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    Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but its missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word," She tells him," Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

    Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend throws her on the table and drills her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

    A few minutes later he grabs her mom throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table.

    All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY. I'LL DO THE ****ING DISHES!!"
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    jesus christ this is one way thing between iceman and kirstinx
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    There were these three women who escaped from prison. A blonde and two brunets. So to get away from the cops they hid in an abandoned farm house. In the farm house there were three burlap sacks sitting around. So they hid in them. When the cops came to the farm house the one of the cops saw the sacks, the officers yells, "There's just three burlap sacks in here!" To which his partner replies, "Then kick them just to be sure it's not them hiding". The officer goes and kicks the one with the brunet in it and she yells, "MEEEYYOWW!" the officer said "Oh, its just a stupid cat in there." So he kicks the one with the other brunet in it and she yells, "RUUFFF RUFFF!", so the officer says, "Oh, it's just a stupid dog!" Then he kicks the sack with the blonde in it and she yells, "POTATOES!"
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    A doctor who had carried out a postmortem was being questioned in court...

    "Before beginning the post mortem, did you check to see the patient was dead?"
    "no"
    "Did you check for a pulse or breathing?"
    "no"
    "Then is it possible that the patient was still alive?"
    "no, his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar"
    "But is it not possible he was still alive?"
    "well yes, okay, it's quite possible he was still alive somewhere...possibly practicing law"
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    :toofunny: :toofunny: :toofunny:

    One day a guy with premature ejaculation problems went to a doctor.
    The doctor said, "Whenever you feel the urge to ejaculate, startle yourself." So he went out and bought a starter pistol. When he got home his wife was naked in bed ready fo him. So they got in the 69 position and started at it. When he felt the urge he fired the pistol. The next day he went to the doctor and the doctor asked him how it went
    He said, "Not to good. My wife bit off three inches of my ****, **** in my face and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands up, naked."
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    A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands. "Carl," she says. Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps 'cause they're contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious." The teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!" Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?" Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin' around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, 'Jesus, it's gonna take that **** ages to finish that fence.'"
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    One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the backyard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor's house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door.

    "Excuse me," our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing how beautiful your wife is."

    "Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied.

    "Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those breasts." The burly gorilla was about to deck our poor guy when his wife appeared and stopped him. She pulled him inside and they discussed the offer for a few moments. Finally, they returned and asked our friend to step inside.

    "OK," the husband said gruffly, "for ten thousand dollars you can kiss my wife's tits." At this the wife unbuttoned her blouse, and the twin objects of desire hung free at last. Our man took one in each hand, and proceeded to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This went on for several minutes, until the husband got annoyed. "Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growled.

    "I can't," replied our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away.

    "Why not?" demanded the husband, getting really angry now.

    "I don't have ten thousand dollars."
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    There's 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician "I want to go to the moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says "I want to go to Mars". He says she can go next week. The blonde says "I want to go to the sun". The flight technician says, "Don't you know you'll burn up?" The blonde says "Well then I'll go at night."
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    How to Sell

    A new sales assistant was hired at a large dept. store. On his first day, the sales manager took him around to show him the ropes. They were passing by the gardening section, when they heard a customer asking for grass seed.
    The sales manager stepped in and said, "Excuse me, but will you be needing a hose to water your lawn?"

    The customer replied, "I guess so. I'll take one. "

    ""And how about some fertilizer and weed-killer?"

    "Um, okay. "

    "Here's a couple of bags. You'll also need a lawn mower to cut the grass when it starts growing too long."

    " I'll take one of those too. "

    After the customer left, the sales manager turned to the assistant. "You see?" he said, "that's the way to make a good sale. Always sell more than what the customer originally came in for."

    Impressed, the assistant headed off for the pharmaceutical section, where he was to work. Soon, a man strolled in and asked, "I'd like to buy a pack of Tampax, please."

    "Sure, and would you like to buy a lawn mower too?"

    "Why would I want to do that?"

    "Well, your weekend's shot to hell anyway, so you might as well mow the lawn."
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    A beautiful blonde lady stepped onto a plane going to L.A. and sat down in first class. The flight attendant proceeded to go around the airplane checking the ticket stubs of each passenger to make sure they were all in the right seats. When she got to the Blonde woman she noticed that it was for Coach seating, not first class. She tells the woman, "You're ticket says coach maam and we have a full flight today. I'm going to have to ask you to move." To which the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting there in first class." Confused, the stewardess gets her supervisor. Again, she tells the woman that she must move. Again, the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting there in first class." Also confused, they go get the captain. He tells the woman that she must move. The blonde starts to say, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful..." when he interrupts and asks, "Can I whisper something in your ear?" "Sure" she replies and he proceeds to whisper something in her ear. Suddenly she gets up and goes back to coach seating with a look of surprise on her face. The flight attendants are startled. "How did you get her to move?" "I told her that first class wasn't going to L.A."
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    A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to his hotel. When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "Am I the first man you ever made love to?"

    She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. "You might be," she says. "Your face looks familiar."
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    Ok Stop! Solve this To Win:

    YOU HAVE ONE CHANCE EACH!!!!
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    A blonde walks into a doctor's office. She gets in the room with the doctor and says, "Doc, I hurt all over." The doctor is really confused. He says, "What do you mean, you hurt all over?" The blonde says, "I'll show you."

    She then touches herself on her leg. "OW!!! I hurt there." Then she touches her earlobe. "OW!!!!!! I hurt there too!" Then she touches her hair. "OW!!!!! EVEN MY HAIR HURTS!" So the doctor sits back and thinks on it for 5 min. Then he says, "Tell me, is blonde your natural hair color?" The blonde says "Yes, why?"

    The doctor says, "Well, you got a broken finger..."
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    Lets see whos got BRAINS... anyone can copy paste :p:
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    solve what? :confused:
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    Three men went to hell.

    The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3"

    He then opened the doors to the three rooms.

    Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor.

    Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor.

    Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in **** up to their knees and drinking coffee.

    The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee.

    They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads."
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    (Original post by A Y A Z)
    Ok Stop! Solve this To Win:

    YOU HAVE ONE CHANCE EACH!!!!
    Look at the attachments.
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    ^o)
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    Comeon I'm waiting...
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    omg what do we have to do guess what it means???
 
 
 
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