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What sexuality am I? why am i like this? Watch

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    Im female, late twenties and have never had sex. Ive always been quiet and not had a group of friends to socialise with etc. ive been on dates etc but have felt nothing for the guy nor have i ever felt the urge to have intercourse. I enjoy keeping fit and i suppose ive been dedicated to this most of my life.

    I remember at school i never had crushes on guys my age it was usually much older men like teachers or sports instructors. I never told anyone though. Ive had a crush on a man in his 50's who goes to my sports club for the past 7 years, he is 58 now still looks good/charming and has a fit body though.

    A few months ago I told myself that i need to get a grip and look for someone my age to settle down with as im getting older. Then suddenly this 50 odd year old man asks me for a drink and now im auddenly going out with him. I worry a lot about what others will think about the age gap. What i dont understand though is the fact that i dont like kissing him nor do i have any interest for sex. It can turn me on when he hugs me, we cuddle etc but i just feel that im not getting anything from the kissing other than germs lol. Thats part of the reason i dont want sex, he has had many partners in his life and i dont want to catch anything. He doesnt drive i do all the driving and pay at least half for everything so im contributing.

    We were talking about kissing and sex he said that its natural human instinct but how come ive never had that instinct? I dont want him to think im weird but i can only get turned on by him stroking my back thats it lol. He sent me a pic of his genitals (last my last boyfriend who was my age did) but it just does nothing for me.

    Is it possible that i just dont have a sexuality?? The attraction to older men makes me wonder if im abnormal too.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Im female, late twenties and have never had sex. Ive always been quiet and not had a group of friends to socialise with etc. ive been on dates etc but have felt nothing for the guy nor have i ever felt the urge to have intercourse. I enjoy keeping fit and i suppose ive been dedicated to this most of my life.

    I remember at school i never had crushes on guys my age it was usually much older men like teachers or sports instructors. I never told anyone though. Ive had a crush on a man in his 50's who goes to my sports club for the past 7 years, he is 58 now still looks good/charming and has a fit body though.

    A few months ago I told myself that i need to get a grip and look for someone my age to settle down with as im getting older. Then suddenly this 50 odd year old man asks me for a drink and now im auddenly going out with him. I worry a lot about what others will think about the age gap. What i dont understand though is the fact that i dont like kissing him nor do i have any interest for sex. It can turn me on when he hugs me, we cuddle etc but i just feel that im not getting anything from the kissing other than germs lol. Thats part of the reason i dont want sex, he has had many partners in his life and i dont want to catch anything. He doesnt drive i do all the driving and pay at least half for everything so im contributing.

    We were talking about kissing and sex he said that its natural human instinct but how come ive never had that instinct? I dont want him to think im weird but i can only get turned on by him stroking my back thats it lol. He sent me a pic of his genitals (last my last boyfriend who was my age did) but it just does nothing for me.

    Is it possible that i just dont have a sexuality?? The attraction to older men makes me wonder if im abnormal too.

    Hey there,

    If you have no sexual attraction - you are possible Asexual. It is very possible to have no sexuality. The attraction to older men is not abnormal - you like what you like and we all are what we are.

    Spend less time trying to label yourself and more time just going with what it is you genuinely want.

    I hope you figure it all out soon,

    Jay x
    • #2
    #2

    No-one gets turned on by **** pics.

    On the other hand; you being inexperienced and him being 50 I am 99% sure he is taking advantage, talking from personal experience that tends to be the case with older guys especially with the photo.

    Your sexuality is irrelevant, labels are pointless. (Though the pic point, as I stated isn't a factor. I'd say its down to your inexperience that you feel this way)
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No-one gets turned on by **** pics.

    On the other hand; you being inexperienced and him being 50 I am 99% sure he is taking advantage, talking from personal experience that tends to be the case with older guys especially with the photo.

    Your sexuality is irrelevant, labels are pointless. (Though the pic point, as I stated isn't a factor. I'd say its down to your inexperience that you feel this way)
    He seems to like me we have known each other for years. Ive said that im not sure that i want sex but he still comes out with me to pubs etc everyday and we have a laugh. Its been this way for 3 months, he always wants to kiss and keeps asking me to sleep over but thats what you'd expect isnt it. I do know that he doesnt want to hang out with me unless we are a 'couple' though. I suggested we just be friends at one point and we were for a while but he said he didnt want to hang out anymore because he liked me too much and didnt want to get attached nor me to go off with someone else. I said i was commited to him and he said that he is up for a relationship but couldnt just be friends.

    Without being too cynical or judgemental does this sound like he's using me, anyone?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Im female, late twenties and have never had sex. Ive always been quiet and not had a group of friends to socialise with etc. ive been on dates etc but have felt nothing for the guy nor have i ever felt the urge to have intercourse. I enjoy keeping fit and i suppose ive been dedicated to this most of my life.

    I remember at school i never had crushes on guys my age it was usually much older men like teachers or sports instructors. I never told anyone though. Ive had a crush on a man in his 50's who goes to my sports club for the past 7 years, he is 58 now still looks good/charming and has a fit body though.

    A few months ago I told myself that i need to get a grip and look for someone my age to settle down with as im getting older. Then suddenly this 50 odd year old man asks me for a drink and now im auddenly going out with him. I worry a lot about what others will think about the age gap. What i dont understand though is the fact that i dont like kissing him nor do i have any interest for sex. It can turn me on when he hugs me, we cuddle etc but i just feel that im not getting anything from the kissing other than germs lol. Thats part of the reason i dont want sex, he has had many partners in his life and i dont want to catch anything. He doesnt drive i do all the driving and pay at least half for everything so im contributing.

    We were talking about kissing and sex he said that its natural human instinct but how come ive never had that instinct? I dont want him to think im weird but i can only get turned on by him stroking my back thats it lol. He sent me a pic of his genitals (last my last boyfriend who was my age did) but it just does nothing for me.

    Is it possible that i just dont have a sexuality?? The attraction to older men makes me wonder if im abnormal too.
    If you've never experienced any sexual attraction then you may well be asexual. Similarly if you've only felt sexual attraction once or twice in your life you could be grey-asexual.

    Don't worry about feeling broken or abnormal. Some people are like this and it doesn't make you any less 'normal' than any other person. As well as this, an attraction to older men is not particularly weird, its just who you are. Don't stress!
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    What you have described sounds completely normal... Rare... But normal. Sex in its purest form is a physical expression for your feelings/love/desire for another human being... If you don't have the those feelings then it makes sense that you won't want to have sex...why you don't have those feelings may be because you haven't found anyone who has demonstrated that they are worthy of your love... But thats just speculation... However as for the guy... No he is not using you... Any guy who was just after a bit of slap and tickle would have moved on months ago... This 50 yr old guy genuinely likes you and as such wants to express his love for you... Thus the kissing and sex pics... His seductive skills are pretty poor which is why he thought the genital pics would be the silver bullet to "turn you on"... He.. Like many men was wrong... A good way to tell whether a guy is genuinely interested or just after cheap thrills is to watch his actions... Not listen to his words... If he says he loves you but shows you no respect..i.e. hits on other women... He doesn't love you,.. But if he calls you a whore.. Then takes you out to dinner... Gives you his coat when its raining or fixes your car when it breaks down... He cares for you (he may be an ass, but he cares for you)... Us guys show our love through action...i hope this helps
 
 
 
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