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How to get over someone you're still friends with? Watch

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    I need some advice:

    - met in college. we were friends but not too close and I had a crush on him. I tried flirting with him once but it wasn't well responded, plus he had a lot of chicks after him back then.

    - I came to uni, completely forgot about him but once (still on my first year) he texted me randomly and we talked for hours. I ended up confessing I had a crush on him in college. We laughed it off.

    - we've kept in touch throughout these years (I'm on my 4th year of uni)

    - we've gotten even closer this year: he calls me/texts me at least once a week, mostly. Our conversations are mainly just friendly but we talk about everything. He holds most of my secrets.

    I feel like I never stopped liking him even when I was seeing other guys, if he ever asked me out I would have dropped everything and gone with him. Mainly because we're both religious and saving ourselves for marriage and I feel like our personalities match on so many levels.

    Problem:

    - I would never ever show interest first because it's not me (please save the 'it's 2014' speech because we're obviously very traditional) and I know he'd be put off

    - I'm sick and tired of having this feeling. I think about him all the time and everything I do reminds me of him and I'm sick of it.

    - When we don't talk for more than a week I miss him so much; I feel like something is missing and it hurts in a weird way. So I don't want to stop being friends with him.


    If you've gone through something like that before and gotten over it, can you offer some advice?

    Thanks
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    (Original post by catsis)
    I need some advice:

    - met in college. we were friends but not too close and I had a crush on him. I tried flirting with him once but it wasn't well responded, plus he had a lot of chicks after him back then.

    - I came to uni, completely forgot about him but once (still on my first year) he texted me randomly and we talked for hours. I ended up confessing I had a crush on him in college. We laughed it off.

    - we've kept in touch throughout these years (I'm on my 4th year of uni)

    - we've gotten even closer this year: he calls me/texts me at least once a week, mostly. Our conversations are mainly just friendly but we talk about everything. He holds most of my secrets.

    I feel like I never stopped liking him even when I was seeing other guys, if he ever asked me out I would have dropped everything and gone with him. Mainly because we're both religious and saving ourselves for marriage and I feel like our personalities match on so many levels.

    Problem:

    - I would never ever show interest first because it's not me (please save the 'it's 2014' speech because we're obviously very traditional) and I know he'd be put off

    - I'm sick and tired of having this feeling. I think about him all the time and everything I do reminds me of him and I'm sick of it.

    - When we don't talk for more than a week I miss him so much; I feel like something is missing and it hurts in a weird way. So I don't want to stop being friends with him.


    If you've gone through something like that before and gotten over it, can you offer some advice?

    Thanks

    I appreciate that you don't want to make the first move but at the same time I think it would be a real shame if you did "get over it". It seems like you really like him and that you two could be really good for each other, and it seems from my perspective at least that it would be really good to make a go of things.
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    (Original post by fabulasmic)
    I appreciate that you don't want to make the first move but at the same time I think it would be a real shame if you did "get over it". It seems like you really like him and that you two could be really good for each other, and it seems from my perspective at least that it would be really good to make a go of things.
    Yeah. I keep thinking there's a reason I feel like this but I can't do anything about it. I wish I could just remove this emotion lol
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    (Original post by catsis)
    Yeah. I keep thinking there's a reason I feel like this but I can't do anything about it. I wish I could just remove this emotion lol
    I've been there. We ended up together which has made me really happy and which I never thought would happen despite wanting it to. It was the result of a long, natural progression (rather than a "guess what, I like you" moment) - spending more time together, eventually it just becoming clear from our behaviour and closeness that we liked eachother as more than friends. It's a really tough feeling to cope with though, when you can't stop thinking about someone and feel like you should. I hope everything works out and you feel better soon.
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    (Original post by fabulasmic)
    I've been there. We ended up together which has made me really happy and which I never thought would happen despite wanting it to. It was the result of a long, natural progression (rather than a "guess what, I like you" moment) - spending more time together, eventually it just becoming clear from our behaviour and closeness that we liked eachother as more than friends. It's a really tough feeling to cope with though, when you can't stop thinking about someone and feel like you should. I hope everything works out and you feel better soon.

    Aww! I'm happy it worked out for you but now I wish you hadn't said that as it gave me a little hope.
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    (Original post by catsis)


    - I would never ever show interest first because it's not me (please save the 'it's 2014' speech because we're obviously very traditional) and I know he'd be put off
    This is probably the only thing holding you back. Its not about being traditional, its about being to the point and not letting "traditions" get in the way of something special, and ive yet to meet a guy who is putt off by a girl making the first move.

    Having said all that, he might not be in to you. Either way, better to find out than speculate on what could have been.
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    (Original post by christopher23)
    This is probably the only thing holding you back. Its not about being traditional, its about being to the point and not letting "traditions" get in the way of something special, and ive yet to meet a guy who is putt off by a girl making the first move.

    Having said all that, he might not be in to you. Either way, better to find out than speculate on what could have been.

    Even if I could express my feelings and if he wasn't put off, what if it ruins the friendship? I don't want to risk it.
    • #1
    #1

    I was in this situation. It was really hard, but I ultimately cut contact because it was torture. If you think you can handle just being friends and not feeling upset when/ if he starts flirting with other girls then stay friends by all means.

    HOWEVER.

    Being a guy, I know that most guys rarely have girls as friends unless they like them, or they've been friends for years and years. He had no reason to text you after all that time, so I think he may be interested.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    Being a guy, I know that most guys rarely have girls as friends unless they like them, or they've been friends for years and years. He had no reason to text you after all that time, so I think he may be interested.

    I fell for this way of thinking before so I'm not taking chances this time. I might need to cut contact and get used to not having him around... but I know he'll call and I don't want to ignore him.
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    (Original post by catsis)
    Even if I could express my feelings and if he wasn't put off, what if it ruins the friendship? I don't want to risk it.
    Then you may never get a chance to go out with him again or even people in general. There will always be an element of risk, mostly the fear of rejection, when trying to have a relationship with the person you've fallen for
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    just tell him your feeling
    • #2
    #2

    Lots of people have been there, you definitely aren't alone in this one, and I know it's a horrible place to be. I was really good friends with a girl for a couple of years before I realised I liked her more than a friend. I started to think about her ALL the time, everything reminded me of her, and we were very close. It became so painful to watch her flirt with other guys (of which there were many as she socialised mainly with guys), as well as the pain of liking her in such a way when we were only "friends". I delayed asking her out as I didn't want to risk the friendship or make it awkward in our friendship group.

    But obviously in a situation like this there can be consequences that you also need to consider. In my case I had to know if she might like me back, so I asked her out - I genuinely thought she would say yes after how things were going, but I was rejected. At least after that I KNEW it was unrequited love, and this gave me a green light to at least try and move on with my life. She wanted to remain friends because we were so close (we knew a lot of secrets etc similar to OP) and she made an effort in that respect but I just couldn't stay friends with her, as painful as at was, especially after she got herself a boyfriend shortly afterward. I felt that keeping contact would only remind me of what I could never have had, because deep down I still like(d) her. So yeah, this could also happen to you, but it's a risk you gotta take for your own sanity! Good luck
 
 
 
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