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    For my graduation ceremony, we were guaranteed 3 tickets. My Dad didn't think he'd be able to go (for a good reason), so I wanted it to be my Mum and grandparents from my Dad's side as guaranteed attendees, with my brother (he wasn't sure about his university commitments at the time) and my mum's boyfriend as extras if the tickets were to be accepted.

    I told my Mum this and surprisingly, she absolutely flipped out on me. She cried down the phone calling me selfish and said she wanted her boyfriend there and wanted him and my brother to have the guaranteed tickets over my grandparents. She was hurt that I was choosing my grandparents over her boyfriend and hung up on me. I was shocked by this reaction and so was my boyfriend, who was next to me and could hear the phone call. She has been with her boyfriend for 3 years and I'm not particularly close to him as I didn't see him often due to university (previously) and now I'm working in a different city. However, I've known my grandparents all of my life and I'm really close to them. This didn't mean that I didn't want her boyfriend there - I was more than happy for him to be - but it only seemed right and fair he wasn't a priority over my closer family.

    Anyway, it all worked out fine as the extra tickets were accepted and they all got to come. However, my mum never apologised (only for shouting, not for actually what she said) and I never told her how I felt about anything, as she gets very defensive.

    However, it's affecting my relationship with her to the point of where I'm getting irritated just being around her. I believe this was a very selfish act from her and that she was more worried about making it a more perfect day for her to deal with her own insecurities than thinking about the fact it was actually my special day. I am noticing more traits from her that i actively dislike and I think I'm getting more irritated by them as I've allowed her to get away with being incredibly selfish and not a very nice person, to be honest.

    6 weeks down the line, is it worth saying anything?
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    Parents are always right. You forget that. It's also their job to irritate you as you grow up. That's how they see it.

    This isn't a thing that should drive a massive stave between you, it's ok to sulk but too long won't do any good and she's probably not really giving it a second thought. Cool down and this probably isn't one of those things you should try to be diplomatic about and talk through, too much bad blood.

    The graduation saga is pretty common I believe - you aren't alone. I suffered it, my Dad insisted he and his girlfriend (who took great delight in making my life miserable and acted up something terrible at my brother's graduation, we were almost late for it as a result) were to be the guests. So I didn't get extra tickets and told him it was him and one of my close friends. He threw a tantrum of course, but I let it go because either way, I graduated, and that was the most important thing of the day. Who was there to clap was irrelavent because I still got an applause just like everyone else.

    You'll be alright, welcome to the next stage of your relationship with your parents. Gloomy isn't it!
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    (Original post by Mimir)
    Parents are always right.
    Stopped reading here.
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    Hey what's up.
    I'm glad to hear that your graduation worked out in the end.
    About your mum, I'd say that it is worth saying something, but that it should be done in a well thought out way to make it properly constructive. So for example, you could plan out what you want to ask; but try to explain your POV impartially so that she responds fairly as well and it is a good use of time. Maybe set a good tone by talking over a meal? (Idk)
    Anyway, good luck with this!
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    (Original post by Birkenhead)
    Stopped reading here.
    Then you missed the sarcasm.
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    I'd really suggest you say something

    Me and my mum haven't been on speaking terms for 3months due to her being too stubborn to admit her mistakes.

    So definitely try get it sorted if possible or it'll only get worse!
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    I think how you feel is entirely justified. Your grandparents have been a lifelong connection and her boyfriend is just well, her boyfriend in the grand scheme of things.

    I don't know what to suggest moving forward but it makes sense that you feel the way you say you do.
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    It was your day. You could try reminding her of that?

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    (Original post by Mimir)
    Then you missed the sarcasm.
    Never a good idea to try sarcasm online unless you make it plainly obvious.

    Parents are always right. You forget that. It's also their job to irritate you as you grow up. That's how they see it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    For my graduation ceremony, we were guaranteed 3 tickets. My Dad didn't think he'd be able to go (for a good reason), so I wanted it to be my Mum and grandparents from my Dad's side as guaranteed attendees, with my brother (he wasn't sure about his university commitments at the time) and my mum's boyfriend as extras if the tickets were to be accepted.

    I told my Mum this and surprisingly, she absolutely flipped out on me. She cried down the phone calling me selfish and said she wanted her boyfriend there and wanted him and my brother to have the guaranteed tickets over my grandparents. She was hurt that I was choosing my grandparents over her boyfriend and hung up on me. I was shocked by this reaction and so was my boyfriend, who was next to me and could hear the phone call. She has been with her boyfriend for 3 years and I'm not particularly close to him as I didn't see him often due to university (previously) and now I'm working in a different city. However, I've known my grandparents all of my life and I'm really close to them. This didn't mean that I didn't want her boyfriend there - I was more than happy for him to be - but it only seemed right and fair he wasn't a priority over my closer family.

    Anyway, it all worked out fine as the extra tickets were accepted and they all got to come. However, my mum never apologised (only for shouting, not for actually what she said) and I never told her how I felt about anything, as she gets very defensive.

    However, it's affecting my relationship with her to the point of where I'm getting irritated just being around her. I believe this was a very selfish act from her and that she was more worried about making it a more perfect day for her to deal with her own insecurities than thinking about the fact it was actually my special day. I am noticing more traits from her that i actively dislike and I think I'm getting more irritated by them as I've allowed her to get away with being incredibly selfish and not a very nice person, to be honest.

    6 weeks down the line, is it worth saying anything?
    Probably not. I've met a lot more women in their middle age that are selfish and irrational than those that are grounded and selfless. It's just a trait a lot of women in my life seem to have. Which is sad, because I am a women and I may possibly end up like that, however I am totally resolute not to get to that stage, and so should you be. Just forget your mum, some people are beyond reason and you don't need to like or respect your own parents especially not when you're an adult. you've just graduated and you've got a boyfriend, the future is bright for you. No need to worry about the person your mum is or isn't, just focus on the person you are going to become. Well done by the way
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    (Original post by Temporality)
    Probably not. I've met a lot more women in their middle age that are selfish and irrational than those that are grounded and selfless. It's just a trait a lot of women in my life seem to have. Which is sad, because I am a women and I may possibly end up like that, however I am totally resolute not to get to that stage, and so should you be. Just forget your mum, some people are beyond reason and you don't need to like or respect your own parents especially not when you're an adult. you've just graduated and you've got a boyfriend, the future is bright for you. No need to worry about the person your mum is or isn't, just focus on the person you are going to become. Well done by the way
    Quite a few of the women in my life act like martyrs but are very manipulative and self-serving. No offence to women in general

    Is the relationship between your mum and her boyfriend OK? If I had to guess, there's probably more to this and it has nothing to do with you or your graduation.

    Regardless, don't let her erratic behaviour spoil your big day. Well done
 
 
 
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