Ladies, what would you say makes a man damaged goods?

When they've already shown themself to be a 'player' - hard to change an opinion of a guy after he has gained that reputation.

The amount of people saying mental illnesses makes someone 'damaged goods' is saddening. Mental illnesses come in all sorts of levels and most peoples wont interfere that much with a relationship aside from needing some extra support now and then, and you should be ready to support anyone whether they have a mental illness or not anyway. Although I can understand if you have a difficult mental illness yourself, you may not want to date someone else with a mental illness until you yourself are better. When I had depression and anxiety I would definitely preferred to date someone more 'stable' because I needed a fair amount of support myself anyway, but now everything's much better I'd happily lend my support to someone else with a mental illness. They're not that big of a deal for your friends and partners to have in most cases!

For the people arguing that mental health problems are a red flag and should be avoided what is your stance on your partner developing them whilst in a relationship with you? Are they only 'damaged goods' if they were ill previous to your relationship?

The amount of people saying mental illnesses makes someone 'damaged goods' is saddening. Mental illnesses come in all sorts of levels and most peoples wont interfere that much with a relationship aside from needing some extra support now and then, and you should be ready to support anyone whether they have a mental illness or not anyway. Although I can understand if you have a difficult mental illness yourself, you may not want to date someone else with a mental illness until you yourself are better. When I had depression and anxiety I would definitely preferred to date someone more 'stable' because I needed a fair amount of support myself anyway, but now everything's much better I'd happily lend my support to someone else with a mental illness. They're not that big of a deal for your friends and partners to have in most cases!

Going to jail for more than petty crime,

*Ahem* Ladies and gentlemen, no? Not to be preachy or anything but this thread is a little heteronormative; I'm gay so view men slightly differently as potential partners...

I really don't think there's such as a thing as 'damaged goods' because in all fairness, humans are complex and everyone has their vices, history, pain and traits which is the result of simply being alive. To write somebody off as 'damaged goods' has the problem of white washing anything positive that they can offer you; by allowing your vision of somebody to be tainted to such an extent means that you can miss both the negative and positive things which make them who they are, and consequently beautiful. Isn't the whole point of love that it's unconditional and can't be helped?

As Marilyn Monroe famously said, 'I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.'

^

Or being violent/criminal etc.

Depends on the crime, and the reason for violence

What would you consider OK?

What would you consider OK?

I wouldn't go for a guy who:

- did drugs or is recovering from any kind of drug addiction
- slept with more than 10 girls (I'm a virgin, it would be too intimidating)
- has mental issues (depression and others)
- was married/has kids
- was in prison before/ has a shady CRB (I know it's hard to detect that but if I knew beforehand then I would reject that but ignorance is bliss)
- had an STI or STD

I think that's about it.

As someone with a history of mental illness and who knows a lot of people who have suffered from mental health issues, I understand it, in my experience the majority of us have a lot of personality faults alongside lack of stability and background issues which are difficult to control. So in my opinion if someone doesn't want to date someone because they have mental health issues, that's a valid reason, as valid as not wanting to be in an LDR or not wanting kids.

I wouldn't go for a guy who:


agree with you on most
but if the guy had slept with more than 10 girls - how wold you know
about it ?
If he told you, then by all means drop him!

When you say you wouldn't is that a categorical no? Because you might want to be a bit more relaxed if you are interested in finding your ideal match.

For example, drugs could be anything like someone smoked weed at a party. It's if they've done it more than once. I don't mean just experimenting because I tried it too but if they take it frequently then I'm a bit more wary of it.

I can tell you that sleeping with 10 girls compared to 1 does not change a man's ability in bed. Or are you saying you have a problem with knowledge about someone's past even if it doesn't affect them now. I think this is my own insecurity really. I would be thinking I might be too **** for them because they've got so much to compare it to.

Nearly everyone has had mental issues at one point. If they don't now and you like being with them, what's the problem? I couldn't go out with someone who has depression. I had it too and I know it would have sucked for the other person if I had been seeing someone. I know it sucked for my friend who knew it. I wouldn't get into a relationship if I had it and I wouldn't expect someone to stick around either. My friend went out with someone who had it and it was so draining to her.

Does having been married but never having kids matter? Depends why the marriage ended but again, if I liked them deeply I wouldn't care.

I can only understand prison and STIs as these are undesirable societal traits.

Holy ****. I'm sorry you have an emotionally unstable ex but just cos I have a condition doesn't mean I don't desire love.

Mental health issues+refuse treatment=stay away

MH+in treatment/managed=why would you not?

People are entitled to reject on MH grounds but still it is a prejudice

This goes for either sex, 'don't stick your dick in crazy' is also incredibly damaging

If you cannot apply this for either sex I call you out as Redpill i.e. telling men to man up and not have medical illness, it's OK for women because they're small weak.and helpless? Brb telling diabetic friend to man up and stop needing insulin jabs...

Your argument is on a slippery slope to eugenics. What do you propose, the mentally ill are forbidden from fulfilling their sexual desires like paedophiles? How can I not take offence, you just told.me.I need elimination from.the gene pool. O-O

Surely if a guy punches someone in the face or is caught stealing oranges at a supermarket he's more of a loser than say the Godfather.