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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been seeing a girl now for a few months and last night we spoke about exes and sexual pasts. It turns out she's been with a fair few guys- an amount I feel uncomfortable with and I know my friends would feel the same way. How is the best way to end a relationship in these circumstances? Should I tell her my reasons or perhaps make an excuse that would not offend her as much>

    well, i think you should tell her you're not comfortable with the idea she went out with so many people and did so much.
    tbh its the past and you shouldn't have to let it bother you, but if it bothers you to the point where its beyond bearable, end it.
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    #1

    Well I've just ended it and stood firm on the reasons. The **** hit the fan. "I thought you loved me". "All of my friends have slept with way more". "I've been comparatively good". "Three years single at uni" blah blah blah. I knew I should have made up some crap about compatability.

    Perhaps the moral of the story is to find out before commitment. But how can one ask a girl if she's slept around before deciding to make the plunge and go out with her?
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    The moral of the story is that you're a ****. Hopefully you'll fall off your high horse one day and hurt yourself. You just tore a girl's heart to pieces because of something that happened in her past, that has absolutely no bearing on who she is now, you should be ashamed.
    • #1
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    #1

    The past means nothing to the present? That argument is of course flawed. I took GCSEs in the past. I gained an interest in history. I took history A-Level and came to like the pre-Civil War period. I decided to specialize in that area at uni. Ergo, the past defined and defines where I have been and who I am today respectively.

    Some clever Greek philosopher questioned whether a ship that turns it's sails in the wind is still the same ship. Of course it is. Still the same wood, cloth whatever. Same with a girl. She's changed her ways. Alas, she's still the same person who had a one night stand when drunk during freshers' week. She is still the same girl because there are men out there who remember first hand her behavior at that point in time and no doubt see her as merely another of their cheap conquests. The past exists within the present- by definition they are inseparable.

    Spoke to some friends and they were wonderfully supportive of my decision to end it. The girls at my college I spoke to politely asked if it was really a reason to break up over, but most agreed with my best female friend that it was "quite cute he doesn't want to settle for that kind of girl".
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I do feel incredibly uncomfortable with it- almost as though I'm giving emotionally and practically to a girl other men have blatantly used.

    I'm of the opinion that you get together with a person on the basis of who they are. For example, I would never ask a girl to lose weight if she was of that physique when I started the realtionship. Yet unklike physical and to a great extent personality traits, it is very hard to have knowledge about the sexual past of a girl. I feel lucky in a way to have unocvered the truth so soon. Unlike the other things we choose a partner on, this is surely the most potentially destructive to a relationship on account of the delay involved in finding out. Nonetheless, it is an equally valid reason to end a relationship, as although it is a blind factor for a while, it's still an important tenet of *who they are when you meet them*.

    Also, even if one does find out irritating habits after the realtionship begins, these can often be worked through. My timekeeping for dates and her driving are both things that emerged and we compromised on. But on sexual past, there can be no compromise. Events are written, set in time, and either acceptable or not.

    I know that I could never marry a girl with pride, look at her every day and raise a family with her in the knowledge I now have. It therefore seems pointless carrying on a realtionship that I know will hit a ceiling at one point or another.

    That's my reasoning and I know many of my friends feel the same way. The disagreement lies in what is the kindest way to let her down. Can this be done without hurting her feelings?
    You seem shallow to me.

    You go on about what your friends think. What does that matter?

    Stop being a sheep. Make up your own mind.

    Everyone's got a history, male and female. If you don't believe me wait til you're ten years older and see how many virgins (or near virgins) you can find. (I bet you can't find many now)

    If you like this girl then be with her. If you choose not to then someone with more sense will snap her up, and you'll only have yourself to blame.

    If you don't like her then do everyone a favour and call it a day, as nicely as you can. But make sure it's your own decision.

    Prick.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The past means nothing to the present? That argument is of course flawed. I took GCSEs in the past. I gained an interest in history. I took history A-Level and came to like the pre-Civil War period. I decided to specialize in that area at uni. Ergo, the past defined and defines where I have been and who I am today respectively.

    Some clever Greek philosopher questioned whether a ship that turns it's sails in the wind is still the same ship. Of course it is. Still the same wood, cloth whatever. Same with a girl. She's changed her ways. Alas, she's still the same person who had a one night stand when drunk during freshers' week. She is still the same girl because there are men out there who remember first hand her behavior at that point in time and no doubt see her as merely another of their cheap conquests. The past exists within the present- by definition they are inseparable.

    Spoke to some friends and they were wonderfully supportive of my decision to end it. The girls at my college I spoke to politely asked if it was really a reason to break up over, but most agreed with my best female friend that it was "quite cute he doesn't want to settle for that kind of girl".
    Hahahahaha you really are a nobhead.

    That's the funniest post I've seen on here for weeks (and that's saying something!)

    Why don't you reveal your identity, y'coward?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well I've just ended it and stood firm on the reasons. The **** hit the fan. "I thought you loved me". "All of my friends have slept with way more". "I've been comparatively good". "Three years single at uni" blah blah blah. I knew I should have made up some crap about compatability.

    Perhaps the moral of the story is to find out before commitment. But how can one ask a girl if she's slept around before deciding to make the plunge and go out with her?
    You are a horrible person, i hope she finds someone else better than you and rubs your face in it.
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    (Original post by Carl1982)
    You are a horrible person, i hope she finds someone else better than you and rubs your face in it.
    Innit
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    (Original post by Profesh)
    You're a ****, and it is my sincere, abiding hope that you die alone.
    jesus, someone is being rather harsh today. why wish that on someone you don't even know?
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    (Original post by tiger_vio)
    jesus, someone is being rather harsh today. why wish that on someone you don't even know?
    A little over the top, but some people just need telling
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    If profesh hadn't have said that i would have, i agree i hope he does rot in hell, he gives guys a bad name.
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    'cute he doesn't want to settle for that sort of girl' what *****ing sort of girl is that, one who has a past, one who possibly made mistakes, one who did what she did and then made the huge mistake of going out with someone like you. You sound horrible tbh.
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    Yeah, I nominate our anonymous poster here for "Nobhead of the Week" on TSR.

    Haha
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    I would say idiot of the day because there's always one person who starts a stupid thread every day.
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    Wow, so many narrow minded fools in this thread; condemning a man for his thoughts alone.

    It's an obvious premise that when you start dating somebody, you do not know everything about them. Its further obvious that they will not know anything about you.
    And nobody in this thread knows anything about either of them.

    You gain information about your partner in the course of a relationship. Some of this will mean nothing to you, some will affect you slightly, and some could tear you up inside.

    Perhaps your partner is or was a drug user? Perhaps they used to be a prostitute? Maybe they once sucked 12 dicks in one night? Maybe they were once abusive to a partner? Perhaps they were in prison for rape or murder?

    Depending on your own personal life experience, this will affect you in different ways. You may not be able to handle that knowledge, or it may be difficult for you if they have committed acts that you see as emotionally or morally wrong. None of this is written in stone, but it is an absolute that there will be things that affect you.

    To the OP, good luck dealing with it.

    To profesh and co, grow the **** up.

    bring on the neg rep
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    :confused: Dont you belive in forgiving ppl for the past things they've done? she trusted u, and thought u were reliable enough to tell u her past. :mad: iv done bad things in my, it doesnt mean that im still that person, iv changed for the better. everyone is capable of change - stuff ur stupid boats theory!
    u obviously didnt like her properly, else u'd have talked it thru with her!

    i hope u havent hurt her too much, is all i can say

    :tomato:
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    I'm not gonna neg rep u for that, and of course I agree that information you discover about your partner may jeopordise the relationship, and often may end it, of course there are things that partners cannot deal with. My objection to the op is 1. the information he discovered was merely the number of people this girl had slept with people have wild moments, wild phases, mistakes r just general life experience, nothing about this girl changed other than this information, and it think that is very shallow and judgemental, 2. he has mentioned 3 times what his friends think/say about it, i love my friends, but I don't care what they think about my bf, that is my choice alone.
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    (Original post by samba)
    Wow, so many narrow minded fools in this thread; condemning a man for his thoughts alone.

    It's an obvious premise that when you start dating somebody, you do not know everything about them. Its further obvious that they will not know anything about you.
    And nobody in this thread knows anything about either of them.

    You gain information about your partner in the course of a relationship. Some of this will mean nothing to you, some will affect you slightly, and some could tear you up inside.

    Perhaps your partner is or was a drug user? Perhaps they used to be a prostitute? Maybe they once sucked 12 dicks in one night? Maybe they were once abusive to a partner? Perhaps they were in prison for rape or murder?

    Depending on your own personal life experience, this will affect you in different ways. You may not be able to handle that knowledge, or it may be difficult for you if they have committed acts that you see as emotionally or morally wrong. None of this is written in stone, but it is an absolute that there will be things that affect you.

    To the OP, good luck dealing with it.

    To profesh and co, grow the **** up.

    bring on the neg rep
    Mate, what has abuse, murder and prostitution got to do with anything?

    That's a classic strawman argument (look it up on wiki if you need to )

    The OP is a bit backward, but I don't mind. It's no skin off my nose. I'm sure his girlfriend will find someone who is able to "cope" soon enough...
    • #4
    #4

    You people need to get over yourselves. She’s done some stuff in her past that he doesn’t like and so he wants to end it with her. You might not agree with it but that’s tough! All you people that say what happened in the past shouldn’t matter are living in a dream world. If I told my girlfriend that I once killed a defenceless old woman or abused some 5 year old children do you think she would still want to be with me??? I doubt it!! But what I’ve done in the past shouldn’t matter, right?


    Carl1982 you must have some bland, “if you love her it shouldn’t matter” comments. Like the rest of your posts on here.

    Legal Edit: I have done none of the above
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    I agree in principle, however, sleeping with what one person deems as too many people is just ridiculously far apart from murder, rape or paedophilia. Seriously are you trying to compare people with a sexual history to criminals?
 
 
 
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