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Do I confess to cheating Watch

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    (Original post by jenkinsear)
    I was curious whether the "short affair" label was a convenient method of reducing the number of times she cheated so it looked less bad. It's probably far more than 3 if we're honest- as you rightly say, surprising given he's so handsome and nice...

    I did actually know someone at school who was absolutely infamous for cheating on boyfriends constantly and being incredibly manipulative about it. Heard a month ago on the grapevine that she'd ended up married and was apparently "heartbroken" and "betrayed" when her husband cheated on her and was filing for divorce! My initial response on hearing that was #hypocrite.
    Karma got her and for good! And hahaha that would be tragically hilarious but I do presume 3 times were ONSs and the short affair was probably the same guy she had sex with for a prolonged period of time. And then of course she deeply regretted it, so she's done it over and over again...yeah.
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    (Original post by Olderandwiser23)
    A little different cheating when you're a kid than when you've committed
    your life to someone...
    Ridiculous comment. You know the difference between right and wrong at 18. You can keep your legs closed if you wish at 18. You should know that lying for years on end is wrong at 18, let alone at 19, 20 and 21.

    Getting engaged/married doesn't suddenly change your morals or the foundations of your relationship. It's not a miracle cure- why do you think 42% of marriages end in divorce.
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    I feel sorry for your partner.

    You are not a good match for him. (It sounds like monogamy isn't your thing.)

    If you have any respect for him at all. Do him a favour and tell him the truth.
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    (Original post by Meduza)
    The amount of people saying they would keep it a secret makes me lose faith in humanity. No wonder most successful people are greedy, lying *******s.
    I can't help but agree.
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    Treat others the same way you would like to be treated.. Seems that some people here would like to be treated like trash by being lied to. If my partner cheated on me and he was truly regretful, I'd forgive him but would never forgive a lie, especially when one day the lie comes into the daylight and then pizdiec (aka the end).
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    (Original post by Clip)
    Keep your mouth shut. What happens at halls stays at halls.
    depends.

    I would want to know if I was him.

    but if you want to stay with him I really wouldn't tell him.

    there is a very small chance that he might be able to handle it. but most likely he won't

    telling him is gamble. like playing russian roulette with your relationship. except imagine 4 bullets in a 5 bullet revolver. 4/5 chance says he will end it.
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    Do it again for the lols and then move in with him.
    • #2
    #2

    what a joke of a culture we have, everyone saying dont tell him is an absolute joke and have cheated themselves, hence saying its fine
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    INB4 OP's boyfriend gets cuckolded and tricked into raising someone elses' kids. The poor sap.
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    (Original post by arkhamz)
    INB4 OP's boyfriend gets cuckolded and tricked into raising someone elses' kids. The poor sap.
    Then appears on Jeremy Kyle show lol
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    I can see what people mean by the whole 'ignorance is bliss' approach, but really, you should tell him.

    If I were him, I'd prefer to know and when being told I would consider a) you left it two years but b) you're still engaged to me, you're coming clean before we are married. It would be a bit sucky but as long as you're honest with him, he'll recognise that, he clearly loves you enough to propose to you in the first place so I would doubt he'd decide to then leave. After all, you're coming clean for the sake of your relationship with him, not just for yourself.
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    (Original post by Mick.w)
    depends.

    I would want to know if I was him.

    but if you want to stay with him I really wouldn't tell him.

    there is a very small chance that he might be able to handle it. but most likely he won't

    telling him is gamble. like playing russian roulette with your relationship. except imagine 4 bullets in a 5 bullet revolver. 4/5 chance says he will end it.
    Do you think he would leave? I'd just be really pissed and take the moral highground and just try and get all the honesty out in the open.

    Or it turns out he too also cheated at halls, that'll be interesting.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Before I get a load of abuse I am very well aware of my actions and deeply regret them

    My partner proposed to me on the 19th December we are very much childhood sweethearts been together since we were 15 and now 21 both at different Universities so when he returned that evening he asked as he couldn't hold out till Christmas. Very sweet and very romantic.

    I am very happy with my fiancé he is handsome, kind and everything I could want in a person.

    Although when I first came to university I cheated on him 3 times and had a short affair with someone on my hall at the time. I've always kept it secrect and now I really do regret it and don't know why I did it

    if we're moving forward should I tell him
    or nearly 2 years on should I leave it ?
    Definitely tell him now


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    (Original post by joker12345)
    So you guys basically think cheating is okay and forgiveable? What makes you think he'll even want to marry her, knowing that? Would you guys want to marry someone who'd cheated on you and not even bothered to tell you? Is that really the sort of person you'd want to spend the rest of your life with?
    It is not illegal
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    You deeply regret your actions? I don't know why but I find that so hard to believe... simply because you didn't do it just once, you did it three times as well as had an affair.

    I think it's completely wrong and you should 'fess up and/or end the relationship. Your fiancé or partner, deserves better.

    Sorry.
    • #3
    #3

    I think some over looked points should be addressed..

    1. You did this with people in halls? So people who most likely know all your credentials? Who could easily think S**T he's marrying her when I slept with her.

    2. Yes you were young but you've had 2 years to grow up

    What if the any of these people decide to Facebook you or tell a friend ? So many very easy ways for him to find out only fair he knows before your both landed with sky high divorce bills or even do it again
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    'Once a cheat, always a cheat' is generally true. You've already cheated on him multiple times when you were apart for a while, what makes you certain you won't do it again? Surely you were "certain" you wouldn't cheat before you went off to halls?
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    (Original post by Sam_Chem)
    Do you think he would leave? I'd just be really pissed and take the moral highground and just try and get all the honesty out in the open.

    Or it turns out he too also cheated at halls, that'll be interesting.
    ok.

    so. you cheat. and then you think you have the moral high ground.
    think about that. truth of betrayal does not have the moral high ground over someone who ends a relationship over being betrayed.

    and you say you cheated three times. was that sex 3 times? or 3 guys? and was it more than sex like oral sex and all that other stuff.

    he may have cheated.

    but then again he may not have. and if he hasn't... can you imagine how much a of a fool. he will feel.

    and then what if you worry about him using that against you?

    like "well she had her fun. i'm allowed 1 time"

    so you'll be paranoid of that.


    then think of it like this.
    now you say you don't know why you cheated.
    he'll wanna know.
    he'll wanna know cuz he'll wanna know what it took for you to betray him. was he that good looking? did he have that much talent? did you wanna try other guys? was it cause they had something he didn't? was it revenge on him cause he did something wrong? was it because you thought the relationship was ending? did he do something? could he have done anything to stop it? his minds gonna go out there asking a million questions.

    he's gonna wanna know how easy you were.
    like if you got drunk and had a one night stand. it will or may cross his mind that. wow. i treated her like a princess. and she didn't even sleep with me straight away. she still hesitated and thought about it. whereas this guy just turned up and got her easy. i paid gormet prices (metaphor for how much care and effort he put in) for mcdonalds (metaphor for easy). or he'll think maybe the guys you slept with were just more superior men than him.

    he'll wanna know how the cheating started and ended. did you stop having sex with them because they just left and didn't contact u again? did you have a say in it? did they just use u for sex? did they want to continue but you said no?

    he'll wanna know what times. u did it. were u on the phone to him "i love you i love you" and then hanging up with the guy there next to you with his wang out ready for you to get on your knees?

    like this is all the stuff thats gonna torture his mind.

    then may wonder if you telling him all this. is actually the watered down version. that maybe there was way more. doing way worse.

    he'll wanna go and get checked out.

    he'll think did he ever get some other guys semen on/in his mouth from kissing u.

    he's gonna wonder if their penises were bigger. how they treated u sexually. if they were careful or rough. if you did things with them you never did with him. he's gonna think back to your own sex as a couple and if your sexual techniques changes and if that was something you developed with those guys u cheated on him with.

    he will doubt his own decision making abilities.

    he got it wrong. he chose wrong. he was gonna marry YOU?!

    this is all stuff that might go through his head.

    like it or not the chances of this being the case are very high. and it will most probably devastate him and completely ruin his trust in you and faith in his own ability to romantically or socially navigate through life.

    he may leave and never come back

    he may leave and get over it and realize he does still wanna be with you.

    and that may be some time.

    but the chances are by the time he gets over it and comes back. you'll probably have moved on. i mean you were moving to other guys while u were together.

    i think one of the things that will really bug him is if you tell him you don't know why you cheated. cuz that just seems random. like any minute at some unknown time. you'll blow. and just cheat. and of course you'll say you won't. but did you ever think you would cheat before you cheated? doubt it.
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    have a gang bang with him and the people you cheated with
 
 
 
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