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Extreme lack of confidence ruining my life
This has been a serious problem for a long time but it's only really been tonight that I've realised I may need professional help.
Basically I've been shy all my life. I have always found social situations difficult and have never been able to actually just go ahead and do something without thinking through all the negatives about a million times in my head first.
Tonight I decided, "Right, I'm going to hit the nail on the head and go out and meet people" so I got all dressed up and went down to the student union bar to meet up for a society thing. As I walked down I got more and more nervous and once I was actually in the bar I just saw all the people chatting in groups, panicked, then rushed to the toilets where I sat there for about 10 minutes shaking and struggling to breathe.
I thought things would get better once I got to uni but they haven't. I'm struggling with work, I'm not happy in halls (just the environment, not the people...I hate it and I'm homesick), I don't like the city or the university particularly, I feel too far away from home and I just wonder what I'm doing here. Since I feel so down about all this it's having a negative effect on my ability to actually try to be more outgoing, so I've hardly made any friends.
I think I would feel better about things if I was actually at a university I like, so I've emailed other universities asking if I can transfer into 2nd year once this year is over. On the other hand I'm wondering whether I'm suited for uni at all. I've always been the "bright one" in the family and so on the outset should probably be a great candidate for uni, but I just don't feel up for it. I thought it would cure all this anxiety I have but it just hasn't, even though I have genuinely tried to be outgoing and have been to society meetings where I've met nice people and got on well...in light of this, I can't understand why my confidence always decreases rather than increases.
From an outsider's perspective, what do you think I should do? I am wondering whether to see the student councillor to see what they say, especially since it seems to be getting serious with the panic attack and my depression seems to be returning too (had it for 2 years after one of my parents died, suddenly got more optimistic when at home with family living a simpler life and now I'm here I feel unsettled and it's returned). I can't concentrate properly on my course because I'm so unhappy so I don't know why I'm here.
Basically I've been shy all my life. I have always found social situations difficult and have never been able to actually just go ahead and do something without thinking through all the negatives about a million times in my head first.
Tonight I decided, "Right, I'm going to hit the nail on the head and go out and meet people" so I got all dressed up and went down to the student union bar to meet up for a society thing. As I walked down I got more and more nervous and once I was actually in the bar I just saw all the people chatting in groups, panicked, then rushed to the toilets where I sat there for about 10 minutes shaking and struggling to breathe.
I thought things would get better once I got to uni but they haven't. I'm struggling with work, I'm not happy in halls (just the environment, not the people...I hate it and I'm homesick), I don't like the city or the university particularly, I feel too far away from home and I just wonder what I'm doing here. Since I feel so down about all this it's having a negative effect on my ability to actually try to be more outgoing, so I've hardly made any friends.
I think I would feel better about things if I was actually at a university I like, so I've emailed other universities asking if I can transfer into 2nd year once this year is over. On the other hand I'm wondering whether I'm suited for uni at all. I've always been the "bright one" in the family and so on the outset should probably be a great candidate for uni, but I just don't feel up for it. I thought it would cure all this anxiety I have but it just hasn't, even though I have genuinely tried to be outgoing and have been to society meetings where I've met nice people and got on well...in light of this, I can't understand why my confidence always decreases rather than increases.
From an outsider's perspective, what do you think I should do? I am wondering whether to see the student councillor to see what they say, especially since it seems to be getting serious with the panic attack and my depression seems to be returning too (had it for 2 years after one of my parents died, suddenly got more optimistic when at home with family living a simpler life and now I'm here I feel unsettled and it's returned). I can't concentrate properly on my course because I'm so unhappy so I don't know why I'm here.
You really need to see someone about this and get help to confront these problems. There is no reason why you should go through life feeling like this. Go to see the student councillor if you like, or go to your gp and get referred to a counsellor or therapist because what you have really is beatable. Just remember that when you get through this you will have an insight on life that people who haven't suffered from this sort of problem can never have.
Good luck and I hope it works out for you.
PM if you need any specific advice.
Good luck and I hope it works out for you.
PM if you need any specific advice.
Reply 3
Thank you so much for the support, it makes me feel better to hear some words of encouragement. I think I will try and see a counsellor because I'm so young and should be enjoying myself, not anxious and panicking over the slightest little things.
Anonymous
Thank you so much for the support, it makes me feel better to hear some words of encouragement. I think I will try and see a counsellor because I'm so young and should be enjoying myself, not anxious and panicking over the slightest little things.
No problem.
You will feel so much better when you talk to someone about it and they give the support and practical advice you need to get over this issue. You will be a far stronger person than most when you come out the other side of this.Reply 5
To be honest i feel i am in a smilar situation to the OP, in what way would seeing a counsellor actually help, i guess i would feel somewhat embarassed about laying down my past so to speak
Dont feel embarrassed about being you - one of my best friends is shy - not to the same extent though - I can understand where you're coming from. I've boarded with him for years and he's doing great - you can too - any step towards getting help is a step in the right direction.
If either of you feel like a chat - please feel free to PM me -
Wangers
If either of you feel like a chat - please feel free to PM me
- Wangers
Anonymous
This has been a serious problem for a long time but it's only really been tonight that I've realised I may need professional help.
Basically I've been shy all my life. I have always found social situations difficult and have never been able to actually just go ahead and do something without thinking through all the negatives about a million times in my head first.
Tonight I decided, "Right, I'm going to hit the nail on the head and go out and meet people" so I got all dressed up and went down to the student union bar to meet up for a society thing. As I walked down I got more and more nervous and once I was actually in the bar I just saw all the people chatting in groups, panicked, then rushed to the toilets where I sat there for about 10 minutes shaking and struggling to breathe.
I thought things would get better once I got to uni but they haven't. I'm struggling with work, I'm not happy in halls (just the environment, not the people...I hate it and I'm homesick), I don't like the city or the university particularly, I feel too far away from home and I just wonder what I'm doing here. Since I feel so down about all this it's having a negative effect on my ability to actually try to be more outgoing, so I've hardly made any friends.
I think I would feel better about things if I was actually at a university I like, so I've emailed other universities asking if I can transfer into 2nd year once this year is over. On the other hand I'm wondering whether I'm suited for uni at all. I've always been the "bright one" in the family and so on the outset should probably be a great candidate for uni, but I just don't feel up for it. I thought it would cure all this anxiety I have but it just hasn't, even though I have genuinely tried to be outgoing and have been to society meetings where I've met nice people and got on well...in light of this, I can't understand why my confidence always decreases rather than increases.
From an outsider's perspective, what do you think I should do? I am wondering whether to see the student councillor to see what they say, especially since it seems to be getting serious with the panic attack and my depression seems to be returning too (had it for 2 years after one of my parents died, suddenly got more optimistic when at home with family living a simpler life and now I'm here I feel unsettled and it's returned). I can't concentrate properly on my course because I'm so unhappy so I don't know why I'm here.
Basically I've been shy all my life. I have always found social situations difficult and have never been able to actually just go ahead and do something without thinking through all the negatives about a million times in my head first.
Tonight I decided, "Right, I'm going to hit the nail on the head and go out and meet people" so I got all dressed up and went down to the student union bar to meet up for a society thing. As I walked down I got more and more nervous and once I was actually in the bar I just saw all the people chatting in groups, panicked, then rushed to the toilets where I sat there for about 10 minutes shaking and struggling to breathe.
I thought things would get better once I got to uni but they haven't. I'm struggling with work, I'm not happy in halls (just the environment, not the people...I hate it and I'm homesick), I don't like the city or the university particularly, I feel too far away from home and I just wonder what I'm doing here. Since I feel so down about all this it's having a negative effect on my ability to actually try to be more outgoing, so I've hardly made any friends.
I think I would feel better about things if I was actually at a university I like, so I've emailed other universities asking if I can transfer into 2nd year once this year is over. On the other hand I'm wondering whether I'm suited for uni at all. I've always been the "bright one" in the family and so on the outset should probably be a great candidate for uni, but I just don't feel up for it. I thought it would cure all this anxiety I have but it just hasn't, even though I have genuinely tried to be outgoing and have been to society meetings where I've met nice people and got on well...in light of this, I can't understand why my confidence always decreases rather than increases.
From an outsider's perspective, what do you think I should do? I am wondering whether to see the student councillor to see what they say, especially since it seems to be getting serious with the panic attack and my depression seems to be returning too (had it for 2 years after one of my parents died, suddenly got more optimistic when at home with family living a simpler life and now I'm here I feel unsettled and it's returned). I can't concentrate properly on my course because I'm so unhappy so I don't know why I'm here.
Awww I know how you're feeling (here's a little hug)
, I think that everyone have experienced lack of confidence at some point in life. I think you should try and force yourself to become more confident, be yourself and speak out what you think. And as time goes by, you'll find that you'll enjoy yourself and not care what other people think. You might even have some people who would admire you for who you are.Anyway, you sound like a really nice person and I'm sure you have a fabulous personality!
However,if you think the lack of confidence is really wrecking yourself, maybe it would be best to see the student councillor and see what they can say about your situation, they probably have dealt with alot of similar ones and may be able to help much better.
Hope you'll feel better soon.
I have a lack of confidence to, and i have panic attacks in exams and so i can sort of understand how you feel in a way. You obviously arent happy with yourself as you are and so seeing a counsellor will help to eradicate those problems and banish them forever, it will be a positive and assertive step for you - they are there to help you and they will appreciate you taking the time out to see them. Did you have any counselling when your parent died?, if not this may still be a contributing factor. Up until recently i was considering going to see a councillor about the death of my grandma as i still feel it has an effect on me 8 years on. Also, i would like to recommend you a book that i have and it REALLY helped me lots. Its called "Changing your life in 7 days" and its written by Paul McKenna. It teaches you to overcome difficulties and mange your life better and it also comes with an audio CD that helps to properly relax you. I would recommend buying it. As always if you want any advice or anything at all please PM me and ill try my best. Good luck, i hope everything works out and keep your chin up mate.
Medical professionals like therapists aren't there to judge you, they are there to help you and, as difficult as it may be, you have to be completely honest with them and trust them and they will be able to help you break your cycle of unhelpful thinking and give you practical advice of how to deal with problem situations. Often problems with anxiety and depression go hand in hand and it may be of some help to realise that many, many people have suffered from similar problems as you in the past and that a lot of them have been able to make a positive impact on their thinking and subsuquently their quality of life.
Again, if you need help dealing with stuff feel free to PM me. Its a really complex issue that its difficult to understand when you are in a negative mindset, but its something that really needn't be a problem.
Again, if you need help dealing with stuff feel free to PM me. Its a really complex issue that its difficult to understand when you are in a negative mindset, but its something that really needn't be a problem.
Reply 10
Thanks for all the helpful responses again everyone.
afcwill I didn't really have any proper counselling when one of my parents died and I believe the trauma of the death is still taking its toll, hence the lack of confidence. I will have a look at that book you suggested, thank you!
Sezkin, thanks for the hugs. I do consider myself a nice person and I get on well with people on a one-to-one basis so why I always end up feeling negative, anxious and generally lacking self-esteem I don't know. One of my 'friends' from back home used to put me down a lot and I had so little confidence that I just let her, I was bullied throughout school and when it came to A-level results I didn't do as well as I had thought and therefore I've now ended up at a university doing a course that I wouldn't have done otherwise.
So even though I now think I'm ok looking and I know that I'm a nice, genuine person I still feel low about myself and everything else because I always expect something to go wrong or someone to put me down. I think I'm naturally shy anyway which is why everything seems to have just made me completely and irrationally reclusive.
Anyway, I'm thinking my current situation through and possible career paths I might take. I think I'd like to move back closer to home and perhaps train for a specific job so that I actually have something to work towards. I do kind of feel that I'm at university just because it's the 'norm' and I don't really think it's right for me.
afcwill I didn't really have any proper counselling when one of my parents died and I believe the trauma of the death is still taking its toll, hence the lack of confidence. I will have a look at that book you suggested, thank you!
Sezkin, thanks for the hugs.
I do consider myself a nice person and I get on well with people on a one-to-one basis so why I always end up feeling negative, anxious and generally lacking self-esteem I don't know. One of my 'friends' from back home used to put me down a lot and I had so little confidence that I just let her, I was bullied throughout school and when it came to A-level results I didn't do as well as I had thought and therefore I've now ended up at a university doing a course that I wouldn't have done otherwise.So even though I now think I'm ok looking and I know that I'm a nice, genuine person I still feel low about myself and everything else because I always expect something to go wrong or someone to put me down. I think I'm naturally shy anyway which is why everything seems to have just made me completely and irrationally reclusive.
Anyway, I'm thinking my current situation through and possible career paths I might take. I think I'd like to move back closer to home and perhaps train for a specific job so that I actually have something to work towards. I do kind of feel that I'm at university just because it's the 'norm' and I don't really think it's right for me.
Reply 11
I am doing pschology at uni and know there are lots of ways to help people who suffer from depression and anxiety. Seeing a counsellor is one of them - as long as it's someone you feel comfortable with.
Go to someone recommended by your doc or student guidence services as in this country anyone can say they are a counsellor even when they're not qualified in any way.
One thing that has been found to help young people with probs is CBT
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/therapies/cognitivebehaviouraltherapy.aspx
But I couldn't help noticing you said one of your parents had died - you may well benefit from talking this thru with someone. Nothing can make this better but living with it may be easier.
Good luck and have a hug
Go to someone recommended by your doc or student guidence services as in this country anyone can say they are a counsellor even when they're not qualified in any way.
One thing that has been found to help young people with probs is CBT
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/therapies/cognitivebehaviouraltherapy.aspx
But I couldn't help noticing you said one of your parents had died - you may well benefit from talking this thru with someone. Nothing can make this better but living with it may be easier.
Good luck and have a hug
Reply 12
I think this is not such a big issue, it is only if you make it. dont think about negatives, because what happens is, you think "oh no, THIS might happen and I won't get anywhere"....but if you dont do whatever it is you were planning to, then you are shooting yourself down. You didn't even wait to see if something bad would happen (unlikely) or not, you just shot yourself down.
I think you should not think about negatives, and if they come into yur head, dont let them affect you. Go out or whatever and generally have a good time. You arent out there to please anyone else, you are out there to have fun, and since most people enjoy similar things I'm sure you will do fine. The only reason people dont like others if they have bad qualities, and you seem like a nice person who is just a bit shy, and I reckon this will pass. It's not like you talk about people behind their back or create awkward moments is it? Most other people are new to university too, and thye are going through the same things, so go out there and have fun! Think about it, dont sink your own boat before you go fishing.
Hope it helps.
I think you should not think about negatives, and if they come into yur head, dont let them affect you. Go out or whatever and generally have a good time. You arent out there to please anyone else, you are out there to have fun, and since most people enjoy similar things I'm sure you will do fine. The only reason people dont like others if they have bad qualities, and you seem like a nice person who is just a bit shy, and I reckon this will pass. It's not like you talk about people behind their back or create awkward moments is it? Most other people are new to university too, and thye are going through the same things, so go out there and have fun! Think about it, dont sink your own boat before you go fishing.
Hope it helps.
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