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Anyone else kind of feel like their parents have never been there for them? Watch

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    I mean they've been there physically, and physically lived in the same house; they've been there as financial benefactors during childhood and early adolescence; but they've never actually 'been there'?

    It's hard to explain; they've never taken you to the park for example, or to the cinema etc.; they've never developed your mind in the sense of sitting you down and teaching you about life.

    Dont get me wrong, there was always food on the table, and new clothes in my wardrobe; but I've never really felt like I could go to them for something 'free' just like a chat or something.

    yeah, anyone else get that?

    It's come to the point in life where I see people buying their parents expensive gifts like cars etc., and I just don't feel the affinity to do that for mine :dontknow: One the one hand I'm thinking, 'what have you ever done for me' and on the other Im content with them being my financial benefactors.

    Do I have a right to be annoyed? Surely Im allowed to expect more? Or am I asking for too much, bearing in mind starving kids in Africa would die to be in my position?
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    Yeah my parents are exactly the same. They provide for me financially and I appreciate that, but they don't support me emotionally. They're non-nonchalant and I'd be hesitant to describe them as loving carers. My Mum and I exist in the same space but we go days without speaking; and I haven't seen or heard from my Dad all Month.

    It is what it is. Could be worse but I do wish I had a conventional, supportive and emotional family like I see on sitcoms.
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    (Original post by Id and Ego seek)
    Yeah my parents are exactly the same. They provide for me financially and I appreciate that, but they don't support me emotionally. They're non-nonchalant and I'd be hesitant to describe them as loving carers. My Mum and I exist in the same space but we go days without speaking; and I haven't seen or heard from my Dad all Month.

    It is what it is. Could be worse but I do wish I had a conventional, supportive and emotional family like I see on sitcoms.
    sorry to hear that.

    do you feel as if they have let you down?
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    (Original post by swirly)
    sorry to hear that.

    do you feel as if they have let you down?
    Only in the sense that they chose to have me, and now I feel they're neglecting me at increasingly vital and stress points in my development.

    Shouldn't be this hard to connect; I'm not the worst person in the world. I'm pretty interesting, but they just want nothing to do with me. I'm the only one making an effort and they never respond to it.

    Do you feel like your parents have let you down?
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    I have the same with my parents. If I had an issue with anything or with friends or whatever and there has been many I do not feel comfortable at all with going and talking to them. I think (with my parents at least) its because they don't really understand me or teenagers as a whole. They don't get what we are going through so don't give us the time or sympathy or advice we need even when we are dealing with the smallest of things. There have been comments my parents have made with regards to the music I listen to and the clothes I wear that put me off talking to them completely and I think many parents are like this now. It isn't always about the money. Sometimes you just want someone to listen?
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    (Original post by Id and Ego seek)
    Only in the sense that they chose to have me, and now I feel they're neglecting me at increasingly vital and stress points in my development.

    Shouldn't be this hard to connect; I'm not the worst person in the world. I'm pretty interesting, but they just want nothing to do with me. I'm the only one making an effort and they never respond to it.

    Do you feel like your parents have let you down?
    yeah kinda. sometimes they do things out of malice and not out of negligence, and I just think why would a parent even do something like that to their child.
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    (Original post by swirly)
    I mean they've been there physically, and physically lived in the same house; they've been there as financial benefactors during childhood and early adolescence; but they've never actually 'been there'?

    It's hard to explain; they've never taken you to the park for example, or to the cinema etc.; they've never developed your mind in the sense of sitting you down and teaching you about life.

    Dont get me wrong, there was always food on the table, and new clothes in my wardrobe; but I've never really felt like I could go to them for something 'free' just like a chat or something.

    yeah, anyone else get that?

    It's come to the point in life where I see people buying their parents expensive gifts like cars etc., and I just don't feel the affinity to do that for mine :dontknow: One the one hand I'm thinking, 'what have you ever done for me' and on the other Im content with them being my financial benefactors.

    Do I have a right to be annoyed? Surely Im allowed to expect more? Or am I asking for too much, bearing in mind starving kids in Africa would die to be in my position?
    :jumphug:
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    (Original post by swirly)
    I mean they've been there physically, and physically lived in the same house; they've been there as financial benefactors during childhood and early adolescence; but they've never actually 'been there'?

    It's hard to explain; they've never taken you to the park for example, or to the cinema etc.; they've never developed your mind in the sense of sitting you down and teaching you about life.

    Dont get me wrong, there was always food on the table, and new clothes in my wardrobe; but I've never really felt like I could go to them for something 'free' just like a chat or something.

    yeah, anyone else get that?

    It's come to the point in life where I see people buying their parents expensive gifts like cars etc., and I just don't feel the affinity to do that for mine :dontknow: One the one hand I'm thinking, 'what have you ever done for me' and on the other Im content with them being my financial benefactors.

    Do I have a right to be annoyed? Surely Im allowed to expect more? Or am I asking for too much, bearing in mind starving kids in Africa would die to be in my position?
    Apparently this happened to Michael Young (see http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/greatlives ) - Matthew Parris commented to Brian Eno that quite a lot of "great lives" have experienced troubled childhoods...
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    (Original post by Holmstock)
    Apparently this happened to Michael Young (see http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/greatlives ) - Matthew Parris commented to Brian Eno that quite a lot of "great lives" have experienced troubled childhoods...
    so would you say I have a troubled childhood?
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    (Original post by swirly)
    so would you say I have a troubled childhood?
    Sorry, not sure if I recall exactly what Matthew Parris said, but I think he was talking more widely than just people with parents who seemed to have be lacking interest in their children.
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    I think this sort of feeling is part of growing up. It's a process of distancing yourself from your parents to enable you to become your own person. Otherwise you'd always be tied to their apron strings. Children may sometimes be a little self centred, rightly maybe because they are young and don't understand a lot about life. The irony of life is that when we are at our most ignorant we believe that we are most knowledgeable and tend to be hypercritical of others, particularly those close to us.

    It doesn't mean they didn't/don't love you or that you don't love them.

    It's just a step on the path to maturity and independence. Eventually, maybe when you have children of your own say, you will suddenly realise that they did love you and you will appreciate all that they have done for you.

    I would say that what you are feeling has a counter part in the feelings of some parents. They feel that despite all the love they had/have for their children, the children never seem to appreciate the sacrifices they made, never seem to feel the same unconditional love for them that they feel for their children. ( I have heard this so often!)

    This, too, is part of the need for children to get on with their own lives, maybe.

    Interestingly with time both sides may understand the other's point of view and become closer again. The trick is not to leave it too late.

    There was an Irish song I heard many years ago about coming to a time when you would give your right arm to see your parents again. Hopefully you will not wait until they are beyond contact before coming to the realisation of how much they mean to you.
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    My parents are the same but kind of to a lesser extent.
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    I know what you mean. Somedays I feel I'm so alone but I have parents friends ect but just get the feeling no one cares.
    And things all parents do with their children never really happened to me although we did go to the park ect. My childhood was all over the place and a blur tbh.
    Sometimes when I cry my family makes fun of me and tells me it's stupid to get emotional
    When I have children I'll be doing a lot of things differently.
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    (Original post by pickup)
    I think this sort of feeling is part of growing up. It's a process of distancing yourself from your parents to enable you to become your own person. Otherwise you'd always be tied to their apron strings. Children may sometimes be a little self centred, rightly maybe because they are young and don't understand a lot about life. The irony of life is that when we are at our most ignorant we believe that we are most knowledgeable and tend to be hypercritical of others, particularly those close to us.

    It doesn't mean they didn't/don't love you or that you don't love them.

    It's just a step on the path to maturity and independence. Eventually, maybe when you have children of your own say, you will suddenly realise that they did love you and you will appreciate all that they have done for you.

    I would say that what you are feeling has a counter part in the feelings of some parents. They feel that despite all the love they had/have for their children, the children never seem to appreciate the sacrifices they made, never seem to feel the same unconditional love for them that they feel for their children. ( I have heard this so often!)

    This, too, is part of the need for children to get on with their own lives, maybe.

    Interestingly with time both sides may understand the other's point of view and become closer again. The trick is not to leave it too late.

    There was an Irish song I heard many years ago about coming to a time when you would give your right arm to see your parents again. Hopefully you will not wait until they are beyond contact before coming to the realisation of how much they mean to you.
    This would make sense if my parents were ever close to me in the first place. My parents split when I was 2/3 and my Mum's sister looked after me until I was in high school.

    I don't think it's all bad though. I've learned to be wholly independent while still receiving financial support to support and actualise my independent lifestyle. It would take my peers 5-6 more years to reach this mindset
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    Almost entirely.
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    (Original post by Id and Ego seek)
    This would make sense if my parents were ever close to me in the first place. My parents split when I was 2/3 and my Mum's sister looked after me until I was in high school.

    I don't think it's all bad though. I've learned to be wholly independent while still receiving financial support to support and actualise my independent lifestyle. It would take my peers 5-6 more years to reach this mindset
    You are still only ever going to have one mother and one father, ( though your aunt may have effectively been the first.)

    Try and reconcile yourself to your parents. There may have been all sorts of things going on in their lives which you can have no knowledge of, may never know about, and very good reasons why your aunt was looking after you.
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    I feel the same. I see people on TV and irl saying 'I want to thank my mum or dad, for all they've done for me/couldn't have done this without them/their support' and I usually feel if I had to give gratitude, it wouldn't be to my parents. The only thing I'm grateful for is the financial contributions, maybe that's what they're referring to, who knows :dontknow:

    I'm grateful for the provision and I definitely will make sure they're comfortable in old age, but I've never felt close to them.
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    Yeah my relationship with my parents is the same, they've always provided for me but we've never had a "sit down and chat" relationship and some the things that have happened to me it would have been nice to have them to talk too... I think I can sum up the relationship with my dad in terms of the fact that I address him by his first name never dad. Actually makes me feel quite sad writing all this....

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    Absolutely blessed to say I don't feel like that. Even if there is shall we say... Distance between me and my mum haha. (In the literal sense I mean)
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    (Original post by swirly)
    I mean they've been there physically, and physically lived in the same house; they've been there as financial benefactors during childhood and early adolescence; but they've never actually 'been there'?

    It's hard to explain; they've never taken you to the park for example, or to the cinema etc.; they've never developed your mind in the sense of sitting you down and teaching you about life.

    Dont get me wrong, there was always food on the table, and new clothes in my wardrobe; but I've never really felt like I could go to them for something 'free' just like a chat or something.

    yeah, anyone else get that?

    It's come to the point in life where I see people buying their parents expensive gifts like cars etc., and I just don't feel the affinity to do that for mine :dontknow: One the one hand I'm thinking, 'what have you ever done for me' and on the other Im content with them being my financial benefactors.

    Do I have a right to be annoyed? Surely Im allowed to expect more? Or am I asking for too much, bearing in mind starving kids in Africa would die to be in my position?
    Aww Swirls, wanna talk about it? :hugs: PM momma LP
 
 
 
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