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What do you think of this?

So from a very young age I was raised up with my extended family(3 cousins and their parents) (1 single aunt) (my mum and two of my brothers)(and my grandmother )
With all these people in the house there was constant arguing and fighting particularly with the adults.
As a result we as a entire family became alienated away from our family friends .No one wanted to visit us and it became a headache for all the children growing up.
Soon things got worse (my single aunt who is now 43) grew up with a huge amount of bitterness towards men,she often used to argue to random strangers in the street,she sometimes said its because her mum is still live with her and thats why shes ended up like this. Shes never been in a relationship and often demonises the other adults in the house.The worst thing is that she has ended up (forcing)bullying the kids to study from a very young age this was brain washed into our heads.We(the children) weren't allowed out of the house much and as a result our hobbies and our social life started to suffer .She alienates herself away from everyone else in her room.As soon as I started secondary school my aunt wrote a revision timetable herself and left it in her bedroom ,and I had to study 6 hours every saturday in front of her.She made a chart in which I had to tick subjects off .It somehow didn't help as I ended up with lower grades and as a result she'd use the threat "Do you want to get your books out and study in front of me?" She grew an increasing hatred towards me until after my GCSEs (I studied and revised in front of her) ended up with quite poor marks .She then blamed all the childrens results on the other adults in the family.And huge arguments broke out verbal and physical.
One day I was studying with my uncle who my other aunt hated whilst I took a break from my(GCSE) revision I told her that I'm revising slowly at my own pace.She flipped and ran to my bag and poured all my exercise books on the floor in front of me.She then ripped the CGP revision guide which i was studying with my uncle and slapped me with the pages.I cried and cried and told my uncle.He and his wife said that he will never speak to her ever again,then more arguments and fights broke out.The entire house split And my horrible aunt used the expression"for your own good" and "you have to be cruel to be kind"I then became depressed
I'm 19 now and she acts very weird around me sometimes she seems friendly but other time she seems to be constantly complaining and criticising everyone.She doesn't talk to my uncles family except the kids ,she says some of the most racist and horrible things to my cousins about their mother in front of them.She almost brainwashes them against their own mother .
As a result my uncle and his wife live and work in the same house as all this,they now have became slightly insecure.At my age now I feel slightly uncomfortable around them.They make slightly racist comments towards Eastern Europeans who live on my street ,i feel very uneasy when my uncle makes horrendous homophobic comments about people on tv.Channels like bbc 3 do documentaries about teenagers and it quite disgusting the comments he makes.I told my mum about this but she says "If its not hurting you why would you care"
I just don't feel right about this behaviour ,I think its abusive and disrespectful from both sides of the family.
My mum and my grandmother are roughly the same as each other .They suggested like my (single aunt) that "education is what you need right now ,and you can build your life afterwards" How is this possible?If you have been abused and psychologically tortured as a child won't that have a hangover effect in your young adult life?
My mother has started showing similar symptoms as my single aunt (who has never ever been in a relationship) .My mum has stopped going to weddings and socialising with people.As a result she became incredibly nosey and wants to know everything I do everyone I talk to and things like that.
I write this because my single aunt(43) had one of the biggest arguments with words ,fists and she threw a wooden chair at my grandmother.She blamed everything that went wrong in her life on her mother.She suggest that her mum gave her less freedom and didn't let her do what she wanted.She blames her mum and says that she kept her under her thumb for 43 years.Am I going to end up like her? any advice

Reply 1

RayApparently

Original post by 061194

Am I going to end up like her? any advice

Not if you consciously don't want to.

Reply 2

Golland19

No offence, get a job and move out. You're family sound horrendous, I would not like to live in that negativity and over crowding.

You're 19 and old enough to have your own opinions and live your own life. Leave them to their own demise and move on with your life

Reply 3

Radk

Hey im very sorry to hear about this.

Maybe you could see a counsellor? I think it was good of you to share it with us. Maybe if you share it with someone who's really close to you?

It may not sound good but it really helped me to always have someone who cares and I can pour my heart out to. To this day due to certain things I have extreme social anxiety and depression. But it can be completely overcome. Just give it time.

Good luck!

Reply 4

CookieInOrange

Move out, get a job and free yourself of them. Don't worry, you won't turn out like her and it will only have a big impact on the rest of your life if you let it.