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    I don't know what advice to give you because everyone is different, but I had a friend who did that for ages, and at times I was really truly annoyed with him for doing it. But since he was my friend, I decided that I didn't care if I seemed desperate or needy, and just kept trying. We are still good friends to this day, and I am happy I didn't just shut him out.

    Either way, and whatever you do, your situation sucks. Hope it improves soon! :hugs:
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
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    Go round to her place like "hey I brought you a cake" then punch her boyfriend in the nuts. Finally, splatter the cake against her TV.

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    in all seriousness she sounds like a **** friend, especially if she's done it before. If she's a good friend otherwise can understand it's hard to dump her, you can either cut loose or try to make her realise the value of your friendship. You sure the BF isn't putting pressure on to make her spend more time with him?
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    You need to see this from her perspective as well. How do you think she felt when you made the decision to move so far away to attend university? As time has gone on, her friendship with you, probably due to distance, has not been as strong and therefore she now probably think its fine to put her boyfriend first as he's in her immediate life. This is unfortunately one of the harsh truths about moving away to university. A lot of the time, your friends back home get on with their lives and make new friends, you make new friends at university and although you still might get on or be friends its rarely as strong as it once was.

    It's just one of those facts of university life and adult life. I wouldn't read too much into it. There'll be people on here saying ditch her but what does that achieve? You can still be friends but put other commitments first. It won't be long before you start hearing things such as, 'The husband/wife has made plans for tonight' and 'I'm overloaded with work. Can we go out tomorrow?'. This often isn't people being mean or horrible but they have other commitments and don't want to cause a massive argument adding further strain on relationships. I'd say, seeing her boyfriend is reasonable. He may very well be giving her a hard time such as 'we hardly see one another' or 'but I really want to see you' and without being privy to the ins and outs of that relationship then its hard to tell.

    If I were you, I'd just stop contacting however. If they do care they'll make the first move. If they don't then you know you've got a user who's only interested in you when they need or want something.
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    I have the same problem ,and I just don't know what to do. I deserve a proper apology but he will never do.

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    This is getting more responses than I'd imagined :eek:

    (Original post by UniMastermindBOSS)
    That's what I'd do, but I'm really stubborn so I ignore people over little things too. It's difficult when someone seems to not care about you but they mean a lot to you. But she sounds like a *****, and if she knows you're upset and doesn't care about rectifying it then I would just ignore her. I wouldn't text her for new years.
    I suppose. Sigh. I do feel really conflicted because I don't want her to think I'm being selfish by not texting her. Idk I think I care too much maybe.

    (Original post by Gjaykay)
    Honestly stay friends but always have a back up due to her being a flake. No sense throwing away a good friendship over nothing *shrugs*
    I have other friends to see when I'm like back home, but I don't want to have back ups cos I really hate falling myself :laugh: Annoys me so much.

    (Original post by LTG)
    Yeah, I had just gone on holiday with them all as well so it was weird. It wasn't a gradual thing, it just all of a sudden stopped and then I started seeing them all planning things together without me and I'm not the type of person to tag along etc. I just do my own thing now. You don't really need people like this in your life if they don't make the effort and you have to make the plans all the time.
    Ah man that sucks. Similar here oddly enough, I went away with her and a few others for my 21st in Oct and had an awesome time, so it's really random

    (Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
    Ok. Hope she does make the effort. It sucks when you lose contact with once good friends.
    I hope so too.

    (Original post by catsis)
    I wouldn't give her the time of day until she showed she cherished the friendship as much as I did. If she's going to put you in second place every time she gets a new boyfriend, what's going to happen when she gets married one day? Better flush it away now.
    It's true, I suppose what annoys me most is that she says every time she does this she's going to change...yet this is the third time she's alienated people for a boyfriend! Sigh. It's so **** because we do have such a good relationship and we get on so well usually


    (Original post by IDukem)
    Hmmm, well she's not exactly been 'friend of the year' per se and some of these excuses seem a bit crap. However, she's a friend that you seem to like and somewhere within that brain of hers, she probably likes you too. The common denominator is boyfriends and her unintentional (or perhaps intentional) trait of ditching friends when a new one comes in. Kinda douchey and someone has said, she then relies on you and other friends to help pick her up when things go south and you're getting fed up with it all.

    So this could be the last chance saloon if you will and perhaps make it known that you don't want to be pushed over. Or you could phase her out steadily without causing to much hassle and let life take care of itself.

    I guess it comes down to you and how many more chances are you willing to give.
    Yeah, I totally agree with what you're saying. Bah. Hate not knowing what to do :laugh:

    (Original post by trustmeimlying1)
    if yeh wana get it all out.ring her and do that.

    but its clear she nots a proper friend.you have two choices.ring her and let it all out.and forget about her for good.

    or accept shes simply a "friend" who talks to you when they want to..when they need you.its no harm at times having this people around once yeh realise who they are.who knows 5 years down the line (when shes left at the altar by this bf hopefully)she may be a useful mate post graduation.

    I find most relationships arent ideal and although id prefer if people cared more about me I find theres many "friends" in this world.the types that will come to you when they need you.no harm to keep them if you want to.they tend to accumulate and overtime can be useful
    I don't want to lose her friendship and I'm happy she's finally found someone who cares about her. I just don't see why she can't still have time for other people. Meh. Can't really call her either as we never talk on the phone and we'd deffo just argue :lol:
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    I think if you wait for her to contact you and she acts pissy when you do hear from her you need to make it clear that last time you made up she made it clear she wouldn't repeatedly cancel on you to spend time with her boyfriend and it's her responsibility to keep her word and if she doesn't keep it then she can't get upset if you're not keen to remain friends or whatever. It could be you need to renegotiate the terms of your friendship. I know you don't see each other often but, idk, she should only make plans that she is going to keep. If she's not going to take into consideration any foreseeable interruptions then maybe she shouldn't make plans, shouldn't be difficult. In fairness she sounds kinda flaky, not very appreciative of your friendship.

    At the end of the day it's up to you what you do. Personally I have very little patience for people who don't show they're grateful for me. Granted I could give some leeway to people if it seems like they really regret cancelling on me but the way you tell it it sounds like she thinks she can buy your forgiveness. I think the crux will be what she does to make it up to you, if she makes an effort you know she cares and she really values your friendship. If she tries bull**** efforts then I think it's rather telling of what she thinks of your friendship and it's time to reconsider what role she has in your life, to a casual acquaintance perhaps.
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    If she's a good friend, I think you should talk it out... I would text her and tell her she always leaves you out when she gets a new boyfriend, let her know how you really feel. Imo waiting for her to apologise may be a bad idea because she may not see it as a big deal and it'll just created an awkwardness between you guys! Hope it goes well


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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    Yeah, I totally agree with what you're saying. Bah. Hate not knowing what to do :laugh:
    The problem here is...well my view anyways, you don't want to lose a friendship, but you don't want to be pushed around or treated second best/rated, correct me if I'm wrong. If this is the case, you can sort of try out both in the sense that by giving her a chance to explain and correct the wrongs that she has done.

    If she seems genuinely sorry and at least attempts to make an effort through communication and perhaps organising and doing meet-ups when you're both free, then you'll be thankful for the fact that you didn't just discard the friendship that you have had for a fair amount of years I believe. However if she STILL acts the way she has done, then you can take it as a way of you quietly moving on and phase her out steadily. Phasing her out gradually may benefit you as then you may not have a huge drama if you tell them to essentially "F off". It could give you a silver lining in that you gave it shot and she didn't respond the way that benefits this friendship and you can move on and not deal with all of this any more.

    I can totally understand your position and how tough it is
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    This is getting more responses than I'd imagined :eek:



    I suppose. Sigh. I do feel really conflicted because I don't want her to think I'm being selfish by not texting her. Idk I think I care too much maybe.



    I have other friends to see when I'm like back home, but I don't want to have back ups cos I really hate falling myself :laugh: Annoys me so much.



    Ah man that sucks. Similar here oddly enough, I went away with her and a few others for my 21st in Oct and had an awesome time, so it's really random



    I hope so too.



    It's true, I suppose what annoys me most is that she says every time she does this she's going to change...yet this is the third time she's alienated people for a boyfriend! Sigh. It's so **** because we do have such a good relationship and we get on so well usually




    Yeah, I totally agree with what you're saying. Bah. Hate not knowing what to do :laugh:



    I don't want to lose her friendship and I'm happy she's finally found someone who cares about her. I just don't see why she can't still have time for other people. Meh. Can't really call her either as we never talk on the phone and we'd deffo just argue :lol:
    then dont lose her friendship but for your sake accept she is just one of those friends...who doesnt care overly much about you.Try not to get upset about it and accept this is the way she is.Invite her to things but dont expect her to turn up etc. You cant tell her what to do with her time really.You can call her.If you wana instil a change a different method of communication is better anyways.Its like most people problems in life.People do stuff you disagree with.In most cases all you can do is hope they stop and keep living your own life.Telling people what to do generally doesnt go down well especially in relationships and goes nowhere more importantly.
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    (Original post by Arkasia)
    I don't know what advice to give you because everyone is different, but I had a friend who did that for ages, and at times I was really truly annoyed with him for doing it. But since he was my friend, I decided that I didn't care if I seemed desperate or needy, and just kept trying. We are still good friends to this day, and I am happy I didn't just shut him out.

    Either way, and whatever you do, your situation sucks. Hope it improves soon! :hugs:
    Glad it worked for you and your friend. And thanks :hugs: I really don't want to lose the friendship but it's so damn annoying D:


    (Original post by IceJJFish(II))
    Go round to her place like "hey I brought you a cake" then punch her boyfriend in the nuts. Finally, splatter the cake against her TV.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    in all seriousness she sounds like a **** friend, especially if she's done it before. If she's a good friend otherwise can understand it's hard to dump her, you can either cut loose or try to make her realise the value of your friendship. You sure the BF isn't putting pressure on to make her spend more time with him?
    I like the initial idea.

    Yeah that's the difficulty, she's been there for me through some really **** patches and supported me. She's only been with her boyfriend for 2 months but if he's preventing her from seeing her friends then I don't see why she'd want to be with him.

    (Original post by Messiah Complex)
    You need to see this from her perspective as well. How do you think she felt when you made the decision to move so far away to attend university? As time has gone on, her friendship with you, probably due to distance, has not been as strong and therefore she now probably think its fine to put her boyfriend first as he's in her immediate life. This is unfortunately one of the harsh truths about moving away to university. A lot of the time, your friends back home get on with their lives and make new friends, you make new friends at university and although you still might get on or be friends its rarely as strong as it once was.

    It's just one of those facts of university life and adult life. I wouldn't read too much into it. There'll be people on here saying ditch her but what does that achieve? You can still be friends but put other commitments first. It won't be long before you start hearing things such as, 'The husband/wife has made plans for tonight' and 'I'm overloaded with work. Can we go out tomorrow?'. This often isn't people being mean or horrible but they have other commitments and don't want to cause a massive argument adding further strain on relationships. I'd say, seeing her boyfriend is reasonable. He may very well be giving her a hard time such as 'we hardly see one another' or 'but I really want to see you' and without being privy to the ins and outs of that relationship then its hard to tell.

    If I were you, I'd just stop contacting however. If they do care they'll make the first move. If they don't then you know you've got a user who's only interested in you when they need or want something.
    I know what you mean but me moving there had been on the cards for a while before I went to uni. And I made the final decision in the 6 month gap me and her weren't speaking :/

    We still talk very regularly (or we did) and up until oct saw eachother quite regularly too. For her bday last Feb I even paid for her to come up and see me for a few days! I would say our friendship grew a lot stronger after we started speaking again because we both admitted where we'd went wrong etc but what good is that if it's happening again?

    I think rearranging is fine - but we rearranged to meet on Sunday when she couldn't make the Saturday before, and she knows I'm not here for long so it's a bit annoying. Like I have a fair few friends here and my brothers girlfriend even wanted me to go on a chocolate tour she does on Sundays but I said no so I could spend the day with this friend and when she cancelled it was too late to make other plans.


    (Original post by EchoZhang42)
    I have the same problem ,and I just don't know what to do. I deserve a proper apology but he will never do.

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    has it happened before? If not I'd try talking to him, I'm just annoyed cos it isn't the first time it's happened :/
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    it happened before , I think we just need to tell him about our feelings, to be honest with eachother . Things will get better.

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    A polite lady as of you shall not text until you receive a sincere apology from this friend you call of yours.
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    Since I've moved school for alevels not a single one of my 'friends' have kept in touch. My old best mate hadn't spoke to me for 3 months after i had left (despite being friends for years), recently i messaged her and she just didn't seem the slightest bit interested outting the most blunt and boring replies. She has been like it ever since she got a boyfriend 9 months ago she always cancelled plans and stuff for him, even though i got with my boyfriend the exact same time yet i still bothered with her -.- i guess people change and react to having boyfriends in a different way, annoying really
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    Glad it worked for you and your friend. And thanks :hugs: I really don't want to lose the friendship but it's so damn annoying D:
    Me too. This may sound cheesy, but you sometimes have to fight for the friendship. From what I know of you on here, you seem like a genuinely amazing person, but not everyone is like that. If it is in your ability to keep the friendship going, even if you seem to be picking up the slack of the other person, then do it. A bit of extra effort goes a long way in long run.
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    She sounds like a bum! I actually lost a friend of over 10 years because she wouldn't reach out to me knowing she upset me (as well as other reasons)

    You shouldn't have to be the one always messaging first so I think you should wait and see if the tries to talk to you. After a period of time if she hasn't you could message her once telling her how you feel but that is if you want to carry on being friends.

    Hopefully she'll prove to you she is a good friend and cares about you
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    Bros before Hoes maaan....

    ohhh.. wait a minute... :lol:
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    This is getting more responses than I'd imagined :eek:
    Well you listened to my problems. I thought it only fair I listen to yours
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    Messiah Complex has given good advice above.

    With friendships you have to bear in mind a couple of things:

    - Over time, friendships ebb and flow along with changing situations. Often people's jobs or relationships dictate priorities. Strong friendships stay there through some times where you don't speak so much.

    - People are human and have their flaws, some people naturally put more in to friendships than others, it can be hard for those people when they feel its not being completely reciprocated but you have to cut people a bit of slack sometimes.

    I think in general people are too quick to give advice such as "that person isn't a proper friend, ditch them". Obviously you have to learn when you move on from somebody when they are taking advantage of you but I find that when you are a bit annoyed at a friend for not appearing to take the friendship as seriously as you want to then often the best approach is to avoid confrontation, let things cool down and contact them again at a later point and pick the friendship up as though nothing had happened. When you are together and getting on OK you can bring up things that they've done that have annoyed you in the past and they are more receptive than in the heat of the moment if you challenge them about it, as even if you are right most peoples default position is to be defensive and react badly.

    I would say in this situation cut her some slack even if you are disappointed in her. Maybe message her to say happy new year and say when you are going back to uni and ask if there's going to be chance to meet up with her before you go, say you really wanted to meet up with her. If you can't meet up with her before you go then try and start chatting more and make firm plans to put some arrangement in for in the future.
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    (Original post by EchoZhang42)
    it happened before , I think we just need to tell him about our feelings, to be honest with eachother . Things will get better.

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    Very true. Communication is key but some people just don't want to listen unfortunately.

    (Original post by inachigeek21)
    A polite lady as of you shall not text until you receive a sincere apology from this friend you call of yours.
    Lol polite lady :laugh: I think I will wait it out.

    (Original post by Kyjai)
    Since I've moved school for alevels not a single one of my 'friends' have kept in touch. My old best mate hadn't spoke to me for 3 months after i had left (despite being friends for years), recently i messaged her and she just didn't seem the slightest bit interested outting the most blunt and boring replies. She has been like it ever since she got a boyfriend 9 months ago she always cancelled plans and stuff for him, even though i got with my boyfriend the exact same time yet i still bothered with her -.- i guess people change and react to having boyfriends in a different way, annoying really
    That's so **** it really is the worst when you were really close at one point. Makes it harder to let go.

    (Original post by Arkasia)
    Me too. This may sound cheesy, but you sometimes have to fight for the friendship. From what I know of you on here, you seem like a genuinely amazing person, but not everyone is like that. If it is in your ability to keep the friendship going, even if you seem to be picking up the slack of the other person, then do it. A bit of extra effort goes a long way in long run.
    Awh. That's lovely of you to say. I always try my hardest with friends and even after moving so far away it's always me making the plans and putting in the effort, just a bit upsetting I guess that if it wasn't me making plans n **** they probably wouldn't either :indiff: Sigh.

    (Original post by tinkerbell_xxx)
    She sounds like a bum! I actually lost a friend of over 10 years because she wouldn't reach out to me knowing she upset me (as well as other reasons)

    You shouldn't have to be the one always messaging first so I think you should wait and see if the tries to talk to you. After a period of time if she hasn't you could message her once telling her how you feel but that is if you want to carry on being friends.

    Hopefully she'll prove to you she is a good friend and cares about you
    Sorry to hear about you losing your friend, that really sucks. I think as you and most people have said I'm just gonna wait it out and hope she proves herself :/

    (Original post by iEatMuFFiNS)
    Bros before Hoes maaan....

    ohhh.. wait a minute... :lol:
    Chicks before dicks

    (Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
    Well you listened to my problems. I thought it only fair I listen to yours
    Lmao, I suppose :moon:
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    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    I suppose. Sigh. I do feel really conflicted because I don't want her to think I'm being selfish by not texting her. Idk I think I care too much maybe.
    The thing is, it's not like there's the possibility she didn't get your texts, or she might have lost her phone, she's just being a bit of a nob.
 
 
 
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