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How to avoid saying I love you. Watch

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    My girlfriend recently told me that she loved me, I said 'that's great' and changed the subject. Now, I like her and think she is great. However, I would not got so far as to say 'I love you to her'. There are other things that are more important to me than her, eg. my family and my degree. So is there anyway that I can avoid saying 'I love you' and such?
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    (Original post by AttitudeEvery)
    My girlfriend recently told me that she loved me, I said 'that's great' and changed the subject. Now, I like her and think she is great. However, I would not got so far as to say 'I love you to her'. There are other things that are more important to me than her, eg. my family and my degree. So is there anyway that I can avoid saying 'I love you' and such?
    Say I love YouTube and it'll sound like you're saying 'I love you too'


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    (Original post by Reptilian)
    Say I love YouTube and it'll sound like you're saying 'I love you too'


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    What consequences do you anticipate if you said you loved her even though you would prefer not to go so far?
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    (Original post by SmashConcept)
    What consequences do you anticipate if you said you loved her even though you would prefer not to go so far?
    Well, I imagine it would involve more commitment. I do not know whether I am ready for a long term relationship at the moment.
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    I don't think she has to be the most important thing for you to love her. But anyway, you shouldn't change the conversation so directly when she says she loves you. Try the 'I'm really happy that you said that' beam. And look intensely into her eyes, so its like she feels you saying it, rather than hears. Then change the topic to something you really like about her, something you like that she does, something nice you want to do with her, or some place you want to take her. When you say what you like about her, it should be something deep. Eyes are classic, but try something that a stranger couldn't tell from a glance.


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    (Original post by AttitudeEvery)
    Well, I imagine it would involve more commitment. I do not know whether I am ready for a long term relationship at the moment.
    I don't think you'll have to worry about that for long with your current plan :yy:
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    Well as the late, great Charlie Harper has taught us, always immediately respond with "Thank You"*

    * Success on women may vary.
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    (Original post by SmashConcept)
    I don't think you'll have to worry about that for long with your current plan :yy:
    What I am saying is what is wrong with a casual relationship (not an 'open relationship) one hundred percent monogamous but taking it at a slow distance. I would like to build my career up properly before I settle down and have children etc.
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    (Original post by Gjaykay)
    Well as the late, great Charlie Harper has taught us, always immediately respond with "Thank You"*

    * Success on women may vary.
    I just do not understand her rush. I am not going to cheat on her or do something awful like, what I merely desire is a casual relationship, like a cruise along a country road, rather than ruining things by moving too quickly. I do want to settle down with her, however I wish to do so once I have built up my career etc.
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    (Original post by AttitudeEvery)
    I just do not understand her rush. I am not going to cheat on her or do something awful like, what I merely desire is a casual relationship, like a cruise along a country road, rather than ruining things by moving too quickly. I do want to settle down with her, however I wish to do so once I have built up my career etc.
    Some people are just comforted by it man.
    Either don't say it - and you'll have a problem or two, or say it now and hope you fall in love with her.
    Either way it's not an amazing situation, but hey ho, take the good with the bad.
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    (Original post by AttitudeEvery)
    What I am saying is what is wrong with a casual relationship (not an 'open relationship) one hundred percent monogamous but taking it at a slow distance. I would like to build my career up properly before I settle down and have children etc.
    Well, what is wrong is that the other person in the relationship doesn't think it's casual. She has to spend all her time wondering why you said "that's great" and changed the subject after she put herself in a position of emotional vunerability just to share her feelings for you. So yeah, you're on the clock before that winds her up so much that she gets rid of your ass. Not saying it's right, just the way it is. Here's some more heads up advice - you definitely don't have to have kids with everyone you say "I love you" to, jesus christ.
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    You should perhaps tell her you want to take things a bit slower.
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    (Original post by Gjaykay)
    Some people are just comforted by it man.
    Either don't say it - and you'll have a problem or two, or say it now and hope you fall in love with her.
    Either way it's not an amazing situation, but hey ho, take the good with the bad.
    Ok. I do not want to hurt so I will say it. It is not the 'i love you' that concerns me, it is the fact that I am worried this will is a sign of things to come and that marriage and other such will come prematurely. I want to get married to her and eventually have children. However, I want to advance my career, so that I can make sure when these things come that I can support both of us (I can just about do that already, but I want to make sure it is fail-safe). I mean she would be able to work if she wanted to however, she would not have to.
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    (Original post by SmashConcept)
    Well, what is wrong is that the other person in the relationship doesn't think it's casual. She has to spend all her time wondering why you said "that's great" and changed the subject after she put herself in a position of emotional vunerability just to share her feelings for you. So yeah, you're on the clock before that winds her up so much that she gets rid of your ass. Not saying it's right, just the way it is. Here's some more heads up advice - you definitely don't have to have kids with everyone you say "I love you" to, jesus christ.
    I do not want to hurt her. I will tell her 'I love you' but hope that the relationship with be not casual but slower, rather than a frantic dash.
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    (Original post by AttitudeEvery)
    Ok. I do not want to hurt so I will say it. It is not the 'i love you' that concerns me, it is the fact that I am worried this will is a sign of things to come and that marriage and other such will come prematurely. I want to get married to her and eventually have children. However, I want to advance my career, so that I can make sure when these things come that I can support both of us (I can just about do that already, but I want to make sure it is fail-safe). I mean she would be able to work if she wanted to however, she would not have to.
    Well you have tradition on your side of the guy proposing, so ya'know no need to rush.
    *shrugs* ya gotta do what ya gotta do I guess.
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    Oh yeah well if you're one of those regular guys who wants to have a casual relationship that ends in a marriage with someone you can't say you love then that's fine just tell her that I don't see any problem here in fact I would like to give your ideas five thumbs up out of five on the patented SmashConcept rating system

    :yy::yy::yy::yy::yy:
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    Talk to her about it? I think your reasons for not saying it aren't exactly "good" reasons. Yes, you love your family and your degree, but she is separate to either of those. Do you love her as a being who is a significant part of your life?

    I had this same problem with my boyfriend last week. Instead of him coming out and saying "I love you", he asked me "do you think you're in love with me?" I couldn't answer the question. I struggled with it and said "I think I'm getting there, but I'm too afraid to admit it." I asked him what he thought and he said he thinks I am. Fair enough. I trust his judgement. It's taken me about a week, but I finally admitted it to myself about 20 minutes ago. I then asked him if he's in love with me and he said yeah. Christ almighty. I wasn't prepared for that.

    If you want then have that conversation with her where you ask her if she thinks you're in love with her. Don't lead her on if you're just playing a game with her. If you genuinely think you can actually love her then talk to her about it. If you're in this relationship just for the hell of it and aren't entirely serious about it like she is then drop it. She'll be better off finding someone who feels the same way she does than she will being in a relationship that isn't going in the direction she thinks it's going in. If you have intimacy issues then sort them out or talk to her about them, just don't leave her hanging.
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    Just be like..."Thanks, I love myself too "
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    (Original post by AttitudeEvery)
    What I am saying is what is wrong with a casual relationship (not an 'open relationship) one hundred percent monogamous but taking it at a slow distance. I would like to build my career up properly before I settle down and have children etc.
    I dunno what the deal is with your relationship obviously but i would say that when a girl says she loves you shes deffos not saying that because she wants to get married and have babies straight away...

    But yeah i dont think youll have to worry for very long either hahaha if i were her and i knew someone couldnt 'love' me because their degree or family were more important id be gone like a shot

    (Im not devaluing degrees or family by the way both are very important im just saying that saying the big L word is on a totally different spectrum)

    Good luck tho, just be honest! Best policy
 
 
 
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