Join TSR now for chat about life, relationships, fashion and more…Sign up now
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Only just responding to these as I was without a laptop and it was quite annoying on phone

    (Original post by alexs2602)
    I think if you wait for her to contact you and she acts pissy when you do hear from her you need to make it clear that last time you made up she made it clear she wouldn't repeatedly cancel on you to spend time with her boyfriend and it's her responsibility to keep her word and if she doesn't keep it then she can't get upset if you're not keen to remain friends or whatever. It could be you need to renegotiate the terms of your friendship. I know you don't see each other often but, idk, she should only make plans that she is going to keep. If she's not going to take into consideration any foreseeable interruptions then maybe she shouldn't make plans, shouldn't be difficult. In fairness she sounds kinda flaky, not very appreciative of your friendship.

    At the end of the day it's up to you what you do. Personally I have very little patience for people who don't show they're grateful for me. Granted I could give some leeway to people if it seems like they really regret cancelling on me but the way you tell it it sounds like she thinks she can buy your forgiveness. I think the crux will be what she does to make it up to you, if she makes an effort you know she cares and she really values your friendship. If she tries bull**** efforts then I think it's rather telling of what she thinks of your friendship and it's time to reconsider what role she has in your life, to a casual acquaintance perhaps.
    Yeah I agree with all this. I didn't end up texting her for new years but then she didn't text me either, so I know that she thinks she's in the right which is kinda annoying. Likewise I'll forgive people if they seem genuinely sorry but otherwise I just don't have the time.

    (Original post by Redscarff)
    If she's a good friend, I think you should talk it out... I would text her and tell her she always leaves you out when she gets a new boyfriend, let her know how you really feel. Imo waiting for her to apologise may be a bad idea because she may not see it as a big deal and it'll just created an awkwardness between you guys! Hope it goes well
    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Thing is I did that last time and it led to us not speaking for 6 months anyway :/ Like I can't win with her.

    (Original post by IDukem)
    The problem here is...well my view anyways, you don't want to lose a friendship, but you don't want to be pushed around or treated second best/rated, correct me if I'm wrong. If this is the case, you can sort of try out both in the sense that by giving her a chance to explain and correct the wrongs that she has done.

    If she seems genuinely sorry and at least attempts to make an effort through communication and perhaps organising and doing meet-ups when you're both free, then you'll be thankful for the fact that you didn't just discard the friendship that you have had for a fair amount of years I believe. However if she STILL acts the way she has done, then you can take it as a way of you quietly moving on and phase her out steadily. Phasing her out gradually may benefit you as then you may not have a huge drama if you tell them to essentially "F off". It could give you a silver lining in that you gave it shot and she didn't respond the way that benefits this friendship and you can move on and not deal with all of this any more.

    I can totally understand your position and how tough it is
    But like, I am giving her the chance. If she asked if I wanted to talk or she messaged me genuinely apologising I would be very shocked but very pleased. Because it's not something she'd ever done before. I just don't see why I should have to message HER in order for her to apologise y'know?

    (Original post by trustmeimlying1)
    then dont lose her friendship but for your sake accept she is just one of those friends...who doesnt care overly much about you.Try not to get upset about it and accept this is the way she is.Invite her to things but dont expect her to turn up etc. You cant tell her what to do with her time really.You can call her.If you wana instil a change a different method of communication is better anyways.Its like most people problems in life.People do stuff you disagree with.In most cases all you can do is hope they stop and keep living your own life.Telling people what to do generally doesnt go down well especially in relationships and goes nowhere more importantly.
    It's just **** though because when she's single she's great, and she's one of my oldest and best friends so I know she cares. Just not when she's in a relationship so it would seem.

    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    Messiah Complex has given good advice above.

    With friendships you have to bear in mind a couple of things:

    - Over time, friendships ebb and flow along with changing situations. Often people's jobs or relationships dictate priorities. Strong friendships stay there through some times where you don't speak so much.

    - People are human and have their flaws, some people naturally put more in to friendships than others, it can be hard for those people when they feel its not being completely reciprocated but you have to cut people a bit of slack sometimes.

    I think in general people are too quick to give advice such as "that person isn't a proper friend, ditch them". Obviously you have to learn when you move on from somebody when they are taking advantage of you but I find that when you are a bit annoyed at a friend for not appearing to take the friendship as seriously as you want to then often the best approach is to avoid confrontation, let things cool down and contact them again at a later point and pick the friendship up as though nothing had happened. When you are together and getting on OK you can bring up things that they've done that have annoyed you in the past and they are more receptive than in the heat of the moment if you challenge them about it, as even if you are right most peoples default position is to be defensive and react badly.

    I would say in this situation cut her some slack even if you are disappointed in her. Maybe message her to say happy new year and say when you are going back to uni and ask if there's going to be chance to meet up with her before you go, say you really wanted to meet up with her. If you can't meet up with her before you go then try and start chatting more and make firm plans to put some arrangement in for in the future.
    Yeah, completely - I really don't like confrontation so I won't be sending any brash messages etc. But ultimately I do feel owed an apology. We don't text 24/7 (as I don't with any of my friends tbh, we all have our own lives and whatnot) so when we make plans after not speaking etc I just feel quite hurt that she'd seem so...not bothered about them. She knew I was going back to uni early on the Tuesday and I had plans with my family for the Monday, she knew Sunday was the last chance we'd get to see each other and she didn't seem at all bothered about cancelling.

    (Original post by UniMastermindBOSS)
    The thing is, it's not like there's the possibility she didn't get your texts, or she might have lost her phone, she's just being a bit of a nob.
    she was the one who text me last saying she'd "make it up to me" next time, but I don't want to be bought a meal to have it "made up", I'd rather have just went to hers for an hour or something when we were supposed to meet. I don't like the idea of having my forgiveness bought idk. I didn't respond because I had told her just before that text how upset I was and how I'd be happy to go to hers and just have a bit of a catch up but she still said she couldn't meet, which to me is just crap. IDK.

    I didn't text her a happy new year in the end anyway. The awkwardness will arise for next month with her 21st. If she doesn't text me then I guess that's the end of that till she does eventually get in touch. Meh.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Precious Illusions)
    But like, I am giving her the chance. If she asked if I wanted to talk or she messaged me genuinely apologising I would be very shocked but very pleased. Because it's not something she'd ever done before. I just don't see why I should have to message HER in order for her to apologise y'know?
    I totally understand that. Perhaps this is a time where you should think about yourself and not this girl. From what you're saying here is, it sounds like you're fed up and unless she's going to come out an apologise to you, you've more or less washed you hands with her. At the same time, she's a friend and one that goes way back, which obviously makes this things harder. I don't know you that well, but you seem nice (you have been to me over the last year and half) and willing to put others before yourself, but if someone is taking advantage of that, then I guess it's time to question whether this friendship is really worth it.

    Regardless of the outcome, I am a pm away if you you need somewhere to vent, cheering up or whatever
 
 
 
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 2, 2015
Poll
Which Fantasy Franchise is the best?
Useful resources

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.