and then I don't want to seem like a weirdo for knowing stuff that nobody else does. Seems like we don't do it for the same reasons but I get (I think) how it feels to hold back in conversations, at the expense of everyone else thinking you're quiet and pretty dull. Though if I do say something I then end up feeling equally bad as everyone just thinks I'm weird and boring for knowing things. Kinda a lose-lose situation. I realise this is basically an incoherent ramble so i'll stop now aha
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    (Original post by Orange s0da)
    Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
    Marianne Williamson
    This quotes accurately describes how I feel around people. Although I said I hold back because I like it, I'm also afraid of trying to be 'brilliant'. I'm afraid of reaching my potential. I'm afraid of finding all my strengths and weaknesses. I believe that if I were to reach my potential, I'd lose my soul, my charm, and ultimately hope.

    I also refrain from being assertive in conversation, not because I want to appear dumb, but because I'm worried that my best effort to be assertive may not be good enough. I'm so afraid of this feeling. I'd much rather be 'dumb' with a feeling of potential I can use to feel good about myself. I think 'I could be like her if I tried' but I never do try.
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    Doctor Smash in da house*

    (Original post by Pretty Girl)
    No it's not a lot of babble at all. I understand what you're saying. I just can't seem to translate my academic achievement into everyday life. My academic success seems to be completely separate in itself from the rest of me. I appear very dull. I can't make conversation like most people. The clever me and the dull me are like two polarized opposites in my mind and I feel like this is ripping me apart. I would definitely say I'm dull, only I score very high in my work. I look back at something and I don't understand how I managed to do it. I think another person has written it because most of the time, my mind doesn't think in such depth required for school work.
    if it's unintentional to appear socially clueless yet you are academically brilliant you are an idiot savant

    if it's a deliberate facade then this is a form of passive-aggressive manipulation you sly fox reasons for your anger at pretentious holier-than-thou people; you value humility, simply. You believe that actions speak louder than words:

    "[/i]When I'm talking to others, I purposely use smaller and basic words around educated people to make them think to themselves 'how are they capable of achieving what they do when they are so basic and 'dull'. I come across very dull in real life. I know I do, yet people think I don't realise this, and I love it. [/I]"

    However in this case we are talking about insecure passivity in interpersonal relations. Indeed you admit to surprise as the high standards of your work, as if you lack confidence:

    "I also refrain from being assertive in conversation, not because I want to appear dumb, but because I'm worried that my best effort to be assertive may not be good enough. I'm so afraid of this feeling. I'd much rather be 'dumb' with a feeling of potential I can use to feel good about myself. I think 'I could be like her if I tried' but I never do try."[/QUOTE]

    (Original post by Pretty Girl)
    I would definitely say I'm dull, only I score very high in my work. I look back at something and I don't understand how I managed to do it. I think another person has written it because most of the time, my mind doesn't think in such depth required for school work.
    Reasons for this mentality include basic low self-esteem,

    "I would definitely say I'm dull"

    co-dependent traits, such as people-pleasing and indeed fear of own potential. Were you a male this would be the epitome of nice guy (as opposed to Roebrt Glover's Nice Guy trademark) or what Redpill refers to as 'blue pill'. That is, insecure and lacking confidence, so compensating with a passive agreeability in your social interactions-potential to be a doormat, though you are not so extreme:

    "I hold back saying it. I hold back all the time."

    To be fair the vast majority of women had been raised to be docile and passive in this way pre-feminism, right down to the Purity Complex.

    Explanation for passivity and people-pleasing traits include need for external validation. Possible family and/or childhood background where if you were to assert yourself against your parents and/or authority figures (incl. peers if low self-esteem present e.g. bullying) they would respond by withdrawing affection and support. Failures to please by asserting your own needs as an adult therefore tap into deep-seated fears of abandonment from childhood. May be present in a milder form even if parents did not engage in this form of abuse.

    I was reading about this just last night. Until you have detached yourself from the insecure inner child and feel emotionally independent, that is until you are unafraid to risk abandonment by peers if they refuse to respect your needs as an equal and adult, and until you are able to fulfil those emotional needs for yourself….you will replay this dynamic in all of your adolescent/adult reships (the fantasy bond). Thus you are creating a lot of existential discomfort, insecurity and feelings of regret for failure to live up to your adult potential:

    " I think 'I could be like her if I tried' but I never do try. "

    edit2: From a less familial/psychodynamic/classical perspective, perhaps the achievement of your potential taps into your death anxiety. That is, if you become the person you've always wanted to be, and gain the life you always wanted to live-what else is there in life to become, to achieve?
    Is that the beginning of your own inevitable demise? If you fail at your goals, is this a 'death of the self'?

    "I'm also afraid of trying to be 'brilliant'. I'm afraid of reaching my potential. I'm afraid of finding all my strengths and weaknesses. I believe that if I were to reach my potential, I'd lose my soul, my charm, and ultimately hope."

    Death anxiety has been known to hold back many a bright spark. In this case your need to act inferior around peers can again be seen as a form of the fantasy bond above, a psychological defence mechanism against conscious awareness of death anxiety and mortality. Again:

    " I'm worried that my best effort to be assertive may not be good enough. I'm so afraid of this feeling. I'd much rather be 'dumb' with a feeling of potential I can use to feel good about myself. "

    Again, acting 'dumb' can be read as acting like a passive, insecure child at the earliest days of life; a self-actualised adult is too close to the end, too threatening.

    Because this is not extreme insecurity, but an almost natural level of it, you have some faith in your abilities to 'prove them wrong'

    [B]I am an able person.[/I] Yet when I'm around people, I make them believe I'm dumb. I see a solution to something in a conversation, but I hold back saying it. I hold back all the time. The only time when I don't hold back is when I'm doing school work

    even if you don't expect to achieve the greatness that you do.

    *Disclaimer: I am not a certified GP or psychiatrist
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    (Original post by Pretty Girl)
    I am an able person. Yet when I'm around people, I make them believe I'm dumb. I see a solution to something in a conversation, but I hold back saying it. I hold back all the time. The only time when I don't hold back is when I'm doing school work. It's so strange because I know exactly why I'm doing something, like adding an idea in my work, but when I take that idea away, my work becomes ordinary. Is it normal to realise this?

    When I'm talking to others, I purposely use smaller and basic words around educated people to make them think to themselves 'how are they capable of achieving what they do when they are so basic and 'dull'. I come across very dull in real life. I know I do, yet people think I don't realize this, and I love it.

    What is this behavior? Is it self deprecation? I always like to put myself down when I'm with someone who thinks they're better than everyone, yet when I discuss my work to them, they are angered by the fact that mine is better than theirs. I get deep satisfaction by appearing like a dolt, yet scoring like a 'posh conservative' in my work.

    The problem is. I feel very oppressed. I feel like there is a huge weight on my shoulders. Is this normal?

    To summarise my above response to you OP:

    -Insecurity, social anxiety

    -Hostility to 'educated' snobs, pretentious, and arrogant people; made to feel intellectually inadequate as a child perhaps? [Ironically, OP likely to feel some hostility towards me as pretentious snob trying to psychoanalyse her ]

    -Believes actions speak louder than words

    -Power in work, compensates for feelings of inadequacy in social skills etc. Confidence is highest in academic ability but still feelings of insecurity

    -'Idiot savant' traits (genius in some ways, a bit lacking in others; I'm the same, Dyspraxic!)

    -Reasons for insecurity may be unconscious fears of abandonment awakened by trauma tracing back to passive-aggressive techniques such as the cold shoulder in response to defiance or independent thoughts by parents, parent-figures, authority figures and peers when younger (?)

    -Fears of own potential both due to low self-esteem/insecurity, but also death anxiety. Fulfilment of potential seen as a step towards one's own ego mortality (nothing left to live for).

    Therefore in a way you are self-sabotaging.


    tl;dr you need a confidence boost and to be a little less afraid to strut your stuff to people, this can be done without being overly arrogant or pretentious which are two traits that you seem to despise in people.

    But, you must continue to prove to yourself that you are capable of backing up your claims to confidence and your abilities for the sake of your mental health, or you will be caught in the web of the fantasy bond in protection from both fear of abandonment by peers (regarded as parents depriving you of your material needs by your subconscious) and death anxiety on a more existential level.




    I can't read minds but I can navigate feels.

    I have to say I found this thread really interesting! I hope my response helps you in some way

    Sessions are £10 by the hour, trust me this is a bargain!






    Disclaimer: I am not a certified psychiatrist or GP
 
 
 
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