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Ladies, what would you say makes a man damaged goods? Watch

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    (Original post by Abbie :))
    When they've already shown themself to be a 'player' - hard to change an opinion of a guy after he has gained that reputation.
    ^

    Or being violent/criminal etc.
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    (Original post by tupper_ware)
    The amount of people saying mental illnesses makes someone 'damaged goods' is saddening. Mental illnesses come in all sorts of levels and most peoples wont interfere that much with a relationship aside from needing some extra support now and then, and you should be ready to support anyone whether they have a mental illness or not anyway. Although I can understand if you have a difficult mental illness yourself, you may not want to date someone else with a mental illness until you yourself are better. When I had depression and anxiety I would definitely preferred to date someone more 'stable' because I needed a fair amount of support myself anyway, but now everything's much better I'd happily lend my support to someone else with a mental illness. They're not that big of a deal for your friends and partners to have in most cases!
    Agreed
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    (Original post by Todot)
    For the people arguing that mental health problems are a red flag and should be avoided what is your stance on your partner developing them whilst in a relationship with you? Are they only 'damaged goods' if they were ill previous to your relationship?
    the general stance is that if you have to prove you are 'fit to date', most people hold horrendous stereotypes of the mentally ill ranging from the outlandish serial killer type in soaps through to 'depression and anxiety and just for whiney 14 year old emus'. If you successfully bypass the 'test' then the illness is treated as an attack on your otherwise 'well' personality which the partner (unless they hold really bad stigma, views on gender roles etc.) will at least try to support you with to 'get you back to the person I love'. Whereas if you are ill from the start there's this delusional belief you have leprosy and it's contagious or something so they don't come near


    (Original post by tupper_ware)
    The amount of people saying mental illnesses makes someone 'damaged goods' is saddening. Mental illnesses come in all sorts of levels and most peoples wont interfere that much with a relationship aside from needing some extra support now and then, and you should be ready to support anyone whether they have a mental illness or not anyway. Although I can understand if you have a difficult mental illness yourself, you may not want to date someone else with a mental illness until you yourself are better. When I had depression and anxiety I would definitely preferred to date someone more 'stable' because I needed a fair amount of support myself anyway, but now everything's much better I'd happily lend my support to someone else with a mental illness. They're not that big of a deal for your friends and partners to have in most cases!
    there is no 'should' in life, life is not fair. There are people who believe depression and anxiety are for pussies, OCD is for weirdos, people with bipolar need locking up. There are people who believe a man should be strong at all times for his woman and not give in to what are seen as shadows on the wall. You can't change this except from the inside, by proving in an reship and out of it that you are 'just like anyone else' 'normal' 'stable' 'equal' etc.
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    advice for those who wish to date and want to confide their conditions with their partners/SOs

    http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/tal...health-problem
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    [QUOTE=catsis;52537343]I wouldn't go for a guy who:


    agree with you on most
    but if the guy had slept with more than 10 girls - how wold you know
    about it ?
    If he told you, then by all means drop him!
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    Not sure about the term 'damaged goods' because a lot of the things that I would avoid are things some girls would actively go looking for...

    Dealbreakers are:
    Smokers
    Drug/alcohol addiction
    Possessive
    Religious
    Expects women to cook/clean/stay in the house etc
    Homophobic/not tolerant
    Player
    Criminal record
    Cheated on a partner before because that means it's not out of the question that he'd cheat again.
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    If he was on the sex offenders register, did drugs, cheated before, and criminal record depending on the extent of the crime.


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    (Original post by Eveiebaby)
    Going to jail for more than petty crime,
    Surely if a guy punches someone in the face or is caught stealing oranges at a supermarket he's more of a loser than say the Godfather.
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    When you say 'player' do you go off reputation? My friends call me a slut even though it's not true and they tell other people that I'm a manwhore too. Pretty sure a lot of people have a skewed view of me because of this, lol.
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    (Original post by colourtheory)
    *Ahem* Ladies and gentlemen, no? Not to be preachy or anything but this thread is a little heteronormative; I'm gay so view men slightly differently as potential partners...

    I really don't think there's such as a thing as 'damaged goods' because in all fairness, humans are complex and everyone has their vices, history, pain and traits which is the result of simply being alive. To write somebody off as 'damaged goods' has the problem of white washing anything positive that they can offer you; by allowing your vision of somebody to be tainted to such an extent means that you can miss both the negative and positive things which make them who they are, and consequently beautiful. Isn't the whole point of love that it's unconditional and can't be helped?

    As Marilyn Monroe famously said, 'I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.'

    Any girl who ever uses than quote, can go to the back of the line :facepalm2:
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    (Original post by Morrisseya)
    ^

    Or being violent/criminal etc.
    Depends on the crime, and the reason for violence
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    (Original post by Abbie :))
    Depends on the crime, and the reason for violence
    What would you consider OK?
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    (Original post by Morrisseya)
    What would you consider OK?
    I think that if the record is old (for example, from their teenage years) and it's nothing too serious then that would be okay.

    As long as they haven't killed or raped anyone/anything.
    Also no jail time I guess?
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    (Original post by Morrisseya)
    What would you consider OK?
    I don't have a set list, I just grew up in an area where a lot of crime is present, and so I'm not very sensitive to it.

    Wouldn't go for a guy who had done anything serious though, or putting myself at a risk
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    (Original post by catsis)
    I wouldn't go for a guy who:

    - did drugs or is recovering from any kind of drug addiction
    - slept with more than 10 girls (I'm a virgin, it would be too intimidating)
    - has mental issues (depression and others)
    - was married/has kids
    - was in prison before/ has a shady CRB (I know it's hard to detect that but if I knew beforehand then I would reject that but ignorance is bliss)
    - had an STI or STD

    I think that's about it.
    When you say you wouldn't is that a categorical no? Because you might want to be a bit more relaxed if you are interested in finding your ideal match.

    For example, drugs could be anything like someone smoked weed at a party.

    I can tell you that sleeping with 10 girls compared to 1 does not change a man's ability in bed. Or are you saying you have a problem with knowledge about someone's past even if it doesn't affect them now?

    Nearly everyone has had mental issues at one point. If they don't now and you like being with them, what's the problem?

    Does having been married but never having kids matter?

    I can only understand prison and STIs as these are undesirable societal traits.
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    (Original post by Helloworld_95)
    As someone with a history of mental illness and who knows a lot of people who have suffered from mental health issues, I understand it, in my experience the majority of us have a lot of personality faults alongside lack of stability and background issues which are difficult to control. So in my opinion if someone doesn't want to date someone because they have mental health issues, that's a valid reason, as valid as not wanting to be in an LDR or not wanting kids.
    People have different degrees of mental health disorders as I'm sure you know. What I was trying to get at is the generalising of mental health. It seems to me that most people who have not experienced mental health issues/have no medical background seem to think that anyone with mental health issues is prone to psychotic behaviour which is obviously not true. I would understand if someone didn't want to date a schizophrenic/bipolar due to the psychosis involved which would harm the relationship in the long term. However someone with mild-moderate depression is not going to have psychotic symptoms and it is likely that they will not be depressed for several years. Their symptoms will probably be controlled by medication and a lot of the time you can't even tell a person has mild-moderate depression and this would not affect the relationship. It just gets to me how all mental health patients are put into one group and labelled as being crazy by the majority of the general population.
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    [QUOTE=acefrogman;52630101]
    (Original post by catsis)
    I wouldn't go for a guy who:


    agree with you on most
    but if the guy had slept with more than 10 girls - how wold you know
    about it ?
    If he told you, then by all means drop him!
    I agree. Most things you don't really find out until you really like them and the circumstance is a bit different from saying it on the forum. But yes if I found out before I liked them deeply, I would probably not continue dating them.


    (Original post by xylas)
    When you say you wouldn't is that a categorical no? Because you might want to be a bit more relaxed if you are interested in finding your ideal match.

    For example, drugs could be anything like someone smoked weed at a party. It's if they've done it more than once. I don't mean just experimenting because I tried it too but if they take it frequently then I'm a bit more wary of it.

    I can tell you that sleeping with 10 girls compared to 1 does not change a man's ability in bed. Or are you saying you have a problem with knowledge about someone's past even if it doesn't affect them now. I think this is my own insecurity really. I would be thinking I might be too **** for them because they've got so much to compare it to.

    Nearly everyone has had mental issues at one point. If they don't now and you like being with them, what's the problem? I couldn't go out with someone who has depression. I had it too and I know it would have sucked for the other person if I had been seeing someone. I know it sucked for my friend who knew it. I wouldn't get into a relationship if I had it and I wouldn't expect someone to stick around either. My friend went out with someone who had it and it was so draining to her.

    Does having been married but never having kids matter? Depends why the marriage ended but again, if I liked them deeply I wouldn't care.

    I can only understand prison and STIs as these are undesirable societal traits.
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    (Original post by Smash Bandicoot)
    Holy ****. I'm sorry you have an emotionally unstable ex but just cos I have a condition doesn't mean I don't desire love.

    Mental health issues+refuse treatment=stay away

    MH+in treatment/managed=why would you not?

    People are entitled to reject on MH grounds but still it is a prejudice

    This goes for either sex, 'don't stick your **** in crazy' is also incredibly damaging

    If you cannot apply this for either sex I call you out as Redpill i.e. telling men to man up and not have medical illness, it's OK for women because they're small weak.and helpless? :rolleyes: Brb telling diabetic friend to man up and stop needing insulin jabs...

    Your argument is on a slippery slope to eugenics. What do you propose, the mentally ill are forbidden from fulfilling their sexual desires like paedophiles? How can I not take offence, you just told.me.I need elimination from.the gene pool. O-O
    Prejudice is Nature's way of preserving the good and eliminating the bad. What I am saying is that non-defectives ought to seek out fellow non-defectives for relationships, leaving the defectives to seek out fellow defectives. Unless if your defection is hereditary or is particularly dangerous to those around you, then I would have no qualms with you breeding; it all depends on how great the defection is.

    With regards to sexual desires, I could not give less of a **** about your or anyone's sexual desires; masturbation solves that problem. Sex is a tool of multiplication as a means of perpetuating one's biological heritage.
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    Leading a playboy lifestyle
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    (Original post by RayApparently)
    Surely if a guy punches someone in the face or is caught stealing oranges at a supermarket he's more of a loser than say the Godfather.
    I wouldn't want to be with someone who was capable of murdering someone coldly.
    Having a boyfriend like the Godfather isn't my idea of cool.
 
 
 
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