Shy!! and Quiet Personalities Why?

Hi, Why shy people are hated so much? Why people dissociate them these days. I really like shy quiet and and nice people if it were in my hand I would befriend all of them.. one more thing I noticed people criticize if a girl is shy, whaat?? isnt shyness the most beautiful trait in a girl?... Why people in general dont find them to be the friend type? I mean shy people are honest, truthful and innocent who wouldnt want to befriend them?

excuse my english.......

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Reply 1

interstitial

tbh i don't think many people really hate shy people, it's just dat dere self fufilling prophecy - take this common example

- go to event, don't talk to anyone because you're shy
- people assume you want to be left alone and don't say anything
- you think that they're ignoring you because they don't like you
- vicious cycle continues and anxiety escalates

spotlight effect at work, you're assuming that people pay more attention to you than they really do just cos you're only experiencing the world through your eyes (ngl i know about this and i'm guilty of it too so i get how hard it can be :tongue:

)

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 2

tinkerbell_xxx

I'm quite shy but I don't think people would hate me for it. With some people I think it is more the fact that if they are in groups talking and you feel too shy to speak, they may perceive you in a different way- as if you don't want to talk to them so they won't bother to speak to you

Reply 3

inachigeek21

I'm quite shy myself but no one really hates me for it, yet I do prefer to be isolated from human contact.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 4

Protégé

I'm indifferent to them. I used to really have a thing for shy girls though.

Reply 5

cityhunter

2014 has taught me being the shy nice guy doesn't help me. People take advantage of me and as a shy quiet person when I voice my opinion when given the spotlight I may come across as obnoxious and people may not like me for it. But I don't think shy people are hated on. I think people read into things too much.

Reply 6

SomeStudent

Original post by Masoudy

Because shy people are usually associated with these traits:

1- Awkward
2- Weird
3- Too fat/ugly
4- Socially stupid: Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time
5- Emotionally stupid: Getting angry / laughing inappropriately
6- Nerdy and geeky

And they would talk about 'my iPhone suddenly went off, fix it' or 'I like cookies'. Generally their standard of conversations is below average.

The intelligence conveyed in your reply is below average.

Reply 7

cityhunter

Original post by SomeStudent

The intelligence conveyed in your reply is below average.

I agree with you there.

Reply 8

Warrior Gene

maybe hate is not the right word. sorry for my bad english, I should have written that people in general see them as misfits?

Reply 9

Lewierhodes

I'm a fairly loud and social-able person and shy people are exactly my type...

Reply 10

Masoudy

Original post by SomeStudent

The intelligence conveyed in your reply is below average.

You're right. Deleted

Reply 11

Kangie

Original post by Arithmeticae

tbh i don't think many people really hate shy people, it's just dat dere self fufilling prophecy - take this common example

- go to event, don't talk to anyone because you're shy
- people assume you want to be left alone and don't say anything
- you think that they're ignoring you because they don't like you
- vicious cycle continues and anxiety escalates

spotlight effect at work, you're assuming that people pay more attention to you than they really do just cos you're only experiencing the world through your eyes (tbh i know about this and i'm guilty of it too so i get how hard it can be :tongue:

)

This just explained my whole life.

Reply 12

EleanorFrost

Original post by Arithmeticae

tbh i don't think many people really hate shy people, it's just dat dere self fufilling prophecy - take this common example

- go to event, don't talk to anyone because you're shy
- people assume you want to be left alone and don't say anything
- you think that they're ignoring you because they don't like you
- vicious cycle continues and anxiety escalates

spotlight effect at work, you're assuming that people pay more attention to you than they really do just cos you're only experiencing the world through your eyes (tbh i know about this and i'm guilty of it too so i get how hard it can be :tongue:

)

This is the story of my life because of my shyness.

Reply 13

moment of truth

Original post by Arithmeticae

)

I can relate to this.

Reply 14

SomeStudent

Original post by Masoudy

You're right. Deleted

Great

Reply 15

interstitial

Original post by Kangie

This just explained my whole life.

Original post by EleanorFrost

This is the story of my life because of my shyness.

Original post by moment of truth

I can relate to this.

i recommend you check out this book, i found it really good for seeing someone's else's experiences with SA

Reply 16

EleanorFrost

Original post by Arithmeticae

i recommend you check out this book, i found it really good for seeing someone's else's experiences with SA

I'll definitely check it out, thanks! :smile:

Reply 17

Temporality

Hi OP. I would consider myself to have quite a bit of experience with this subject, having been the notoriously 'shy, quiet' girl at school, and then having broken slowly out of my shell and become very much more confident within myself as well as forthright in expressing my opinions, and generally a lot more relaxed and interested in people and therefore a lot more fun to be around. I let myself go much more nowadays, and as such my life and the lives of those around me has become more pleausurable.

I wouldn't say that the shy are hated at all - indeed diffferent people have different preferences for different personality types. Some like you, prefer the quieter; others prefer the louder. However there are a few general things that can be naturally off-putting, a few traits that shy people naturally possess (and trust me I have exhibited these before) - one of these traits is shy people risk appearing dull, and that is not to say they are dull - more that because they don't take the risks of spontaneity in conversating or meeting with people,(e.g. little jokes or interesting comments), they risk appearing boring, even if of course, they are not in reality. A lot of shy or quiet people of course have interesting things to remark, but in holding back and not taking risks, no one benefits - those around them or themselves and a dull time is had in social situations. Shy people may also unintentionally out of their shyness, exhibit behaviours such as excessive nervous giggling, lack of eye-contact or appearing disinterested in others - all of which can give reason to believe they are up to something. None of this is calculated - it is just that body language gives off vibes that human beings innately pick up on - and social anxiety or shyness can unfortunately deliver that vibe that the person is up to something or insincere.

Original post by Warrior Gene

one more thing I noticed people criticize if a girl is shy, whaat?? isnt shyness the most beautiful trait in a girl?...

Sorry but this is bordering on sexist. Why should girls have to be shy to be considered 'the most beautiful?' Yes overly self-assured women who don't show any consideration for those around them are off-putting and can be repulsive, but that doesn't mean it is any better to be shy or that there is something wrong with a self-assured woman who knows what her opinions and her self-worth is. Being louder is not a negative trait in women and we should not have to feel that we need to be submissive to be considered 'beautiful' - whatever that means. Additionally people dont criticise girls for being shy, I've noticed so long as they are attractive it's fine by society, and in fact society like a very pretty women to be shy. Which women we find appealing is far more determined by physical traits than their demeanour or behaviour (with the exception of extremes like Miley Cyrus!) and that is a point where society is unfair and shallow.

Original post by Warrior Gene

I mean shy people are honest, truthful and innocent who wouldnt want to befriend them?

This is a huge mistake you are making - louder, more garrulous people can be equally honest, truthful and innocent, and indeed more quiet or shy types can theoretically be calculating or devious. I mean how loud you are, I'm sure has no correlation with your honesty. In fact, if a person hardly uttered a word to another human being, I think people would be more suspicious that they were up to something, than if they exchanged pleasantries and a kind word with you every day.

You also haven't taken into account that people behave differently in certain situations - in a new work environment or college, where everyone is new, 90% of people would be behaving in a shy or nervous way as they are apprehensive of others. Yet if they were around old friends they would be far more garrulous. Really, we shouldn't be putting people into the box of 'shy' or 'loud' because that is simply not how we work - we are complex beings that exhibit a range of emotions and different levels of confidence in different situations...

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 18

william walker

People think I am shy, the truth is that I just don't care. I don't talk to people because I don't want to talk to them. Yet they always insist on talking to me or sitting next to me. I basically find everybody but myself tedious and boring. I am interested in things the vast major of people haven't even thought about and I know a great deal about these interests so when I talk to people about them it is like banging my head against a brick wall.