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    Friends are like plants.

    They look nice draped near a grave.


    I think that's how the saying goes, I hope it helped... or something. Anyway, Happy Easter.
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    So, silly squabble with friend but wanted some other perspectives on it.

    Basically she cancelled on seeing me last Saturday, 20th, but we were gonna spend Sunday, 28th, together anyway so I wasn't too fussed. Then she texts me late Saturday evening saying she drank too much tequila Friday night so she wanted to spend Sunday sleeping...even though she spent all of Saturday with her boyfriend. I live 500 miles away for uni and haven't seen her in 2 months, so I'm not home that often and was really looking forward to seeing her.


    I'm happy for her that she's got a new boyfriend but what annoys me most is that we fell out 2 years ago because she got a new boyfriend back then and KEPT cancelling on me, we actually stopped talking for 6 months then I was the one who got back in touch and she promised she wouldn't be like it again etc etc...now she looks to be doing it again and I'm just a bit upset.


    Everyone says I should just not text her etc until she messages me with a proper apology. What do you all think? I told her how upset and disappointed I was and she just said she'd 'make it up to me next time' and buy me a meal or something but even that annoyed me because I told her how much I wanted to see her and it was essentially just a 'no.' We weren't going to be drinking on Sunday and could have even just chilled out at hers, nothing major. I didn't respond after that because I don't want to argue with her but I have a hard time biting my tongue. Like Idk if I should text her happy new year tomorrow and it's made even more awkward as it's her 21st next month and Idk how that's gonna go down as the only reason for me to come back home in Feb would be for her bday, but if we're not talking...:indiff:
    Ditch her.
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    So, silly squabble with friend but wanted some other perspectives on it.

    Basically she cancelled on seeing me last Saturday, 20th, but we were gonna spend Sunday, 28th, together anyway so I wasn't too fussed. Then she texts me late Saturday evening saying she drank too much tequila Friday night so she wanted to spend Sunday sleeping...even though she spent all of Saturday with her boyfriend. I live 500 miles away for uni and haven't seen her in 2 months, so I'm not home that often and was really looking forward to seeing her.


    I'm happy for her that she's got a new boyfriend but what annoys me most is that we fell out 2 years ago because she got a new boyfriend back then and KEPT cancelling on me, we actually stopped talking for 6 months then I was the one who got back in touch and she promised she wouldn't be like it again etc etc...now she looks to be doing it again and I'm just a bit upset.


    Everyone says I should just not text her etc until she messages me with a proper apology. What do you all think? I told her how upset and disappointed I was and she just said she'd 'make it up to me next time' and buy me a meal or something but even that annoyed me because I told her how much I wanted to see her and it was essentially just a 'no.' We weren't going to be drinking on Sunday and could have even just chilled out at hers, nothing major. I didn't respond after that because I don't want to argue with her but I have a hard time biting my tongue. Like Idk if I should text her happy new year tomorrow and it's made even more awkward as it's her 21st next month and Idk how that's gonna go down as the only reason for me to come back home in Feb would be for her bday, but if we're not talking...:indiff:
    Can be hard to let go of friends, but if they aren't prepared to put in the effort to see you, then what is the point.

    If she's going to put her love life ahead of a friendship (which I'm assuming used to be a very solid one) then that says something about her priorities right now.

    I say just wish her happy new year, be civil with her, but don't force meet ups etc on her, she clearly doesn't care as much as you.

    Focus your energy on people that appreciated you and want to be around you I guess

    Hope this helps.
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    Haha no worries yeah I agree it should be equal. Getting so sick of me putting all the effort in :indiff: Did it work out with your friend or?
    I hear ya Sort of. I texted her on her birthday around November and she eventually replied just a couple of weeks ago. We were going to meet up in the holidays but now that she's suddenly got a boyfriend I won't see her for a very long time. We're at unis over an hour away and we haven't met up since September so I don't think it's going to work out too much anymore
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    (Original post by A5ko)
    Friends are like plants.

    They look nice draped near a grave.

    I think that's how the saying goes, I hope it helped... or something. Anyway, Happy Easter.
    I'll take your advice on board.

    (Original post by BastillePompeii)
    Ditch her.
    I don't want to ditch her though I just...idk I want her to appreciate why I'm upset.

    (Original post by zKlown)
    Can be hard to let go of friends, but if they aren't prepared to put in the effort to see you, then what is the point.

    If she's going to put her love life ahead of a friendship (which I'm assuming used to be a very solid one) then that says something about her priorities right now.

    I say just wish her happy new year, be civil with her, but don't force meet ups etc on her, she clearly doesn't care as much as you.

    Focus your energy on people that appreciated you and want to be around you I guess

    Hope this helps.
    That was very helpful. I agree that there's no point making too much of an effort if she doesn't seem to return it. It was a solid friendship. We met at school but didn't really talk till after we left and since we were 16/17 (20/21 now) we've been very close. When we were in year 11 she was in a relationship with someone and alienated all of her friends, then after they broke up me and her became close friends...then she did it to me 2 years ago, in essence this is possibly the third time she's gotten into a relationship and alienated people.
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    (Original post by Ndella)
    I hear ya Sort of. I texted her on her birthday around November and she eventually replied just a couple of weeks ago. We were going to meet up in the holidays but now that she's suddenly got a boyfriend I won't see her for a very long time. We're at unis over an hour away and we haven't met up since September so I don't think it's going to work out too much anymore
    Oh that's really **** were you quite close? It's good that you still text her though. It is frustrating when you grow apart from people. I don't talk to anyone I went to school with anymore apart from her.
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    Oh that's really **** were you quite close? It's good that you still text her though. It is frustrating when you grow apart from people. I don't talk to anyone I went to school with anymore apart from her.
    Talking about Friendship, i thought you and i were best friends. You havent even said hi. Says alot about how you treat your cyber friends.
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    I do always worry that I'm over sensitive when it comes to people I care about but she knows me and she knows that I get quite frustrated when people cancel (unless it's a good reason of course.) but even more so because I live quite far and I value time spent with family and friends when I am back home.
    The question is whether you want to forgo your moral high ground () and ignore what she has done and still try and contract her/meet up with her before you back to uni. That's probably what I would do but then I am a bit of a push over :indiff:
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    Ah, that's annoying. I don't think you should get really upset with her as like you said, it'll probably end with you two falling out. She knows that you're upset with what she did, so hopefully she'll make it up to you. Until she does, maybe take a little step back? I know it's difficult since she's your friend, but I think in these situation it's good to take a step back once you've made few efforts with the friendship, it's her turn to do the same. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't text her happy new year tomorrow night you can do, be friendly, but don't make extra effort for those who don't do the same for you. She will step up if she's a good friend.
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    Oh that's really **** were you quite close? It's good that you still text her though. It is frustrating when you grow apart from people. I don't talk to anyone I went to school with anymore apart from her.
    Yeah we went to primary school together, but she was always the type of person to leave her old friends behind once she found new ones which sucks It really is, I want to stay friends with her but surely you're not busy 24/7. Some people are frankly too busy to make an effort. People change I guess.
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    (Original post by SomeStudent)
    Ah, that's annoying. I don't think you should get really upset with her as like you said, it'll probably end with you two falling out. She knows that you're upset with what she did, so hopefully she'll make it up to you. Until she does, maybe take a little step back? I know it's difficult since she's your friend, but I think in these situation it's good to take a step back once you've made few efforts with the friendship, it's her turn to do the same. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't text her happy new year tomorrow night you can do, be friendly, but don't make extra effort for those who don't do the same for you. She will step up if she's a good friend.
    This is also good advice. Ultimately I don't want to fall out but she knows I'm upset and she knows why I'm upset so what else can I say? I will probably text her happy new year just to take the high ground but I won't be telling her when I'll next be home/trying to make any plans, going to give her the chance to put in the effort and ask me.

    (Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
    The question is whether you want to forgo your moral high ground () and ignore what she has done and still try and contract her/meet up with her before you back to uni. That's probably what I would do but then I am a bit of a push over :indiff:
    I'm heading back today so no chance really. I don't intend to make an effort with her next time I think I've decided, I will let her ask when I'll be home etc if she wants to see me.
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    I'll take your advice on board.



    I don't want to ditch her though I just...idk I want her to appreciate why I'm upset.



    That was very helpful. I agree that there's no point making too much of an effort if she doesn't seem to return it. It was a solid friendship. We met at school but didn't really talk till after we left and since we were 16/17 (20/21 now) we've been very close. When we were in year 11 she was in a relationship with someone and alienated all of her friends, then after they broke up me and her became close friends...then she did it to me 2 years ago, in essence this is possibly the third time she's gotten into a relationship and alienated people.
    Without sounding too judgemental

    She sounds like a very needy person. When she's not in a relationship, she needs you and her other friends. When she's in a relationship, she has a partner to rely on and focus on.

    She maybe has internal problems. I dunno.

    If you want to continue this friendship, I suggest just talking to her about her but been very sensitive and calm about it. Let her know how you feel. If she can't understand, then maybe she isn't worth it.

    Either way, just follow your instinct.
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    (Original post by Ndella)
    Yeah we went to primary school together, but she was always the type of person to leave her old friends behind once she found new ones which sucks It really is, I want to stay friends with her but surely you're not busy 24/7. Some people are frankly too busy to make an effort. People change I guess.
    Oh damn that's even worse. If I was still even in contact with people I knew at that age I think I'd want to see them occasionally. It's a good link to the past, I didn't really have any close friend when I was that young though. No I agree, tbh it isn't hard to send someone a message every now and then to catch up or sparing a few hours to see you when she's back home. But I guess some people don't view it that way.
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    Good to know I'm not being unreasonable in wanting that then I always end up caving and messaging first but I don't WANT to, I feel I deserve a proper apology.
    That's what I'd do, but I'm really stubborn so I ignore people over little things too. It's difficult when someone seems to not care about you but they mean a lot to you. But she sounds like a *****, and if she knows you're upset and doesn't care about rectifying it then I would just ignore her. I wouldn't text her for new years.
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    I'm heading back today so no chance really. I don't intend to make an effort with her next time I think I've decided, I will let her ask when I'll be home etc if she wants to see me.
    Ok. Hope she does make the effort. It sucks when you lose contact with once good friends.
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    Honestly stay friends but always have a back up due to her being a flake. No sense throwing away a good friendship over nothing *shrugs*
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    Yeah I guess. It's a shame if you were quite close to them though. Annoys me because with pretty much all my friends I'm the one who always has to make the plans etc which I don't MIND but I do wonder if they'd bother if I didn't.
    Yeah, I had just gone on holiday with them all as well so it was weird. It wasn't a gradual thing, it just all of a sudden stopped and then I started seeing them all planning things together without me and I'm not the type of person to tag along etc. I just do my own thing now. You don't really need people like this in your life if they don't make the effort and you have to make the plans all the time.
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    Hmmm, well she's not exactly been 'friend of the year' per se and some of these excuses seem a bit crap. However, she's a friend that you seem to like and somewhere within that brain of hers, she probably likes you too. The common denominator is boyfriends and her unintentional (or perhaps intentional) trait of ditching friends when a new one comes in. Kinda douchey and someone has said, she then relies on you and other friends to help pick her up when things go south and you're getting fed up with it all.

    So this could be the last chance saloon if you will and perhaps make it known that you don't want to be pushed over. Or you could phase her out steadily without causing to much hassle and let life take care of itself.

    I guess it comes down to you and how many more chances are you willing to give.
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    I wouldn't give her the time of day until she showed she cherished the friendship as much as I did. If she's going to put you in second place every time she gets a new boyfriend, what's going to happen when she gets married one day? Better flush it away now.
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    So, silly squabble with friend but wanted some other perspectives on it.

    Basically she cancelled on seeing me last Saturday, 20th, but we were gonna spend Sunday, 28th, together anyway so I wasn't too fussed. Then she texts me late Saturday evening saying she drank too much tequila Friday night so she wanted to spend Sunday sleeping...even though she spent all of Saturday with her boyfriend. I live 500 miles away for uni and haven't seen her in 2 months, so I'm not home that often and was really looking forward to seeing her.


    I'm happy for her that she's got a new boyfriend but what annoys me most is that we fell out 2 years ago because she got a new boyfriend back then and KEPT cancelling on me, we actually stopped talking for 6 months then I was the one who got back in touch and she promised she wouldn't be like it again etc etc...now she looks to be doing it again and I'm just a bit upset.


    Everyone says I should just not text her etc until she messages me with a proper apology. What do you all think? I told her how upset and disappointed I was and she just said she'd 'make it up to me next time' and buy me a meal or something but even that annoyed me because I told her how much I wanted to see her and it was essentially just a 'no.' We weren't going to be drinking on Sunday and could have even just chilled out at hers, nothing major. I didn't respond after that because I don't want to argue with her but I have a hard time biting my tongue. Like Idk if I should text her happy new year tomorrow and it's made even more awkward as it's her 21st next month and Idk how that's gonna go down as the only reason for me to come back home in Feb would be for her bday, but if we're not talking...:indiff:
    if yeh wana get it all out.ring her and do that.

    but its clear she nots a proper friend.you have two choices.ring her and let it all out.and forget about her for good.

    or accept shes simply a "friend" who talks to you when they want to..when they need you.its no harm at times having this people around once yeh realise who they are.who knows 5 years down the line (when shes left at the altar by this bf hopefully)she may be a useful mate post graduation.

    I find most relationships arent ideal and although id prefer if people cared more about me I find theres many "friends" in this world.the types that will come to you when they need you.no harm to keep them if you want to.they tend to accumulate and overtime can be useful
 
 
 
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