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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You people need to get over yourselves. She’s done some stuff in her past that he doesn’t like and so he wants to end it with her. You might not agree with it but that’s tough! All you people that say what happened in the past shouldn’t matter are living in a dream world. If I told my girlfriend that I once killed a defenceless old woman or abused some 5 year old children do you think she would still want to be with me??? I doubt it!! But what I’ve done in the past shouldn’t matter, right?


    Carl1982 you must have some bland, “if you love her it shouldn’t matter” comments. Like the rest of your posts on here.

    Legal Edit: I have done none of the above
    Hahaha, you are a real contender for "Nobhead of the Day" too.

    What's murder and abuse got to do with it? Have you got something on your mind...?

    C'mon, show your face....
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    I can see what your saying, but she told you in trust, believing you wouldn't judge her for it..so you know.
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    Yeah, OP - as if you'd have managed to pull a real virgin in the first place, anyway.

    They'd have gone for someone better if they had any sense...hehe
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    (Original post by ledge)
    Mate, what has abuse, murder and prostitution got to do with anything?

    That's a classic strawman argument (look it up on wiki if you need to )

    The OP is a bit backward, but I don't mind. It's no skin off my nose. I'm sure his girlfriend will find someone who is able to "cope" soon enough...
    Um no, they are overload objections and logically valid. (look it up on wiki if you need to )

    They show that past actions can indeed be hard to come to terms with.
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    (Original post by samba)
    Um no, they are overload objections and logically valid. (look it up on wiki if you need to )

    They show that past actions can indeed be hard to come to terms with.
    Dude, no-one's objecting to that. But are you saying that coming to terms with your girlfriend once giving some head is even remotely comparable to going out with a nonce?

    Are you living in fantasy land?

    After all, if the OP's girlfriend was practicing sex-after-marriage only, she would hardly have been going with him, would she?
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    Well done you have demonstrated that the past infulences who we are in the present. However I still find it obscene that you can try to compare number of sexual partners to things like murder. You may say they are just extremem examples, but I say they are a completly different kettle of fish, and its bizarre that you can even begin to compare them.
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    (Original post by squigaletta)
    Well done you have demonstrated that the past infulences who we are in the present.
    Stop right there. We've agreed that past experiences can affect present relationships

    However I still find it obscene that you can try to compare number of sexual partners to things like murder. You may say they are just extremem examples, but I say they are a completly different kettle of fish, and its bizarre that you can even begin to compare them.
    Now your applying your own moral and emotional value set to the acts. x = heinous crime... y = ok

    I'm not judging anything, or asking you to judge anything. This is not our relationship, and our emotional experiences are meaningless to it.

    I'm not comparing them at all...I was listing examples. You started to judge which you could tolerate and which you couldn't.
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    I totally agree with what everybody is saying about comparing sexual history to crime - complete *******s! OP I'm sorry but there is no escaping the fact that it is incredibly shallow of you to judge your girlfriend on how many people she's slept with - especially seeing as you guys are clearly not 16 or something but have even been through university! I can't believe the magic number is that high as to be so shocking to you. You sound pretty naive - as other people have said, how many virgins of your own age have you met? And how many have never done anything sexually that they regretted? How dare your friend condemn her as "that kind of girl"; must be nice for her to be so perfect. It really breaks my heart to think of her saying "I thought you loved me" - how can you hurt someone so much, when she has never betrayed you except in a way she never imagined you'd judge her on, before she even met you? The point of being in a relationship is accepting someone for who they are and not judging them on what you may perceive to be faults. And as for your ship sailing into the wind crap, surely the point of growing up is that you really AREN'T the same person as you were five, ten years ago.
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    (Original post by samba)
    Stop right there. We've agreed that past experiences can affect present relationships



    Now your applying your own moral and emotional value set to the acts. x = heinous crime... y = ok

    I'm not judging anything, or asking you to judge anything. This is not our relationship, and our emotional experiences are meaningless to it.

    I'm not comparing them at all...I was listing examples. You started to judge which you could tolerate and which you couldn't.
    So, straw poll... who thinks prostitution, murder and abuse would be as acceptable in a girlfriend's past as....having sex?

    Hehe.

    Keep to the point dude. We're just talking about past consensual sexual history. Nothing more
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    (Original post by Jennybean)
    I totally agree with what everybody is saying about comparing sexual history to crime - complete *******s! OP I'm sorry but there is no escaping the fact that it is incredibly shallow of you to judge your girlfriend on how many people she's slept with - especially seeing as you guys are clearly not 16 or something but have even been through university! I can't believe the magic number is that high as to be so shocking to you. You sound pretty naive - as other people have said, how many virgins of your own age have you met? And how many have never done anything sexually that they regretted? How dare your friend condemn her as "that kind of girl"; must be nice for her to be so perfect. It really breaks my heart to think of her saying "I thought you loved me" - how can you hurt someone so much, when she has never betrayed you except in a way she never imagined you'd judge her on, before she even met you? The point of being in a relationship is accepting someone for who they are and not judging them on what you may perceive to be faults. And as for your ship sailing into the wind crap, surely the point of growing up is that you really AREN'T the same person as you were five, ten years ago.
    Innit!

    OP and supporters are a bit backward, should go and live in Texas perhaps
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The past means nothing to the present? That argument is of course flawed. I took GCSEs in the past. I gained an interest in history. I took history A-Level and came to like the pre-Civil War period. I decided to specialize in that area at uni. Ergo, the past defined and defines where I have been and who I am today respectively.

    Some clever Greek philosopher questioned whether a ship that turns it's sails in the wind is still the same ship. Of course it is. Still the same wood, cloth whatever. Same with a girl. She's changed her ways. Alas, she's still the same person who had a one night stand when drunk during freshers' week. She is still the same girl because there are men out there who remember first hand her behavior at that point in time and no doubt see her as merely another of their cheap conquests. The past exists within the present- by definition they are inseparable.

    Spoke to some friends and they were wonderfully supportive of my decision to end it. The girls at my college I spoke to politely asked if it was really a reason to break up over, but most agreed with my best female friend that it was "quite cute he doesn't want to settle for that kind of girl".

    Oh history was a bad example to take on that one and as someone with a keen interest in history you should have seen the mistake coming. If you enlighten yourself to the Post-Modernist theory in history you'll find that many scholars believe that all history is relative, and therefore history is only what the historians make of it. You only believe that this girls' sexual history is a dumpable offence because of the warped perspective of you and your friends, it doesnt make it right. Many German historians in the 1930's wrote horrifically biased work on how the Jewish people were responsible for all the problems in German history and they certainly believed they were right, so just because you and your friends think this way, certainly doesn't make it right.
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    (Original post by ledge)
    Innit!

    OP and supporters are a bit backward, should go and live in Texas perhaps
    Backward? I think that'll apply to a great deal of men in this country.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I do feel incredibly uncomfortable with it- almost as though I'm giving emotionally and practically to a girl other men have blatantly used.
    Do you mean her previous boyfriends were nasty and used her? if this is the case then how can you blame somebody for being taken advantage of you twisted . . . twister.

    Or do you mean other men have 'used' her, as in have used her sexual organs? Because this would mean that she is a thing to be used, not a person capable of making decisions . . . girlfriends aren't objects you know!

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm of the opinion that you get together with a person on the basis of who they are. For example, I would never ask a girl to lose weight if she was of that physique when I started the realtionship.
    so if she was average size, you wouldn't make her lose weight, but if she was skinny/average and puton weight, you would make her lose weight? Who the **** are you to even think about asking a person to alter their physical image to suit you? are you that self-centered and shallow?

    Poor girl, I hope she finds a nice man who isn't from the 16th centuary.
    • #1
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    (Original post by Tag)
    Do you mean her previous boyfriends were nasty and used her? if this is the case then how can you blame somebody for being taken advantage of you twisted . . . twister.

    Or do you mean other men have 'used' her, as in have used her sexual organs? Because this would mean that she is a thing to be used, not a person capable of making decisions . . . girlfriends aren't objects you know!

    so if she was average size, you wouldn't make her lose weight, but if she was skinny/average and puton weight, you would make her lose weight? Who the **** are you to even think about asking a person to alter their physical image to suit you? are you that self-centered and shallow?

    Poor girl, I hope she finds a nice man who isn't from the 16th centuary.
    I'm not saying I would ask her to lose weight- I've never been in that situation- but I think it's a reasonable request given that you enter the relationship based in some part on how they appear physically. And it works both ways. If the man in the relationship changed and the woman didn't like the change, I think she's got an equal right to ask him to be more like he was when they first met.

    I bumped into my gf today and we were civil after the row on Friday. We've decided to go out as friends on Tuesday to see if we can't sort out our differences, but I think we both know there can be no way round this one.
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    I think the guy asked for advice on how to do it, not to be judged himself. He obviously cares for her, but the number makes him feel uncomfortable, being in a relationship where you feel uncomfortable is not going to make you happy. Regardless of the reasons for breaking up and whether they are good enough for everyone elses standards, he will not feel comfortable in that relationship and that should be good enough for everyone else to understand.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not saying I would ask her to lose weight- I've never been in that situation- but I think it's a reasonable request given that you enter the relationship based in some part on how they appear physically. And it works both ways. If the man in the relationship changed and the woman didn't like the change, I think she's got an equal right to ask him to be more like he was when they first met.

    I bumped into my gf today and we were civil after the row on Friday. We've decided to go out as friends on Tuesday to see if we can't sort out our differences, but I think we both know there can be no way round this one.

    The only reason it won't happen is because you are making it impossible and putting up barriers between you and her. What more heartbreak you going to cause. You broke the girls heart and your still hanging out as friends, if i was her i'd tell her to stuff you and never talk to you again.
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    Although I would have sympathised with the OP on his initially feeling uncomfortable about his girlfriend having slept with a lot of other guys because it was something he didn't know when he began the relationship; what little sympathy I had has been lost on reading his handling of the situation and his stubborn conviction.

    I speak from experience, having had a similar one at the beginning of the year when my girlfriend told me about some of the sexual relations she'd had in the past. I can't really describe the set of emotions it made me feel - it was (and still is) my first relationship. It was both emotional and physical - the latter being like the feeling you might get before taking a driving test. While trying to understand why I was feeling like this, I almost screwed everything up with my girlfriend, but I then realised that people HAVE SEX(!) and that to feel like I did was not only selfish but irrational. The fact that the OP's girlfriend had sex with other men shouldn't be an issue unless she cheated on any of them, and even then I'm sure you could talk through it and make things comfortable. I think that to want someone all to yourself to the extent that you wish they'd never slept with anyone before you is ridiculous.

    I think that if the OP really liked the girl he has now dumped then he has made a big mistake (although it's probably for her own good judging by his mindset).

    Think things through first and you'll probably realise how wrong you are - there would be no need to try to justify yourself to other people with stupid ship-sail metaphors and empty quotations, because you'd still be in a relationship and happy. Life is a learning curve.
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    (Original post by Will)
    Although I would have sympathised with the OP on his initially feeling uncomfortable about his girlfriend having slept with a lot of other guys because it was something he didn't know when he began the relationship; what little sympathy I had has been lost on reading his handling of the situation and his stubborn conviction.

    I speak from experience, having had a similar one at the beginning of the year when my girlfriend told me about some of the sexual relations she'd had in the past. I can't really describe the set of emotions it made me feel - it was (and still is) my first relationship. It was both emotional and physical - the latter being like the feeling you might get before taking a driving test. While trying to understand why I was feeling like this, I almost screwed everything up with my girlfriend, but I then realised that people HAVE SEX(!) and that to feel like I did was not only selfish but irrational. The fact that the OP's girlfriend had sex with other men shouldn't be an issue unless she cheated on any of them, and even then I'm sure you could talk through it and make things comfortable. I think that to want someone all to yourself to the extent that you wish they'd never slept with anyone before you is ridiculous.

    I think that if the OP really liked the girl he has now dumped then he has made a big mistake (although it's probably for her own good judging by his mindset).

    Think things through first and you'll probably realise how wrong you are - there would be no need to try to justify yourself to other people with stupid ship-sail metaphors and empty quotations, because you'd still be in a relationship and happy. Life is a learning curve.
    I wouldn't be happy though going out with a girl who had slept around and my friends thought was a slapper. Even if they didn't think she was such, I know there are men who slept with her after a uni night out when drunk and for this reason must surely think ill of her. Would those men accept a girl who'd been about? Probably not. In fact, the more sex a guy gets in my experience raises his standards for his eventual bride, and that includes a good sexual past.

    Anyways, we went out last night and talked things through. We agreed there was no future although according to one of my friends she was upset the other night. Turns out she pulled some notorious uni player last night, took him back but claims no sex was involved. Guess she just confirmed all the reasons I dumped her for and I'm glad I'm out of that one without too much hassle.
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    i bet u have no d!ck
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    "I wouldn't be happy though going out with a girl who had slept around and my friends thought was a slapper. Even if they didn't think she was such, I know there are men who slept with her after a uni night out when drunk and for this reason must surely think ill of her. Would those men accept a girl who'd been about? Probably not. In fact, the more sex a guy gets in my experience raises his standards for his eventual bride, and that includes a good sexual past."


    That is horrendously hypocritical...the more a bloke gets the more innocent he wants his wife to be? My god, we aren't Victorian up in here, girls are allowed to show their ankles and everything now.

    I don't know why this girl hasn't told you where to go. Lots of my boyfriends friends had heard rumours about me before we started going out, claiming I'd slept with a large number of guys. But thank god he had the decency to talk to me about it and actually find out that I was a virgin. Girls are *****es, so what your girl mates are saying is likely to be an exaggerated version of possible truth. I'd take anything they say with a pinch of salt.

    And on what you said about getting married and having kids, I assure you, in an increasingly sexually liberal culture such as ours you'd better settle down with a virgin right now, cos your chances of finding one, or a girl pretty close to one in five or ten years isn't looking great.

    On the basis of hurting her, you have, and you're horrid and shallow for doing so on such a poor reason.
 
 
 
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