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    Expandable human organ

    The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?"

    Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal."

    The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.

    Lilly put up her hand. "Yes, Lilly?" asked the teacher.

    "Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."

    "Very good. Thanks, Lilly," said the male teacher.

    He then turned to the 1st girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: "Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you:

    First, you have NOT done your HOMEWORK.

    Second, you have a DIRTY mind.

    And thirdly, I fear, one day in future, you are going to be sadly disappointed.(bcoz no other part expand to 10 times of its usual size)"

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    grr kirstin let me have this one! come on ive never been a sub before ! pweeeeeze!
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    Why I fire my secretary

    Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me.

    She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember." The children came down to breakfast and didn't say a word.

    When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon.

    Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."

    I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go." We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

    After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."

    "Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends. They were all singing Happy Birthday... ...and there on the couch I sat... naked !!!


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    As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

    She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

    A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
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    (Original post by iceman_jondoe)
    grr kirstin let me have this one! come on ive never been a sub before ! pweeeeeze!
    :fight:
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    :rofl:
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    What would you like to hear in your casket

    3 friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

    The first guy says," I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

    The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

    The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!


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    Fun things to do on the first day of class

    Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.

    Sing your questions.

    Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.

    Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.

    Wink at the professor every few minutes.

    Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when you laugh

    Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.
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    (Original post by iceman_jondoe)
    As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

    She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

    A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
    hahahahaha
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    One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "*****" and the women called the man a "*******".

    Their son walked in and said "What does ***** and ******* mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

    The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my ****".

    Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and **** mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

    On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "****" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

    Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "****" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

    Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you *****es and *******s, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the **** off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen ****ing the turkey!
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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgemJKaNu1s
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    If men truly ran the world . . .

    Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.
    Birth control would come in ale or lager.
    Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
    On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.
    St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
    Garbage would take itself out.
    Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.
    The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".
    Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
    Tanks would be far easier to rent.
    Two words..."Ally McNaked".
    When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
    Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
    You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
    Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".
    People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
    Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
    Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
    Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
    It would perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
    Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".
    When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
    Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".
    The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
    "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
    At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
    Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
    Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
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    Ice man in the lead :p:

    Charlotte, I know the site your pasting your stuff from.
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    A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"
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    My next door neighbors' son was going on his first date. My neighbor drove his son to the miniature golf complex where he was meeting his date and a group of friends. Only after 45 minutes did he get a phone call saying the date was over. After picking his son up he waited a while before asking how the date went. When he asked, his son said, "Dad, I don't think I understand girls, they talk too much, they cost a lot of money and they don't taste so good."

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    (Original post by A Y A Z)
    Ice man in the lead :p:

    Charlotte, I know the site your pasting your stuff from.
    :eek:
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    so how long do we have to go before its over!
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    The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles (These are *real*)

    Do You Love As Good As You Look?
    Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
    Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
    Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
    Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
    How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
    Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
    I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
    I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
    I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
    I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart
    I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
    I Wanna Whip Your Cow
    I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
    I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
    I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
    I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
    I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
    I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your
    Welfare Line - If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
    If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
    If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
    If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
    If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
    If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
    Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
    May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
    My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
    My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
    My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
    My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
    Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
    Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
    She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft; She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
    She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
    She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
    Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
    They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
    Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
    When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
    You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
    You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
    You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
    You Were Only A Splinter In My Ass As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
    You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
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    There are three kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't
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    Till the time the thread reaches 10 pages.
 
 
 
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