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My mum wants me to come home again this weekend.Anxiety. Watch

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    So I spent a week including Christmas with my mum and her brothers family(uncle,aunt,3 kids) and my other aunt and her mother and my 2 brothers in one crowded house.house. I'm at University and have three major exams in the middle of January. I'm stressing out because I know I don t want to mess up these exams.My mum has said I should come on the weekend and then go back on the weekday to revise here in my uni accommodation.The thing is I cannot revise in a crowded house for my exams.
    She also says that it is easier and better for me to come home to see everyone than them to come and see me or not see me at all until the holidays.
    She wants me to come every weekend including during the exam period.How do I go about telling her I don't want to and can't ,but in this crowded house they all back her up and say come home.
    She's said either you come to see us or we'll come to see you,she makes it out as if its a threat and she wants me to think it is a threat,How should I reply.
    When I speak to her on the phone and tell her I'm not coming she will say" Why?" and she will just keep repeating the same word why.
    I dont know how to approach this guys
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    Have a serious chat with her and tell her that demanding that you come home every weekend is detrimental to your university education.

    You are an adult. It is up to you to decide when you visit your family.
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    (Original post by UpInTheMorning)
    Have a serious chat with her and tell her that demanding that you come home every weekend is detrimental to your university education.

    You are an adult. It is up to you to decide when you visit your family.
    He told her already. Being gentle will not convince her because this kind of parents don't actually care about it but care about their own ego that is projected into their sons.The only way is to play it tough,tell her that with this behaviour you will leave uni and stop the conversation there.
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    (Original post by RoyalMarine)
    He told her already. Being gentle will not convince her because this kind of parents don't actually care about it but care about their own ego that is projected into their sons.The only way is to play it tough,tell her that with this behaviour you will leave uni and stop the conversation there.
    Your right I have already told her,she also said that 5 days is enough to revise an then come home for the weekend.If I tell her off she will say why am I being aggresive and she will make a theorie/story up about me being troubled
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    just tell her straight to f off
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    (Original post by Hicko)
    just tell her straight to f off
    I have tried.I have one of those helicopter parents that just hovers around their child and becomes very controlling its sometimes like bullying tbh
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    It may be difficult for your mum to adjust to your absence. I had this with my mum, especially in first year. Tell them you have workshops/revision sessions with a study group that you need to go to during weekends. That's a nice way of saying sorry I'm busy revising.
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    (Original post by 061194)
    Your right I have already told her,she also said that 5 days is enough to revise an then come home for the weekend.If I tell her off she will say why am I being aggresive and she will make a theorie/story up about me being troubled
    Quit being such a little ***** and tell her no. *****.
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    (Original post by SomeStudent)
    It may be difficult for your mum to adjust to your absence. I had this with my mum, especially in first year. Tell them you have workshops/revision sessions with a study group that you need to go to during weekends. That's a nice way of saying sorry I'm busy revising.
    My mum and the rest of the family is the type that will drive all the way to your University just to check,or phone the receptionist to find out.When she first came to visit me after a few months at Uni she searched through my bins and my cupards to see if I was hiding any drugs.Is this what your parents did?
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    (Original post by 061194)
    My mum and the rest of the family is the type that will drive all the way to your University just to check,or phone the receptionist to find out.When she first came to visit me after a few months at Uni she searched through my bins and my cupards to see if I was hiding any drugs.Is this what your parents did?
    No, they didn't. In that case you need to act like an adult, and make decisions for yourself and tell them "No, I'm doing this because it's what's best for me in the long-term". Be assertive.
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    (Original post by SomeStudent)
    No, they didn't. In that case you need to act like an adult, and make decisions for yourself and tell them "No, I'm doing this because it's what's best for me in the long-term". Be assertive.
    You think I'm making that up.I was so embarrassed.They don't take NO!!! for an answer .They think "I know whats best and so don't question me"
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    (Original post by SomeStudent)
    No, they didn't. In that case you need to act like an adult, and make decisions for yourself and tell them "No, I'm doing this because it's what's best for me in the long-term". Be assertive.
    Isn't that what he said already? They don't care.I had similar parents and no matter how many times I was repeating the same thing.They were making up counter points everytime because their real intention was to make me do what they wanted. The only way is being tough, like 'I want to do this instead.And if you force me I will leave uni(or leave the house and move),I'm not a coward and I don't care about any punishments you may give me'
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    (Original post by RoyalMarine)
    Isn't that what he said already? They don't care.I had similar parents and no matter how many times I was repeating the same thing.They were making up counter points everytime because their real intention was to make me do what they wanted. The only way is being tough, like 'I want to do this instead.And if you force me I will leave uni(or leave the house and move),I'm not a coward and I don't care about any punishments you may give me'
    Look, unless they're physically planning on dragging her out of the halls, she can say no, she has study session organised. Tell them you have plans. Let them overrule you. On the day you're meant to go, don't. If they call, say you're busy revising and you will not be going over. You need to realise your parents are human beings as well, you can have a little tiff with them if that's what it takes.
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    (Original post by SomeStudent)
    Look, unless they're physically planning on dragging her out of the halls, she can say no, she has study session organised. Tell them you have plans. Let them overrule you. On the day you're meant to go, don't. If they call, say you're busy revising and you will not be going over. You need to realise your parents are human beings as well, you can have a little tiff with them if that's what it takes.
    I bet £50. If she just says that they will not give in and she'll have to do what they want.
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    (Original post by RoyalMarine)
    I bet £50. If she just says that they will not give in and she'll have to do what they want.
    what's making her/ do it? I understand someone will have to give in in that situation...but if she stays put, there's little they can do. Sure they'll be angry with her for disrespecting them, but they'll get over it.
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    'Sorry, can't - I have exams I have to revise for and I can't revise well at home. I'll visit once they're out of the way'

    Simple.

    What year are you in? If first, your mum's still probably going through the adjustment period (are you an only child?). Tell her what she wants to hear - that you miss her etc. - but be firm and make it clear you have things to do. She'll get over it and hopefully realise you're just growing up.

    If she doesn't listen, still don't go home. My friend's mum used to be similar and even now my friend is 21 her mum still tries to control her. It was only this past summer my friend was 'allowed' to have a bank account her mum didn't have access to. Because my friend was too afraid to cause a fuss, she just put up with it.
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    Your exams are more important than celebrating. If I was put in this situation I would just make a stern and strong point to my mum stating that I cannot come home and I would just ignore her if she carries on raging or questioning. It may sound mean, but my mum isn't the type to listen to other people's opinions...
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    (Original post by TattyBoJangles)
    'Sorry, can't - I have exams I have to revise for and I can't revise well at home. I'll visit once they're out of the way'

    Simple.

    What year are you in? If first, your mum's still probably going through the adjustment period (are you an only child?). Tell her what she wants to hear - that you miss her etc. - but be firm and make it clear you have things to do. She'll get over it and hopefully realise you're just growing up.

    If she doesn't listen, still don't go home. My friend's mum used to be similar and even now my friend is 21 her mum still tries to control her. It was only this past summer my friend was 'allowed' to have a bank account her mum didn't have access to. Because my friend was too afraid to cause a fuss, she just put up with it.
    I am in my first year I have two brothers one who is already at Uni as-well far away from home the other who has just started secondary school,but my mum spends most of her time in her mothers house which is crowded with my uncle and his family and her sister and her mother and 3 other kids.The house is overcrowded its basically a scream fest when arguments break out.
 
 
 
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